Okay so Ive pretty much said no to transition right now like anything Im taking Im holding off on. Ya Ive felt better being on it for awhile and have had some changes. One I can't make my family lose the guy they know plus Im not sure Id pass at all. I mean some of the changes so far have been great but I keep thinking am I really a girl or just a guy who really is into female things. I dont know.

Really just confused at this point. I havent been on stuff for too long.

Quote from: Larisa on October 27, 2018, 03:59:56 PM
Okay so Ive pretty much said no to transition right now like anything Im taking Im holding off on. Ya Ive felt better being on it for awhile and have had some changes. One I can't make my family lose the guy they know plus Im not sure Id pass at all. I mean some of the changes so far have been great but I keep thinking am I really a girl or just a guy who really is into female things. I dont know.

Really just confused at this point. I havent been on stuff for too long.

I completely understand what you're talking about but I can say this confidently and I actually had this conversation with my older brother just because you are becoming a woman does not mean that they lose who you are that just means you look different than what you did before I mean you're still going to be the same person yeah little bit more emotional you know stuff like that but honestly I've been on hormones for almost 7 months now and I'm still the same person just a lot more passive aggressive and Sassy but I do completely understand you stopping for now as long as it works for you good luck

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Quote from: Larisa on October 27, 2018, 03:59:56 PM
Okay so Ive pretty much said no to transition right now like anything Im taking Im holding off on. Ya Ive felt better being on it for awhile and have had some changes. One I can't make my family lose the guy they know plus Im not sure Id pass at all. I mean some of the changes so far have been great but I keep thinking am I really a girl or just a guy who really is into female things. I dont know.

Really just confused at this point. I havent been on stuff for too long.

Hi Larissa

You have to do what is best for you...do you have someone you can talk to about this IRL? I guess a therapist if you have one but I was thinking more like a supportive friend. Just to help you sort out what's important to you. If transition is not for you it is better to find out now than later...but the flip side is that you started this journey for a reason. I hope you have sorted these reason out for yourself.

I hope this works out really well for you.

Liz



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Doubts are normal you'll be back dysphoria isn't cured by a few months of HRT [emoji6]


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One I have some breast growth like it's not super obvious at this point but it's happening. If I quit now does it go away or what?

Also is it common for people to question if they are a girl or not early on in transition?

As to having a therapist, ya I have one and am thinking of talking to him about this all. Im just not sure I am what I thought I am.

Quote from: Larisa on October 27, 2018, 08:48:57 PM
One I have some breast growth like it's not super obvious at this point but it's happening. If I quit now does it go away or what?

Also is it common for people to question if they are a girl or not early on in transition?

As to having a therapist, ya I have one and am thinking of talking to him about this all. Im just not sure I am what I thought I am.

I questioned myself constantly in the early days of my transition. It  is only about 12 months ago that I finally accepted I was transsexual. Even then I still had  moments of fleeting irrational doubts but they longer I transition the happier I become and the less relevant, the  self doubt questions become. GD does not just "go away" for most of us and requires some kind of intervention ...good luck

Liz


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Quote from: Larisa on October 27, 2018, 08:48:57 PM
One I have some breast growth like it's not super obvious at this point but it's happening. If I quit now does it go away or what?

With some breast growth, if you stop all HRT, the breasts will remain as they are, with possibly a bit more saggy like a post menopause woman who has lower than normal estradiol blood levels. Also, your normal Testosterone blood levels may or may not be as they were before HRT. Some people report full functioning after stopping HRT and others do not.

Quote
Also is it common for people to question if they are a girl or not early on in transition?

It is very common for this question to be evaluated before, during and sometimes even after transition. This is where a counselor is extremely valuable. Ideally, you should be totally sure before transition. Also, you should be aware of the limitations we must deal with after transition and if these are acceptable, then and only then proceed with transition.

I have so much symapthy for you Larisa.  Not many people are lucky enough to be 100% sure.
Add in a family you love and you can get quite dizzy with the mental gymnastics.

It does no harm to pause and reflect..get all the asvice you can get..but only you will know what feels right.

