Recently I've been reading in different posts that people don't understand the reasoning behind dressing. Some will say that clothes do not make the woman.

Now I have personally found that everytime that I do have the opportunity to get dressed, it brings me so much closer to how I'm psychologically feeling inside. It aligns my innerself more with the way that I see myself on the outside. So to me by wearing the proper clothes does make me feel more like a woman.

Gina 

Hi Gina,

I can understand where you are coming from on how dressing makes you feel. I do have a greater sense of female when dressed rather than lounging around in a pair of jeans and tshirt but at the same time I don't feel any less feminine in casual mode. I guess that would be one of the differences between crossdressing and being transsexual. We always feel feminine regardless of the clothes which does not mean that we cannot feel more feminine by wearing something shall we say more frilly.

When you live full time the simple act of being outweighs the clothes. You are who and what you are and that is how people perceive you. As I have been living full time for awhile it seems like no one even notices anymore. Or maybe I just don't notice them as much. By them I mean people who stare. I'm not saying people don't notice me at all. I'm pretty outgoing so I'm hard to miss but no one seems to act as if they see anything other than the woman I present myself as. So it has gotten to the point where it doesn't matter what I wear anymore. I just wear whatever is comfortable or appropriate for the occasion. I feel just as feminine either way.

I think that is what others mean when they say clothes do not make the woman. In point of fact they don't. However that does not make you any less of a woman if you feel more feminine in more traditional attire.

Cassie

I understand what you're saying. Dressing always makes me feel so much more happier, but in general I don't judge somebody by their clothes, I think the reason for the boost of happiness I get while dressing is it's the closest to being female I can really get...

When I was young (early teens) and still "deformed", dressing was the doorway to being accepted as female and that gave me the freedom to express my femininity in the straight world which in turn allowed me to experience life and social interaction as a girl. Although I couldn't live full time in that world because of my circumstances, it was of MAJOR importance to me. It was like "parole" from "male prison" and helped affirm my belief that the body needed to be fixed. Although it became less effective (at keeping me sane!) in my late teens and early 20's, it was also the springboard into womanhood after SRS. Hair, makeup, clothes, and everything else allowed me to "transition" in the length of my hospital stay and move straight into life as a normal woman.

I must say that just being "dressed" was never the objective nor "satisfying" on it's own and only served as a portal.

Quote from: gina_taylor on March 12, 2006, 07:24:14 PM
Recently I've been reading in different posts that people don't understand the reasoning behind dressing. Some will say that clothes do not make the woman.

While dressing up for me does help at times, often it is more frustrating and depressing. It is frustrating because it is a patch/band-aid for covering the real problem. It may help in letting your gaurd down and help feeling more girly, but often it causes more problems then it helps with for me. It is depressing because I'm not going to be able to present myself as a female to the world with a male body wrapped in feminine attire. While it does help release stress it also provides a window with one hell of a view of what you really would like to look like all the time. It is only temporary and short lived. Again, clothes do not make you a woman physically. They can help mask the maleness and makeup can help make you look prettier but again, it is just a very short lived temporary patch to a more serious problem. I suppose I should say "I do understand the reasoning behind dressing", but I must address the real issue so dressing up is no longer a priority and takes time away from more important things.

Dressing may be a perfect outlet for cross dressers, but for me, I have come to terms with my diagnosis and I know that dressing up is not going to be a cure all for now. After other steps are done in my life it may be just the right thing to polish off my new me.

Quote from: Northern Jane on March 13, 2006, 05:51:46 AM
When I was young (early teens) and still "deformed", dressing was the doorway to being accepted as female and that gave me the freedom to express my femininity in the straight world which in turn allowed me to experience life and social interaction as a girl...

...I must say that just being "dressed" was never the objective nor "satisfying" on it's own and only served as a portal.

I would have to say that this about sums it up for me.  IT the interactions with the world as a girl that is so satisfying, not the dressing up part.  That's why you can't just go around in a male body.  People see you as male and interact with you as such.  The other part of dressing up with wigs and prosthetics is that you still may feel just as fake as when you go around as male and it's not until you can start going around as your true self that you start feeling real.  I did that this past weekend and although I lost a lot of passibility, I still felt far better.

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on March 13, 2006, 10:15:23 AM
The other part of dressing up with wigs and prosthetics is that you still may feel just as fake as when you go around as male and it's not until you can start going around as your true self that you start feeling real.

So true! As Lori mentions, I too found crossdressing increasingly painful and upsetting, as it's a torturous tease of what could be, and yet isn't. Eventually, something in me snapped, and I stopped dressing altogether. I lost all interest in it. And not gradually, over a period of years - it was literally in a day.

But at the same time, something in me shifted emotionally... and I'm much more free with how I feel, how I express myself now. It's like some sort of dam broke open at last. And even though being a physical guy still causes me sadness, I'm still much happier, much more fulfilled now than when I was crossdressing.

Life is just so full of ironic surprises, lol...

Hi girls

My own personal thoughts on this, I was always very girly, I noticed it even more in high school when the other boys began to develop into men and I was stuck in the middle, they all saw through me which made my own experience all the more painful.

One day I was shopping with my mother, and the sales lady who must have thought I was out of ear shot said to my mother " your daughter, you should tell her no to dress so much like a boy" that hurt as I knew I was a girl.

It took me many years to come to terms and CD was not enough, it was not until I embraced who I am and began to live as a woman that the freedom to be myself all the time was released.

