In the following post, I don't claim to be right.  It's just my subjective opinion. Let me apologize beforehand for the following view which, I know, is counter to what many or most think.  My bringing it up is only in an attempt to SAVE LIVES. 

I've always been wary of "group-think."  Sometimes it's right.  And sometimes it causes me to ponder.  Contrary to popular opinion, I've always felt that transitioning is reversable if YOU, in your heart, are so terribly unhappy that want to go backwards.  Ignoring this possibility, most "experts" state, once you start transition, it's "irreversable."  It's often spoken as a threat, "Once you start, you can't go back!"  That just doesn't seem logical to me.  I figure, if soldiers can come back with arms and legs missing, nothing is unfixable.  If you don't have a fingers or eyes, you try something else.    If, after SRS, you're terribly unhappy to the point of killing yourself, you'll have learned a valuable lesson:  DON'T DO DANGEROUS THINGS.  From this vantage point (after SRS), what is the next worst case scenario (one that most people tell you at the beginning that you cannot do)?  You transition back to manhood and become a guy without a dick.  Plenty of people don't have functioning ones.  I never particularly cared for sex so, for me, that worst case scenario wasn't a biggie.  For those who love traditional male/female sex, presumably it would be.  I imagine that the only reason people don't offer that worst case scenario above is because there is a fear that some young TS's might take transition less seriously.  I have more faith in the intelligence of young people to see things the way they really are:  Of course, transition is serious -- DEADLY SERIOUS!  You can wreck your life trying to do it.  Some people in Louisiana are committiing suicide because they've lost everything.  Transitioning can do that, too.  In the 90's, I heard a sobering statistic.  At that time, so they said, half of the TS's die before reaching the age of 30.   But, better than suicide would be to go back.  Some "top" surgery and you're back to manhood.  I propose this scenario only to try to save someone from killing themself if transitioning doesn't work out.  There's one good thing about going back:  You'd still be breathing in and out.  It's not perfect but it's a heck of a lot better than being a stiff in some morgue.  And maybe next time you face a big problem, you may just opt for the SAFER PATH.  There are all kinds of interests in life - golf, gaming, travel, scuba diving, nature walking, astronomy, architecture, art, music.  Many a great mind has obsessed over these pastimes and not died from it.

Me.  I'm happy with my path.  I'm not going back.  Not for anything.

Teri Anne

QuoteIn the 90's, I heard a sobering statistic.  At that time, so they said, half of the TS's die before reaching the age of 30.

If that statistic is anywhere close to accurate than there are some serious short-comings in the "gatekeeping" and psychological support! Is SRS being seen as a "cure-all" for the sexually confused?

In the 1960's the life expectancy of an identified TS youth was about 30 years but that was before readily available SRS. In the 1970's I never heard of a single case of suicide among former TS (those who had SRS). (After that I was out of touch with the community.)

With late transitioners who have lost a good marriage, children, maybe a good job, and may not be able to integrate into life as a woman I can see where the "costs" of transition are VERY high. If life post-op did not provide the expected rewards I can see where there would be a feeling of having lost everything.

Of course many of us who transitioned early (in the 1970s) lost everything to but we went on to build a new life in a new place.

There is always hope as long as we make the decission to LIVE.

Hi, Jane!
You must have been picking up my brain waves or something because I've been wondering where you've been -- hadn't seen you in awhile.  I've always enjoyed your takes on various topics.  Your views always seem logical and grounded.

The 90's era statistic I mentioned didn't relate to post ops -- it just said that "half of the TS's die before reaching the age of 30."  It's my THEORY that many died due to the trauma of transition.  During my transition, reading that half of TS's died before 30 hit me like a punch in the stomach.  It made me want to run and get involved with something, anything, to distract my mind away from my feelings of gender dysphoria.  Even more than the hoops that psychologists make you jump through to get the letter, I was very concerned that the trip to assuming my "true self" might cause, through the angst of transition, my demise.  Like many others before me, my chief concern was whether I could handle society's way of looking at my new exterior.  I like being liked and this seemed like a sure-fire way to become, at worst, a freak to society.  Inside, I had no problems.  If I was on a desert island by myself, I would have had no angst problems transitioning.