Xx

Quote from: Larisa on October 27, 2018, 08:48:57 PM
One I have some breast growth like it's not super obvious at this point but it's happening. If I quit now does it go away or what?

Also is it common for people to question if they are a girl or not early on in transition?

As to having a therapist, ya I have one and am thinking of talking to him about this all. Im just not sure I am what I thought I am.

I have questioned this for many, many years, and was always able to suppress the girl inside me.  That went pretty Ok until recently!  I got the urge to be a woman so much that I almost exploded from it because it wanted to get out so bad.  I am now pushing toward that like crazy goal, and nothing can stop me anymore.  The more I think about it, the more I want to be there very fast!

I bet it will hit you sooner or later like a sledge hammer,  and you cannot stop it anymore!

Quote from: Dietlind on October 28, 2018, 12:46:47 PM
I have questioned this for many, many years, and was always able to suppress the girl inside me.  That went pretty Ok until recently!  I got the urge to be a woman so much that I almost exploded from it because it wanted to get out so bad.  I am now pushing toward that like crazy goal, and nothing can stop me anymore.  The more I think about it, the more I want to be there very fast!

I bet it will hit you sooner or later like a sledge hammer,  and you cannot stop it anymore!

That is exactly what it felt like for me I suppress it for 35 years and once I got to a new town new place and felt more comfortable with the area that I was living in it exploded instantly I found the therapist came out to throw away everything I have that was mail except for maybe a pair of shoes and a pair of sweatpants or shorts because they're loose and comfortable and ever since then I've been on a one-way track and I'm not turning around and I've never been happier

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Quote from: Arianna Valentine on October 28, 2018, 12:52:24 PM
That is exactly what it felt like for me I suppress it for 35 years and once I got to a new town new place and felt more comfortable with the area that I was living in it exploded instantly I found the therapist came out to throw away everything I have that was mail except for maybe a pair of shoes and a pair of sweatpants or shorts because they're loose and comfortable and ever since then I've been on a one-way track and I'm not turning around and I've never been happier

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I am a little different than you.  I love my male clothing.  I was always a pretty much fashion oriented dresser (I own more than 30 pairs of shoes), and because I feel that male cloth is more comfy than female, I am hanging on to it and use it as long as I can (as long as the shape of my body will allow it).
I do not hang my womanhood up on clothing items, I am way more conscious of a female looking body.  I do't care if the outside world can identify me as a female or not.  My friends know that I am a girl, and that is all that counts for me.  One could say that i am something like a cross dresser, only toward the male side, but that is not it, I just prefer the clothing (probably because I am stingy and have a lot of it?).

Quote from: Dietlind on October 28, 2018, 01:23:09 PM
I am a little different than you.  I love my male clothing.  I was always a pretty much fashion oriented dresser (I own more than 30 pairs of shoes), and because I feel that male cloth is more comfy than female, I am hanging on to it and use it as long as I can (as long as the shape of my body will allow it).
I do not hang my womanhood up on clothing items, I am way more conscious of a female looking body.  I do't care if the outside world can identify me as a female or not.  My friends know that I am a girl, and that is all that counts for me.  One could say that i am something like a cross dresser, only toward the male side, but that is not it, I just prefer the clothing (probably because I am stingy and have a lot of it?).

Nah we came up with something a long time ago that sounds so much better than crossdresser it's tomboy LOL and there is nothing wrong with that I live in the country and you see a lot of women walking around and hunting camo a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt there is no set design on what men and women wear except dresses and skirts I'm pretty sure those are set for women only but women can wear anything they want and it doesn't bother anybody.  other than the different way they actually size the items and fit the items so if you're comfortable wearing male clothes then you can wear male clothes and still have a female body it doesn't bother anyone anymore it's actually natural now and yes I'm about up to 15 to maybe 20 pairs of shoes LOL

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How would you call an old hag who is still a tomboy?  Old hag boy? 

Quote from: Dietlind on October 28, 2018, 02:13:58 PM
How would you call an old hag who is still a tomboy?  Old hag boy? 

