Hi girls,

I'm so undecided on whether to go back to see a therapist.
I was in therapy before starting HRT but then stopped the sessions as it felt like I was the only one really talking and not getting any answers, I was kinda expecting some or at least advice. Was I wrong to expect this?
It felt like I was repeating myself each session with the same 2 problems over and over.
Firstly my wife who I love very much, so against me telling the kids or anyone. She thinks I should wait another ten years til they're all age 18 upwards. I've waited long enough thankyou, selfish maybe but I couldn't carry on as it was.
The other my fears of coming out that we all go through. Does this stem from the wife's thoughts and comments who knows.

The therapist would sit there listening and interject every now and then with a question on how I felt in a situation we were discussing.
Always though the same comment of it's up to you to find the answers.
I'm very very bad in confrontation so would sit there thinking, well advice would be nice at least.

So after rambling as I do, is this how therapy works??
If so I don't think I'll ever get much from it.

So confused but still happy

Soph.

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Quote from: maybesoph on November 10, 2018, 12:50:56 AM
Hi girls,

I'm so undecided on whether to go back to see a therapist.
I was in therapy before starting HRT but then stopped the sessions as it felt like I was the only one really talking and not getting any answers, I was kinda expecting some or at least advice. Was I wrong to expect this?
It felt like I was repeating myself each session with the same 2 problems over and over.
Firstly my wife who I love very much, so against me telling the kids or anyone. She thinks I should wait another ten years til they're all age 18 upwards. I've waited long enough thankyou, selfish maybe but I couldn't carry on as it was.
The other my fears of coming out that we all go through. Does this stem from the wife's thoughts and comments who knows.

The therapist would sit there listening and interject every now and then with a question on how I felt in a situation we were discussing.
Always though the same comment of it's up to you to find the answers.
I'm very very bad in confrontation so would sit there thinking, well advice would be nice at least.

So after rambling as I do, is this how therapy works??
If so I don't think I'll ever get much from it.

So confused but still happy

Soph.

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@maybesoph
Dear Soph:
Without going into detail and doing any flaming my advice to you is to find a new and different therapist.   
Therapy sessions between the patient and the therapist involve a trusted interface between them both. 

There are situations where the personality interface does not work and it may be no ones fault that it is not working.... so, again, you might consider finding another therapist... then you can make a better determination regarding what should be happening in your sessions.

Wishing you well,  I will be looking for comments, thoughts and when availabe, your followup posting
Hugs,
Danielle

I agree with danielle  you got to have a good therapist. I was very lucky or it was faith i moved to a LGBTQ friendly community. I found a therapist stop going because the same reason you have i called back later to go back because of dysphoria was getting  worse, well a new therapist took the place of my first one and she is the best i go once a month or when i need to go i can call she will stay late to see me. I was scared the furst time i meet her. But its such a big help.

From what i can see, you simply cannot wait 10 years, especially if the dysphoria is clawing at you. How does the thought of waiting make you feel? If it's horrible then you just can't do it.  It is selfish but it's your life and health and sometimes we have to be selfish if we are not getting the help and support from others that we need.

I would strongly suggest that you talk these things through with a new therapist.

I must admit my first therapist sounds very much like yours. Pretty useless towards the end.

I have now been referred to a nhs sexual health clinic which i should be seeing december/january. The therapist has over 10 years trans experience so hopefully some good will come of it.  See if your gp can refer you to one of those clinics near you? Worth asking the question.

Good luck and keep us updated.

Vicky x

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Do you even need a therapist for HRT?  In Ontario, since 2016, HRT has been essentially informed consent.  This past Monday, I asked my doctor to refer me for HRT and she said she'd refer me to an endocrinologist.  Do you have similar protocol in your area?

Quote from: maybesoph on November 10, 2018, 12:50:56 AM
The therapist would sit there listening and interject every now and then with a question on how I felt in a situation we were discussing.
Always though the same comment of it's up to you to find the answers.
I'm very very bad in confrontation so would sit there thinking, well advice would be nice at least.

So after rambling as I do, is this how therapy works??

Actually, yes, that is how therapy works.  They deliberately avoid giving you advice, as in "You should do this...".  A good therapist asks you questions that make you think and explore your own thoughts and feelings.  A really good one will make you dig deep into your own mind.

It sounds like your therapist was not helping you to dig deeply enough.  A better therapist will ask you harder questions.

Hi all,

Thankyou for all the info and replies.
Yes I get on well with my therapist and felt 100% comfortable, but from reading the replies I'd say no she doesn't make me dig into any real feelings too deeply.
I'd say I do 95% talking whilst thinking I'm not getting a thing from this.

Think this time I'll find a trans experienced therapist, who may offer more mentally.

Thanks again, I'll let you know x

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Quote from: AnneK on November 10, 2018, 06:05:32 AM
Do you even need a therapist for HRT?  In Ontario, since 2016, HRT has been essentially informed consent.  This past Monday, I asked my doctor to refer me for HRT and she said she'd refer me to an endocrinologist.  Do you have similar protocol in your area?

I don't know where she is located but in the UK, a GP won't prescribe hormones or blockers unless directed by a psychiatrist. Usually this is from the GIC but you can go private for about £500 and then after getting the diagnosis you need, then you can switch to the NHS. Sadly I don't have that kind of money.
I am not allowed to say anymore but if you live in the UK, you could always read the advice on transgender issues given to GPs... you might find it interesting.

Hi Soph,

In terms of family, I am in exactly the same situation. Daughter who is 7 years old and my wife wants me to wait 11 years for her to turn 18.

Talked with her today about it and told her that I am likely going to transition and because we lack money, it will be on the NHS timetable, so 2 years to see psychiatrist, hopefully start hormones after that. Live in role in about 3 years time. Transition in 5 years... IF, everything goes according to typical time scale. It may be quicker or slower.

Lots of tears, anger, etc. But she is starting to accept this is likely to happen. But has no idea how she will deal with it, so we are just going to play it out and see what happens. Acceptance that it is likely to happen is the main thing I wanted her to understand today. We can start working out the details as we go on.

If you want to talk about it any time then feel free to pm me.

love
Alice

Hello Soph

From your first post and as I know you are already on HRT, I did not know whether or not you really wished to pursue therapy at this time. If you did not wish to pursue, my advice would have been to temporarily withdraw from therapy, thank your therapist and say you may or may not resume at a later date (if and when problems occur).

However from your second post it is clear you do indeed wish to pursue therapy at this time and I think you have made the correct decision to change to a more trans experienced one. I wish you luck in that respect.

Sending Love to you.

Pamela  xx

Hi Pamela,

Hope your well x

I have now parted ways with my therapist. Ecmven though she was kind and I was comfortable with her I just wasn't getting any answers to much.

I'm definitely looking for a trans therapist and may now go through genderGP to source one.

Soph

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Hi Alice,

Sorry for the delay in replying I've been so busy it's unreal.

Would love to pm you sometime and we can both get our heads together and maybe bounce ideas and support either way.

Soph x

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