What was the first thing you did when you realized you had to transition?

I write the question this way because I think we all start out fighting the concept and as the fog drains us, we (initially) reluctantly accept what we need to do in order to live happy & fulfilling lives.

For me it was very basic.  I started carrying my Kohl's card and my VS Angel card again.

I used to travel constantly for my profession and my wife & I had a joint Kohl's charge account.  She'd use it at least monthly.  I'd use it when I had a travel problem and needed to make emergency wardrobe purchases. She'd always go to the store to pay the bill in person.  My question afterwards was always did we come out ahead or behind - meaning "did what you put on the card after paying the bill exceed the prior bill or was a it less than the prior bill?"  It was about 50/50.

The Angel card was from a VS store associate who may have perceived my GD.  The account was always in my wife's name, and for those of you who have Angel cards, you probably know that if you don't use them often enough they get suspended and have to be reissued.

Well even as AMAB I've never had an issue shopping at Victoria Secret. Truth be told, I'd shop for my wife, look at something for her.  Then I'd look at something else and try to imagine how I would look wearing it.  Maybe this perceptive young lady picked up on me.....

At any rate, it was one of those deals where the Angel card was suspended, and had to be reissued.  The associate asked her (my wife) if she would like a card issued to me.  We kind of he-hawed around.  I had never thought of it.  She asked if I ever shop for my wife.  Well the answer to that is a resounding yes.  If my memory is correct, all the accessories she currently has to her wardrobe were selected and purchased by me and given to her as gifts (many for absolutely no reason...).

I was issued an Angel card in my AMAB name.

So for me the first thing I did was start carrying my Kohl's card and my Angel card again as I'm now shopping for myself.

(FYI when I decided I had to transition, the first person I came out to was my wife.  We're working through it.  She know's I've been shopping for me.)

Kate


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I went for a walk. Only I think something had changed. I wasn't looking at the world the same way or moving around in it the same way; the change had already started psychologically and was reflecting in how I carried myself and approached things.

The first thing I did was come out to my wife.  The next thing was asking my next-door neighbour about how to find a gender therapist.  (My email to her: "I know you work with LGBT youth.  Well, I am not a youth, and I am not G or B...")

Quote from: Kylo on September 27, 2018, 02:58:02 PM
I went for a walk. Only I think something had changed. I wasn't looking at the world the same way or moving around in it the same way; the change had already started psychologically and was reflecting in how I carried myself and approached things.

Kylo:

Yes there has been walking and other private time for myself.  Yes, I have likewise changed.

For me I know I'm embarking on a long and definitely painful journey.  However, as you are, I'm accepting myself as I am.  Call me a DES daughter, an aberration, or a Trans Woman; I don't care:  I'm stoping the fighting with myself.  In that I have begun to find some peace.

I pray the same for you.

Kate


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I bought a body groomer and some disposable razors, and proceeded to shave my chest arms and legs. It sounds small, but it was very cathartic.

I cried all the way home from work. It just really hit me at work one day. It was so hard to allow myself to imagine what life would be like if my wife did not accept this. I still have hope that I can find some way to salvage my relationship. But even with that fear I could no longer live a lie. I pray that everything will play out just the way that we both hope for. Love and faith to you.

Gabrielle

From the day I decided I was going to transition to the day I had my srs and  transitioned after my surgeries.  I continued to enjoy each day of my life as male to the fullest. I have loved all phases of my life and continue to do so today. Live for today, tomorrow is not a certainty.

I sat down with my wife, told her the anti anxiety meds weren't working, and that being an at home crossdresser was not enough.  I told her it was time to see a therapist, get a diagnosis and start HRT.  She agreed with me.

I explained to my sister that it was time for me to do what I had to do, as I was having a breakdown in her living room. I promised I would seek therapy. So this time I went to a gender therapist and after the third visit I started HRT. Two years now and I never questioned my decision.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on September 27, 2018, 11:21:28 PM
I sat down with my wife, told her the anti anxiety meds weren't working, and that being an at home crossdresser was not enough.  I told her it was time to see a therapist, get a diagnosis and start HRT.  She agreed with me.

Yes I understand. 

All I ever got out of the 'meds' were the side effects.

