So.. does anyone know of a way I can find out if my wife is for or against transsexual people? Like.. a question that doesnt exactly tell her that it's me I'm talking about. Lol anything will help. My wife not knowing is killing me but at the same time, I dont wanna lose her cuz of this.. thanks!

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Watch some film about transgenders (I'm sure there is something, but dunno really) or with TG staff and look for reaction. Discuss it It's just first idea, maybe it'll help.

Hi Cruise Missile,
Putting on a movie or you tube documentary could be good. I kicked off with the Savannah Jackson Documentary on you tube.
Gently is a good approach!
Kirsten.

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As I learned from my 'spy' thread, this will likely be something specific to you both.  There, unfortunately, isn't one full-proof method to figuring it out without revealing yourself.

The below suggestions are good, but I'd wager don't stray too far from your normal activities. If she's the kind to think something is amiss, she'll dig deeper.

Also, understand that people can change. So, even if she appears against transsexuals at first, that may not be the case forever. 

you could simply mention a news article where trans people get discriminated against and talk about how you are pro-trans and think it is terrible trans people are discriminated against. Not only does this not out you, it will also let her know you aren't anti-trans, I have heard of a few people who said negative things about transpeople thinking their partners must be anti-lgbt due to them participating in masculine culture. So if she is going to be anti-trans in this situation you will know she means it.

My own experience is that unless the person is really far to one side or another, you won't know until they know a trans person who is otherwise like them.

I have had great friends who are "anti" trans come around after coming to know I am trans, and I have had the opposite. Unfortunately you won't know until they know.

My ex was not anti trans, but after 9 mo the decided that she could not be with me any more. In her eyes, she was no longer married to the person she chose to marry, and that is more than just trans... you literally are becoming a different person to them. 

There are quite a few movies that deal with trans people.  Boy Meets Girl is a sweet love story.  The Danish Girl is (loosely) based on an historical character.  TransAmerica is a road trip film.  Boys Don't Cry is a tragedy (and needs a trigger warning), but it will surely elicit some comments.

Quote from: jill610 on August 21, 2018, 04:56:55 AM
My own experience is that unless the person is really far to one side or another, you won't know until they know a trans person who is otherwise like them.

I have had great friends who are "anti" trans come around after coming to know I am trans, and I have had the opposite. Unfortunately you won't know until they know.

My ex was not anti trans, but after 9 mo the decided that she could not be with me any more. In her eyes, she was no longer married to the person she chose to marry, and that is more than just trans... you literally are becoming a different person to them.

I agree.   Many people start from a place of ignorance and fear, and homo or transphobic upbringings.   For these people it takes time to learn and accept and embrace.   It's a journey for everyone. 

That said, documentaries and movies are a great way to start.  But be cautious...I opened up to my wife, then watched the Danish Girl and the Katie Curic Transgender documentary.   Both scared her a lot in the beginning, and she has been very loving and understanding recently.

Karen

You won't really know until you ask. Besides even if she was against it would that change your decision?


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You just need to talk to her. It's unfair to her to prejudge her. Regardless of her predispositions towards trans people or her education on the matter, how she feels about you might trump the two. You just need to give her a chance.

When you come out, Be patient and understanding, it's probably going to rock her world.. or maybe she already knows (mine knew lol)

Most of the people you come out to are going to have different reactions than what you were expecting. Some will even realize you're the exact same person they've always known (personality, soul, etc.) and maybe even come to appreciate your authenticity

Anyways, just be real with her.


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Hello CruiseMissle
I would personally lead into it very subtly while you're gauging her reaction.
  Such as Hikari  mentioned by bringing up a news article with something trans related.
Try to plan this in advance and have the newspaper in place with the article you want to bring up like it was just coincidence. And indifferently try to read the article to her slowly and subtly as I mentioned gauging response and reacting as needed.
  As the wise Eryn T mentioned you don't want to make it too obvious just in case she doesn't like it.
I think you know her well enough to gauge her response by her tone and body language and of course her words to know what course of action to take.
Even if this takes more than one time or even several times I believe you'll get an idea where she stands on trans issues.
If she seems engaged by it I would keep going with it ever so slowly but if she has a negative reaction I wouldn't push it too hard. But I still would try again with this maybe a few days later just to verify this.
I believe you have a good chance of this working for you overtime.
I hope you get an instant positive reaction then you could really run with it and slowly lead into yourself.
I most sincerely hope it goes as you want.

   love Tatiana