Eight years late. I told my parents I wanted to see someone when I was fifteen. I'm 23 now. My male body has significantly developed since then and I feel awful just thinking about it. Eight years of potential progress just gone. I feel almost like *I* don't even exist yet. I've just been coasting along, waiting for this all to be over. I'm so ready for it to be. I just hope it doesn't take long to get started. I lost my childhood, but I can still salvage the latter half of my 20s. I'm just filled with so many different emotions right now. I'm actually kind of in tears as I type this. I know I need to focus on what's ahead, but it's hard to do that. It's hard to ignore the fact that I've missed out on being me for so long, and it's especially hard to cope with the fact that my otherwise extremely supportive parents are largely to blame for me not getting help as soon as I needed it. And even though they're extremely supportive, I'm also terrified of officially coming out to them. They might already know that that's what I wanted to see someone about, but I don't know.
I just feel awful right now and I should be excited.



<edited by Moderator>

Hang in there!  And don't look back.

You are young.  Sure, not as young as you'd have been if you'd started eight years ago, but still young anyway.  That means that you have excellent potential for your physical transition. 

For perspective, I left it until I was 61 to start.  My life now is so good that I don't waste a single second worrying about water under the bridge.  I could play the what-if game, but what's the point of that?  All those "wasted" years actually got me to where I am today, which is a great place to be.  I'll never be pretty, but I don't look too bad, if I do say so myself.

Once you start your therapy, and start taking whatever transition steps you decide to take, you will feel so much better.  I wish you a smooth journey.

You're still young, with a beautiful life in front of you.  Your parents are supportive in more than one aspect it seems and there is no reason they wouldn't be after you came out to them.
It takes will power and strength to travel a road that is unclear.
Once you start therapy, that road gets sunnier and sunnier.

Hugs and smiles from a California girl

@4A-GZE
At 23 years old you are much younger that many of the members here that started their HRT and transition journey in their 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and we have some on here that started in their 70's ....  so in comparison you are the young one for sure.

No, you should not feel awful, and you should indeed feel very exited as you are about to officially start your journey
Please keep us all updated regarding your therapy progress and you transition plans.

We will be eagerly be following your progress.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 03, 2018, 06:06:49 PM
Eight years late. I told my parents I wanted to see someone when I was fifteen. I'm 23 now. My male body has significantly developed since then and I feel awful just thinking about it. Eight years of potential progress just gone. I feel almost like *I* don't even exist yet. I've just been coasting along, waiting for this all to be over. I'm so ready for it to be. I just hope it doesn't take long to get started. I lost my childhood, but I can still salvage the latter half of my 20s. I'm just filled with so many different emotions right now. I'm actually kind of in tears as I type this. I know I need to focus on what's ahead, but it's hard to do that. It's hard to ignore the fact that I've missed out on being me for so long, and it's especially hard to cope with the fact that my otherwise extremely supportive parents are largely to blame for me not getting help as soon as I needed it. And even though they're extremely supportive, I'm also terrified of officially coming out to them. They might already know that that's what I wanted to see someone about, but I don't know.
I just feel awful right now and I should be excited.



<edited by Moderator>

@4A-GZE

Carly - You have got an entire lifetime ahead of you, most or all of the people on this site would have loved the opportunity to start this journey even at your age because there are still so many opportunities for your body and spirit and life choices to match up correctly without complications.  I love my son and wife so I would never hit that time travel button and go back, if I wasn't with someone and I didn't have any children then I would BUT - there is no time travel, so we must all of us accept what we cannot change, and focus on what we do have.

You have an exciting opportunity ahead of you - don't waste any more time dwelling on the past.

Take care,

Sonja.

All you can do is look forward and try to live the life and be true to yourself from now on.

I think most of us no matter what age feel like we waited too long, but it's just really hard to deal with this stuff especially when we fear rejection from those we love.  It's normal to feel anxious or scared by this whole process.  It's one of the biggest changes you can make to your life so I don't know how it wouldn't be overwhelming.  Good luck with the therapy and your family!  You might even feel a little better about it all just from talking to a therapist too, and feeling like you are beginning to do what you've always wanted. 

Congrats on finally being able to go to a therapist, best of luck.

Hey Carly

If it's any consolation, every single one of us on this site wishes we could have started earlier! 

We got dealt an unusual hand of cards, but we can still play a winning hand, truly. 

I'm sure the countdown to your therapy seems like an eternity, but you've got 10 days to prepare yourself well for it.  You don't need all the answers yet - some will come on the way.  Be honest with yourself and, when the time comes, be honest with your parents too. 

You've taken the first step.  Now grab the opportunity with both hands, own it completely, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll be where you need to be.

