Hi There,

I'm having difficulty posting an introduction.  Where to go (I don't see a space on the page)?  Thanks!

Sophiesmom

If you hit reply down below you will be able to introduce yourself.

Hi Sophiesmom 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's Place!  I'm Jessica.
I have included a link to the Introductions Forum below.  I glad you have joined.
I assume your Sophie's mother, correct?  It is wonderful that you want to learn more.

I see you're new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted red.  It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell the members about yourself!

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

Quote from: sophiesmom on December 02, 2018, 10:54:26 AM
Hi There,

I'm having difficulty posting an introduction.  Where to go (I don't see a space on the page)?  Thanks!

Sophiesmom

@sophiesmom
Dear Sophiesmom
    I am very happy to see that you decided to join the Susan's Place site.

    I also see that our lovely member and California Girl   @Jessica   has already welcomed you to Susan's Place.     

    Thank you for your firstposting yf... and as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  Jessica  included in her welcome message.  You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
    Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Quote from: sophiesmom on December 02, 2018, 10:54:26 AM
Hi There,

I'm having difficulty posting an introduction.  Where to go (I don't see a space on the page)?  Thanks!

Sophiesmom

@sophiesmom
Oh, another thing Sophiesmom,  to answer your question about posting your Introduction:   
Since you are already on the Introductions Forums, you have 2 ways
that you can post an Introduction.
 
At both the top and bottom of the page that you are now on
you will find "New Topic" and "Reply" buttons.

The "New Topic" button will permit you to post a new thread with a title that you choose. 
The "Reply" button will let you ADD ON another comment on your existing thread that you just started.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle               cc: @Jessica

Hi Sophie's Mom 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi Everyone,

I feel at home here thanks to the quick response from GingerVicki and the warm welcome from Danielle and Jessica.

I'm the 72-yr-old mom of a 31-yr-old MTF with Aspergers, which is in the Autism spectrum.  Sophie is her new name, and I forget sometimes and call her Joey by mistake.  She wants to start presenting as female in January, and begin HRT by the end of '19.  I've purchased clothing (she's 2x/3x)--tops, so far.  Also, stretchy bras.  She has breast forms (not sure of the proper term).  The bras don't really work well.  I've helped her with makeup. 

We've talked about this on and off for the past 15 years or so, and Sophie knows that we love her unconditionally and will help in whatever way we can.  Each time in the past when the subject comes up, she has decided she's okay living as a male.  She is seeing a psychologist who has experience with transgender and is helping her work with/through this.  Aspergers is a life-long neurological anxiety and communication disorder.  Sophie also has Crohn's Disease.

Sophie has always wanted a girlfriend, but has never had one.  She spends most of her time on video games and is unemployed in spite of trying to find a job.  She's very intelligent--my go-to person for politics, also a great writer--and has an AA, which she achieved over an 8 year period.

Here's the current challenge:  Sophie is over 6' and weighs about 270 lbs.  I've looked at bras and have no idea where to try to purchase one that would accommodate her size.

I asked her last night if she ever participates in forums.  She doesn't because "some of the information is discouraging."  So I will probably do this for her, and cut and paste anything I think she would appreciate knowing.

Again, thank you for your warm welcomes and any insight you can offer. 

Sophiesmom

Hello Sophiesmom and welcome!

I can't post links yet, but I'm 5'10" and weighed 275 when i started HRT. I ordered some sports bras that fit great from Amazon.

Fruit of the Loom 9012 - size 48. It was a little big. Wish I had ordered a 46.

Fruit of the Loom 9036 - loved the spaghetti straps. Ordered a 44. Fit perfectly.

Glamorise complete comfort wire free strapless bra 1800 - 46 b/c/d ordered black just to feel sexy. Love it. Was a little tight but still, I love it.

Champion plus size vented compression sports bra QB6632 - 4x fit snugly. Hid the girls after about 4 months HRT when I was feeling insecure about being in Male mode and having boobs. Don't wear it much anymore.

