Good Evening,

When I first introduced myself on this forum I mentioned that the cornerstone of my condition was a certain cycle that made clarity quite elusive.

I figure that it might be worth it to catalog my mentality whilst in one of my drab moods. While I go through phases of intense dysphoria, which last from a few days to a few months, I have these moods in equal part.

The best way I can say I feel is...nothing. No dysphoria, no nightmares, no prolonged stress. It almost feels as if I have hit some sort of equilibrium, a state of peace. I can ignore completely all of the pain i'd ever felt regarding my sex and seem almost comfortable with being male.

Yet, despite this peace, I know it won't last. It won't be long before something triggers my dysphoria again and everything is brought to the forefront.

The problem I face is that I have no drive to transition or pursue further exploration of my pain. I feel nothing, just nothing.

Thoughts?

Feeling nothing is a safe place. But, unless you want to feel nothing forever (I did it for 30 years) its sometimes wise to allow yourself to feel. Because life without emotion is not nearly as fun or colourful.

Quote from: FaithlessTheologian on September 24, 2018, 07:54:33 PM
Good Evening,

When I first introduced myself on this forum I mentioned that the cornerstone of my condition was a certain cycle that made clarity quite elusive.

I figure that it might be worth it to catalog my mentality whilst in one of my drab moods. While I go through phases of intense dysphoria, which last from a few days to a few months, I have these moods in equal part.

The best way I can say I feel is...nothing. No dysphoria, no nightmares, no prolonged stress. It almost feels as if I have hit some sort of equilibrium, a state of peace. I can ignore completely all of the pain i'd ever felt regarding my sex and seem almost comfortable with being male.

Yet, despite this peace, I know it won't last. It won't be long before something triggers my dysphoria again and everything is brought to the forefront.

The problem I face is that I have no drive to transition or pursue further exploration of my pain. I feel nothing, just nothing.

Thoughts?

Hello FT...

My thoughts are that since you are here... posting about your condition... there is something missing for you in the cycle you find yourself in that does not sit well with you and... some part of you wants to make a change... You are not sure what that change would be but, you feel at some level that things should be different than what you have been experiencing... You feel that there are potential rewards in life, that are not currently available to you...

My opinion is that is correct... my belief is that there is purpose to our existence beyond mere existence... I believe we are here to experience, learn and make loving connections and that by finding those things we create benefit far beyond ourselves... I think sustained periods of "feeling nothing" are periods of wasted potential that could be filled with so much more... if you were to seek out what your heart, mind and life truly need to blossom... new and amazing possibilities, not previously considered, would present themselves as part of a new reality for you...

Many of us here have spent a lifetime hiding from who we are inside and what that woman inside needs... Our lives can be a glorious thing or they can be descents into misery based on each decision in life... our reality is shaped by decisions and in the end... we are all victims or beneficiaries of our decisions...

My hope for you is that you will decide to pursue what you need to make a more palpable connection to life and find the piece of your puzzle that currently alludes you... in my experience... it is worth every bit of the effort required.. I believe it is an important part of our nature to want for more... to be driven to explore what else life might hold for us... we dream... we hope... we move forward...

All good things to you as you explore the road ahead...

Onward we go...

Ashley 😀💕🌻

Feeling nothing is no way to live.

If you had a loved one who felt that way wouldn't you do what you could to help?

So why not help yourself?