Girl, if you read this, I don't want you to feel bad. I don't blame you.
I just need to get everything out. I met a fellow t girl on here, and we started talking. Things were going great, amazing in fact. We were hitting it off, and as silly as it is, falling in love. I still love her, and would still take her back to this day.
Anyways, as I said we started talking on here, then exchanged social medias/phone numbers, and went from there. Like I said, things were going so well. It was a huge crush in the beginning, she's an amazing girl. Unfortunately, I was too scared to ask her out. We live on opposite sides of the country, that was probably the biggest reason I never asked her out, (technically I did but that was after the fact) and we didn't know each other long, that was another reason.
So, we both had mutual feelings for a while, and I was trying to push my feelings away, honestly. I didn't want another one of my relationships to come crashing down like they always do. I was scared of us breaking up if I asked her out, and now I really see her point, that there really wasn't anything to lose, no reason to not take the risk.
Anyways, it got to the point where she was getting short with me, wouldn't talk about her feelings much to me. Then, she essentially ignored me for two days, claiming that she was just busy. I should've seen through that and too the risk there and then, before that honestly. Now I honestly wonder if she found someone else. Then, directly after that she never messaged me back. At first, I thought something had happened to her, that her parents hurt her or something, or that she hurt herself. This honestly wasn't fun for me. Then, after a couple of weeks, my sister convinced me that she's ignoring me, a reality I really didn't want to come to. I'm not going to lie, I broke down crying for a good while.
So, I try messaging her a lot, I mean, a lot. Of course, I was never trying to harass her or anything. She never, even to this day, told me to stop messaging her, and I just wanted and answer for what happened. I still do. Finally, she answers and tells me that she's okay, a couple of days later she tells me that she doesn't hate me. So, at this point I honestly don't know what to think. I've messaged her about all this to get my feelings out to her for some sort of closure, she read it, and that didn't help.
At this point, it's probably 2 months after it happened. It just hurts because she was such a wonderful part of my support structure, and I'm in love with her. This almost has me in tears lol. Like I said, I don't fully blame her for what happened. I just don't know how to move on, and I don't know if I want to. I really don't want to. I don't want to fully lose her, even though I'm sure I already have.