Women's Plus Size Dreamy Comfort Wireless Lace Half Cup Full Figure Bra 5204 - 44a, fit snug but the cups are large for A's when you get into bigger bands. I find that I just dont fill them yet. I should get a 38 and a bra extender if I want to fill them properly.

If she's going to wear breast form the above won't matter.

Hope this helps some.

Mindy

P.S.- I should mention I have lost 30 pounds since starting HRT. I'm down to 245 now. I've been on Phentermine for a few months and changed my diet some. I eat less calories most days. I use an app called Track to track my calories. You can also enter your age and weight and it will tell you how many calories to eat daily to maintain or lose weight. It has helped me tremendously. I highly recommend it if she has the desire to shed some weight.
Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

Firstly, Sophie does have a girlfriend....you.  Nowhere is it said a mother can't be a girlfriend to their child.  You are a wonderful friend at that..
As far as bras...oof.  That's an issue many of transgender women face.  They just aren't tailored to fit frames that have been influenced by testosterone.  A professional fitting may be a option you may want to look into.
Sophie is not alone with her specific issues and may find great support from those here that do also.  I understand Sophie's  hesitation and you are truly helpful with your support as mother and girlfriend.

Thank you for being there for Sophie!

Hugs, Jessica

Welcome to Susan's place. For some reason several of our member are on the spectrum. It has puzzled me as to why this is and I don't really have a good answer. Should Sophie decide to join us, she will discover that she will be treated as one of us and we will do the best we can to help her.

As for the bras, the site I use is Hanes. There are several brand to chose from however I have found that Playtex works pretty well for me. I have small boobs with 6'2" and about 170 pounds making me a bit out of the normal for fit. I also wear an extra large in a top because of my football player shoulders. The website is a bit complex in that you need to set the brand you want to explore so plan a little extra time when shopping to explore all of the brands.

Oh, wow--Mindy, Jessica and Dena--thank you so much for taking the time to post a reply.  I will check out all of your suggestions.  My daughter's psychologist now says he's not convinced Sophie is transgender, but rather "gender-fluid."  I never heard the term.  Any thoughts on this?

Sophie says therapy has been intense...hopefully, she will find answers.

Jessica, I love this:  "I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love."  So, so true!

Thank you again, and hugs to all!

Mom

Hi, SophiesMom!  Welcome and thank you for your support of Sophie!

Gender-fluid is actually one of the varieties of transgender.  It means that the person's perception of their gender varies over time: at times they will feel masculine and at times they will feel feminine.  In some cases, the fluidity is due to doubts about transitioning, and it might settle down to a binary category in time.  In other cases, it is not based on doubt and may persist indefinitely.

Quote from: sophiesmom on December 10, 2018, 08:58:22 AM
Oh, wow--Mindy, Jessica and Dena--thank you so much for taking the time to post a reply.  I will check out all of your suggestions.  My daughter's psychologist now says he's not convinced Sophie is transgender, but rather "gender-fluid."  I never heard the term.  Any thoughts on this?

Sophie says therapy has been intense...hopefully, she will find answers.

Jessica, I love this:  "I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love."  So, so true!

Thank you again, and hugs to all!

Mom

Gender fluid is a term that describes how one feels they may be a blend of genders.  I liken it to thinking of a sliding scale between 100% female to 100% male.  There are countless points on this scale that someone can find themselves on, sometimes in a fluid like nature, staying at one point but not necessarily static.  I myself find I associate mainly female, but with a bit of male included.
This may be personally because I have conditioned my life to fit into social norms after 60 years before being comfortable to express more of my feminine side.  I have always been where I am on this gender spectrum, I'm just now able to be my real self freely.  Freely is a loose term though, there are times it is necessary for me to present more of my 20% male side, such as camping where I enjoy doing activities more in tune with a male. I've not embraced full time, so as to maintain a healthy relationship with my past.  The reason I believe I'm gender fluid is that I'm not dysphoric when I need to do this. 
It's still a work in progress and the sliding scale shifts farther to the female end for me as I go.

