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How to overcome the second class citizen feeling?

Started by Lisa89125, November 18, 2018, 09:06:37 PM

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Lisa89125

I've had a run in with a trans phobic lady who scolded me for being out as my self. Her hurtful words were, A woman has womb and hence the Wo at the front of man. You will never be a woman because you will never have a womb and uterus.

I have been pretty down ever since my encounter with this lady. I am feeling all I ever will be is a second class citizen.

Anyone else get depressed about never being complete on the inside?

Lisa


"My inner self knows better than my outer self my true gender"

Not yet quite ready to post my real self.
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ChrissyRyan

Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on November 18, 2018, 09:06:37 PM
I've had a run in with a trans phobic lady who scolded me for being out as my self. Her hurtful words were, A woman has womb and hence the Wo at the front of man. You will never be a woman because you will never have a womb and uterus.

I have been pretty down ever since my encounter with this lady. I am feeling all I ever will be is a second class citizen.

Anyone else get depressed about never being complete on the inside?

Lisa


Lisa,

Well, some ciswomen have had hysterectomies so they also lack these parts.
That fact is unlikely going to uplift you though at this time.

Sorry about your bad experience, try to cheer up.  I know that words can be very hurtful.

Perhaps you can listen to some very pleasing music at this time to help you along.   :)
Some nice aromatherapy may help.  Think of a happy time too.  Keep a good positive attitude.
Try to not let this bad exprience with the lady set you back for long.

Hugs,

Chrissy


Always stay cheerful, be polite, kind, and understanding. Accepting yourself as the woman you are is very liberating.  Never underestimate the appreciation and respect of authenticity.  Help connect a person to someone that may be able to help that person.  Be brave, be strong.  A TRUE friend is a treasure.  Relationships are very important, people are important, and the sooner we all realize that the better off the world will be.  Try a little kindness.  Be generous with your time, energy, wisdom, and resources.   Inconvenience yourself to help someone.   I am a brown eyed, brown haired woman. 
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Northern Star Girl

Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on November 18, 2018, 09:06:37 PM
I've had a run in with a trans phobic lady who scolded me for being out as my self. Her hurtful words were, A woman has womb and hence the Wo at the front of man. You will never be a woman because you will never have a womb and uterus.

I have been pretty down ever since my encounter with this lady. I am feeling all I ever will be is a second class citizen.

Anyone else get depressed about never being complete on the inside?

Lisa

@Aceofblackdiamonds
Dear Lisa:
You need to ignore that lady and others like her.  Don't waste your breath trying you debate the issue with her.
I will suggest that you do some searching and reading of the many members threads that are having success in their transition journey... be aware that even those that have apparent success also have times of setbacks and frustrations but they find the mental strength and determination to continue on toward their goal.

I will be following your future postings with much interest... 
...always feel free to post and vent your frustrations...
It can be good personal therapy.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle
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NatalieRene

I'm with Chrissy on this. We cannot allow others to effect us so much. I know that is hard but my suggestion is simply to ignore people like that. They mean less then nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Find your happy place and don't allow her to stress you out any further.  ;D
  • skype:NatalieRene?call
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IAmM

It can be difficult. Even now when when dealing with all things medical it comes up for me, of course they can't be outright rude in that instance but the coldness emanating from them is easy to feel. It is rare to have that reaction but it happens. My boyfriend's daughter used to have us to every birthday and holiday, her and her husband always knew about me but their children and his family did not. Since telling everyone about me they have us over on a different day than his family, they want nothing to do with me. Thankfully her children are all late teens to mid twenties and have never shown any kind of problem with me. His other daughter wants nothing to do with me but lives far away and her and my boyfriend have not had a good relationship long before I met him.

There was a lot of open hostility towards me before I became more passable, it has been many years but it is not something I am likely to forget. It does get better but if people know there will always be the possibility of unkindness or worse.

Just two days ago I commented on a trans video and a guy called me the worst names, threatened me and then told me I should kill myself. I had gone through so much of that when I went full time, in person and terrifying that it should not bother me but it does.

For me that feeling never completely went away. I will never for a second regret transition but it has changed me for the worse that way. It has been around three years since I've been misgendered but that feeling still persists. I used to be a mess inside but when I did interact with other people they didn't know that and I was always confident. Not anymore, I am awkward and hesitant and always ready to slip into the background. I will still take this any day over what it was like before. Yes, almost everyone I knew turned away from me but I have a new life now and new friends and it is all the real me.

