Hello everyone! I'm Tara. Here's the short version of my story...

I'm in my mid 40s. I'm in the Baltimore/DC area..closer to Baltimore than DC. My gender dysphoria has been with me for as long as I remember...earliest memory is kindergarten / first grade. Growing up I used to think something was wrong with me since I wanted to be the girl...have kept it to myself as I was confident that my family and friends wouldn't understand or be accepting. Yet the thoughts/feelings remain...and are accompanied with stronger bursts periodically that get stronger each time. In the past I've been able to convince myself that its best to continue existing as I have. I don't think I can any longer. One of the primary reasons that I've stopped my plans in the past it that I convinced myself that I'll never pass due to my height(6') and now another more recent exuse that my 40s it is too late. However, I think those past decisions were a mistake. I've seen examples of girls of similar height, age, and build start in their 40s and appear to transition which gives me confidence and hope that I can align my body with the rest of me.

I self medicated for about 2 months about 12 years ago but stopped when one of the shipments was intercepted by customs and I got scared...I wish I never stopped. I was considered doing this again but given I'm a little older think it wiser for it to be supervised so trying to determine which has the better program. If anyone in Baltimore area has any experience on Chase Brexton I would be interested in hearing it and if one location is better than the other. They have a location in Columbia, MD which is closest to me. I've read good things about Whitman Walker also but would prefer not to go all the way to DC.

Looking forward to being a part of the community!

-T

Hi Tara 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
Often we are dissuaded to do the things that are best for us, and are shunned by society if we do.
I'm glad you have come to the conclusion that doctor assistance for medications is the best route.
It's never too late to be who you are.  Good luck!

I see you're new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Hi Tara and Welcome to Susans. Hormones can do wonders, but especially when under the supervision of a doctor who can make sure things are safe and limit the risk. I have known several at your height and even higher who pass just fine. I'm sure you won't have any issues passing especially with the help of hormones. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah Stearns

@TaraQ
Dear TaraQ:
I want to  thank you for recently joining Susan's Place and coming here to share information about yourself in your post.. 
Also, please know that you are always welcome here.  Many of our members will now be aware of your arrival to the Forums and will be able to share with you, and you with them regarding your questions and comments.

I see that you have already been Officially Welcomed to Susan's Place
by our lovely member  @Jessica ...
 
Please also allow me to also give your a warm Welcome to Susan's Place.
I am thinking that you may have a lot more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.  Be aware that there are many members here that can identify with your concerns and questions.
 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here on the Forums if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 
Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

In her Welcome Message  Jessica included Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.   

Please don't be a stranger, we want to share postings and thoughts with you.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Hi Tara 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hey Tara, I'm also in Baltimore, also in my mid-40s, and also am at the beginning of my transition just like you!

I began therapy three weeks ago and am on the fast track to begin transition. Right now, I'm still presenting as male, but I'm planning to start HRT in January and will probably go full-time in the summer.

I'm probably not going to be working through Chase Brexton (I'm probably going to be working through the Johns Hopkins primary care doctors who focus on transgender patients in Towson), but I have heard nothing but positive things about Chase Brexton.

Feel free to DM me and look through my past posts to get a better sense of my background and challenges (we all have challenges!). Would love to connect and have a local partner in this journey.

Sarah

Quote from: sarahc on October 20, 2018, 04:28:09 PM
Hey Tara, I'm also in Baltimore, also in my mid-40s, and also am at the beginning of my transition just like you!

I began therapy three weeks ago and am on the fast track to begin transition. Right now, I'm still presenting as male, but I'm planning to start HRT in January and will probably go full-time in the summer.

I'm probably not going to be working through Chase Brexton (I'm probably going to be working through the Johns Hopkins primary care doctors who focus on transgender patients in Towson), but I have heard nothing but positive things about Chase Brexton.

Feel free to DM me and look through my past posts to get a better sense of my background and challenges (we all have challenges!). Would love to connect and have a local partner in this journey.

Sarah

Hi Sarah!

