Hi everyone,

My name is Brenda, I've known that I was female since I was 12 years old, I am now 36 and am finally starting my transition. After so much heartache, depression, failed relationships and so much more I finally decided to be me. I wish I could say that I am presenting as Brenda but currently I am not out at work or with my family. I wish I could say it's because I'm giving myself some time for the hormones to adjust or that I'm strategically doing it so as to not worry anyone but the truth is I am just scared. I started seeing a gender therapist to start my journey and also to try and gain some courage so that I can live my true self. I was referred to an Endo and had my appointment yesterday on 10/24 and was prescribed Spiro and Estradiol to finally start HRT!!! Happy doesn't even begin to describe the feelings I got after taking in my true hormone for the first time. I am ball of excitement and fear but can say that keeping an eye on the future (something I've never done prior to starting this journey) has allowed me to visualize and keep myself in a relatively good place. I have so many questions and so much advice that I seek so I thank you all for your patience and your reaching out or just for plain listening to me. Finally feeling like I have some support even if it's on the internet means the world to me. Thank you all

Love,
Brenda

Welcome to the forums Brenda!

I am so happy for you with your decision to be the real you! It is very brave. You do not need to feel bad for being scared to come out to friends and family! It is a huge step to do that, and you will know when the right time to do it is.
I also just started my first dosage of hormones so I let's celebrate the giant step to becoming your true self! It is a wonderful feeling and a huge accomplishment. Do you feel like a giant burden has lifted off you?

I have lurked on these boards for a long time, and can guarantee that these wonderful women will share all the advice and support that they can! I look forward to learning more about you and your journey!

Lacy

Hi Brenda!! It's wonderful to see another member of our community stepping out of the shadows.  I'm overjoyed to hear that you've started HRT and your transition, it's a wonderful and life changing process.  My own will restart November 21st, and I can't wait.  It's great that you found yourself to Susan's Place, our little safe space on the Internet.  I'm sure an official greeter will be along shortly to give you the official introduction, I just wanted to say hi on my own.  Please don't feel bad about not presenting yourself as you just yet, this journey is entirely your own, don't let anyone tell you how to walk the path.

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: RealLacy on October 25, 2018, 03:13:21 PM
Welcome to the forums Brenda!

I am so happy for you with your decision to be the real you! It is very brave. You do not need to feel bad for being scared to come out to friends and family! It is a huge step to do that, and you will know when the right time to do it is.
I also just started my first dosage of hormones so I let's celebrate the giant step to becoming your true self! It is a wonderful feeling and a huge accomplishment. Do you feel like a giant burden has lifted off you?

I have lurked on these boards for a long time, and can guarantee that these wonderful women will share all the advice and support that they can! I look forward to learning more about you and your journey!

Lacy

Hi Lacy,

You are so sweet for saying that thank you, I know this sounds crazy but just hearing that I'll know the right time puts me at ease👩🏻 And yessssss let's celebrate!!! I totally feel like a giant weight has come off my chest, for the first time in forever I feel happy and I feel like I'm finally living. How about you?

Hugs,
Brenda

Quote from: Sarah1979 on October 25, 2018, 03:20:27 PM
Hi Brenda!! It's wonderful to see another member of our community stepping out of the shadows.  I'm overjoyed to hear that you've started HRT and your transition, it's a wonderful and life changing process.  My own will restart November 21st, and I can't wait.  It's great that you found yourself to Susan's Place, our little safe space on the Internet.  I'm sure an official greeter will be along shortly to give you the official introduction, I just wanted to say hi on my own.  Please don't feel bad about not presenting yourself as you just yet, this journey is entirely your own, don't let anyone tell you how to walk the path.

Hugs,

Sarah

Hiiiii Sarah,

Thank you so much for saying that you are so sweet, so happy for you that you will be restating in a little under a month 💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️ And yeah actually I'm so new to this that I skipped the initial introduction and posted an HRT post under transgender talk lol Alaskan Danielle led me to the intro post lol I love it here and can't wait till I'm living full time as my tru self.

Hugs back,
Brenda

Quote from: xrod1983 on October 25, 2018, 03:33:14 PM
Hi Lacy,

You are so sweet for saying that thank you, I know this sounds crazy but just hearing that I'll know the right time puts me at ease👩🏻 And yessssss let's celebrate!!! I totally feel like a giant weight has come off my chest, for the first time in forever I feel happy and I feel like I'm finally living. How about you?

Hugs,
Brenda

I feel the same way! I keep getting moments today where I realize I can breathe easier and just feel more at peace! It is a feeling I have never had. It is like shedding the first layer of an unauthentic life, and getting to see the future in a brighter perspective!

It is encouraging to see several of us new members being at similar places in our transition!

