I saw an interesting comment by one of the transsexuals (don't want to post her name as don't want thread to be diverted to being all about her) who's aligned themselves with transphobes in the UK about trans women and dating. It said that one of the biggest challenges the community faces is to be taken seriously as long term partners by men. It made the point, probably validly, that many men see trans women as ok for sex partners but wouldn't see them as long term ones. They wouldn't, for example, want to be seen out in public with us, take us home to meet the family etc. Is this ever going to change or are we always going to be a bit of a niche as far as long term relationships go?

We're rare and beautiful. People who appreciate that are even rarer. Personally, I like it that way.

What's the divorce rate among straight couples again? Turns out men and women don't like each other
as long-term partners that much, either.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Devlyn on October 04, 2018, 05:29:00 AM
What's the divorce rate among straight couples again? Turns out men and women don't like each other
as long-term partners that much, either.

My father is a great example of this.  The 4th or 5th time is the charm, we think.

Why yes, he does preach about the sanctity of marriage...

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on October 04, 2018, 09:37:58 AM
My father is a great example of this.  The 4th or 5th time is the charm, we think.

Why yes, he does preach about the sanctity of marriage...

 

Beautiful post!

I don't know. There are good examples on here where trans men and women have been taken seriously for a long-term relationship and even marriage. Others have reported about them being introduced to their partners family.

I do see the point that being together with another trans person may be easier since you both are going through the same things while non-trans partners may sometime struggle with what is going on. 

I think as society changes, this will get easier too. Right now the hurdle is still a bit high.

Hugs, Sarah

The only ones that are worth it are the ones that really want us. I like it better this way--I prefer to date open-minded people, and right now only an open-minded person would want to date one of us. So it all works out for me.

Quote from: DustKitten on October 04, 2018, 05:35:35 PM
The only ones that are worth it are the ones that really want us. I like it better this way--I prefer to date open-minded people, and right now only an open-minded person would want to date one of us. So it all works out for me.

Exactly. This is the best advice that can be given to our younger members for dating as a trans person. Why bother with someone who doesn't deserve your time? Have standards that respect yourself, and don't settle out of impatience. You're better off being by yourself for a time, and waiting for a great connection, even if all you want is something casual. You'll be very happy you did so.

Chances usually are, while you're tied up with someone who isn't a good fit, you may miss someone who is.

I believe that there are more men out there then what is available for long-term relationships. Especially when a gal has undergone successful GRS.

Why? Because parents are not as accepting as the younger generations. Change takes time and change is happening.

How many people thought that gay marriage would never happen in America? It did and with overwhelming support last time I checked.

QuoteWhen Gallup first queried Americans on the issue in 1996, 27% said they supported gay marriage.

QuoteMore than two-thirds of Americans say they support same-sex marriage, according to a new Gallup poll published Wednesday.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/05/23/same-sex-marriage-poll-americans/638587002/

When will transfemales be not seen as sex object and respected. When will cisfemales not be seen as sex objects and respected.

The #metoo movement is happening. I am assuming that they will get theirs first.

TBH it seems to me a great filter to weed out the potential partners who just wouldn't be worth it in the first place.  If we do find someone who is a perfect fit and they ARE interested in the long term, then we know right from the start they see the "Who" and not the "What".  That's a good thing to know especially for us.

At least that's my take on it.

Ask yourself:  If unicorns were real, but super rare, and you had to be a Virgin to get near one, just like in the mythology, how many guys would be strong enough to go walking down the street near one?

It takes a special guy, who appreciates your uniqueness and has the strength deal with the attention.

A great many men are afraid of commitment. This is why trans and cis women alike have a hard time being taken seriously. That being said, there are men that will date us and take us seriously. Many of us have found committed relationships with cis men. I did.

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

Quote from: Devlyn on October 04, 2018, 05:29:00 AM
We're rare and beautiful. People who appreciate that are even rarer. Personally, I like it that way.

What's the divorce rate among straight couples again? Turns out men and women don't like each other
as long-term partners that much, either.

Hugs, Devlyn

Wow! Luv it

Quote from: Devlyn on October 04, 2018, 05:29:00 AM
We're rare and beautiful. People who appreciate that are even rarer. Personally, I like it that way.

What's the divorce rate among straight couples again? Turns out men and women don't like each other
as long-term partners that much, either.

Hugs, Devlyn

Very much true, and very well said.  We who transcend gender are rare, and those who can appreciate us and our drive to find our authentic selves are just as rare, if not rarer.

Great message there!

    This topic kind of scares me. If I might get 'real' here for a moment, I'm thirty-two years old and I've never even been on a real date (ok, there were a couple times girls asked me out back when I was presenting as male, but I didn't exactly have a good time).

    No one in my family or among my friends seems to know how to help me either. I've never had a guy express any interest in me (maybe I need to transition more first?), and I really don't even know how to begin dating. My sister brags that she can get any guy she's interested in to ask her out (apparently she has a 100% success rate lol), but her advice basically boils down to "flirt more."

    I'm not really interested in casual hookups either, but I'm afraid that might be all I ever have to look forward to...

