I have a close relationship with my mother, we talk frequently of our thoughts, feelings and everyday life. A few weeks ago, I started realizing and accepting that I have a deep desire to be a woman. I started taking steps to explore my feminine side, but I still have questions and I'm not 100% sure that I will fully transition as a woman (though I strongly suspect that I will).
I have told my mother nothing about this and I want to come out to her. I don't like keeping this part of my life secret from her (it forces me to lie or omit the truth constantly when we talk) and I think she could support me as I continue this process and transition. However, there are dangers related to that.
Even though no one can make my decision for me, I've read excellent advice as well as personal experiences on this site and I think you could help me make a better decision.
I'm 32 years old and I've lived on my own for a long time - I've had a condo for 8 years. I talk to my parents every week, on the phone and/or in person. I think the following example illustrates what kind of relationship I have with my mother. She knows I like to cook and she offered to teach me how to make a type of soup, which is pretty elaborate and difficult to make but delicious and nutritious. As we were preparing the soup, I thought she was mocking the clumsy way I was preparing the vegetables and this hurt me. I later told her about it and she looked aghast: "You thought I was serious? Oh no! I was just making a joke, I didn't mean to mock you at all!" She apologized sincerely, but didn't stop there. She figured that if I had misunderstood her, her own communication style was to blame. She later told me that she checked with her friends and the rest of the family whether they understood when she was joking - some did, many didn't. She thanked me many times for my honesty and credits it for her realization, and she now regularly checks with me that I'm not taking her jokes seriously (I still do, sometimes! taking others literally is a hard habit to break)
That's the kind of relationship I have with her - earnest, talking about the smallest things honestly, comforting each other. This is why hiding this part of my life from me bothers me so much and I would like to be open with her about the fact that I'm trans, what my thoughts and struggles are.
However, I've read advice that it's better to wait until the transition is well under way and on the threshold of being impossible to hide, when your new identity is very sure. I've also read from one of you who did just that and felt that it had worked out very well this way (I don't remember the name, sorry, I was devouring every link on coming out, one after the other!)
Should I come out now or wait until I have a better idea of my identity and the journey ahead of me? What can I expect when I do? Will she be ready to support me or will I instead have to support her through the shock of this realization?