As you mentioned, Jane, hopefully things are a lot better now than in the 60's and 70's.  And things were better in the 90's but, still, being a pre-op transsexual was no picnic for me.  I lost work and lost some people I thought were my friends.  I heard, through the rumor mill, of people laughing behind my back.  At times, this tore me apart.  Hearing horror stories of what other TS's were going through in the 90's as they tried to transition didn't help:  A friend of mine told me that her father would have preferred that she be a murderer than a TS.  Another friend (who worked for an insurance company) was told that, when she needed a restroom, they had set up a porta pottie shack out in the parking lot -- she was not allowed to use either the men's or womens' restrooms.  And this was the late nineties!  Nowadays, just six years after my SRS, I see that the internet is motivating younger generations of TS's to remove a lot of barriers to personal freedom.  Just like that guy who stood in front of a tank in Tien Amin Square in China, younger TS's realize that they, too, have freedom -- KNOWLEDGE IS FREEDOM.  Through this knowledge, they will transition in their teens (like many of us would have liked) and they will look beautiful.  And beauty has a way of making impossible things more possible.  I doubt that, today, half of TS's die before before the age of thirty.  It's probably a LOT less. But, for some, there is still huge trauma with the RLT.

Despite newfound freedoms today, many TS's, YOUNG and OLD, are still really good at "churning" problems internally.  We've seen that here at SUSAN'S.  I remember doing that in my transition.  At that time, I read a psychiatry book that stated that, if you churn problems repeatedly in depression, it's a medical probability that you're setting your brain up to re-churn later on:  You'll be okay, then you re-churn -- you'll be okay, then you re-churn.  Reading that, I tried my best to not churn my problems.  But it didn't always work.  When things got bad during transition, like many before me, I considered suicide.  I felt if the world wouldn't let me be female, the world wasn't worth living.  My post here regarding possible U-turns offers another possibility.  For many TS's this "transition or die" can almost take on the form of a mantra.  Kids shouldn't accept this as a battle cry or as the only possibility but you can get locked into that way of thinking -- especially when the "experts" are telling you that, "once you start, you can't go back."

There is ALWAYS a third choice -- you can do a U-turn.  Most of your friends and relatives will thank you for it.  You might even get your job back.  You might even find out, through this experiment called "transition," that its cost, for you, isn't worth the trauma.  And, over time, this all-consuming obsessive NEED to transition may get pushed back in importance.  I'm glad I finished transition (for me, it was like going through a war).  Bottom line, I'm happier now.  But not everyone will be.  I think there should be no embarrasment or shame for anyone for making a U-turn, be it during transition or even, at the extreme, after SRS.   Nothing in life is carved in granite and you only have a short amount of time here on earth.  The experts and my fellow TS's should consider not saying, "Once you start, there's no turning back."

Doing a U-turn and LIVING is always a viable option.

Teri Anne

Teri Anne;

I was struck by a thought as I read your latest post (having been interested in the topic and the various points of view.)

You are essentially suggesting that transitioners mentally consider an emergency exit.  It's a trick I've used on myself in the past when I faced near-intolerable pressures at work or in life.  At work, for instance, when I'd be forced to put up with the same $#!^ day after day of supervisors tasking me with three times more work than I could handle and then expect that it ALL be accomplished ("You FAILURE!!! <BwaHaha>), I'd just remember that I COULD quit, escape the bad situation, and face whatever consequences THAT act brought me.  The funny thing is, it usually gave me the inner strength to bear it a day or week or month longer.

"Churning" -- interesting term.  I guess I've done a lot of it myself, having tended to nurse and cherish resentments.  So, how does one short-circuit that learned behaviour?

