Not been keeping up, so engrossed that forgot to plug laptop in when bat low came on and it died . I have the same prob with blood pressure as I can feel heart rate increase as they start test and I try to relax . Yes we all have that back ground worry about the (slightly) unknown out come from any surgery , just remember we are all with you. Just remember you room will be full of bunches of (virtual) flowers. XXXXX darling best wishes and look after that hip.

Liz, I'm loving your new avatar. So cool how the curtain changes the clouds into mountains.

Best wished to you as you continue to prepare for a momentous day. Remember to keep hour toolkit up to date with positive thoughts,  deep breathing, visualizing what you want, and whatever works for you.

Quote from: Veronica A on November 17, 2018, 03:49:16 PM

Liz the stopping hrt sucks and its what i am totally afraid of as well for my FFS and other surgeries. i am hoping my T production is crippled completely by that time.. and i dont suffer a sudden surge of T..  it has to suck, but as you said being mentally prepared sure helps.. will keep that in mind. i think i am excited because its a momentous milestone and totally happy for you. the only way i know how to convey everything i think and feel for all the ladies who get SRS.

Liz

Hi Veronica

I am now a day 17 with no HRT and I would categorically state that being mentally prepared is the key. Knowing what is causing the emotions you are feeling is essential to keeping them in perspective. Unfortunately for me the first couple of times when my oestrogen became low I was unsure as to what was causing the feelings I had. This time I am aware of what it is causing the feelings on experiencing which in turn makes them had a much lower impact than they did the last time.

The downside of this is the physical stuff. Yes it's not great but there is an end in sight with only two weeks to go before I can start oestrogen again. As far as testosterone levels going up I am lucky in that I don't have to suppress them anyway. My testosterone levels are suppressed by my medication pump. I suspect that this was not the case I may have far more physical symptoms than I actually do.

Things I've noticed so far are changes to my hair, skin, breasts, oval all body hair just to name a few that I can put my finger on. None of these items have run rampant and are showing only early signs. To give you an example I have noticed an increase in terminal hairs on my face, I have noticed my hair has once again become more oily but only slightly, my skin is no longer slightly dry but more towards what it used to be... So none of these things are at a really bad stage and I doubt that they will get to that stage before I'm able to take some more oestrogen.

I wanted to say that whilst stopping HRT does in fact... Suck!!!. It is not as bad as I anticipated. I am going to be okay and so will you.


Take care
Liz

Quote from: davina61 on November 17, 2018, 04:00:29 PM
Not been keeping up, so engrossed that forgot to plug laptop in when bat low came on and it died . I have the same prob with blood pressure as I can feel heart rate increase as they start test and I try to relax . Yes we all have that back ground worry about the (slightly) unknown out come from any surgery , just remember we are all with you. Just remember you room will be full of bunches of (virtual) flowers. XXXXX darling best wishes and look after that hip.

You have been really busy, so I'm not surprised especially having an injured wrist.

I don't get it either... My blood pressure when I went to see my doctor on Monday was really high but then I had hustled myself to get into her surgery and to get myself seated. So when you consider that the simple act of hustling along the 10 m to the Dr rooms is enough to increase your blood pressure shows how touchy it really is.

Thanks for the words of encouragement I will do my best to look after my hip although I have to be realistic about it and I know that my walking days are numbered... But so are the days that I need to keep this weight off LOL  Thanks Davina

Take care

Liz

Quote from: Moonflower on November 19, 2018, 09:55:16 AM
Liz, I'm loving your new avatar. So cool how the curtain changes the clouds into mountains.

Best wished to you as you continue to prepare for a momentous day. Remember to keep hour toolkit up to date with positive thoughts,  deep breathing, visualizing what you want, and whatever works for you.

Thanks Moonflower

I will be changing the Avatar to a new Pic of myself which I will do sometime over the next week But I really like this type of art and enjoy the story with each of the creations. I keep using visualisations when I am walking to motivate me and when things are getting tough. Thanks for the encouragement.