Thank you for the reply and nice to meet you! Right now I've been doing some "coordinating" with my pcp...she is part of JH but she doesn't focus on transgendered patients like us. I switched to her for proximity reasons and feel comfortable with her and would like to have her continue to play a "coordinator" type role. From what you've described in your post our time tables your current status and timetable is similar to what i had in mind for myself. I will look for your past posts. Feel free to msg me. I would like a "local" partner as well!

-T

Hi Tara
Welcome dear to ones of your own kind.
After reading through your intro I feel we have much in common even though I'm a little over a decade older than you.
Your earliest memories from childhood and mine felt very similar to how you felt. But I'm very glad you've decided to address it at your age because that's about the same age I didn't address it and literally broke down. It's not going to go away and just disappear and get better all by itself.
Please don't feel that you're too old or masculine to pass as a female. Because it really matters not.
This is not enough of a reason to suffer with GD for the rest of your life.
I myself am old large and very unfeminine and I'm relatively sure I'll never pass short of massive surgery. But I could really care less what anyone thinks short of my friends especially some stranger.
But for me it was more about regaining lost health then trying to be a Barbie doll or something, although I have  to admit of course I wouldn't mind.
Isn't it all about what we think about ourselves in our head and how we want to live our lives and not conforming to how other people think we should live. Is it not our life to live and not theirs.
I feel such great relief already just having started HRT three and a half months ago that many symptoms that manifested out of my core issue have now been reduced and my health goal seem to be being achieved. That I could really care less what other people think about me when I feel so much better. 
And definitely feeling more and more feminine and having hope to live this way in the future isn't a bad thing, as this is the only thing I've wanted out of life.

You were born sick with GD so don't feel that you're too old just like you wouldn't with any other disease.

Best wishes with your transition, sounds like you got some good leads.  I hope you find everything you seek and more with your new start.

I most certainly wish all your hopes and dreams come to fruition to your desire.

Love Tatiana

Hi Tatiana,

Thanks for taking the time to reply and for the thought that you put into it. I'm pleased to here that the HRT is helping and hope that it continues to do so. What you've advised is precisely why I don't want to continue trying to ignore and control it...loosing more time and the thoughts/feeling getting more and more difficult to manage.

-T

Hi Tara
You're most welcome dear.
Our upbringing seemed pretty similar and I didn't want you to fall into the same Pitfall I did at age 45.

And by the way that's what we do here share experiences and try to help each other as best we can.

And welcome to your new family  there's plenty of highly experienced caring members that can probably  answer anything you want to know.

All the very best to your future
Love Tatiana

Hi Tara! Welcome! Hooray for all of the women of similar height, age, and build who inspired you to believe that it's not too late. May you inspire others!

Your story got me remembering when one of my kids got a job in an Aldo shoe store, and she boasted about loving when the customers came in who were over 6 feet tall with deep voices. She had a blast helping them choose shoes that looked great on them and that fit well, and she cherished the token gifts that they brought her to express their appreciation.

How marvelous for you to have a choice of which trans services to use. Let us know how you decide.

Hi Tara:

I'm 6' and 63 years old.  The one thing I have learned in my brief time on this forum is that it is never too late to start and you will find that you are constantly surrounded by caring, supportive friends here.

Wishing you all the personal success as you make this incredible journey.  Its worth the trip!

Warmest regards,

Emma

Hi Tara, we kid of joined at the same time!

I am well into my 70's and am just at the beginning of my transition.  I have a little head start over you, because I am androgynous, and because of this, I have not to eliminate a lot of male characteristics (just my moderate beard and the neither stuff, and my body is growing breasts without any hormones), but I also do no have as much time left in life as you have.
I am also 6' tall , and once I am done with transition, I will be a tall old hag,  But I don't care, as long as I can be the female I was supposed to be when I was born.

I wish you lot's of luck with your transition.  I feel great about mine.  i don't care anymore what society thinks about me.  My best friends and my son is on my side, and I plan to have lots of fun!

Hey Tara!

I personally think tall girls are awesome And trust me I'm not the only one. But that's not the point.
I wanna say that the only things that matter is do you feel you ok, and if you do, then everyone else can go fk themselves, because you're awesome for you.
And you've already learned that we here have girls of very different ages so don't let such thoughts stop you
Oh, and welcome