Finally, you're right that family, friends and coworkers will be relieved that you gave up transitioning, but was it for your own good, or for theirs?  One of the terms I keep seeing over and over again is used by SO's, family, friends, coworkers and other peripheral stakeholders in the transitioners' 'life'.  The word is "SELFISH" -- as if using that word will magically shame the transitioner into stopping the process and going back to being a 'normal' person, whatever that is.

I'd like to turn it back on all the people that use it against the transitioner, "You are selfish."  How does the transitioner's transitoning affect you that you feel the need to inhibit/stop them from doing this to themselves?  Does it upset your belief that the gender one has is determined by whether the birthing doctor sees a penis or not on the newborn, and by no other standard?

I'll stop now, because I'll just start churning my resentment at people who feel the need to shove their warped world-views down the throats of those who are not behaving in accordance with the way they believe they should behave...

Teri, I'm not trying to undercut your simple suggestion that transitioning is never one-way, can't stop, no-U-turn, that there IS ALWAYS an escape.  I have no problem with a transitioner choosing to stop because they decided they want to stop, or they no longer want to transition. 

But I think it's not good if a transitioner stops ONLY because of outside pressure, and because they "SHOULDN'T" or "MUSTN'T" transition, or "SHOULD" or "MUST" stop (If you're using those words to justify your decision, you're in trouble...  That transitioner likely has other issues with self and with relationship to family, friends and coworkers that it would be a good idea to be explored and dealt with. 

I hope we get more posts, more points of view on this topic, though,  That's one interesting can of worms you opened, Teri.  I wonder how much bigger a container we'll need to put them all in?

Haz

(EDIT: Spellos, of course-- )

Hi, Hazamu!

I'm glad you found my post thought provoking.  I know many may be aghast at my call for freedom, fearing that thousands of kids will take up being TS if we don't sternly warn them:  "There's no going back!"  I liked your comparison to the U-turn being an "emergency exit" for gaining inner peace during transition.  In putting up with crap at work, knowing I can quit certainly HAS, as you said, given "me the inner strength to bear it a day or week or month longer."

Many beginning TS's FEAR TRANSITION because "no going back" intimates it's a one-way street.  It's ridiculous.  People saying that have obviously forgotten what the initials of RLT stand for -- "Real Life TEST."  In a test, you experiment, and if things blow up, you return to the status quo all the wiser vowing, "I'll never do that again."  I'm not ADVOCATING anyone transition but I do feel, if GID TS's are self-torturing themselves, the RLT TEST is designed to answer all the questions beginning obsessive TS's always ask over and over and over.  And, even if transition (or, in the worst case scenario, SRS) doesn't work and you decide to do a U-turn, you'll have accomplished one big thing:  You'll never again be tormented by the question, "WHAT IF?"  And, as I said earlier, you probably will be more risk averse  -- your mind will shout, "DON'T DO DANGEROUS THINGS."

Hazamu, you asked, "How does one short circuit that learned behavior [churning]?  Psychiatrists often say, "Recognize the problem and you're half way to the solution."  Just REALIZING that I was churning was my first step.  Later on, when churning began to happen, I said, "Aha!  I'm not going to let you control me.  I now know the consequences of churning (more churning) and so I'm not going to let you do this to me!"  My gender therapist placed great emphasis on the word "CONTROL."  It's what they teach in the military so that you don't freak out when there are dead bodies all around you.  Controlling churning, by contrast, should be easier.  And, don't forget.  Males are taught to not churn.  They solve problems   It's not a bad lesson for either gender.

And I agree with you, Hazamu, that if you do a U-turn, it should be for YOUR reasons and feelings solely.  To do anything else will not end that torment, "What if?"  The end goal of transition should be inner PEACE. 

Going along with the "group think" of others won't get you there.

Teri Anne
Hugs, Teri

There is going back at all parts of transition, but if you going back you migth not get all you have in the first place.

So there is a point of "no-return" in the physical meaning.

But the point of transition is to be oneself.

Now, yes there is a "going back" and there is a "stop"

Many ppl think that transition must be in one way and all the way, and thats plain.... wrong.