Take care


Liz

It is now only 12 days to go, I was trying to think of it in hours and minutes but I can't wrap my brain around that. Days seem more relatable to me but as the time winds down I will no doubt change to an hour-based clocks and bearing in mind please...that I am the "clock" LOL

Okay, Okay... I am too old to be excited... Aren't I?... Well...Maybe not. If you asked me to answer that question a week ago I probably would have said...."Don't be silly of course not."... To be serious though, I think I am experiencing excitement and the reason I say that is simply because I last described myself as being calm...Unnaturally calm. This is different, this is excitement that I've never known, so it's a bit hard to recognise it when it comes along... It's like a mantra slowly building in tempo and volume... This mantra is saying "it's going to happen, it's going to happen, is going to happen..." I guess there is no other word for it... Excitement. I think at the age of 55 being excited is a thing that happened so rarely now that it becomes difficult to recognise the emotions when they occur. Since I was about 12 or 13 excitement has been restricted to 3 or four times throughout my life, one being the day I got married, two and three being the births of my two daughters. Maybe this is the fourth time...

I had the last of my doctor's appointments on Monday, getting the all clear health wise to proceed with my surgery (not that it mattered to get the clearance from that Dr anyway). I also completed the last of my purchases required postop. The last couple of things I have to do is fill the script for the antibiotics and the bowel preparation which I will do on the weekend before I go.

Just when I thought all the worms had been securely squared away in their cans and there was really nothing of any great consequence that needed doing before surgery. However there was one  thing left toi do and that was to have "The Talk" with her

"The talk" centred on the worst case scenario(during surgery) and what would happen. It is not a conversation either of us wanted to have but one that was necessary and the reason I bring it up is simply because out of it came a small complication for me... Meryl asked me if I had told anyone from my family and of course I haven't told anyone from my family about surgery in December. Meryl asked that I pick one of my brothers and in the very least give them the "heads up" about my surgery. She understands how difficult this is for but it was important to her and I agreed.

The last couple of days I have been a little preoccupied thinking about how to approach the subject, which brother to speak to and when to do it. Some of the things I have decided, I will speak to my immediate older brother and let him know that I am having surgery, the risks associated and those specific to me. I will have to explain to him what surgery, but more importantly I want him to understand that should anything happen to me there is to be no, repeat no, interference in Meryl's wishes in the event of complications. Meryl is fully versed on exactly what I want to happen.
All this sounds so simple and I wish it was. I will have to see but I have my suspicions that he is gonna want to talk to my parents about this which is why the timing of my talk with him is important. I may in fact wait until the night before I leave before speaking to him or even maybe the day I arrive in Melbourne.... I am unsure at this stage.

My hip is not happy, I took Monday off walking and walked Tuesday and today restricting myself to 5 km each day. I will have a rest day tomorrow and then walk Friday and Saturday morning having a rest day Sunday. I'm going to try, walk two days, rest one day although I suspect it may end up walk one rest one. I am not sure but I think the last few months have really placed a lot of strain on the joint. I know they encourage me to exercise on it but I can't imagine they wanted me to be walking 7 km every day at an increased pace. I think I am really fit at the moment and my resting pulse/BP are indicators of just how fit I am. When I come back from Melbourne I will need to try and maintain my weight not only because I am having surgery but it is also much better for HbA1c results.

I expect to be around here the next week or two up until my surgery. After surgery I will let a couple of people know once I am out of ICU and any possible danger. I'm hoping this will be in the first 24 to 36 hours but don't be surprised that it's three days. If it is going to be this long I will get Meryl to get in touch.

Looking forward to catching up with Cindy and Nicole tomorrow for a coffee...always a good laugh.

Take care

Liz

Quote from: LizK on November 20, 2018, 10:38:18 PM

Hi Veronica

I am now a day 17 with no HRT and I would categorically state that being mentally prepared is the key. Knowing what is causing the emotions you are feeling is essential to keeping them in perspective. Unfortunately for me the first couple of times when my oestrogen became low I was unsure as to what was causing the feelings I had. This time I am aware of what it is causing the feelings on experiencing which in turn makes them had a much lower impact than they did the last time.

The downside of this is the physical stuff. Yes it's not great but there is an end in sight with only two weeks to go before I can start oestrogen again. As far as testosterone levels going up I am lucky in that I don't have to suppress them anyway. My testosterone levels are suppressed by my medication pump. I suspect that this was not the case I may have far more physical symptoms than I actually do.