Quote from: Christine_Hart on October 04, 2018, 05:22:23 AM
I saw an interesting comment by one of the transsexuals (don't want to post her name as don't want thread to be diverted to being all about her) who's aligned themselves with transphobes in the UK about trans women and dating. It said that one of the biggest challenges the community faces is to be taken seriously as long term partners by men. It made the point, probably validly, that many men see trans women as ok for sex partners but wouldn't see them as long term ones. They wouldn't, for example, want to be seen out in public with us, take us home to meet the family etc. Is this ever going to change or are we always going to be a bit of a niche as far as long term relationships go?

Given that you seem to accept the validity of the comment, l am guessing you are asking why is this true. Is that what you are asking?
Or are you asking if this perception will ever change? If it is the latter,  my guess would be not in our lifetime. Pessimistic, l know, but at least in my view, realistic. Yes, there are those rare souls who might be prepared to accept a woman "with a little extra", but in my mind besides being extremely rare,  they might just come with their own fair share of unwanted baggage.

I'm the dirty secret men & women keep hidden. I'm OK for sex but not to be seen in public with. Dating & relationships are for other people. Forever single

Quote from: Angela H on October 04, 2018, 10:45:20 PM
    This topic kind of scares me. If I might get 'real' here for a moment, I'm thirty-two years old and I've never even been on a real date (ok, there were a couple times girls asked me out back when I was presenting as male, but I didn't exactly have a good time).

    No one in my family or among my friends seems to know how to help me either. I've never had a guy express any interest in me (maybe I need to transition more first?), and I really don't even know how to begin dating. My sister brags that she can get any guy she's interested in to ask her out (apparently she has a 100% success rate lol), but her advice basically boils down to "flirt more."

    I'm not really interested in casual hookups either, but I'm afraid that might be all I ever have to look forward to...

Hi, Angie. (Can I call you that?) I think I might be able to help here.

The biggest factor of my own success, (which wasn't successful at all, at first, lol) is in really screening and looking for people that would be FUN to date, and, as everyone else has said, has an open mind sexually and is gentlehearted and considerate to people in nature.

As for your sister, well, ^^; no offense to her, but she's likely only to ever get losers and guys with less than desirable personalities. You're better off NOT taking that example. Sure, technically, it's possible she might meet a decent guy worth keeping, but it's about the same probability as your dog becoming a celebrated writer. I wouldn't hold my breath. ~_^

Let me drop a few tips that have worked well with me with all genders. (Granted, I'm the mysterious and hard-to-get type, so, keep that in mind)

Never, over-flirt. It's a sign to most people that while you may be fun, you're not looking for anything serious. If you see someone you like who seems to be noticing you (and has a nice smile they're sending at you, rather than a creepy or not-so-great sexual one) Drop a glance over your shoulder with your 'cute face'  and hint a smile as you turn away a little, like your 'intrigued' and have noticed them, but leave it at that.

Never over-extend. Let them show an interest first, and don't be too eager. Be warm, for sure, and drop subtle hints back if they make first contact, but let them stay guessing. You want them, to want to 'learn more' about you, and if they like you it will drive them crazy. (in a good way)

Never, ever, compromise yourself, what you like, or what you feel because you think it will make someone like you better. I've seen this happen so many times it makes my head spin, because it always ends badly, and I never understand why some people don't learn their lesson  with this. When you see this happening, an alert should go off in your mind immediately. Granted, that being said, some guys, especially, will want to be interested or share whatever knowledge they have in things you like to seem cool, and it's not always with bad intentions at all, so, keep that in mind, - sometimes you've just given them a massive case of the hots for you and they want to stand out from the pack, but let them be the ones to do that, and if it's more sexual in nature, they're probably just trying to win you over with false intentions.

Never move too fast. For relationships, building that anticipation can really bring a great foundation to a bond. One, it will prevent heartbreak and woe, and two, if a genuine connection is had, there will really be fireworks when things happen! Even if its just a brush of contact or holding a hand.

Lastly, actions and words say a great deal about people. What the're really interested in, how they really see you, what they're intentions are. If you don't know the answers to these questions, then wait until you can observe enough to have some answers, NOT just what they present. Make sure the chocolate inside matches the wrapper they wearing

Quote from: Complete on October 04, 2018, 11:53:15 PM
Given that you seem to accept the validity of the comment, l am guessing you are asking why is this true. Is that what you are asking?
Or are you asking if this perception will ever change? If it is the latter,  my guess would be not in our lifetime. Pessimistic, l know, but at least in my view, realistic. Yes, there are those rare souls who might be prepared to accept a woman "with a little extra", but in my mind besides being extremely rare,  they might just come with their own fair share of unwanted baggage.

I don't have a problem with accepting the validity of the argument. I'm on other sites, one of which has a prominent personal section, and it's clear most guys are only after one thing. Relationship adverts are noticeable by their absence. I've also been to plenty of venues where you see admirers turning up and sometimes you wonder if they are there because they see us as an easy conquest sexually compared to cis women. A lot of girls on the fetish side of things don't seem to help with this perception as they seem to do anything at the drop of the hat.

I think things will get better over time but it will take a while and probably won't be a massive change. You sort of hope as society becomes more educated over transgender issues that maybe people might be more accepting all round, including seeing us as potential partners. Who knows? Maybe that's an overly hopeful view and we'll always be a bit of a niche. I guess it's also awkward depending on what stage you're at. I know one person who has not medically transitioned who insists on sleeping in a separate room so that she can take her wig off, do her makeup in the morning etc so her partner never sees her as 'male'.