Wow, jaded thanks for being so honest with us. It can be very hard to be honest about this, so you should be very proud of yourself. I have physiological anerxia because I have long term damage from celiac disease which I know is not the same but before we knew it was physical I was sent to eating disorder clinics. There was a community group called Sheena's Place that was open to men and women and it was free. I was accepted without question as male and it taught me a lot of useful info. I don't know where you live but Sheena's is in Toronto, Ontario.
Now I am not going to lecture you on the health consequences because I am sure you know them already and are quite bored with that speech. This could be a physiological response to years of forcing your body to throw up, the bulimia rearing it's ugly head or this could be a symptom of severe damage already done. I am most concerned about the bleed. I won't ask you to discuss your symptoms on a public message board but if it is foamy, bright red, large clots or large amounts of blood get yourself to a doctor fast even if you don't have the money worry about that after. From what I understand there are free hospitals in the US you can go to in an emergency. Same with clinics, either way I am worried and hope you get medically assessed. If you would like to post where you are we could search and see if their are any free services for people with eating disorders..
Now on to the best advice I can think of under the circumstances. Short of it being severe damage or the bulimia the best thing I was told was to only eat a bite and if a bite is too much half a bite. Try to keep that down but if it fails wait 20 minutes or until you don't feel sick and try and consume the same amount. Repeat until your body keeps it down. It may take time because you have programmed your body to vomit when it has something in the stomach. Your body has to learn what it feels like to have something in it again. I would try timing it, i.e. if you can keep from throwing up for five minutes try 5 minutes and 30 seconds. You would be surprised what you are able to do it you just focus on little steps and don't feel bad if you do throw up. If you can get to the point that you don't throw up for a hour try increasing the amount slightly.
If it is the bulimia then you have to address it. It will kill you as I am sure you know. I have a friend in Boston who is a psychologist who might be able to help me locate a counselor/ eating disorder clinic that you could go to. You aren't alone, try talking on the phone or msn with friends when you are trying to keep from vomiting. I hate msn but I will log on if you want to talk and know you are not alone. I am still largely indifferent to eating and unless I actively work on eating it can get away from me. I am better, the pain from the Celiac's is mostly gone but I still have no instinct to eat and a really small stomach. The doctors say I should be patient that it takes time to heal. I don't have any magic words to make you feel better anymore then I have them for myself, except you are not alone.
I do still want you to go to a hospital to be assessed for the bleed, think about it yes it has happened before but you said it never hurt this much and that is a serious symptom. So please if you don't know where to go let us help you. If you do then please go.
->-bleeped-<-boy