Things I've noticed so far are changes to my hair, skin, breasts, oval all body hair just to name a few that I can put my finger on. None of these items have run rampant and are showing only early signs. To give you an example I have noticed an increase in terminal hairs on my face, I have noticed my hair has once again become more oily but only slightly, my skin is no longer slightly dry but more towards what it used to be... So none of these things are at a really bad stage and I doubt that they will get to that stage before I'm able to take some more oestrogen.

I wanted to say that whilst stopping HRT does in fact... Suck!!!. It is not as bad as I anticipated. I am going to be okay and so will you.


Take care
Liz

thanks for that thats good to know.. XD

Liz,
   So excited for you and proud of you for doing what you did to get here. The adventure is about to begin. I hope it is easy for you. When I look back at my time, well it was one of the most special times of my life. I am so glad I took it all in as it was happening. I don't even think of any of the discomfort as I look back. Things like @Rachel and @Laurie visiting me and getting flowers from friends, those are the emotional things I really appreciate. Of course, the transformation was amazing in its impact on my life. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Good luck Sweetie and look forward to cheering you on.
Moni

LIZ!!  I share your excitement, I get to share it over and over on the forums here but with some people it's more so.

I know how you feel about telling someone in your family about the upcoming surgery. I tend to withhold any issues with myself until it's all done and over. I hate when a big deal is made out of it, stirring up "what if's". Your wife is right, this is one to share ahead, I still don't know if I would. I think Lori would do it for me when I 'forgot'

Anyways, just sticking my head in while I await incoming emails. I think it's broken, I haven't been getting any ........

Faith

Just getting caught up, Liz. Being off the oestrogen has got to suck. Preparing your mind for the effects was a wise move. You are almost into single digits on your countdown to the big day. Have a great time with Cindy and Nicole tomorrow, tell them i said Hi.

Looking forward to seeing more of your updates.

Hugs,
Jayne

Quote from: HappyMoni on November 21, 2018, 04:59:26 AM
Liz,
   So excited for you and proud of you for doing what you did to get here. The adventure is about to begin. I hope it is easy for you. When I look back at my time, well it was one of the most special times of my life. I am so glad I took it all in as it was happening. I don't even think of any of the discomfort as I look back. Things like @Rachel and @Laurie visiting me and getting flowers from friends, those are the emotional things I really appreciate. Of course, the transformation was amazing in its impact on my life. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Good luck Sweetie and look forward to cheering you on.
Moni

Hi Moni

I do think you are right, everything up until recently has really been prep for the "finale" which for me will mark the end of one part of my life and the "new" start I have  wanted. It became apparent that for me there was no choice about surgery it was the natural progression for me. Despite being full of doubts when I booked my surgery I have over the last 18months come to understand so much more about myself and how I survived to 50.

I can well imagine that in 12 months much of the way I am feeling now, will be forgotten....I still have the occasional thoughts questioning what and why I am doing this...interestingly the conversation has become very straight forward as I finally now have the answers to those questions...I also realise now that the only person that does have the answers to those difficult questions is...ME!!!

Thanks for the kind words of support...each and every one of you makes a difference in my life.

Take care

Liz

Quote from: Faith on November 21, 2018, 07:10:03 AM
LIZ!!  I share your excitement, I get to share it over and over on the forums here but with some people it's more so.

I know how you feel about telling someone in your family about the upcoming surgery. I tend to withhold any issues with myself until it's all done and over. I hate when a big deal is made out of it, stirring up "what if's". Your wife is right, this is one to share ahead, I still don't know if I would. I think Lori would do it for me when I 'forgot'

Anyways, just sticking my head in while I await incoming emails. I think it's broken, I haven't been getting any ........

Faith

Hi Faith
I had wanted to get through my surgery without involving my family at all. I especially didn't want my Parents knowing as I have no doubt they would "judge" me for the decision...one of the few things my Mother did say to me the day I came out to her is that "I would not need the surgery"....I was too "old" and "wasn't like those who needed the surgery".