In my support group last Friday I met a woman who told me she was born intersexed, was surgically modified to male after birth and then transitioned three times.  I assume, of course, that between those three times she went back to presenting as male.  So, it's not unheard of to make that u-turn, for this one person, at least, it was done at least twice!

That said, I'm sure that some things would be forever lost every time the transition, in either "direction," is made.  Any major life change carries that risk!  New job, new town, new school, new gender, they all cost something more than money.  If I worried too much about all the losses from the changes I've already made in my life I'd still be working as a minimum wage factory or store grunt instead of a degreed engineer.  I would stagnate.  I need at some point to say, yeah this might happen but the gains could readily offset that risk.  To continue to question would breed indecision.  Of course, avoiding the decision by continuing to question it has some advantages also.

I read a statistic that claimed a 95 to 97% successful outcome from SRS surgery.  I think it was on the HBIGDA web site.  I can't remember how success was defined in this case but that seems to be pretty good odds.  If I choose to fully transition I'm sure that losses will occur but by the time that decision is made I will know if it's worth the risk.

helen

In another thread somewhere I said that If there is anyway you can NOT transition do it.  Run fast and far if you can.  I don't see it as a scale of 1 through 10, its 1 or ten.  Either you make it out the other end whole and complete or somewhere along the line you have left little parts of the person you were and want to become.

This isn't Kansas, you ain't Dorthey, and clicking your ruby red slippers together won't take you back to where you started from.

Helen, yes, I remember those "95 to 97% successful outcomes" with SRS.  'Course since no doctor or organization has asked me since my SRS in 1999 if my transition was a success, I tend to wonder what the reality is.  It's the same with orgasms.  I've wondered how many post ops have had successful "O's" -- many surgeons describe that their method is best in retaining "O's" but I've never heard of an organization polling all of the post ops (In my case, I presumed I'd lost the ability - imagine my surprise, a year later, to find that I could!  Sometimes it just takes time for the nerves to reconnect).

Dersi, you said that "the point of transition is to be yourself."  I agree but would add that it also is to see how well you mesh with society because, to paraphrase, "No woman is an island."

Leigh, I tried those ruby slippers but they hurt like heck so I never did take them along.

Teri Anne

Found-One slightly used pair.  Will return to owner upon payment of postage and handling.

I believe that is why the doctors and psychologist and such set up the Harry Benjamine Standards of Care. So we go to someone to talk to about all of what is going on with our brain. So we have time to adjust to what is going on with our bodies while transitioning, before we do something permanent. I know some of the young people think they don't need all of the hoops that go along with this, but I feel that they are very important. I have known two people who were not satisfied with the results and wanted to go back. Both of them were young and they knew everything. I believe there is a group dynamic going on with some, especially the young. They want to fit in. Yes, you can go back without parts, but will you be whole. It isn't like you had an accident or you went off to war and this tragedy happened, no, you did it to yourself. This is very serious and you should take it very serious.
Sheila

I've been down that road...started and stopped. I wished I hadn't now knowing what I do now.

Let me get this right. Being TS is not curable in any way but transitioning (to what point depends on each person). It will never go away. It gets worse the older you get. Are these facts?

If they are, then starting and then going back  may be good for somebody that misdiagnosed themselves wich I think would be easy to do given the lack of hard evidence of what a TS is. I'm not sure if I fear transition in the sence that there is no going back...but in the sence that I could NOT go back. Once the process starts, it will be to late to turn back to a normal male life. Once the house is sold and the divorce papers are filed, the job is lost, then umm...I can go back but never to the point where I started.

Given the fact that I have had many doses of hormones previously I still have boobs. It would take about two months of HRT to go back to the small b cup I left off with. I have lots of tissue below and I still have small breasts. If I started HRT again then I would have to have top surgery to go back as well.

For those just starting out, that are young, they do not have as much to lose or unlearn. That doesnt mean they should transition without knowing that is dangerous. It's a deadly thing.

