I'm starting out my introduction with an apology. I feel I like I owe one. I'm not a new member to Susan's Place, I've been here before for a while.  I deleted my old profile here because at the time I was dealing with every bad thing that can happen to a trans woman. What happened was that I was feeling sorry for myself,  I couldn't continue the fight to gain my transition. I totally withdrew from anything to do with my transgender identity,  and shut down.

I couldn't bear to see others succeeding, while I was literally being beaten down at every turn where I live. My hope turned to jealousy,  and I became bitter. I lived that way for a year until I had a heart attack. After that, I realized how much I wanted to live. How much I loved being my mother's caregiver. Every single day after my attack is a gift that I wont ever take for granted again. All those things that were bringing me down are still a part of my life, but not how I choose to live it anymore because I know the consequences. 

Presently,  I'm searching to my best abilities to find a provider,  anywhere in the continental United states.  I will save as much money needed if I have to travel thousands of miles to begin hormone therapy.  It's not easy, typing in a search on Google gives a ton of BS results, and it seems there is a shortage of experienced providers. In the recent past I've had to schedule appointments with different providers asking each one if they would take a trans woman as a patient for gender affirming hormone therapy. The inland northwest sees transgender resources as some kind of mystical sorcery. I've been told flat out by my current doctor that there isn't enough resources in this area to do hormone therapy at all -yet I know of many trans people getting healthcare. I'm latino/native American,  I believe my race, and transgender identity have inspired discrimination which is a very real thing in North Idaho.

I have major hurdles ahead of me, but I'm no longer living a life of being influenced by hate, and discrimination.  I choose to make positive choices at every turn. There has to be a way to find what I need, someplace. 

I want to be a part of Susan's Place again. When I left here, I really did feel like I dropped off the face of the earth as this was the only place I had where I truly existed. I know there are others in my boat, and others yet who are facing struggles beyond my comprehension.  We are here to support each other, withdrawing from that was one of my biggest regrets when I was having that heart attack. Perspective comes to the lucky sometimes.

Thank you for reading sorry about any typos, I need to get laptop or tablet instead of tapping on my phone.  Hugs to everyone here .

Hi Dana,

I'm so sorry to hear of all your troubles, I'm new here but can definitely understand the fear that we live with on a daily basis 😢 being new here I can say that I've found women that accept me as me and that have really helped me by providing support, insight, and understanding. I hope that you find everything you're looking for in your continued journey to be your true self. I can tell you I just recently started gender therapy with Monika Kreinberg and this week after just my first appointment with my Endo, Dr. Diane Krieger, I was prescribed and started on HRT (Spironolactone and Estradiol). If you'd like you can contact their office, they are located in Miami, FL and I can tell you just from my first appointment with them they are awesome. Please see below for info:

Dr. Diane Krieger of Endocrinology Associates
6141 sunset dr ste 402
Miami FL 33143
305-665-2300

Hope this helps

Hugs,
Brenda

Welcome back Dana. We all stumble and fall while learning to walk. I'm glad you are back and I'm sure you will get the support you need here.

Sorry to hear about your heart attack. But sometimes we need a complete turnover to realize what is important in our lives.

My was a friend of mine who recently died, fairly young, in cancer. In middle of life. With kids. Much like me. How do I want to be remembered? Who am I?


Tony

@TransMtWoman
Dear Dana:
I am most pleased that you have decided to join the site again and come back to the Susan's Place Forums.
Thank you for writing your first posting today.... other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to your specific questions and concerns..

This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    Please allow me to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
I have included information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Hi Dana 

Welcome back to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here again, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Dana  Here are some support that may be a drive for you but depending how much you want it, it may be worth it.

http://transpeopleofspokane.org/community-links/

https://www.walshcounselingservices.com/resources  Boise

https://www.inlander.com/spokane/transition-phase/Content?oid=2783166

Welcome back Dana! You live close to the LGBT friendly state, Oregon. I believe you are saying you would be willing to relocate to find good transgender care? If not, it may be something to consider. I may be wrong but I've always thought that North Idaho is VERY conservative, definitely not LGBT friendly. I Oregon has Kaiser health care and in my opinion, is the best health care provider for the LGBT community. Even better, in my opinion, would be to move to California and get on Kaiser. Check out DawnOday's links as well. She always has good information.

Hope this helps!
Donica.

Hi Dana.  How odd, as that is my name also!   It's nice that you have come back.  I wish you all the luck in the world.  You have to make this happen!  What are your plans from hereon?   Perhaps you could move state, and move with your mother to one which could help you?   In this day and age you shouldn't be experiencing these problems in accessing trans health care, specially in the USA.