Telling them directly would be a big mistake in my book and just opening myself up for an argument I do not wish to have. So I will tell my second to oldest brother who out of all of them is probably the closest to Meryl and since this is about her and not me then I will speak to Chris. He is the CEO of an international company and is well versed in trans issues from a business as well as personal point of view and has also been like my older brother a pragmatic and loyal supporter even in the face of bigotry from my parents. He refuses to let such a small thing as gender get in the way of his family relationships. This is the guy I am going to tell...he will be able to keep it too himself until told otherwise. I am trusting of how he will handle this and I won't be giving him enough time to "do" anything anyway. I will keep you updated as the week goes along


Take care


Liz

Quote from: Jayne01 on November 21, 2018, 07:50:00 AM
Just getting caught up, Liz. Being off the oestrogen has got to suck. Preparing your mind for the effects was a wise move. You are almost into single digits on your countdown to the big day. Have a great time with Cindy and Nicole tomorrow, tell them i said Hi.

Looking forward to seeing more of your updates.

Hugs,
Jayne

Hi Jayne

Yes being off Oestrogen does in fact suck but I was mentally prepared for it and knew that my GD was likely to kick off and give me hard time. Yes it has done that but I am in such a good place, that managing this temporary Oestrogen drop is not that difficult and it has only had minor effects on me.

Its really crazy that the one time when surgeons need their patients to be "on top of their game" and feeling the fittest both physically and mentally they can be, they want to take away arguably the most important catalyst for physical change and good mental health that most trans people experience during transition. There is no science behind the stopping of HRT(with the exception of oral HRT) and it feels like it is simply another "Hoop" to jump through...the last one for me. After GCS I will not be jumping through any hoops for anyone anymore....maybe with the exception of Meryl and Oscar LOL

Take care

Liz

Day 11 Begins

Better nights sleep, Got about 5 hours which is about average for me. I was forced up about 5am with the need to move my body especially my hips.

I don't have much else planned today except my catch-up at some point with the other Ladies. No walking today...it is a rest day...grumble grumble 

I am still thinking about how and what to tell my brother...I don't really know but he has a Birthday coming up next Thursday and I have always called him on this day. That seems like the best time to ask but I have to say I feel a bit weird about ringing him up to wish him Happy Birthday to then drop my impending GCS on him...anyway I could throw it casually into the conversation because I have no doubt he will ask when my hip will be done or some other open ended question that I can tell him about it. The alternative is just to contact him today and say I want to talk and take it from there....hmmmmmmm 

I am going to take a cab from the airport to Knox Hospital which takes about 40 minutes as opposed the alternative of about 2 hrs by public transport. I like the idea of a 40 minute ride even though it will be really expensive. I will have approximately 4 hours from the time I land till I have to stop eating solid food and leave the airport for Knox Hospital. My plan is to stop somewhere (maybe even the airport) and have a meal or a celebratory brunch...Having a look at the Knox Hospital site there are all the typical fast food outlets around the area but if this is going to be my last proper food for a week I want it to be a nice one!!

Thats all for now

Liz

DAY 11


Slept till 6 am this morning which is good for me, 6 hours straight! Had groceries arriving this morning between 7am and 10am so could not go for my walk until they were delivered..instead I talked turkey dinners with Laurie and surfed my Facebook. Groceries arrived at about 9:30am of course LOL Off for my walk back 50 minutes later feeling much better.

I awoke this morning with excitement butterflies in my stomach(that is a first) and the realisation of just how close things are. I actually said to Laurie it felt too soon but as I explained, what I really mean is that for so long surgery is this impossible dream, away,                                                                                                        far off in the distance and then suddenly its here, now, next week...so as part of the excitement or because of it, I got slapped with the reality stick... which has left me excited to be moving forward to the next part of my transition.


No further thoughts on the talking to my brother. Nicole came over yesterday for coffee and we had a great afternoon. Meryl sat with us for the afternoon which was really surprising. It is the first time she has ever sat in when someone has come to visit. @Nicole you made an impression!! I think Meryl also realised that me speaking to my brother was no simple task and came with a certain angst on my part. I have the next few days to work it out and will probably try and speak to him on Sunday....

Went for my walk today and did my 5 ks I can tell that there has definitely been a change in my hips functioning...Normally around the 2/2.5 km mark I get the endorphins kicking in and become quite comfortable as long as I stay in a rhythm...its weigh in day tomorrow, after my walk and hopefully I have maintained my sub 30 BMI I only have next week to worry about. At this point weight and fitness don't seem to be an issue, keeping my hip in a viable condition is a bigger priority. I am grateful that it has lasted as long as it has...I always knew it was going to be a sketchy proposition getting my hip to stay viable for the lead up to GCS. I am still confident that I can manage the remaining 4 workouts left before I pack up for Melbourne.... I even have a countdown for my workouts LOL

Feeling good, feeling healthy, feeling positive....

