Hello everyone!

I recently stumbled across this website while I was looking up resources to answer some of the questions I've been having.

My gender is something that I've been struggling with in one way or another for the past 15 years.  Even before that, I always felt that cliche sense that "something was off" growing up, but I didn't have the vocabulary to understand that let alone explain it.  Shortly after my ex-boyfriend and I got together, I stumbled across Closetspace and Venus Envy - these two webcomics were like a complete rebirth for me.

Sadly, when he and I broke our engagement it devastated me and I withdrew into myself for a long time.  It just hurt too much to think about my gender issues because they were tied so intimately into my relationship with him.  I told myself I was fine with the way things were, that I was fine with the way I was.  For 11 years I tried to suppress it all.

But recently my resolve was shaken to its core by a powerful dream.  It was one of those kinds of dreams where you are fully immersed in the events that seem to go on around you, where you live out an entire lifetime.  It was perfect.  I knew who I was - who I was meant to be - and I acted decisively.  I transitioned and for the first time I felt whole.  Waking up from that dream was like stepping into a living nightmare, but it forced me to finally confront my nature and open up to my fiancee about what I was going through.

So here I am, finally admitting out loud at 29 years of age that I''ve never been comfortable with my male body.  I feel extremely blessed - my fiancee and her family have been extremely supportive of me, and extremely patient as I flip between feeling ecstatic and terrified of the letters MtF.    If all goes well, I hope to start HRT and eventually begin looking at surgeries.

I'm pretty much still in a research/exploration phase.  I've been looking up gender therapists in my area and pruning down the list to see who takes my insurance, so that's exciting!  Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble on.  I'm happy to be here, and I hope to make friends with everyone!

Hi

Hi Clover 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I'm so happy you stumbled across us.  Your experience equates with many here. 
Relationships are difficult enough and tougher with any strain upon it.
I'm happy that your fiancee accepts you, support from loved ones count so much.

I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

@Budding_Clover
Dear Budding_Clover :
I see that you were just welcomed here by our lovely California Girl  @Jessica ....
... if you would, please allow me to also give you a warm WELCOME TO SUSAN'S PLACE

I am very glad that you have become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your first and most informative Introduction posting with other members here on the Forums.
I am thinking that you may have lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..
 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here on the Forums if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

In her Welcome Message  Jessica  included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.   

Please don't be a stranger, we want to share postings and thoughts with you.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Hi Clover 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi Budding clover

Welcome to Susan's, you are among friends here and many of us have been in that similar position as you. You are not alone and there is so much information on this site to keep you reading for months...Its great you have supportive fiancé and family as that will help if things get tough. I think looking for a therapist is a cracking idea...it never hurts to chat with someone who doesn't have vested interest either way.

Take care

Liz