So, sometimes it's so much to deal with, you know? At the moment, I'm so lonely due to the fact that I can't hook up with man at all because they don't have enough self confidence to be with me that I feel desperate. I need physical touch you now. I crave falling in love, living a romance, kissing passionately, all those things that should come naturally to ya. But they don't...no man ever wants to be with me because I don't have a vagina. Yet. All that's left is worrying about making money for the surgery. That's it.

And then I feel so desperate with the intense sex cravings I get that....the only way I can stop feeling like ->-bleeped-<- is drinking, I mean, I know it's wrong but what else can I do? I tried everything to satisfy my unbelievable libido but nothing works. Man here are just...too insecure I guess. And it's not just sex you know...it's that "how are ya honey?" from a man who is absolutely in love with you. That is what I need.

Life isn't fair sometimes. Why did this evil organ grew in me? What's the whole point with it? It's useless, it never worked, it serves no purpose and it causes nothing but disaster. Useless and gets in the of absolutely everything. Sucks. 

Quote from: Dany on December 07, 2018, 08:54:12 PM
So, sometimes it's so much to deal with, you know? At the moment, I'm so lonely due to the fact that I can't hook up with man at all because they don't have enough self confidence to be with me that I feel desperate. I need physical touch you now. I crave falling in love, living a romance, kissing passionately, all those things that should come naturally to ya. But they don't...no man ever wants to be with me because I don't have a vagina. Yet. All that's left is worrying about making money for the surgery. That's it.

And then I feel so desperate with the intense sex cravings I get that....the only way I can stop feeling like ->-bleeped-<- is drinking, I mean, I know it's wrong but what else can I do? I tried everything to satisfy my unbelievable libido but nothing works. Man here are just...too insecure I guess. And it's not just sex you know...it's that "how are ya honey?" from a man who is absolutely in love with you. That is what I need.

Life isn't fair sometimes. Why did this evil organ grew in me? What's the whole point with it? It's useless, it never worked, it serves no purpose and it causes nothing but disaster. Useless and gets in the of absolutely everything. Sucks.

Hi Dany

Its horrible when you feel crappy like that....worse when you feel so bad that booze is the only thing that relieves that feeling. I used alcohol as the "cure all" in my life for many years until it just about killed me(mission accomplished...almost)...ended up causing me all sorts of issues.

Its easy for people to preach sobriety especially if they are coming from a position, where trauma similar to what you are describing is not part of their life and they don't have to deal with it. The unfortunate truth is that for most of us...it(alcohol) just makes things worse.

I hope you can find a way to get through this part of your life and get the surgery you so clearly need. I hope you are able to get to your surgery date sooner rather than later.

take care
Liz


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Yeah, you can give drinking a shot. Might work, and lots of people even manage to suppress themselves right back into the closet with it.

Lord knows, I did it for years. Was even able to ignore the truth completely.

But I'm telling you, it took a *ton* of work. Lots of drinking every day, which also ultimately runs into real money. I ended up fat and with addiction issues.

I dunno. Alcohol was pretty effective at taking all the demons I was too afraid to face and stuffing them down in the hole, so I can't complain. But I lost out on a lot of the joy in life I should have felt because of it, so that's a real regret.

Everything's a balance. It's no sin to drink, even if you become an alcoholic. I do wish I'd explored healthier options, though.

Is drinking the only option?

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 Hi Dany,
              my 2 bobs worth is if you can keep alcohol for the good times it is more of a friend than a treacherous trap. I was always just a social drinker until I started drinking heavily in the evenings to squash the dreaded Gender Dysphoria. It worked in the short term but drinking started getting on top of me.

  Now on HRT  I dont feel any pressing need to drink and I keep it for the good times.

I do feel for you meeting the right guy though. I guess there is the risk of finding a good man may not want you to have eventual GRS.

  What would be your ultimate scenario - I know you need the physical and emotional intimacy. Would it be OK if it all fell into place pre-op ? Or is your ultimate dream to be in a romance anatomically female?


  Kindest regards, Kirsten.

I feel the same way Dany. It's a very hard situation to have to face... And alone too. Because even with support, no one is with us every single step of the way. And they don't have to be. Feminizing has been nice, until (sadly) reality set in. So I know what you're going through... And I think you're right to blame their insecurities. It probably holds them back in many other ways too

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I know that feel. Though I locked my feelings long ago and got used to loneliness, sometimes even me just feel like frozen and wish somebody to warm me up. Have some other problems too. So, all it blurred with my mind while I'm drunk, so cheers, I'll drink for that.

Quote from: Battle Goddess on December 07, 2018, 10:28:24 PM
Yeah, you can give drinking a shot. Might work, and lots of people even manage to suppress themselves right back into the closet with it.

Lord knows, I did it for years. Was even able to ignore the truth completely.

But I'm telling you, it took a *ton* of work. Lots of drinking every day, which also ultimately runs into real money. I ended up fat and with addiction issues.

I dunno. Alcohol was pretty effective at taking all the demons I was too afraid to face and stuffing them down in the hole, so I can't complain. But I lost out on a lot of the joy in life I should have felt because of it, so that's a real regret.

