Quote from: NatalieRene on November 10, 2018, 09:38:05 PM
I couldn't comment about the feeling of being high. I've never had any drugs.

What I can say is estrodiol has a calming effect on me. It doesn't mean I don't get upset but I'm not nearly as volatile.

When I get high off them I get a calming effect. But in the morning I feel super hyper and full of energy. Which I guess is better than my mornings where I am depressed and not wanting to live.

As for the volatile thing. With me its the opposite. I am always volatile. But when I'm on hormones I get more volatile that usual. Because I feel like an aristocrat trying to enjoy my surroundings. And I hate when voices that sound like masculine peasants interrupt my meditative state and interfere with my buzz.

My main concern is getting addicted. I don't like the idea of having to be on pills for the rest of my life. Because what if I am hormones for ten years. And then some politician bans hormones. Then I will go insane because I am dependent on the drugs.

Quote from: Angelic on November 11, 2018, 12:44:06 PM
When I get high off them I get a calming effect. But in the morning I feel super hyper and full of energy. Which I guess is better than my mornings where I am depressed and not wanting to live.

As for the volatile thing. With me its the opposite. I am always volatile. But when I'm on hormones I get more volatile that usual. Because I feel like an aristocrat trying to enjoy my surroundings. And I hate when voices that sound like masculine peasants interrupt my meditative state and interfere with my buzz.

My main concern is getting addicted. I don't like the idea of having to be on pills for the rest of my life. Because what if I am hormones for ten years. And then some politician bans hormones. Then I will go insane because I am dependent on the drugs.

It's not like that. Hormones are not addictive and the politicians are never going to ban the pills, patches or shots. Cis females sometimes take estrogen supplements because of their own illnesses. Besides if things got that bad here I'd expatriate to Canada or the UK if they would be kind enough to have me and offer them and their companies my computer science knowledge.

That said you will always have to be on HRT. Your body does not produce estrogen. If you want to maintain a feminine look you have to buy the pills, patches or shots. It sucks and Inhate being dependent on them but that is how it is.

Quote from: NatalieRene on November 11, 2018, 01:48:24 PM
It's not like that. Hormones are not addictive and the politicians are never going to ban the pills, patches or shots. Cis females sometimes take estrogen supplements because of their own illnesses. Besides if things got that bad here I'd expatriate to Canada or the UK if they would be kind enough to have me and offer them and their companies my computer science knowledge.

That said you will always have to be on HRT. Your body does not produce estrogen. If you want to maintain a feminine look you have to buy the pills, patches or shots. It sucks and Inhate being dependent on them but that is how it is.

It's not so simple. I have a fragile mind. Often I feel lazy and demotivated like I am not really a person. Like I am falling between the cracks of reality and not really here. I have never fully isolated what fractured my mind. I don't think it was the estrogen, because when I am on estrogen I feel less depressed. But who knows.

Many years ago I took a bunch of feminizing herbals. They did not make me depressed inherently. But seeing that my face was still stuck being male I got depressed. Like that there was no hope and nothing would transform me. Then I took estrogen. Mentally I felt more positive like I could appreciate life more. But then I started taking spiro. And then I started to feel mentally strange. I have watched a seminar made by a transwoman. She warns that spiro can cause mental illness and to take something else.

Still I do not know if it was the spiro. Because around that time I was in a mental hospital. And they put me on a medication that damaged my mind. Made me feel strange and not like a person. And its been years since I was on hormones. And I've had a strong sex drive, so I'm guessing I had testosterone. And yet still not happy, depressed and not feeling like a person. What it could be is not getting enough vitamins. Maybe I need to eat more vitamins. Or maybe my heart is broken after so many rejections, and that is what fractured my mind. Still one other option, maybe too much computer time and being in the city and feeling frustrations. So too much toxins in me. Who knows. For all I know it could be from having sex with a dude I wasn't attracted to in desperation. Sort of like raping and damaging my mind. But I have this kind of ghost psychosis where I feel like I'm detached from reality and incapable of doing anything.

Anyway my point is that my body and mind is fragile. Who knows what effects HRT could have on it long term. But being a man seems like a dead end road, I feel unable to appreciate life living as a man.