This is just something I've found interesting lately. It probably means nothing, but it could actually be an indicator of my trans-ness...

I've dated three girls seriously, and I've very closely associated with a few others romantically. All as a man. Now, here's the weird thing:

Of the five who I believe I seriously loved and who seriously loved me back, two have since come out as bisexual..... and the other three are straight-up lesbians.

Considering that (according to a 2014 government survey) roughly just 3% of people are gay, and even less are bisexual (these are based on self-identification, so I'm sure the closeted numbers are significantly higher, but it's still way less than you might think), the chance of this happening with any random 5 people is approximately 0.00000013%.

So, yeah. I think it's fair to assume that I was able to attract these people based on my femininity, or just by giving off a comforting female vibe. It probably means nothing, but still. The chance of it happening *at random* is virtually nonexistent. There HAS to be a reason for it.

It is pretty amazing the stuff that suddenly makes sense in hindsight, isn't it?

I agree with you. My ex is a lesbian now. We were together 10 years. I suppose that my being trans is why we clicked.

Hello 4A-GZE

Yes I agree it couldn't be coincidental. Even living outside as men, we possess femininity and give out vibes even if  subconciously most of the time. Consequently we make friends more easily with women providing they are happy to have us as friends or as partners of course.

Hugs

Pamela

You probably just got into alignment with them subconsciously and attracted each other.

It's strange isn't it?  I'd say that was more than random chance although the number of bisexuals is generally regarded now as much larger but those figures must be for the 'out' bisexuals.

When my manager told his wife about me, she said, yeah I get that.  'He's quite feminine...' 
I never realised I was perceived as that during a time when I was trying to be masculine!

Also, my wife generally is quite masculine.  Never wears make-up and never has, behaves like a typical man (I do all the housework, washing, etc) watches football (I can't stand it) and is big and broad shouldered.  I have often wondered if that's why we were initially attracted to each other.

Even more interesting is that she has the opposite finger digit ratio to me.  I have a female ratio and she has a male! 

Odd isn't it?

Quote from: Crose213t on August 28, 2018, 05:36:23 AM
You probably just got into alignment with them . . .

Quote from: VickyS on August 28, 2018, 06:01:36 AM
It's strange isn't it . . . Also, my wife generally is quite masculine. 

          Ditto on "wife quite masculine" she's always been quite bossy and, of late, is almost "forced feminizing" me! Also think a lot can be said for the "alignment theory" but as we get older, mature that part seems to break down. Question is "alignment with whom"? Is it really a two way street (ie: them attracted to us as female as well?) or is it us "trans" simply coming into our own?
          Had a long discussion with a clueless therapist once, the first and only one I ever really opened up with, and it occurred to me, having always enjoyed the sexual advances of previous male gay friends, that the only reason I consented to marry my current spouse (now 'ex') is because I didn't feel any "alignment" with her in the least?

Most women, lesbians included, seek out sexual relationships (among other things) which is not something that I wanted "as a male" at all.

I talked about this with some other friends today, and one of them had an interesting, equally relevant theory:

Maybe they weren't attracted to my femininity so much as I was attracted to women who like other women. Like a "gaydar" sort of situation. It does seem that homosexual people are able to pick up on subtle things, subconsciously, in their crushes and partners. So maybe I just saw a compatibility with them, as a woman, and they were only interested in me because I happened to be a decent 'guy' who they got along with, before they learned more about themselves.



Another unrelated thing of note: I have a pretty terrible long-term memory. Most of my early childhood that I remember is bad things. I can vividly picture the day my dog died, but nothing else from that time frame. I remember one time in elementary school where I saw one of the special needs kids drop her tray in the cafeteria, and I still feel bad for her these 18-ish years later. That's one of my only detailed memories from elementary school, and the rest are no better. But here's the thing: I can distinctly remember two things from my early, early childhood, possibly earlier than kindergarten: asking my cousin what it's like to be a girl and being disappointed that she couldn't somehow give a detailed description, and asking my mom (as if I needed permission) whether it was okay for me to go to the bathroom sitting down, just to see what it felt like. Those can probably both be chalked up to me just being curious as a child, but the fact that I remember both instances clearly and in a non-negative way must mean something.... right? The rest of my childhood is virtually blocked out in my mind.

Yes I think there is truth in both your theories and with regard to your second para, we always remember our first trans experience - sometimes we bury it and it resurfaces to our conscious mind later - and in some cases we always retain the memory.

Hugs

Pamela

I wrangled for 40+ years over my having coldly dumped the first girl I ever dated. After taking us on our first real date the summer before High School, my Father's only comment was "You can do better than that." I promptly began a tortuous 4 year relationship with the first of a string of "Prick Teases," never going out with a girl more than once unless she was until I met my first wife 7 years later. My trauma therapist explained these love/hate relationships were the perfect "Crazy Making Behavior" I needed to reinforce the abuse I suffered as a child. I still get Christmas Cards from one of them 35+ years later. But I digress...

My "Ex" and I were in different tracts when we got to Senior High in September. I never spoke to her again and carried the burden of how horrible this was of me for 40+ years. Hoping to apologize to her at a long overdue class reunion a few years ago, I was disappointed she was not there. And a bit taken back when a mutual friend and lifetime close girlfriend of my "Ex," told me she and her partner had recently adopted. Smiling knowingly as if it was common knowledge, she reminded me my "Ex" has always done things "her own way." 

Finding out my old girlfriend was a lesbian came as a HUGE shock. I understand sexuality is defined at birth, but I also know trauma can result in gender and sexual confusion. The shame and guilt over the way I had left things between us were unbearable. My psychologist pointed out something I had never considered. Albeit it was the 1970's, My Girlfriend Didn't Make Any Attempt to Keep Up Our Relationship Either. She explained there was nothing to feel guilty about. We were two young people whose paths crossed as they were beginning to explore who they were. My doctor offered if I had considered how special I had been to my girlfriend for her to go against who she was to date me. That I gave her wonderful memories of a side of life she would she knew was not right for her and would never experience again And like the "Prick Teases" I also dated, my girlfriend and I gave each other exactly what we needed at that point in our lives.

Sometimes people are situationally orientated towards a person of a particular gender. My therapists have talked about this. I'm the first woman my girlfriend has ever dated.

While I completely support and believe that there are people that are strictly hetero or strictly gay, I also believe a lot more people do not admit that it is more of a sliding scale for them, like a lot more. That seems very defined at birth too for the most part.