Hi Brenda,

I'm very happy you are here on the boards.  I'm also happy that you feel like you are finally moving in the right direction.  I can really relate to what you shared.  I am new on the boards too.  I'm 44 and just staring my transition.  I am not presenting as a female at work or with family, and only a couple of close friends know at this point.  But at least I have a couple people to talk to.  I can relate to the failed relationships part as I tried to "make it work" for so long.  Inevitably, my anxiety, depression, and rage were just too much to handle anymore.  I do not want to live the rest of my life a half-person, unable to feel the true joys of life because of being stuck in a life and gender that isn't mine.  I have my first appt. with my gender therapist on Halloween!  I also have my appt. to ask my Dr. questions, get my blood tests done, and begin the process of starting HRT in November.  I am also considering starting HRT before telling my family and friends.  I feel it is my choice, and I do know my family will not be supportive of my starting to transition.  However, I do believe they will eventually come around.  Thanks for sharing here and hope to stay in touch as we both move along in becoming the women we were always meant to be.

Best,

Billie 🙂

Hi Brenda 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Quote from: billieco18 on October 25, 2018, 03:47:58 PM
Hi Brenda,

I'm very happy you are here on the boards.  I'm also happy that you feel like you are finally moving in the right direction.  I can really relate to what you shared.  I am new on the boards too.  I'm 44 and just staring my transition.  I am not presenting as a female at work or with family, and only a couple of close friends know at this point.  But at least I have a couple people to talk to.  I can relate to the failed relationships part as I tried to "make it work" for so long.  Inevitably, my anxiety, depression, and rage were just too much to handle anymore.  I do not want to live the rest of my life a half-person, unable to feel the true joys of life because of being stuck in a life and gender that isn't mine.  I have my first appt. with my gender therapist on Halloween!  I also have my appt. to ask my Dr. questions, get my blood tests done, and begin the process of starting HRT in November.  I am also considering starting HRT before telling my family and friends.  I feel it is my choice, and I do know my family will not be supportive of my starting to transition.  However, I do believe they will eventually come around.  Thanks for sharing here and hope to stay in touch as we both move along in becoming the women we were always meant to be.

Best,

Billie

Hi Billie,

I am so happy to be here and to talk to you as well, it's so true how you put it we've been living half lives up until now and I'm so happy that we are going to be joining womanhood at around the same time yaaaaaay! I hope you find the best way for yourself to come out and be who you truly are. I am struggling with saying it also so when I say that to you I'm basically looking in a mirror. I'm really new to this so I can't speak with too much knowledge when I say this but when I got the ok as well as the RX to start HRT just yesterday I felt like my life was finally starting to begin, while I'm sure all of us will experience our ups and downs even after we start to transition no one can change the fact that we are finally becoming the women we were meant to be.

Hugs,

Brenda

Quote from: RealLacy on October 25, 2018, 03:46:09 PM
I feel the same way! I keep getting moments today where I realize I can breathe easier and just feel more at peace! It is a feeling I have never had. It is like shedding the first layer of an unauthentic life, and getting to see the future in a brighter perspective!

It is encouraging to see several of us new members being at similar places in our transition!

Me too like I'm finally in the right frame of mind lol so I have a manager that's a bit of a jerk and today after he brought something up in a meeting and I responded to it it was with such peace and less anger, even my supervisor commented on how I took a breath and responded without being on edge, it's too soon for it to be the hormones right? Lol at any rate I like to think that it is lol here's to sisterhood and our first steps on our journey 🍸

Quote from: xrod1983 on October 25, 2018, 05:41:40 PM
Me too like I'm finally in the right frame of mind lol so I have a manager that's a bit of a jerk and today after he brought something up in a meeting and I responded to it it was with such peace and less anger, even my supervisor commented on how I took a breath and responded without being on edge, it's too soon for it to be the hormones right? Lol at any rate I like to think that it is lol here's to sisterhood and our first steps on our journey 🍸

Lol, you never know, the mental peace and calm that comes from your brain finally running on the right fuel can happen very suddenly.  I know the first time I was on HRT that it happened within days.

Hugs,

Sarah

Quote from: xrod1983 on October 25, 2018, 05:41:40 PM
Me too like I'm finally in the right frame of mind lol so I have a manager that's a bit of a jerk and today after he brought something up in a meeting and I responded to it it was with such peace and less anger, even my supervisor commented on how I took a breath and responded without being on edge, it's too soon for it to be the hormones right? Lol at any rate I like to think that it is lol here's to sisterhood and our first steps on our journey [emoji483]

That's wonderful! Having others see a change for the better is a great boost!

I think it might be a bit early for the hormones to take credit for it. At least directly. Just knowing that you have started them, and aren't dealing with the baggage can definitely be responsible for the change!

I'm always ready for a martini![emoji483]

Hugs,
Lacy

Thanks again ladies I know I sound like a broken record but your support truly means the world to me

Hugs,
Brenda