At one point I questioned this idea, thinking maybe I was holding on to the male side as a crutch.  There is more to it and have discounted that. 

This is a real thing and should be explored. 

Non-Binary is also a possibility for some that feel the sliding scale is static for them.  Firmly fixed at one point, believing they are neither male nor female.

All ways of how someone identifies is valid and should never be discouraged.

Hugs Jessica

Quote from: sophiesmom on December 10, 2018, 08:58:22 AM
Oh, wow--Mindy, Jessica and Dena--thank you so much for taking the time to post a reply.  I will check out all of your suggestions.  My daughter's psychologist now says he's not convinced Sophie is transgender, but rather "gender-fluid."  I never heard the term.  Any thoughts on this?

Sophie says therapy has been intense...hopefully, she will find answers.

Jessica, I love this:  "I love you. No...... I might not know you, but if folk can hate for no good reason, I can love."  So, so true!

Thank you again, and hugs to all!

Mom

I am pretty much gender fluid, and don't identify with either gender.  I have no dysphoria running around in male clothing, in fact, each time I go to some car repair related stuff or a DIY store, i go as a male.  I do prefer to be female though, and mostly present as a woman!
I don't know how Sophie feels about being a woman or a man, but if she is like I,that she can switch between male and female at the flick of a thumb, she might be similar to me.
It is kind of handy to be like this, but it is also a burden not to know where I belong.  I hope that  can become a full female person once my transition is farther along the line.
I am born intersex, which means I am pat female and part male by birth.  I was raised to be a male, but that never worked out well, and that made me to become gender fluid.
It could be that Sophie is also intersex, considering that she has other not so common syndromes, to!  I have also NVLD, which might be part of my intersex condition.

I am not the only intersex person here in the forum, and we are very ready to help Sophie along, if she feels like she wants us to help!

What was said above about Gender fluid is correct however you may still be a little confused. Our WIKI has a good description of the transgender family and it may give you a better idea why this can sometimes be difficult to figure out. We are uncomfortable in our skin but to different degrees and in different ways. Don't worry, it's difficult for us to figure out and even more difficult for somebody who has never felt the discomfort.

Hi Sophie's Mom - So glad you are here and what a wonderful Mom you are !!  Loving your child for who she is.

I have 3 kids in their 20s and 2 are severely affected with Autism more so than Asperger's so I understand.  My 3rd child is probably marginally on the Asperger's end of the spectrum.

I think you are doing the right things for Sophie, but most important is that you are being supportive.

I am also a big girl, 6'2" and 240.  I have lived as an openly transwoman for 2 yrs.  There are many places that you can find things for bigger women these days.  Regarding bras that hold breast forms you can find them many places. There are sites that cater to crossdressers that can be helpful during the early days of transition for finding items that fit correctly.  Just Google crossdresser clothing - you will find pages and pages - but you will have to wade through some sites that cater to sexy fetish high heel type stuff.  One site I recommend is the Breast Form Store. They have bras designed to hold breast forms.

I don't shop those sites anymore but for larger women just starting out it can help with bras and breast forms.

I buy most of my clothing at Long Tall Sally - tasteful stuff that fits but a little pricey.

One last suggestion - Due to the differences in the body shapes of genetic males vs females you will find that proportionately male's legs are shorter and torsos are longer.  Therefore I can buy pants almost anywhere that women can but tops are very difficult due to shoulders and sleeves. That is where Long Tall Sally comes in very helpful for my tops and sweaters.  J. Jill is also good at larger sizes.  Don't think plus size - think tall also.  It's the shoulders and arms that are the problem for us not the hips and butt like genetic females.

Best wishes to you and Sophie

Welcome Sophiesmom.

It's great that you want to learn more and support your girl no matter where on the spectrum she ends up to be.

My son has autism. He is 17. I know it's a tough diagnose to have. Want friends but at the same time it is hard to be social. Friends need you to be social. He has all of his friends online. No need to socialize face to face.

Tony