Take care

Liz

@LizK
Dear Liz: 
Your recent updates and continued countdown definitely show your resolve and determination to do what you feel that you must do.  Yes, butterflies and uncertainty, and perhaps some fear will always rear it's head but continue to be strong and think positive thoughts.

I really like your last statements in your update:
I even have a countdown for my workouts LOL

Feeling good, feeling healthy, feeling positive....

Thank you for keeping us all tuned into your exciting life events...
Hugs,
Danielle

Quote from: LizK on November 22, 2018, 11:06:21 PM
DAY 11

Feeling good, feeling healthy, feeling positive....

Take care

Liz

This is wonderful Liz!

Another good solid 5 hours sleep last night. Today was the last day I will go walking on a Saturday before my surgery. In fact, next Friday will be my last official weigh in and exercise prep for my surgery. This leaves me only three workouts to complete. It seems such a long time ago I was at 106KG and I had to lose 16 Kgs...it was about 18months ago. I spent the time on my walk this morning thinking about how and what I was going to say to my brother...as soon as I got in from my walk I sent him a message asking if we can talk...he has a really high powered job and is constantly in demand 7 days a week so I sent him a txt and he said he would call me today...actually I expected him to have rung already but so far he hasn't.

I decided, that when speaking with my older brother I would try and keep to generalities and just explain to him why I have called and what I want him to know. I can't imagine he will want to know that many of the details. I can't do much except wait, hopefully tomorrow I will be able to describe how the phone call went.

Well I am officially nervous!! yes excited...looking forward to getting on with it, in a hurry up I am sick of waiting kind of way...maybe I should try being less impatient...

Thankyou Jessica and Danielle for the kind words and encouragement....I would have used a "mention" but mine won't work anymore thanks for your comments

Feeling Good, Feeling Healthy, Feeling Positive....

Liz

Heya Liz. With you current attitude and approach, I don't foresee any issues for you. You've got this.

Keep smiling
Faith

Terrible night last night up and down half the night. I suspect much of it had to do with the phone call to my older brother. He was really supportive of me and what I am doing and asked pertinent and reasonable questions. We talked fairly extensively about my upcoming surgery and the inevitable conversation about my other brother was had.  Suffice to say that things are worse than I thought with my parents and him..so be it! The ball is in their court.


My Daughter comes over yesterday and shows me her new iPhone x. Nice looking phone and she then hands me her iPhone 7plus and says here Dad you can have this if you want it...I am have an iPhone 6...I was really surprised but so grateful. What a really generous thing for her to do. So I spent last might transferring my data across. There is an issue with the camera on the phone but I can get it to work fine. It needs a new clear face cover and it will be perfect. I am really grateful to her for her generosity.

I have also been doing some prep for Melbourne and a girl needs some new shoes if she is going away, Hence...




First two at normal price and the third one for $1...I now have shoes for Melbourne...I was down to one pair of sandals that had seen better days. So I think I am Okay for shoes...will do some more clothes shopping whilst in Melbourne.
Its weird to be thinking about this surgery in terms of "next week" or a "few days". I don't think it will fully hit me until I am walking out the door to catch my plane Monday week...it is such a momentous occasion for me and still does not seem real in many ways ATM. I am now having these moments of acute nervousness/excitement when I think about my surgery and as the reality of it grows.


I keep thinking I am missing something LOL not very rational I know but I have been off HRT for over 3 weeks and I feel, in general, lousy...if it wasn't for this upcoming surgery keeping me on track it would be easy to let the physical discomfort get the better of me. These are such familiar feelings and I hate them, these are what drove me to seek help in the first place. The physical change stuff kicks off my GD and then I have to deal with that, which I am more than equipped to do but it still makes for an unnecessary crappy time...enough of that as I could go on and on and on.....

I have a very quiet week ahead...I will catch up with the walking wounded sometime during the week. I know Nicole is pretty busy but you never know, she might find some time to join us with any luck. Other than that as far as I am aware everything is in place...I actually think I have even completed all my purchases...it feels like all I have done for the last month is spend large sums of money LOL even that's done!!


Feeling Good, Feeling Healthy, Feeling Positive...

Liz