Everything's a balance. It's no sin to drink, even if you become an alcoholic. I do wish I'd explored healthier options, though.

Is drinking the only option?

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Self-medicating is a maladaptive response whether it's alcohol, food, drugs, or some other diversion from dealing with ones problems and incorrect internal beliefs. Is it a sin? No. It's an opportunity for growth though.


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I have a family, and I can say that I am not so much lonely. But I like to drink while having dinner together with my kids. My two sons tend to hesitate to say their problems or agonies to me, but become outspoken when I am drinking wine. I drink wine and other alcohol beverages everyday, but medical checkups have not yet shown any problem in my liver, but I have chronic gastritis which is getting better and can be cured within a month if I stop drinking. I guess my regular exercise has helped maintain my healthy liver so far. Nowadays my sons are not at my home, and my little daughter chats and plays joke sitting next to me while I drink wine and my wife makes snacks. I usually drink a 2/3 of a bottle of red wine everyday.

barbie~~

Quote from: Dany on December 07, 2018, 08:54:12 PM
the only way I can stop feeling like ->-bleeped-<- is drinking

Believe it or not I've heard this a thousand times in various AA meetings.  Just because your transgender doesn't change anything.  Drinking only makes it worse. 
This is what AA is for.  I'd say give it a shot. 

Hi Dany, I am sober 21 years. I am an alcoholic.

You are right in that alcohol helps to let you forget problems if you drink enough and often. However, it destroyed my health and it did not resolve my issues.

I am divorced and transitioned. I am interested in guys too. Group does not have hetero guys there (there is a trans man group and the other trans social group only had woman there). There was a meet-up of 50 or so trans women this weekend at bars. Bars are dangerous places for me and the bars they go to are gay bars so the guys there are not interested in me.

I joined a cis gym near me and I spin there. I go three times a week and ruck once a week. I need to go into the main gym and start doing some chest, arm, shoulder and back work. I also need to do a rucking meetup(s). One great note about spinning and rucking is my body is looking very good which is good to attract guys. I just need to get into the main gym and do a rucking meetup.

I focus on high intensity exercise and I find it resets my brain mood and makes me feel so at ease. I think spinning and rucking are fantastic for depression. I need to get some courage and extend it to additional group activities.

I hope this helps, I know how you feel,
Rachel

Quote from: Janes Groove on December 08, 2018, 03:22:16 PM
Believe it or not I've heard this a thousand times in various AA meetings.  Just because your transgender doesn't change anything.  Drinking only makes it worse. 
This is what AA is for.  I'd say give it a shot.

It's a good point, Dany. AA isn't actually for alcoholics. It's for anyone who wants to stop drinking. If I had to guess, it sounds to me like you wish you didn't drink.

Another couple of good points about AA meetings are that you're spending time not being alone, it's at least an hour that you're not drinking, and you can make some pretty decent friends.

Your local area may well have LGBTQIA-specific meetings. I've also found Quad-A (AAAA, or AA for Atheists and Agnostics) meetings to be very welcoming. But I've never found a meeting that hasn't made me feel welcome and safe.

So like I say, no judgment on my part as to whether you want to drink, or whether you do. It did what I wanted it to for years, but it kept me from doing what I needed to. And AA isn't actually all that bad.

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Quote from: barbie on December 08, 2018, 01:34:18 PMI drink wine and other alcohol beverages everyday, but medical checkups have not yet shown any problem in my liver, but I have chronic gastritis which is getting better and can be cured within a month if I stop drinking.

It often amazes me how smart people do basically stupid things when the various chemical addictives are involved. Your choice here would seem a no brainer to me. I guess it's not easy for me to understand since I've never used any of them even frequently and generally avoid them all now. I hope at some point a little light bulb comes on in your head, Barbie. Weigh the costs to benefits sometime.

Quote from: barbie on December 08, 2018, 01:34:18 PM
I usually drink a 2/3 of a bottle of red wine everyday.

barbie~~

That is a little on the high side.  Exercises don't help the liver much!  As slender as you look, you probably should not drink more than one glass of wine per day.
Your liver will not send out any pain warnings, once it is getting toward the unhealthy status, and only blood tests can provide information about any liver problems.

Please be careful with your drinking, because I really need you to be around for a long time!  Who else should make me want to buy more fashion clothing than you?

Quote from: Lyric on December 10, 2018, 10:39:22 AM
It often amazes me how smart people do basically stupid things when the various chemical addictives are involved. Your choice here would seem a no brainer to me. I guess it's not easy for me to understand since I've never used any of them even frequently and generally avoid them all now. I hope at some point a little light bulb comes on in your head, Barbie. Weigh the costs to benefits sometime.

Quote from: Dietlind on December 10, 2018, 11:03:52 AM
That is a little on the high side.  Exercises don't help the liver much!  As slender as you look, you probably should not drink more than one glass of wine per day.
Your liver will not send out any pain warnings, once it is getting toward the unhealthy status, and only blood tests can provide information about any liver problems.