I wish that I could be more help. I struggle with it myself.
It does get better though.
Hugs.
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Lacy

I'm sorry that you crossed paths with an ignorant, rude person.

Unfortunately there are people out there who have to give their opinions to anyone they see that don't fall into their small, perfect boxes of expectations.

Those kind of people will never change. They are the sheep that follow their own agendas. They bend to hatred and spew poison.

You are strong, you are beautiful and you are WOMAN!

Hugs,
Lacy
She believed she could so she did!

The continuing story of my new life!



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Ryuichi13

Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on November 18, 2018, 09:06:37 PM
I've had a run in with a trans phobic lady who scolded me for being out as my self. Her hurtful words were, A woman has womb and hence the Wo at the front of man. You will never be a woman because you will never have a womb and uterus.

I have been pretty down ever since my encounter with this lady. I am feeling all I ever will be is a second class citizen.

Anyone else get depressed about never being complete on the inside?

Lisa

Apparently, that "woman" has no heart, therefore she isn't alive.  It is not required to listen to the advise of the Undead, nor is it recommended.  I wonder if she also tells that to women that have had hysterectomies?  What a cruel, heartless b*tch!!!  >:(

I hope that you feel better.  Don't let Undead *ssh*les like her get you down, its not worth it. 

Ryuichi 


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Linde

@Aceofblackdiamonds
Just don't listen to people like this.  I don't even get into a discussion with them.  They have their opinion and you can say what you want, But you can't change stupid!  It is not even worth the while, to try it!

You know who you are, you know that you are a woman, and that is the only thing that counts!  You are you, and you are a beautiful woman!

Just forget a bout the idiots of this world, because you are a beautiful woman!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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Alice (nym)

#8
I respect the advice to ignore it but I am alas a person who can't allow the politics of hate to go unchallenged...

Online hate and hate in person are two different things. I will post below my advice if you do want to challenge the hate online, in person it depends on how confident you are in yourself.

It is often easy to just ignore it but don't take it to heart whatever you do. This woman is lacking facts and is easy to disprove.

If you do have the confidence to face her, then don't get angry, and show love in the face of hate. You can go one of three ways... 1) I would simply say, 'how dare you! I am a woman and I bleed!' After all how does she know you are not CIS? There are plenty of cis born women who are more ugly that we are even when we are presenting male.

2) Say, 'I've done nothing to harm you, why do you feel the need to hate me?'  And I would just repeat that until she gives you an answer. Then reply, 'do you not feel that to be human you must show humanity?'  Claim the moral high ground.

3) Go over the top with the love. Blow her a kiss and say, 'I love you too hun' and either walk away or follow it up with, 'now give me a hug and it will all feel better' and then open your arms to her.

The best way to tackle hate is with love.

Now for the online stuff... this is the advice I gave not so long ago on Transgender Zone...

I understand where TERFs come from in their arguments. They just feel that we are men invading their space and that we are using our 'male' privilege to take control of the feminine. We're not content with ruling the world but want to invade and take away what they feel is their birthright. By refusing to accept us as female, they see us an easy target to attack and transfer their pain and their hatred of men. Some may be women who have been genuinely hurt by us, such as wives, girlfriends, and even mothers. They find then lash out at us all because it is easier to hate than show love and understanding when you feel pain. Most, however, are simply man haters who refuse to accept that we are not men because of how we were placed at birth. Their arguments tend to focus on biology and are very weak and easy to disprove. The secret is to not allow them to put you on the defensive but instead attack their arguments with examples and facts that disprove what they are saying. We don't need to argue our right to exist, we merely have to disprove their argument why we shouldn't exist. I don't think ignoring them helps our cause but unless you know how to argue against them (and the alt-right/bible bashers), you probably do more harm by engaging them than good. Always seek the moral high ground and never let them anger you. Always finish by asking them why they hate you or why they seek to oppress you. Remember that your argument is not simply with them, and it is unlikely you will ever change their mind, your argument is to convince the people reading that the op is a bad person and you are reasonable, calm, knowledgeable, and loving. Don't hate the hate but spread love instead. Keep the moral high ground.

And with regards to the LGBQ+ community who hate us...