LOL I like you you're funny besides I'm old I mean I dont look it but I am and I consider myself a tomboy whenever I do dress up and in guys clothes so how about Tomhag Maybe I mean if you really want to go that direction we can go Tomhag LMAO. But I will say one thing guys clothes are easier to wash and dry

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It's confusing because everything Ive done even before hormones like growing my hair out and wearing like girls underwear helped my dysphoria go down some. Anything female like always seemed me. I dont know why Im questioning now. Like Ive seemed to always want to be a girl physically and mentally. Like it's all like so weird that now Im wondering if this is wrong.

Quote from: Larisa on October 28, 2018, 02:58:41 PM
It's confusing because everything Ive done even before hormones like growing my hair out and wearing like girls underwear helped my dysphoria go down some. Anything female like always seemed me. I dont know why Im questioning now. Like Ive seemed to always want to be a girl physically and mentally. Like it's all like so weird that now Im wondering if this is wrong.

I think everybody at some point is going to question because even though you do want this you've already made that rather obvious also this is a big change in your life so naturally you question and want to make sure a hundred percent this is the path you want this is where you want to be and it is your right to question this but ultimately yes talking to a therapist can help but anyway it goes this decision comes down to you and what you want to do

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Quote from: Larisa on October 28, 2018, 02:58:41 PM
It's confusing because everything Ive done even before hormones like growing my hair out and wearing like girls underwear helped my dysphoria go down some. Anything female like always seemed me. I dont know why Im questioning now. Like Ive seemed to always want to be a girl physically and mentally. Like it's all like so weird that now Im wondering if this is wrong.

Its natural and healthy...checking on yourself to ensure you are doing the right thing is good. There does come a point where you need to make the decision about whether Transition is right for you and the best way is to look at the evidence...I guess one of the most powerful indicators for me was when my ability to Transition was threatened and it appeared I could not go ahead....that whole scenario felt dreadful and was horrible to have happen but it did  clarify how I felt.

Taking your time and ensuring you are doing the right thing by you is really important unfortunately in my experience GD only gets worse left untreated and if not treated at all, peoples lives become very problematic for them.

I would encourage you to explore your fears in a safe environment and maybe transition is not for you but from what you describe it sounds like it has done you some good already. Your breast growth is likely to go down over a period of time...you may be left with some tissue left but I would be surprised if I was particularly obvious.

Just my 50cents worth

Take care

Liz

Don't we all question ourselves when we had to do major changes in life?  I gave up a very nice and cushy job in Germany with ll the security the system over there provided, and started a new life in the US.  For a long time I was wondering if that was the right move.  lately I broke down my long established tents in Minnesota to move don to SW Florida.  All alone and by myself.  I am still wondering if that was the right move.
But all major changes in life cause a lot of soul searching, and one has to decide by one self, if it is right.

Interestingly, my decission to leave my male self totally behind (well almost totally because I am hanging on to may male clothing) did cause me not as much concerns s did those two moves.  It could be because I was at least half a woman all my life?

Life changes are always matters of concerns to almost anybody!

Quote from: Larisa on October 28, 2018, 02:58:41 PM
It's confusing because everything Ive done even before hormones like growing my hair out and wearing like girls underwear helped my dysphoria go down some. Anything female like always seemed me. I dont know why Im questioning now. Like Ive seemed to always want to be a girl physically and mentally. Like it's all like so weird that now Im wondering if this is wrong.

Yes... It all helps the GD

But what about the other xx% of what makes you You?  Dealing with "It" is not a question of absolutes but of relativism. There are no Right v Wrong in life. Only always questionable assumptions we make EVERY moment what "I think is Best" at this instant in space time. Life is a never ending balancing act. We always try to find some sort of... compromise(?) between all the conflicting needs and wants of our own lives, AND all the lives that we touch.

You may have "Stopped" for now. Maybe as I did back in my early 20's and a few other times in my life. I don't question my decisions, obviously they all seemed "Like a Good Idea At the Time". Sort of like a lot other things I did throughout my life. Right v Wrong? Stupid v Cool? The list can go on. As so the questioning of your decision.

There is no way to know absolutely if how you, YOU want to or need to balance your life. No matter the situation, the best we all can do is take that blind leap of faith, sit back, and see how it settles out