Hi everybody -
So I really need some advice about this issue, and going back to the gender therapist does nothing. I'm otherwise too cagey to ask anyone in person.
Bit of background - I'm transsexual, nonbinary and bisexual. So my physical transition, gender and sexuality all go both ways simultaneously. I have intense, nonbinary, dysphoria. I am, I'd say, 80% of the way through transition now, having been at this a few years and been through several reassignment procedures. All I have left is GRS which is even harder if you're poor and nonbinary. I have intense bottom dysphoria and because of this, haven't been in a sexual or romantic relationship for seven years or so. The last relationship I had was when I was still in my physically binary birth form. I also have problems with an intense and unwanted paraphilia I developed early in life, due to exposure to domestic violence and alcoholism. I have a form of autism so social understanding is often unclear for me.
If that doesn't read over-complicated enough, there's my current question -
How can you tell if you are (A) sexually attracted to someone (everything I have read merely states "you want to have sex with them" which isn't comprehensive enough an answer for me and my complexities, which I'll get to) (B) romantically attracted to someone or (C) Just sexually aroused by someone?
If you have other problems, like dysphoria or something like sexual paraphilia, how can you differentiate between those feelings and the above mentioned attractions?
I have recently developed some form of crush on a woman I see regularly. But I have no idea what the nature of this crush is, and therefore, what to do about it.
I can't tell if I am attracted to her sexually, but the attraction is just getting repressed and buried under all my own transition issues (aka I cannot have a sexual relationship again until I have GRS, and the likelihood of getting that finished anytime soon is small, so in a way I know I "can't have her" even if I was attracted sexually because of the need for GRS first. I can't even think in terms of "I want to have sex with this person" because the idea of having sex before GRS is repellent to me) I have no idea if she would accept someone with this sort of physical form and gender identity but I'm rather pessimistic that anyone would accept this. She, as far as I know, doesn't know I'm trans, just that I'm androgynous looking. I have no idea if I'm feeling sexual attraction for her, or if genuine sexual attraction may be a very different feeling from the effects of the paraphilia.
She is friendly and warm toward me, but she is naturally a very friendly, open and gregarious girl, to the point that she often has problems with men interpreting this as her "flirting" with them when she isn't, and I don't want to be another person reading sexual interest when there is none. This is made even harder by autism, as I'm unable to read social cues.
Given that others here may have dysphoria putting sexual expression on hold or complicating it beyond "you just want to have sex with them," how do you sort out your feelings when you develop a crush mid-transition? What do you do about it, when it isn't as simple as fronting up to someone else, automatically assuming your genders and sexualities mesh, and smoothly beginning a flirtation?
