I have known since I was a little kid that I was really a boy in a girl suit.  But, I find myself waffling over whether or not to go through with the transition.  One of the things that makes me hesitate is that I am very much attracted to men, and not at all to women.  I'm not sure I want to limit my prospects to 10% of the male population.

So here is my question:  In general do you find that you are well accepted in the gay community, or do you get a lot of, "You're not really a man, so why are you wasting my time?"

Also, does anybody have any suggestions for some good resources for straight women transitioning into gay men?  Thanks.

Wrong wrong wrong waaaaaay wrong.

I went through the EXACT same situation.  I saw myself as a gay guy.  I didn't want a "straight" relationship. I wanted a guy on guy relationship and didn't know why.

For a while, I thought no guy would ever ever ever understand.  However, I was WAY wrong.  I met my boyfriend in July 2006.  We were incredibly close friends...then ended up falling for each other/falling completely in love with each other.  Finally, on July 27th, 2007 we decided to be boyfriends (Happy anniversary to us, today! 8 months!)  However, he didn't know that I was a FTM.  So, after about two months, my family told me that I had to tell him and that they would if I didn't. So, bawling my eyes out, I called him over to tell him

When he showed up, he knew something was wrong. I finally just blurted out the whole thing.  After about an hour of ranting and crying my eyes out, he said "Brady, are you done?".  I nodded and he said "Baby, I don't care about that.  I know you are a guy on the inside...plus, what true girl could ever burp like that?"  We started laughing and he wiped up my tears and said "Brady, I love you no matter what."

It was such a relief to tell him, plus that was when he first told me he loved me after 14 months of knowing each other lol.

We completely understand each other and we just go perfectly.  He is SO accepting and not to mention gorgeous (if you want a picture, PM me) lol. Plus, he defends me when my family talks negatively about me.  He is seriously the best boyfriend ever for a gay FTM.  It's like a dream come true, truly!

So, yes you might have to do some heavy searching, but you will find an amazing guy who will know who you really are on the inside.  I can give you ANY advice you need about being a gay FTM, so go ahead and ask anything or PM me if it's a bit personal.

Glad to have you here!

I am still figuring things out.  I have a boyfriend who is ftm.  We hosted the local gay boys group here a few months back, and it went really well.  I am not interested in dating any of them at this point, and they do know we are transgender, as I used to know some of them when I was still dressing more girl, so I felt I needed to tell them I was the same person (cool thing, a couple of them were trying to figure where they had known me b/c of my eyes, but NONE of them guessed I am trans).

Anyways, it's still shaking out.

But some of them have been very willing to include me as a friend, and I get to go with them to movies, and other things.
I realize you may want to know more about dating, sorry, I can't help there.
I have sometimes dated (read: "slept with") a bi man I have known, and he sees me as male.  He mostly dates just men anyways.

I am hoping to eventually be able to feel more part of the gay community, in larger areas, as well.
In a small town, it's a little bit odd, for a few reasons.

Good luck.
Joseph

Brady and Joseph,

Thanks for the info/encouragement.  I really appreciate it.  Makes me feel a little less insecure. 

No problem.  But, I promise, as soon as you find Mr. Right, you will be so much more comfortable with yourself.

He really doesnt even care if I fully transition.  He said for me to not worry about it and it wont make him see me any differently because he knows what I am  

In my experience, gay men have treated me terribly. They tell me that I'm the worst yaoi fan girl of all and that I should come back when I don't have a vagina.

Quote from: Milo on March 29, 2008, 01:44:04 PM
In my experience, gay men have treated me terribly. They tell me that I'm the worst yaoi fan girl of all and that I should come back when I don't have a vagina.

sorry to hear of your negative experiences.  I don't know the term "yaoi fan girl" -- would you be willing to explain that?
I have certainly never been told anything like all that directly, though I suppose there may be some saying certain things behind my back, I don't really know.

I have known many gay men who are more respectful.
Sorry for you.
Joseph

Quote from: Buddhas Camera on March 29, 2008, 03:37:58 PM

Quote from: Milo on March 29, 2008, 01:44:04 PM
In my experience, gay men have treated me terribly. They tell me that I'm the worst yaoi fan girl of all and that I should come back when I don't have a vagina.

sorry to hear of your negative experiences.  I don't know the term "yaoi fan girl" -- would you be willing to explain that?
I have certainly never been told anything like all that directly, though I suppose there may be some saying certain things behind my back, I don't really know.

I have known many gay men who are more respectful.
Sorry for you.
Joseph

yaoi is basically the Japanese word for gay porn. That's not what it literally means though XD But, yaoi doesn't always have to be porn, it can just be gay love, but that's usually called shounen-ai (boy love). I'm quite the fanboy of shounen-ai/yaoi, but in general, it's just girls that are.