I know everyone is different so there is no right or wrong answer to this one, just ones own personal experience.


Love Caroline

I wasn't technically talking about cross-dressers. I was merely saying that by dressing in something more feminine looking makes me feel more like a woman than it does to just pull on a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans, because I could easily have done that in my past life as a man.

I do not associate myself with cross-dressers but more associate with transsexuals who live their lives as regular people. Now on one hand I can understand to some degree that some peeple feel dispondent when they wear feminine clothes, when they already feel feminine inside, but like I said before it's just a matter of aligning what's inside with what's outside.

Gina

For the transsexual who has not started hormones, Gina, I would say that dressing would be a great way to be closer to their true gender.  For me, it came to a point when that just wasn't enough and I was a wreck until I was on hormones.

Melissa

Gina,

Quote from: gina_taylor on March 13, 2006, 03:24:22 PM
Now on one hand I can understand to some degree that some peeple feel dispondent when they wear feminine clothes, when they already feel feminine inside, but like I said before it's just a matter of aligning what's inside with what's outside.

This is true for me as well, though I find it best for me to avoid mirrors, oddly enough. Just knowing that I'm dressed "appropriately" is sometimes comforting, but if I catch a glimpse of the "guy in a dress" image, I'm SO dissappointed.

So at most, these days I might throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater just to hang out in. But it's coming from a different motivation than before. Rather than trying to create an image of myself as a woman, I'm just trying to be comfortable in my own skin - pretty much what you're saying I think?

I think that is what others mean when they say clothes do not make the woman. In point of fact they don't. However that does not make you any less of a woman if you feel more feminine in more traditional attire. Thanks Cassie for your comments I really appreciate your concern from your last sentence. Yes, I do feel more feminine in more traditional attire, but at times I can just loung earound my place in a pair of jeans and a nice blouse and still feel very feminine. 

Y'know Victoria, years ago I felt exactly the same way as you do. But now things have changed, but I do still find that by pulling on a silky pair of pantyhose and a nice frilly dress it does make me alot happier. But as I've said, I guess it's all a psychological thing. 

Perhaps when I start RLT I'll start moving into a life of a normal woman, and won't be bothered by such petty things. I just received a PM from a good friend and it really ha dme thinking about a lot of things. I recently discussed these things with Roger, my new boyfriend  they were simply things that I don't have many true friends that would care what I do and I family members are about the same. So I'm pushing forward with my transition. 

For the transsexual who has not started hormones, Gina, I would say that dressing would be a great way to be closer to their true gender.  That's an interesting thought, Melissa. Perhaps you could elaborate on it . . .

Y'know Kate, I became very comfortable within myself about five years ago, and I really have no fear of doing anything. When I see my reflection in a mirrror, I am often quite pleased with what I see and most times I forget that I see my former self behind the feminine attire.

Gina 

Quote from: gina_taylor on March 14, 2006, 04:06:29 PM
For the transsexual who has not started hormones, Gina, I would say that dressing would be a great way to be closer to their true gender.  That's an interesting thought, Melissa. Perhaps you could elaborate on it . . .

What I meant by that is, if you are transsexual and you haven't started hormones yet, what options do you have to help alleviate the dysphoria.  Dressing in feminine attire is definitely a good way of doing this, another might be starting electrolysis or laser.  My point is, for somebody with limited options, dressing up may help pass the time until you get to the point where you can legally start taking hormones.  Also, if a transsexual never plans on going as far as hormones, they may opt to just cross-dress for the rest of their lives.

Melissa

There's also the point I've heard made before that when we finally start to transition, we are very much like pubescent girls, experimenting with all sorts of clothes and makeup and hairstyles and such.  Hey, most girls spend a decade or more going from puberty to independence; we try to do it all in a much shorter time! Eventually, as we "grow up", we settle in to what works for us and what we're comfortable with.

Quote from: Melissa on March 14, 2006, 04:14:56 PM
What I meant by that is, if you are transsexual and you haven't started hormones yet, what options do you have to help alleviate the dysphoria.  Dressing in feminine attire is definitely a good way of doing this, another might be starting electrolysis or laser.  My point is, for somebody with limited options, dressing up may help pass the time until you get to the point where you can legally start taking hormones.  Also, if a transsexual never plans on going as far as hormones, they may opt to just cross-dress for the rest of their lives.

Melissa

I believe that... and seeing as I don't really think I'll ever transition. It may be all I get.

What I meant by that is, if you are transsexual and you haven't started hormones yet, what options do you have to help alleviate the dysphoria.  Dressing in feminine attire is definitely a good way of doing this, another might be starting electrolysis or laser.  My point is, for somebody with limited options, dressing up may help pass the time until you get to the point where you can legally start taking hormones.  Also, if a transsexual never plans on going as far as hormones, they may opt to just cross-dress for the rest of their lives. Oh, now I see what you mean Melissa. Even though there is nothing physically wrong with me, it's now more just a finacial problem, and so because of that I may just take the route and become a non-op transsexual. From the way I look now, nobody can really tell the difference.  But at least my boyfriend is talking about implants  

Y'know Victoria, theres absolutely nothing wrong with not being able to transitioning. In this case I guess I can understand that clothes don't make the woman, but moresay the hormones and the sexual reassignment surgery will.

Gina 

Gosh! Flush out the old hormones and pipe in the new; Rearrange the parts and wow! I'm a woman!?

Erm, no.

That would no more make me a woman than being born with male parts and juices made me a man.