I agree that if it came between dying and going back, then going back would be better to those that know that individual. Maybe not to the person themselves. Being TS skirts the edge of suicide for many most of the time. If the time comes up where it is time for me to come out, I am going to ask if they would rather have me dead, or living as a woman. Either way Iagree with you Teri that going back would be better then being dead.

I feel I have to make the right decision for myself for my own credibility. How much of that do you lose by transitioning then going back? People are going to think you are nuts for doing it to begin with but to go back? They are never going to give you the respect for not being able to make up your mind. Face it, to transition and be happy with yourself and interact with others as your desired true gender is very important. I have read stories where some have transitioned and become hermits. They either made poor choices, or misdiagnosed themselves. If you are a man 1 year then a woman the next then back to a man.....there isnt going to be very many ppl left in your life to interact with.

For me, I'd lose many pieces of my life  in a transition. I would hope they are all pieces from my childhood, and my male life. Mine are to painful to want to go back to and pick up. They are tainted and torn. I would want to leave them. They idea is to not transition if there is any other way to not do it. I'm with Leigh on that one. If it is possible in any way, I will never do it.

Knowing I may have to sets up all the fears. Knowing I could never go back to the starting point gives me fears of knowing I have to be right. Coming up with the right decision is causing the churning. Perhaps I should take a mini vacation from myself...lol..right..like that will happen 

i think it would be better to point out that transition means many things. It could mean just wearing panties everyday, or doing a little more. It doesn't mean going all out all the way. There is a point where going back would be to hard and to exspensive.

Sheila, I agree with you that transitioning should be taken seriously.  I don't think I intimated otherwise.  You can't get more serious than suicide.  My only gripe is that people, half way through transition, get frozen in the mantra, "Go all the way or die.  Transition or death."  Those two options are mentioned so often in transtioning that anyone considering a U-turn probably thinks that the status quo is to CONTINUE.

You stated that post ops "can go back without parts, but will you be whole?  It isn't like you had an accident or you went off to war and this tragedy happened, no, you did it to yourself."  Yes, true enough.  I agree.  But if the post op is terribly unhappy (who knows what the REAL statistic is for happy post ops?), and you want to die because you feel that's the only option left, that's foolishness.  Choosing life as a man is better.  Will you, as a returned man, have a peaceful life?  I think it all depends on how prone you are to self-torturing yourself.  I tend to look on the positive side of things.  I would tell that man that, yes, what he did was a terrible mistake.  Yes, it's going to be embarrasing for awhile 'till he finds someone.  But he felt had to do it and he's wiser now.  There's the potential for a good productive and loving life.  If this man is in his late fifties or sixties, I'd tell him that some or many middle aged women don't crave sex.  My ex didn't but, when she dated, she ended up with a bunch of men who tried to have sex but couldn't because of dysfunctional erection problems.  Men still CRAVED sex but they couldn't deliver.  Many older women are quite happy finding someone who just wants to hug and be close.  I know I'm that way.

Believe it or not, there is on this planet, a love for most people.  But you can't find that love if you're lying in a coffin.

Teri Anne

Aside to Leigh - Where'd the girl in the ruby slippers disappear to?  Maybe you should consider them lost and try selling 'em on EBAY.

I'm kinda finding the "half of TS people die before 30" claim rather dubious. A quick look at google revealed nothing of that sort. But a high ATTEMPTED suicide rate is common, and I'll yield that TS people probably commit suicide at a rate higher than just anyone else.


http://www.metrokc.gov/health/glbt/transgender.htm

quote:
Suicide and self-harm
Both suicide attempts and completed suicides are common in transgendered persons. Studies generally report a pre-transition suicide attempt rate of 20% or more, with MTFs relatively more likely to attempt suicide than FTMs. There is some evidence that transsexual people are less likely to attempt suicide once they have completed the transition to the other sex . . .
[note: 20% -- this is ATTEMPTED suicide rate -- not the suicide rate.]