(This ain't motivational speaker BS - I did it, aged 45)

Hugs
Julia

Hello Carly

The only advice I can add to that already provided is try not to worry about your embarrassment or the therapist's reaction; they have heard so many similar stories before.

I was nervous for days before my first visit but managed to conquer my nerves on the day and I know you will too.

I wish you every success on your journey as a whole.

Hugs

Pamela

I can say that I know exactly how you feel, we share a very similar story, except I'm 24 and my parents are not supportive at all, so you're doing better than I. According to my doctor, people our age are still in a good age to begin transition, but of course younger is better. As I've seen multiple times, everybody wishes, including myself, that we had started sooner.

I've seen people well above our age transition very successfully. If you want two examples, there is minorqback on YouTube, as well as another user called Kristin's Trans Life. They both have very useful information for beginners like ourselves ^_^

Wish you the best, don't hesitate to message me if you ever need someone to talk with


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Two days left! I'm so nervous and excited. No matter how the appointment goes, I'm going to try to officially come out shortly after it. I just want to get it over with. My parents are wonderful and supportive, but I just know they're going to have tons of questions and things to say. I don't want this to be treated as a big deal.

You can do it! 

Well, that was.... huh. I'm not sure how to feel about it. We didn't talk about much. I told him that my primary concern was gender identity and he acknowledged that, then asked a few questions about it, and then... I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't think I'd be leaving with the feeling that nothing was accomplished.

Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 13, 2018, 01:13:52 PM
Well, that was.... huh. I'm not sure how to feel about it. We didn't talk about much. I told him that my primary concern was gender identity and he acknowledged that, then asked a few questions about it, and then... I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't think I'd be leaving with the feeling that nothing was accomplished.

You have accomplished something, you went to a therapist and spoke about GID.  That is quite a big step, and you should feel proud of it 

I think therapist typically spend the first meeting getting to know you before they dive into any issue you bring to discuss.  Keep going, I'm sure this will be a good thing for you.  It certainly was for me. 

Hey, 23 is still pretty good! I think most of us wish we could've transitioned as a teenager--it's the next-best thing to being born cis, really. Still, at least you probably still have all your hair, so it could be worse, right? Right?

I'm not helping at all, am I? Silly me, thinking I could offer sage words of comfort when I'm stuck in the same boat with you.

Quote from: DustKitten on September 13, 2018, 06:49:46 PM
Hey, 23 is still pretty good! I think most of us wish we could've transitioned as a teenager--it's the next-best thing to being born cis, really. Still, at least you probably still have all your hair, so it could be worse, right? Right?

I'm not helping at all, am I? Silly me, thinking I could offer sage words of comfort when I'm stuck in the same boat with you.

It's never too late, it's never too late, it's never too late, it's never too late, it's never too late...... 🤯

Seriously though, we're all young here, you're 23, I'm 24, some are 25, 26, etc. Others are younger and some much older, at the end of the day, um, transition, it's more of a YMMV issue with passing and not passing right? I'm pretty sure HRT will do wonders for us all and it will all be worth it

I know that 5-10 years from the starting point we'll be looking back and be happy that we began now and not even more late in life. Everything will be ok because it can't get any worse, in regards to physical appearance I mean. We are simply Testosterone poisoning survivors lol

But yes, these are lower words from someone who wishes that she had began in her pre-teen years. And of course being born as a cis-female would've been the best thing ever, but we wouldn't know that would we? Would we just be transmen?


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Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 13, 2018, 01:13:52 PM
Well, that was.... huh. I'm not sure how to feel about it. We didn't talk about much.

Carly do you know about erinswensondotcom? Most of us long-time, 'older' girls have seen her. It's been a while for me but highly recommend her!

I think I'm going to give this guy one more chance, then I'll see where to go from there.

Quote from: 4A-GZE on September 14, 2018, 10:22:45 AM
I think I'm going to give this guy one more chance, then I'll see where to go from there.

In my experience the first few meeting are not productive to say the lease. You probably have already done most of what I am going to mention. I've had my best experience with being blunt and setting the direction of the conversations. I would advise setting up a timeline of when you want to begin HRT and provide a plan on how you are going to achieve it.

When I spoke to the last therapist that I saw I mentioned the what I called the social transition trinity. The three things that matter socially to me anyway.
1) Family
2) Friends/Support Groups
3) Work/Income

The next item is presentation. Some choose to remain male, others androgynous, and others full female presentation. Almost everyone goes through all 3 stages. Right now I am androgynous, but that will change soon and I have to be ready. This is certainly something that must be discussed.

Having a plan and being confident in your plan makes a huge difference. These are the 2 things that a good therapist will look for and demand.