I would love to hear from the people who seemingly had everything to lose from transition, but did it anyway.
I have been on the same cliff edge for a decade or more.
My male life has so much invested in it. A job that pays a lot. Six figures easily.
And I have 3 healthy, wonderful kids.
And I have a good wife. But a good wife who tells me I don't get her if I'm not her husband.
I will lose my hob if I transition. Not maybe, definitely. I'll be shoved into a different role, but it just can't last.
I've even had therapists warn..you will lose a lot. There is no logic. But I have such a longing to just jump over the cliff and give up this facade of 40 years.

It seems crazy. Who has made that leap..and how did it go...the good and the bad. I want inspiration to be brave, or maybe caution is the better part of valour. It could be braver to look after my kids and give them a good life...

I don't know if I fit your criteria.  No kids, retired, parents passed on.  But damn, it sure felt like I had a lot to lose in my marriage!  My wife was, in many respects, the source of my stability.  I really didn't know what I would do if she left me.  I was the source of the majority of financial assetts in the relationship, and I would lose half of that if she left.

Realistically, I had good reason to hope that she would stay.  She was LGBT-friendly, and had enjoyed several of the early trans-themed movies: Boys Don't Cry (TW: Well-made film, but don't watch it!), Trans America.  But still, you never know.  She might have decided that she only wanted to be married to a man, and I wouldn't have blamed her if she had left. 

Perhaps I didn't have that much to lose in comparison to you or others, but it sure felt like I did!  From the time I decided I needed to tell her until I actually did was six months.  All that time was spent agonizing over the decision. So many times, I opened my mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come out.  When I finally said it, it was such a relief!

What tipped me over the edge?  Well, I had help from the fine people here, especially HappyMoni, who checked in with me regularly with PMs to the effect of, "Well did you do it yet?"   

But the big thing was thinking about how my life would be if I didn't transition.  I would live out my remaining years knowing that I was female, but consciously living a lie.  Little things that already drove me crazy, like buying clothes that had to be drab and dull, would get 100 times worse.  I could picture myself in a nursing home, remembering that I had had a chance to be free but I turned it down.  I have never been clinically depressed, but I could tell that that was my future.  All I could see ahead if I didn't transition was misery.  And I couldn't face that future, I couldn't let that happen.  I had already lived at least 2/3 of my life.  (I was 61.)  I needed to live the last 1/3 as myself.

So I knew I had to speak up and do something.  My mantra became, "Gotta do it.  Gotta do it."  And I did it.

I knew that I was gambling my relationship.  But a 50-50 chance of success was a lot better than the 100% chance of failure if I didn't do it.

The gamble paid off.  My wife stayed, and I am so much happier.  I get to be me!!  Squeeeeee!!

Hi Sarah77,
I am watching any replies with great interest. Your life is very similar to mine. I hope. To learn something.
With kind regards,
                                  Kirsten.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Just before transition I was standing on a razor ridge. One one side wife, two kids, house, career, on the other, a fundamental inability to accept living as male to the point death seemed preferable. Looking at the two I decided not being dead was better. I have lost my wife, we will probably sell the house, my job is still intact and better in ways. So... was it a high price? Yes, would the price of not transitioning have been higher? Absolutely. I made the right choice and would do it again in a heart beat.

I took the leap.  My wife stayed with me.  My kids (both adults, both attorneys) still love me, and call me Dad.  I kept all my friends, and some friendships became deeper and more meaningful.

I'm an attorney myself.  I haven't lost a single client.  Business has actually improved because I am a better listener, more gentle and more understanding.  I am also more intuitive, more focused, and I pick up better on social cues.

Your transition is what you make of it.  I let my wife set the pace of my transition.  I made sure she understood that the parts of me she loved were staying, and that I would not be ditching my husbandly duties, like yard work, garbage detail and car maintenance.

The amazing thing is, when trouble came, it made us stronger.  When my wife's evangelical Christian coworker suggested that my wife divorce me, my wife rose to my defense.

You can transition well — by letting the best parts of you shine through.

Thanks for your replies. You only get one life, that's why it is so hard when lots of other peopleare affected by my choice.