I've wanted breasts for about as long as i can remember. For me, having breasts is an important, crutial, fundamental part of my transition. In fact, if i had to chose between being stuck having a penis for the rest of my life but getting big boobs naturally as big as i want them with areolas just as i want but being free to change everything else about my body and getting to have a vagina but never getting the big natural breasts i've wanted all my life, then i'm picking Option A... hands down.

I refuse breast implants. I want my breasts to be watery soft, plushy, droopy, jiggly, bouncy, scar-free, etc. They don't even have to be "natural" but i just want MY breasts to have all those aspects that having implants won't provide me.

I hate not having C-DDD cup breasts. I have AA cups now. I always wear cami bras when i'm out and about and never go braless. Not having bigger breasts has been something i've been and am still willing to kill myself over. It means a great deal to me, especially when i've seen a few other transwomen with D+cup breasts without implants that are natural-looking and am determined to be one of them. This and all that lies at the very center of something i wish to share with you all if it's not taken as too inappropriate for the forum as i do not wish to be.

Before i started transitioning, i used to be attracted to women although i wanted to be one myself. I've always been fascinated by women's breasts... big breasts that is. Nowadays when i see a woman with large breasts, either in person or in a video or something, i feel a sense of jealousy because they have the breasts and areolas that i desperately want. The longing becomes more and more painful. I'm afraid i'll end up wanting to cut my arm open with an exacto-knife and drop blood everywhere. I want to show cleavage. I want my boobs to jiggle and bounce AS i show cleavage walking down the street. Having bigger breasts without implants will be the one thing that'll make me feel like a woman. I feel fake when i stuff my bras and will if i get implants.

I hope this doesn't sound to sexually explicit but about a month ago as i took the subway from coming home from the doctor's office, i saw a woman sleeping on the train... and she was falling out of her dress (read: the edge of her areola was peeking out). I couldn't help that i kept looking. I wasn't aroused by it or anything it was more so out of fascination. I was annoyed by it all at the same time. I'm an MTF so why do breasts still excite me and interest me?

I'm sure an MTF isn't always going to be attracted to men just because she transitions to a woman but i still do envision men being sexual with me. I guess all this is normal? I think it is possible for me to have breasts i want, i'm doing the massages and listening to binaurals until i can afford the Noogleberry machine.

Sorry in advance if this was too explicit.

I think that most men feel that way.  Some however like smaller than large breasts. I'm like that and think that  a C or D cup is just right. And I wouldn't mine having some of own too. I just don't think it's in the cards though.

Annaiyah,
   There is an old saying, "Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good." The most I got on hormones is an A cup. I wanted bigger so I got implants. They are new and not in final form, but they are mine and they are real to me. I won't tell you what to do but I hate hearing you talk of hurting yourself over this. I think the nature of dealing with being transgender involves compromise. We were not natal born women (or men for trans men). Everything we do involves some compromises. I fear that you being so set on the perfect natural boobs (the perfect) could get in the way of you find a happy compromise solution (the good.) I don't mean this as a criticism, just food for thought.
Moni
Oh, being trans has nothing to do with whether or not you like other woman/s boobs. It makes you no less trans if you like them.

Annaiyah,

I understand completely. Breasts are incredibly gender confirming and a little sway or bounce is a very pleasurable experience.

Do not completely discount breast implants. There are some incredibly soft silicone implants that when implanted under the breast gland are just as soft and bouncy as the natural counterpart. Many women with these softer implants say that they feel just like natural breasts.

On word of caution. Once you have your bouncy girls always hanging around on your chest, they are really not as important as they once seemed. I still enjoy mine, but really what do breasts do besides feed babies, attract men and get in the way? 

Quote from: HappyMoni on August 06, 2018, 06:10:04 PM
Annaiyah,
I won't tell you what to do but I hate hearing you talk of hurting yourself over this. I think the nature of dealing with being transgender involves compromise. We were not natal born women (or men for trans men). Everything we do involves some compromises.

Exactly what Monica said. All of it, but the above paragraph really resonates with me.

Sonja.

You know what though?

I have visions of myself with huge breasts. I'd love to see the reaction on my mom's face... and my friend's face... they'd probably be like "WTF! She's transgender! I was actually born a female and she got bigger breasts than me! WTF!!!" 

Oh, wouldn't i love the hell out of that.

EDITED TO ADD:
I also wouldn't mind wearing a dress with a deep v neck, low enough that i would intentionally have one aureola peeking out of it. This, and i'm in a mall or something, especially where there are all or mostly women. I guess a part of me wants this in part for the sexual gratification i might get out of it

EDITED TO ADD:
Regardless of what i do for having breasts in this life. I seriously hope that in the next life, i'd be a big-breasted female. I love boobs.

Quote from: Annaiyah on August 06, 2018, 08:49:11 PM
You know what though?

I have visions of myself with huge breasts. I'd love to see the reaction on my mom's face... and my friend's face... they'd probably be like "WTF! She's transgender! I was actually born a female and she got bigger breasts than me! WTF!!!" 

Oh, wouldn't i love the hell out of that.

EDITED TO ADD:
I also wouldn't mind wearing a dress with a deep v neck, low enough that i would intentionally have one aureola peeking out of it. This, and i'm in a mall or something, especially where there are all or mostly women. I guess a part of me wants this in part for the sexual gratification i might get out of it

EDITED TO ADD:
Regardless of what i do for having breasts in this life. I seriously hope that in the next life, i'd be a big-breasted female. I love boobs.

