For the first time in months I'm having a sleepless night. With not knowing where I'm going to end up and my roommate is moving and the house is sold and not having any leads to a place 100% fornsure and my significant other going back to Europe in mere hours and my dysphoira been sky high in the past week (with the exception of yesterday) my mind is swimming.

About 7 hours ago me and the SO kissed, made out and touched eachother. This was the first time since coming out four years ago I have had any intimate touch , even a kiss. My insecurities began to resurrect as I began to enjoy this so much I had small erections and then my feelings of love and passion turned into dysphoira and grossness. Yet when I wasn't thinking of penis and ect I never felt so alive. Litterly polar opposite feelings one second to the next depending of dysphoira triggers and how I could try and ignore them.

How did any of you get past this hurtle?

Wish I could help, but I can't.  My wife and I have been on the rocks lately and part of it is because of exactly the same struggle you are experiencing right now.  I love to be close and I love to touch and I love to, "OMG!!!  Why cant this thing just stop doing that!!!"...  Kinda driving even more of a wedge between us right now. 

Can't tell you how to get past it cause I have no clue.  Hope maybe some others will have more advise than I can give.  I can say I empathize with you greatly on the matter and wish us both the best.    /hugs

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on August 21, 2018, 04:49:21 AMHow did any of you get past this hurtle?

I didn't. After struggling with this for 3-4 years, the solution for me and my wife was to give up ALL phsycial intimacy.

I've come to terms with the extra baggage and barely feel it unless I want it. All the sensation etc moved inward so I actually feel no dysphoria as such around it. My wife is very hetero so intimacy between us is a non starter. HOWEVER my libido has never been higher. Its just different. The outcome will likely be divorce and me finding a partner who accepts me as I am and enjoys the things I do (actually in the wings...)

I would focus on my feelings of love for my partner, and when I found my thoughts drifting towards what I have down there I would consciously try and correct them to focus thoughts back onto my partner, it was difficult and made sex and intimacy rarer than I would like. It was almost the same as trying to catch myself from being angry, I had to recognize the feeling to pre-empt it.My partner is very patient with me. Luckily though, I am post op now so things are much easier, as there is no way to be touched that isn't affirming.