It is amazing how quickly the oppressed become the oppressors. Something more productive would be, 'How about instead of attacking us about our condition being a mental health issue (worthy of electric shock treatment to cure us?), we instead focus our energy in tackling the prejudice that we ALL face before we find ourselves behind barbed wire with pink triangles and a smell of gas. Our enemies laugh at us when we are fighting among ourselves, using their arguments, and doing their job for them. We are not your enemy but your friends and allies. You need not like us or help us, but please don't hate us.' Keeping the moral high ground, making them question their hate, offering the hand of friendship and love, and not losing my temper. I hope that helps?

Don't hate the hate... Start spreading the love.
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Devlyn

Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on November 18, 2018, 09:06:37 PM
I've had a run in with a trans phobic lady who scolded me for being out as my self. Her hurtful words were, A woman has womb and hence the Wo at the front of man. You will never be a woman because you will never have a womb and uterus.

I have been pretty down ever since my encounter with this lady. I am feeling all I ever will be meet is a second class citizen like this woman.

Anyone else get depressed about never being complete on the inside?

Lisa

Fixed that for ya!  ;D

Hugs, Devlyn
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Allison S

I wouldn't know how to react to a stranger saying all this. I'd probably just look at them in shock and not say anything. But I think it would be normal to feel emotional too. I'm assuming she's a stranger and doesn't know you but clocked that you're trans or at least not cisgender. Well, first of all she sounds like she thought she nailed your insecurity and she has the upperhand to be able to ridicule you. Her argument is laughable because we know trans men and non binary people exist too... Some of which have a womb but don't identify as "woman"... Clearly this person is very confused!
What a crazy world we live in...

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

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Linde

Quote from: Allison S on November 19, 2018, 04:46:27 AM
I wouldn't know how to react to a stranger saying all this. I'd probably just look at them in shock and not say anything. But I think it would be normal to feel emotional too. I'm assuming she's a stranger and doesn't know you but clocked that you're trans or at least not cisgender. Well, first of all she sounds like she thought she nailed your insecurity and she has the upperhand to be able to ridicule you. Her argument is laughable because we know trans men and non binary people exist too... Some of which have a womb but don't identify as "woman"... Clearly this person is very confused!
What a crazy world we live in...

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
You are correct, if one wants to argue with those homophobic people, one can do that only with facts (or arguments sounding like facts).  Most of them have no thorough knowledge on how the human body is designed and works!

I am a very much type A person, and I believe when I would be finished with her, she would feel that she is an abomination, and should hide in a dark corner!
But I don't like confrontations with persons like this, and most likely would just walk away, with the words" if you think so!".  It just does not bother me, because I know best who I am!
02/22/2019 bi-lateral orchiectomy






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NatalieRene

On sites like YouTube I wouldn't even bother trying. Back when I had a YouTube channel while transitioning I received lots of very hurtful and mean emails. At first I responded and then eventually I just started blocking them. Most of the messages at a time came from multiple accounts of the same person.

Eventually I just allowed them to post freely and then thanked them for the extra views which seemed to upset them for a change.

Internet hate is meaningless. Don't pay them any mind and for sure don't feed them.
  • skype:NatalieRene?call
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pamelatransuk

Quote from: Aceofblackdiamonds on November 18, 2018, 09:06:37 PM
I've had a run in with a trans phobic lady who scolded me for being out as my self. Her hurtful words were, A woman has womb and hence the Wo at the front of man. You will never be a woman because you will never have a womb and uterus.

I have been pretty down ever since my encounter with this lady. I am feeling all I ever will be is a second class citizen.

Anyone else get depressed about never being complete on the inside?

Lisa

Hello Lisa

I am so sorry you have had to suffer this insulting behaviour which stems from pure ignorance.

I have had the same spoken to me and my reply is that the uterus (or any other female part) does not determine our gender. Our gender is determined by the mind (providing we are sane of course). We are a female. You are a woman and you know that. You do not have to justify it to her anyway. After speaking those words, I walk away.

Please try not to let these bigots upset you.

Hugs

Pamela


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Lisa89125

Thank you everyone for your love and support.

I really didn't need to deal with her sh$t. As turkey day gets closer it's both joyous and sad. A good friend of mine who was trans took her own life on Thanksgiving Day a couple years back. All she wanted was acceptance by her family. She left us too soon.

Hugs

Lisa



"My inner self knows better than my outer self my true gender"

Not yet quite ready to post my real self.
  •