My first true relief was obtained by accepting the fact that, even though I was AMAB, I'm a WOMAN and starting down the road of bringing this body into alignment with me.


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Quote from: warlockmaker on September 27, 2018, 10:33:27 PM
From the day I decided I was going to transition to the day I had my srs and  transitioned after my surgeries.  I continued to enjoy each day of my life as male to the fullest. I have loved all phases of my life and continue to do so today. Live for today, tomorrow is not a certainty.

Congrats!!!

Even though I'm going the other way, we're siblings in the journey to being authentic. 

I hope to be able to catch up with you, and say the same in my life.

Kate


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Quote from: DawnOday on September 27, 2018, 11:22:24 PM
I explained to my sister that it was time for me to do what I had to do, as I was having a breakdown in her living room. I promised I would seek therapy. So this time I went to a gender therapist and after the third visit I started HRT. Two years now and I never questioned my decision.

I pray I can catch up to you soon.

Kate


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Quote from: Gabrielle66 on September 27, 2018, 10:26:31 PM
I cried all the way home from work. It just really hit me at work one day. It was so hard to allow myself to imagine what life would be like if my wife did not accept this. I still have hope that I can find some way to salvage my relationship. But even with that fear I could no longer live a lie. I pray that everything will play out just the way that we both hope for. Love and faith to you.

Gabrielle

Gabriel:

The Lord knows I feel for you.....

So far I have support?  However, I don't believe what I've said and done has completely registered or has been accepted.  "I'm a really good deceiver."  So I was told....

On the surface I have support. However,  I'm preparing myself for a breakup.  I want to keep & protect the relationship, but I fully understand she didn't sign up to what I recently did to her.

For me I'm trying to move slow and involve her, as appropriate, in my therapy sessions.  As a cis female she has no concept of the depth of the pain I've hidden as Gender Dysphoric.

All I can say is go slow.   As much as I want to wake up in the morning as an elegant woman with a bit of sexiness about me - I know that is not me now or soon.

That's why it is called transition.  It's a journey.

Kate


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Quote from: DawnOday on September 27, 2018, 11:22:24 PM
I explained to my sister that it was time for me to do what I had to do, as I was having a breakdown in her living room. I promised I would seek therapy. So this time I went to a gender therapist and after the third visit I started HRT. Two years now and I never questioned my decision.

Dawn;

I pray I catch up to you soon.

Kate


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Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on September 27, 2018, 09:39:47 PM
I bought a body groomer and some disposable razors, and proceeded to shave my chest arms and legs. It sounds small, but it was very cathartic.

I've shaved my under arms on and off for years while taking a shower. 

Taking a bath and enjoying the time to shave my legs is heaven. 

Congrats to your experiences.

Kate

Quote from: AnamethatstartswithE on September 27, 2018, 09:39:47 PM
I bought a body groomer and some disposable razors, and proceeded to shave my chest arms and legs. It sounds small, but it was very cathartic.

ha, that was one of the first things I did too

I really don't remember precisely the "first thing" that I did. I was in such a haze. There was a lot of crying. Not from sadness. Not only from happiness. There were just so many different and conflicting emotions at once I guess tears just started coming out. Tears still come out but not as frequently. I've done a lot of shopping also. No, like, a LOT of shopping!!! lol

It's a good and hard question for me.   

I was in a semi or near conscious state about my gender and feelings for a long time.  To the point I was getting laser hair treatments on my chest and wishing I could do my face and legs and under arms.... in hind sight this was part of transition and looking for ways to align my body to my feelings. 

The real turning point was when a friend described to me the difference between born sex, gender and sexual orientation.   I was in shock for weeks and finally told my wife out of guilt, shame and fear.   Then I continued the shaving and hair removal and went shopping for women's jeans.  I was so scared. 

Karen

I cried for about 3 days realizing what a hard journey my life would become, but, it's what I have to do to be me.

It was a pretty memorable moment. I had already been in therapy for a while and crossdressing at night to go out was all I really did... So I decided I'll call a doctor's office for an appointment for hrt. I anticipated it would take a month or two but it took about 3 to 3 and half weeks to get my appointment. Well, I missed the first appointment I had made the very next day so I had to wait.

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changed my underwear