Personally, I haven't met any gay guys that were completely turned off or unaccepting. Any time I have heard of a gay guy being unaccepting is when it was a 'queen' or flamer, and therefore he had the mentality of 'there's not a penis, not a guy'.

Of course it's all about who you surround yourself with too. I'm part of a fandom that is thankfully very open minded and the majority of the fandom is homosexual or bisexual men.

My experience is that bi guys are the most accepting and most likely to pursue a relationship with a transguy, where as hardcore flamres will not.

Quote from: discarded on March 29, 2008, 06:53:30 PM
Any time I have heard of a gay guy being unaccepting is when it was a 'queen' or flamer, and therefore he had the mentality of 'there's not a penis, not a guy'.

Well, if it's just them, I think I can handle it.  I'm looking for someone with more emotional maturity anyway.    I was worried that there might be some kind of wide-spread disdain for FtMs as a whole.  One of those, "We need someone to dump on like we get dumped on, so you're it," deals.  But of course, you're right.  There are going to be open minded and closed minded people in any group.

To be honest I've met far more bi/gay guys who are genuinely curious and, to be blunt, turned on, by FtMs, especially those who opt to do everything but lower surgeries. But that might just be guys in the specific fandom I'm in (who find lots of things a turn on that 'normal' people wouldn't).

I've also found that if you befriend a guy (gay or otherwise), and you later tell him you're a transguy, he really doesn't care. Not all gay guys are shallow (flamers tend to be the more shallow of the gay guys, in my experience), and they do truly fall for the person, not the genitals. And most gay guys are attracted to the behavior and mentality of other guys, and not necessarily their genitals. Of course I don't presume to speak for all gay guys, just from my experience. I am pretty sure that most truly gay guys are a bit uncomfortable in a sexual situation with a transguy, but that's because they find the female genitals just as off-putting as we do (on ourselves at least). They get over it though. But I wouldn't expect a gay guy to go down on ya.

Again, just in my experience, every gay guy I've known (which is a LOT as I do homoerotic art), was not put off in the slightest by later learning I was trans. Most expressed curiosity and being even more attracted to me. Very few were butthurt over it. So I wouldn't worry (though I know you will...I did it too as I thought I was just gay when I first started transitioning and was worried I wouldn't find a guy who'd accept me and want to be with me).

Quote from: discarded on March 30, 2008, 01:20:15 AM
But I wouldn't expect a gay guy to go down on ya.

Lol. Well, shucks. That might be a deal breaker, then.   

Seriously, though, thanks for the up front advice.

Quote from: Jamie-o on March 27, 2008, 04:57:38 PM"You're not really a man, so why are you wasting my time?"

I think this saying goes for any sexuality really.

Quote from: Jamie-o on March 30, 2008, 04:34:16 AM

Quote from: discarded on March 30, 2008, 01:20:15 AM
But I wouldn't expect a gay guy to go down on ya.

Lol. Well, shucks. That might be a deal breaker, then.   

Seriously, though, thanks for the up front advice.

Hahaha believe it or not my boyfriend is willing...I just wont let him.

Someone pointed out to me in another forum that Out magazine has an issue on trans at the moment, including an article on "Trans->-bleeped-<-s". (Their term, not mine.)  Anyway, I thought some of you might find it interesting.

http://www.out.com/

Accepted? In general.
More in the Bisexual/ Pansexual Comunity.
I don't necesserally need a Guy who's Gay.
As long as he sees me as a Guy who's Gay.

And, oh, what do I do, this really nice Gay guy is interested in me.
He does believe thus far I was actually born as a boy (physically) and I don't know how to tell him I'm trans.

Quote from: fluffy jorgen on April 01, 2008, 06:21:35 PM
Accepted? In general.
More in the Bisexual/ Pansexual Comunity.
I don't necesserally need a Guy who's Gay.
As long as he sees me as a Guy who's Gay.

And, oh, what do I do, this really nice Gay guy is interested in me.
He does believe thus far I was actually born as a boy (physically) and I don't know how to tell him I'm trans.

I know the feeling.  I waited a few months before I told my boyfriend, but he completely understood

Quote from: Brady on April 01, 2008, 06:31:05 PM

I know the feeling.  I waited a few months before I told my boyfriend, but he completely understood

What do you think about the aspect he could've found out from someone else?
This seems to be my Dilema. 

Quote from: fluffy jorgen on April 01, 2008, 06:38:24 PM

Quote from: Brady on April 01, 2008, 06:31:05 PM

I know the feeling.  I waited a few months before I told my boyfriend, but he completely understood

What do you think about the aspect he could've found out from someone else?
This seems to be my Dilema. 

Well, I told him before someone else could.  Infact, my own family threatened to tell him.

Thank God my Mum doesn't know him then.
Suppose it is misleading.
Thought overload. I suck at talking about how I feel.