http://www.fsw.ucalgary.ca/ramsay/homosexuality-suicide/02-england-scotland-ireland.htm

quote:
Ken Plummer, from the University of Essex, reported on the GBL youth problem: "For instance, the negative self-image and worry may be so extreme as to lead to thoughts of attempted suicide. Indeed, in the London survey, nearly 1 in 5 [20%] had made a suicide attempt; in the Bye's survey of isolates, it was nearly 2 in 5 [40%] ; and in the survey conducted by Parents Enquiry in 1982, some 55% had made a suicide attempt. These are desperate acts and worrying figures that have been indicated in other research studies too." Note:  The reported attempted suicide rates are similar to the 20 to 42 percent results stemming from an assortment of North American G(L)B youth samples studied between 1970 and 1994
[again, ATTEMPTED suicide rate]

Well, as Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) noted, "There are three kinds of lies:  Statistics, statistics and statistics."  Whether it is a few or a lot, we know it happens disproportunately more in our TS community than in average society.  The reasons cited in your post, Alexandra, point to some of the specific causes but it doesn't take a rocket scientist or psychologist to arrive at this basic human frailty:  TRAUMA BREEDS SUICIDE.

Lately, as I mentioned, there is a higher incidence of suicide in the New Orleans area.  Doctors say it often happens six months after a huge traumatic incident.  It's no secret why they feel miserable, without hope.  They feel they have lost everything.  I choose, by this post, to tell TS's on the transition path that all is not lost if things don't work out.  I know you've given up jobs, friends, relatives but all is not lost.  If you f$#ked yourself up in the grandest manner imaginable - by having SRS and STILL finding great sadness and trauma - there is only one thing you should do.  Ignore the naysayers and people who say, "I told you so!  You butchered yourself!"  Force yourself up onto the LIFE BOAT.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

Teri Anne

Aside to Leigh - EBAY says your slippers are up to $150 grand.  I think you should sell.

                I do not quite believe the 50% suicide rate before 30 but I would suspect well more than half of the TS suicides are comitted before the person comes out, therefor never entering the TS statistics. I came very close several times and not one person would have guessed why.




beth

Hi teri,

I'm sort of an expert on statistics  and if 50% of TSers were killing themselves, academics would be all over this. heck, if I was working on a doctorate, THIS would be the topic of my dissertation!

But I agree mostly with everything else you're saying, and the suicide rate, whatever it is exactly, is just awful for us.

Indeed, your posts makes me feel fortunate that I've always been mostly "okay" with who I am and never felt suicidal as it often happens to our sisters and brothers.

Alexandra - Maybe the academics would.  Maybe they wouldn't.  To investigate that statistic, academics would first have to CARE about us.  I've heard a lot of people in Africa die each year.  Getting people to care is the hard part.  If how a drug affects 50% of society (women) is not studied until recently, I sense that we would be even less worthy of their interest.

Beth, you said, " I would suspect well more than half of the TS suicides are comitted before the person comes out, therefor never entering the TS statistics. I came very close several times and not one person would have guessed why."  Good point!  Perhaps as the stigma and fear of transition is lessened (as society becomes more tolerant of our dilemma), more will live.

Lori, yes -- For many of us, the gender dysphoria gets stronger as we get older.  I've often wondered if transition in the late forties and fifties is our TS form of midlife crisis -- "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna stay a guy anymore!"  You see the end of your life is a lot closer than the beginning of your life and, as the sanitized television version of the feature "Risky Business" said, "Sometimes you just have to say, what the heck!" 

Teri Anne

Leigh, the ruby slippers are up to $200 grand.  I say, "sell it," and take us all on a cruise.

Perhaps this should be a new thread, but I had a few tired thoughts this morning...