Please be careful with your drinking, because I really need you to be around for a long time!  Who else should make me want to buy more fashion clothing than you?

Thanks! Lyric and Dietlind.

Yes. Alcohol is a nationwide problem in S. Korea.

https://qz.com/171191/south-koreans-drink-twice-as-much-liquor-as-russians-and-more-than-four-times-as-much-as-americans/

https://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/25/world/asia/tired-of-being-abused-by-drunks-south-korean-police-start-to-push-back.html

But it is a part of socialization with a long history. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drinking_culture_of_Korea

Despite high consumption, alcoholism is relatively rare here in S. Korea.

Unlike the U.S., here we should get mandatory health check-up every year, and endoscopy every 2 years. The cost is mostly less than US$10.

For example, the results of my health check-up. AST, ALT and gamma-GTP in the bottom indicate the health of my liver. These 3 indicators are within the range of normal or healthy people, but of course do not guarantee it 100%.



It is time to get health check-up for this year by December 31. Yesterday, I tried to make reservation, and heard that endoscopy is not mandatory, but optional. Some people rely on anesthesia during endoscopy, but I do not.

Yes. As getting old, I try to decrease my wine consumption.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on December 10, 2018, 05:28:51 PM

Yes. As getting old, I try to decrease my wine consumption.

barbie~~

Decreasing is the way to go!
One glass of red wine seems to be pretty positive for our heart health, but two is exactly one to much, and three is way to much!  It is not only bad for your liver, but or your stomach (with your ulcer) and it can cause a variety of cancers!
I bet you can find other enjoyable versions of socializing without drinking that much alcohol on a daily base!

Being born and raised in the Rhine river area of Germany (the traditional wine land), I am very much used to drink wine (everybody is drinking the stuff there), but I learned to keep the consumption down after seeing my brother in law dying on cirrhosis of the liver!

Quote from: Dietlind on December 10, 2018, 06:14:12 PM
Being born and raised in the Rhine river area of Germany (the traditional wine land), I am very much used to drink wine (everybody is drinking the stuff there), but I learned to keep the consumption down after seeing my brother in law dying on cirrhosis of the liver!

Yes. When I visited Hamburg a few years ago, the host served various white wine products from Rhine river, commenting that the quality is a world class. Of course, I tried to drink all of them. When the host visited here, I served various alcohol products here, and he bought us a bottle of tequila, which I sometimes drink, too.

One of my uncles also died from cirrhosis in the early 1970s, and my dad always worried about my drinking, as he believed I resemble with the uncle. But my dad also has been a heavy drinker, but still is healthy at his 80s. Actually all of my uncles drink well, and my mom was the same. Unlike them, I regularly exercise. My dad also has exercised outdoors regularly.

For example, 2 days ago I ran about 20 km outdoors for exercise. It was a little bit cold and I was exhausted at the uphill road of the last 5 km. I tend to feel strong hunger after exercise, and eating rice is not enough, drinking wine or ale beer. The feeling of hunger lasts for 2 days.



barbie~~

I'm another one who became an alcoholic and nearly drank myself to death trying to drown my sorrows, I thought my best friend's name was Jack Daniels for quite awhile

I was also a pack or more a day smoker

Then one day I decided that I was over it

I still enjoy a few beers, mainly in the evening with dinner and could never quite completely quit smoking, but I've cut back severely

Everything in moderation kinda deal until I'm ready to quit completely

Quote from: Dietlind on December 10, 2018, 11:03:52 AM
Exercises don't help the liver much!

Actually it does.  It helps detox the liver.  At lease cardio exercise does.  I'm not promoting drinking and running though

Back to the topic.  I drank a lot when I started transitioning.  Mostly just to deal with anxiety of dealing with others. 

Yes, dating is crazy the first two years.  Just stay focused and you will find someone.  I found someone after four years and we have been living together now for over a year.  He's a great guy!  You will find someone too!

Quote from: CindyLouFromCO on December 10, 2018, 07:52:24 PM
Actually it does.  It helps detox the liver.  At lease cardio exercise does.  I'm not promoting drinking and running though

I don't know who invented the myth that one can detox ones body or individual organs.  If your body would harbor toxins, you would be dying or dead already.  The liver and the kidneys are the organs inside our body who do the detoxing, i. e., removing harmful waste products from the body.  Cardiac activity increases the blood flow, and that helps the liver to metabolize all the toxins better, but it will not "detox" it!

Quote from: CindyLouFromCO on December 10, 2018, 07:52:24 PM
Actually it does.  It helps detox the liver.  At lease cardio exercise does.  I'm not promoting drinking and running though

Yes. It seems right: https://www.livestrong.com/article/206993-exercise-for-detox/

While running outdoors, I sometimes can smell the odor of the alcohol beverage from my body sweat, especially in summer, after drinking it at the previous night.

Last year, I finished a full course marathon after drinking more than 2 bottles of red wine at the night before, and I was so much thirsty, drinking water every minute while carrying 2 bottles of water, refilling them, probably every 30 minutes. I nearly gave up, but anyway finished it and I am sure I was the last runner reaching the finish line.



barbie~~