You know you can buy realistic breast forms in various sizes including large?
Sounds like something you could get to help you along in the mean time...

Sonja.

Quote from: Sonja on August 06, 2018, 09:09:49 PM
You know you can buy realistic breast forms in various sizes including large?
Sounds like something you could get to help you along in the mean time...

Sonja.

I suppose i could try that. I'm just worried about the edges showing because the color of those breasts don't exactly match my body skin.

Also, i'm probably pushing it but i also wanted my aureolas to be a certain way. I'd like to have those wide, dark, oval-shaped, post-pregnancy aureolas with the beautiful fading edges and smaller dots (same exact color of my aureolas) surrounding them and bigger nipples shaped like thimbles but my mom told me once or twice it's only possible after having children. But let me put this out there: i'd envision the tips of my nipples being red and of them and the aureola area of my breasts constantly hurting. I also want my breasts to produce milk so i can breastfeed babies. I've always imagined myself being a mom, breastfeeding a baby girl. Having big boobs and those big "mom" aureolas and nipples. I also envision my nipples leaking a lot, staining my bras and my shirts and stuff.

I feel fake as i have to stuff my bras with shirts and scarves or whatever. I will feel just as fake with silicone breast forms. The thing that bothers me about it is that, if i were to take EVERYTHING off that can be removed, makeup, fake breasts, everything... some could say i have the body of a man or even go as far as to say i am one. But if at the very least i had breasts and a penis i wouldn't feel as much like a man.

Quote from: Annaiyah on August 06, 2018, 08:49:11 PM
EDITED TO ADD:
Regardless of what i do for having breasts in this life. I seriously hope that in the next life, i'd be a big-breasted female. I love boobs.

Why wait? Do what you want now.

Annaiyah,


"The thing that bothers me about it is that, if i were to take EVERYTHING off that can be removed, makeup, fake breasts, everything... some could say i have the body of a man or even go as far as to say i am one."

   Hon, I totally understand this. I see your passion in the way you envision yourself. I won't criticize you in any way. I just think about what I have gone through and my level of happiness as I go along in this process. I have fought against this desire to have everything just so before I can be happy. I really had to fight to enjoy things along the way. I hated my penis, I hated my flat male chest. It was all I could do not to put my head through a wall in frustration many times. It sucks that we were born wrong in our bodies. As we speak, I would love some body sculpting to get a decent butt. I could go on and on. The thing is, if I keep fighting for this perfect vision of myself, I lose out on enjoyment of my life. I have to find a good place, that isn't perfect, where I am happy with myself. I would just  ask that you consider that a happy place for you might be 50%, 70%, 90% of what you see as perfect. Even those girls with the seemingly perfect bodies are not necessarily happy with themselves or life. I love that you have goals for what you want to do. I would just hope that along the way you can find a way to enjoy some of the journey and enjoy being a woman that isn't a perfect one.

I've never obsessed over such things in my life, but I will admit that I wondered what it would be like to have a nice set of breasts. I have always been pretty skinny (and flat chested) and otherwise feminine shaped to begin with. I just thought that if I had breasts I would look "normal" for my body type. After well over two years of HRT I now have nice C-cups that have mostly given me the shape that I always desired. Most males my age (early/mid 40s) are developing large bellies -- but here I am with a strangely buxom chest (and no belly) that a normal skinny male should not have. But I am closeted (always will be, unfortunately) so I get the "looks." I am far too skinny to have large pec muscles, so that cannot be an excuse.

My chest is still growing a lot, so I can't hide for long if this keeps up. At a Christmas gathering I noticed too many people looking at me (at my chest actually) and I know they were wondering. I tried to wear a thin hunting vest all the time, but it got too warm in the house to keep it on. As I left to go back home a strange thing happened. A female relative (who is well-endowed) walked over to give me a strong, lingering hug. I had to think about it for a while after I left. I got the feeling that the family had asked her to "check" me out with the hug and see what she could tell about me by feeling my chest against hers. I guess since she had big breasts to begin with that somehow she would be the best "investigator." Unfortunately my family are bad gossipers. I would have loved to hear all the talk about my new look (and newly-girly shape) after I left....Making me nervous........

I have noticed how my life at home has changed. I live alone and I have grown accustomed to stepping wide around things to get my boobs clear of things...like the refrigerator door. Never was a problem before. Also, I have cut a couple holes in my (expensive) padded mattress cover to accommodate these things since I sleep a lot on my front.

Breasts are nice. They are pretty much what I imagined. Soft, warm and sensual. They do change your lifestyle, especially if you must hide like I do every day.

As always, be careful what you wish for. I wanted HRT to change everything about me. I like these breasts but I also want more changes to other parts of my body -- HRT has mostly ignored those other desires. That's life...

07 August 2018

What is perfection? It's whatever you want it to be.

Are one's wants realistic or attainable? Maybe.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference." Reinhold Niebuhr 1892-1971

Best always, Love
Christine

Hi Shellie!

Thanks for sharing.  Wishing you the best on your journey through life!

Quote from: Maid Marion on August 08, 2018, 07:08:06 AM
Hi Shellie!

Thanks for sharing.  Wishing you the best on your journey through life!

Thanks. Like everyone else here, I am struggling along!...