Hello - I'm new here. I'm 46 AMAB American, although I have lurked on this site for many, many years.

I have known that I wanted to be a girl / woman since early childhood and had experiences in childhood that many others have had (crossdressing, detachment, fear of coming out, etc.). I actually lurked on trans usenet boards back in college, so that gives you a sense on how long I've been lurking on boards like these to hear others' stories. But now (for the first time), I'm coming out online.

I have been very successful for most of my adult life about keeping my head down and ignoring the dysphoria, and pushing through the dysphoria has allowed me to have had a very successful career. I have never been married, but I have had several serious girlfriends. I am a very upbeat, happy person and have never had depression, and I have lots of friends. But the dysphoria has gotten worse in the past few weeks, and now I'm seriously considering entering therapy as a first step to explore things.

Basically, my mindset is: I know I'd be happier as a woman (I've known that for a long time). I feel very comfortable going through all the medical procedures to transition. So I'm not questioning...I know who I am and what would make me happy.

My issue is I am afraid that coming out / transitioning would hurt a lot of people in social circles (especially my parents), as we live in a fairly traditional community when it comes to these types of things. And so there is a conflict between what I want and my view that it would hurt other people to get what I want. I am a very selfless person, and I take pride in that - I don't want to cause embarrassment and social stigma. And at this point, I'm still non-committal as to whether I will transition or not transition because of this conflict.

I'd would particularly love to hear others' experiences in therapy on dealing with the conflict between transitioning to be happy and the potential hurt you will inflict on others by transitioning.

Hi Sarah 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I glad you have made it out of the "readers" zone (sounds better than lurker).  It's so much brighter in the light.
Your problem with not wanting to be an embarrassment can be understandable, especially to those you care for.  You may be surprised how some react to the positive.  Some members take it slow, small changes through time, to take the shock away from most.  Most don't notice, if your subtle.

I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Welcome. I know that considering others feelings can be a drag. I waited for my Granny to pass and she was 97 when she passed. The irony is that as a child she was very sickly. My folks had died already. So I waited and waited and waited. Here is what, I learned. You only have one life. Granny lived the life she wanted. I should have lived mine. Instead, I suffered through depression, dysphoria, self doubt, self hate and constant questioning. I went on HRT two years ago and have not suffered any depression since. I've had days of melancholy. But it passed quickly. My wife and kids support me. Though they don't really understand as well as I would like them to. I could have continued down the lonely road I was following but now I have a group of friends. In the same situation as me. We can't continue to live someone else's idea of life. You have to live your life. Hugs

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk

@sarahc
Dear Sara:
Thank you for coming here and writing your interesting introductions posting.  Many of our members will now be aware of your arrival to the Forums and will be able to share with you and you with them regarding your questions and comments.

I see that you have already been Officially Welcomed to Susan's Place
by our lovely California Girl @Jessica .

Please allow me to also give your a warm Welcome to Susan's Place.
I am thinking that you may have lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with your situation..
 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here on the Forums if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

In her Welcome Message  Jessica  included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.   

Please don't be a stranger, we want to share postings and thoughts with you.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Hi Sarah 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome to Susans, Sara.

1.  I find it a curious irony that one of the things that betrays us as feminine is our sensitivity to the feelings of others. 
For most women this is not seen as a bug but a feature.  In guys, however, being sensitive equals being a sissy.  At least that's what it meant back when I was growing up.  So here we are.  Sensitive to the feelings of others, and not wanting to hurt other people because it's in our feminine nature, but we feel compelled to hide that we are femme in order to protect other people from knowing we are femme.  Weird.

2. Anyhoo, there is no shame.  It's 100% natural and there have been folks like us going way back into the mists of time and prehistory.  If people want to hate on you that's all on them.

3.  May be time to start HRT, get mad at the game being played on you,  and channel your inner bitch.

Hi Sara,
Bless you for being strong enough to come into our community.
Its a first step towards becoming your real self, and there are many steps to take, be careful but enjoy the freedom it brings.
The girls that responded prior to me are excessively lovely and helpful as are many other on this site. We are joined together in solving our issues and supporting each other in relinquishing the sometimes overbearing load that our situation places upon us. But I see those that have passed through this phase and become the entity they know they really are.
You are the only one who can truly see your soul and what you need to do. We, at Susan's, provide solace and support where we can. Many have gone before and many more will come after, and as You are not new to this forum, keep reading and contributing, we all need help and reassurance, believe me.

I myself at the tender age of 55 decided that either I transition or would just cease to be, and I try and contribute to this wonderful site as much as I can, even the boring bits of everyday life. I am not full time but have been on HRT and blockers for about 8 months. Needless to say my Mental, Physical and a bit of my social life have all changed. My local support groups (you should try them out honestly) are good and helpful and provide usually a safe stop for us.

Looking forward to discussing stuff with you soon,

Luv n Hugz

Katie

Quote from: Janes Groove on September 29, 2018, 04:54:28 PM
1.  I find it a curious irony that one of the things that betrays us as feminine is our sensitivity to the feelings of others. 
For most women this is not seen as a bug but a feature.  In guys, however, being sensitive equals being a sissy.  At least that's what it meant back when I was growing up.  So here we are.  Sensitive to the feelings of others, and not wanting to hurt other people because it's in our feminine nature, but we feel compelled to hide that we are femme in order to protect other people from knowing we are femme.  Weird.

That's very insightful...I pride myself on being selfless and sensitive to others' needs and never made the connection between that and my dysphoria. People have often said that I am too selfless, but I never thought about the fact that if I was a woman in society, no one would say that I was too sensitive. Thank you for your thoughts.