Hey everyone! New to this forum. I'm 28 years old. I've been a male my whole life. But over the past few years I've been hit with depression really hard and it's only getting worse. But lately I've been thinking this has something to do with it. I wanna be a girl. Since I was really young I've wanted to be a girl but the way my parents are/have been, it's kind of prevented me from even thinking this way. Thinking that this isnt an option. I'm also married with a daughter on the way. My wife doesnt know. I want to tell her but if worse comes to worse, I cant lose her. And what's said cant be unsaid. I'm scared. I really am. For coming out, for this whole thing. Idk what to do. I'm not into men. I'm still straight, I just wanna be a girl. Picture below is me.

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Welcome!  I'm glad you're here.  I too have always wanted to be a girl, but come from a family that does not understand transgender people and their issues.  I am still in the closet.  Part of what keeps me from coming out is knowing how my family and friends will react.  I have a transgender sister that came out a few years ago and it was not received well.  To this day I still hear negative comments regarding her gender identity from the family.  My friends are very conservative and I have had to listen to their views on LGBTQ, so I have a good idea how they would take my coming out if I were to tell them.  In time I will come out.  Eventually I'll have to.  Believe me when I say that I understand your fear.  You're in the right place.  You will find a wealth of wisdom and experience here. 

Just remember that you are not alone!  Hugs for now!!


Danielle

@KruiseMissile
KruiseMissile
I am glad that you have become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your posting with other members here on the Forums.  Thank you also for posting your very nice photo of yourself.
Other members will certainly be along to address some of your specific comments in your first posting here.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..

Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 
I have included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

@KruiseMissile
Oh and another thing KruiseMissile:   
Please be certain to go to the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  You will therefore get more exposure to more members that will be able to share give and take with you about mutual subjects of interest.

Thank you again for joining Susan's Place.....
Danielle

Welcome to Susans KruiseMissile. 
I'm guessing nobody has said this to you for awhile, so let me do so now.

There is nothing wrong with you.  What you are feeling is 100% natural.

Thanks Danielle! I'll be sure to look at some of those links.

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Quote from: Janes Groove on August 19, 2018, 12:02:53 AM
Welcome to Susans KruiseMissile. 
I'm guessing nobody has said this to you for awhile, so let me do so now.

There is nothing wrong with you.  What you are feeling is 100% natural.

Well honestly Janes, this is my first time ever saying it out loud, ever and it's actually kind of weird lol not in a bad way. I almost feel better already.

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Quote from: KruiseMissile on August 18, 2018, 11:20:49 PM
Hey everyone! New to this forum. I'm 28 years old. I've been a male my whole life. But over the past few years I've been hit with depression really hard and it's only getting worse. But lately I've been thinking this has something to do with it. I wanna be a girl. Since I was really young I've wanted to be a girl but the way my parents are/have been, it's kind of prevented me from even thinking this way. Thinking that this isnt an option. I'm also married with a daughter on the way. My wife doesnt know. I want to tell her but if worse comes to worse, I cant lose her. And what's said cant be unsaid. I'm scared. I really am. For coming out, for this whole thing. Idk what to do. I'm not into men. I'm still straight, I just wanna be a girl. Picture below is me.

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Hi, welcome!

A lot of people here have similar stories. Many of us came from marriages (some of us are still married). My wife and I separated after a few years, but since the time of coming out she eventually became by far my biggest advocate and support.

I later met my partner and her son (2 years ago). He was 4 at the time. Kids are much better than adults, when it comes to taking things at face value. I was misgendered because of my voice a few times by our son, but he only took correcting those few times and even calls me Mom now.

I skimmed the other responses and didn't think I saw anyone else mention this, but ones' gender identity and sexual orientation are entirely separate. Some trans people are gay, some are straight, some bi, pan, etc. (: I think it's a strange concept for some people. I occasionally get questions about why I don't like men, being a trans woman.

Anyways, hope this helps. It might be really hard and stressful at times, especially early on, but it eventually gets easier and better. (:


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I understand and sympathize. When I finally came out I had a 33 year marriage to worry about. Luckily my wife has been very good at supporting my decision. She knew before we got married but never brought it up again after I told her. I crossdressed about everyday out of sight. My kids have been great too. There are significant other groups at many support groups. You might ask her to come along. I finally realized crossdressing while it helped did not make me so I was not depressed or dysphoric.

Welcome, Kruise.

Your story is not uncommon here.  Whether or not to come out to your wife is a difficult decision that only you can make.  The only thing I would say is that, if you do eventually come out to her, it will be more difficult the longer you leave it.  Most wives will take knowing but not telling to be deception, and it will not go over well.

There are many ways to handle your situation.  Some people never tell.  Some tell, but, after discussion, resolve not to transition ever, or not until the kids are out of the house.  Some can't hold off, and have to start transitioning regardless of the consequences.  **There is no one right way to do it.**

It is a tough decision, and one that only you can make.  We will be here to support you as you make it, and to help you handle the outcome, whatever it is.

If you are not already seeing a gender therapist, I would highly recommend doing so.

Hi Kruise, we look a like a bit lol... But I know there's a lot more than the physical.
I don't think anything is wrong for knowing you want to be a girl. It sounds like a good time to start pondering this out loud and seeing where that will take you.
I've never been married or had kids but I think choosing the right time for you to tell your wife is very important. It has to be when you feel ready.
Good luck and welcome[emoji4]

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Welcome!!

Interesting how the birth of a child can be such a trigger. I discovered being a woman right around the time my daughter was born 30 months ago, primarily since I had postpartum depression which finally made me dig deeper.

There is no guarantee how coming out will be received. So far we have managed to stay together but our relationship has suffer d quite a bit and we have a lot of work ahead to repair the damage caused by my revelations.

Her first worry was that I am now interested in men, I am not. A lot of the concepts where new to my wife, including the separation of identity and sexual orientation.

In looking back, the only regret I have is timing. Coming out right after childbirth might have been an added stress factor which certainly did not help my acceptance. On the other hand - I am not sure a different time would have resulted in a different reaction.

Good luck for you and please keep us updated!

I know how you feel, it took almost 8 years to come out to my partner, but I'm glad I did, because she's been nothing but loving, supportive and encouraging. And because of this in little over a week I begin hrt, and begin the journey to the real me.

I came out to my wife within weeks of me knowing for myself. Secrets are very hard on a marriage. My wife had very similar concerns, the primary ones were .. was I still interested in her? Was I leaving her? With those concerns confronted and tossed out we moved on the the important ones. It's been bumpy but here we are 10 months later still moving forward.

How it will go for you, no one can know. You won't know either until you approach her. You cannot assume that you know how she will react and neither can we.

Good luck!!!

I also came out to my wife of almost 20 years, the whole thing has been kind of brushed under the rug but you are right, things cannot be unsaid. However I'm still glad there were said as if I was still keeping it ALL in I can only imagine what could have happened. Good luck and look forward to Future updates

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