•   WHY must the body match the mind? So SOCIETY sees what the TS feels? It seems it all boils down to appearances. You (the MTF TS) want to be/act your true self (a woman), so in order to be accepted you must APPEAR to be a woman. You believe your brain is female, that is, you associate with things characterized as female, but if you "acted" like a female you run the risk of ridicule or ostracism. To blend in, you would need to change your shell with clothes, make-up, electrolysis, longer hair, FFS, hormones, SRS, breast augmentation, and/or voice training. (Not necessarily in that order or all-inclusively.) <OR> Is the need to transition totally internal? Transsexualism is indeed very complex and under-studied. But I could liken it to bulemia or the woman who hates her nose or the wrinkles around her eyes. The bulemic has such a distorted self-image that he/she almost kills himself/herself trying to shape the body to the image. Women have plastic surgery all the time, not necessarily because society forces them to, but because they believe their nose is too big/crooked/square/pointed and have it corrected to be happy with themselves. If society was more open to males who acted female and/or wore "women's" clothes or make-up, would there still be the need to transition? Probably so I guess.
•   There is no true definition of femininity. There is nothing that says factually THIS is feminine but THAT is not. It's a matter of opinion. Natal women in general set the standards for femininity. Femininity is a CHARACTERISTIC of the female sex, not a definition of it. "You are feminine, therefore you must be female" is not a true statement. If natal women wore what we currently characterize as masculine, it would stand to reason that the MTF TS would want to wear it too. If mastectomies became fashionable or logical for the general female population and "everyone is doing it", it would stand to reason that the MTF TS would not want breast development in order to blend in–to APPEAR female.
•   Certainly transsexualism exists in third world populations. What does the transsexual do? Does their "primitive" society accept them as is? Do they feel they must APPEAR female because they believe they are female? Or is their feminine behavior tolerated and they don't feel compelled to change their shell? I haven't looked into this on the internet. Perhaps those more in the know can enlighten me.

It's unfortunate, but I believe society compels many TSs to transition. "We" are not accepting of those who don't fit the pegs of male or female. In fantasy, no one would need or want to transition in the first place so there would be no need for the U-turn lane.

First, on the 50% suicides: I escaped in 1974 and lost contact with the TS community when I went stealth. Prior to that time I had perhaps a dozen close friends who were TS and attended 3 funerals - that's a 25% mortality rate. There were others who just dropped out of sight and nobody knew what happened to them. Myself and one other girl escaped in 1973/74 and I don't know what happened to those who were left behind.

The figure for the high success rate originated in the early days of  SRS and were based on the number of patients who simply disappeared into the woodwork after SRS. One must remember that SRS was extremely hard to come by in the 1960's and 1970's. For an individual to reach SRS, they had already been through the grist mill and suffered god-knows how much sh!@ and abuse. To reach SRS was an indication that the person was strong, fairly smart, damned determined, and fairly resourceful. If a person had the where-with-all to beat the odds, they had a  pretty good chance at success on the other side.

Spouse: In a great many "primitive" societies, transsexual individuals are accepted and respected members of the community and live in their chosen gender role. They are often highly respected as being "gifted" with special vision and knowledge.

I can not speak for others but for me, a former TS, the need to alter the body was intense and had nothing to do with the rest of the world. Were I to live alone on a remote island, I would have taken an ax and hacked it off myself! I  AM a woman - 32 years post-op have proven that to me - and I always WAS a woman/girl and that is why I hated that deformity so. I lived a dual life for over a decade (my teens) so I had the opportunity to live part of that time the way I felt I should have been from birth but all that did was to intensify my hatred of being deformed. I was never "a man" or "a boy" and I was punished for "acting feminine" but no punishment could stop me from being and feeling what I felt.

My adopted Mom opposed my transition right up to the day I left. I told her I had to be free or die - she said "It would be better you killed yourself than to do this." Since that  day in the spring of 1974 I have live a wondrous and glorious life - a thousand times better than my wildest dreams - and turned out to be a far better person than I had any hope of becoming. I am happy, well adjusted (better than most people in general), productive, and touch people everyday in a good way, and fully integrated into womanhood many years ago. Of the thousands of people I know and who know me, the idea that I was ever anything other than "just another woman" would be inconceivable!

Transition? For me, the difference between Heaven and Hell