I asked this on another thread but I wanted to get see if I could more answers.

I'm curious if anyone who has started HRT ever discover that HRT was not the solution for them and their dysphoria.

I love the sense of happiness that I now feel but I want to know that I am on the right path and not just being seduced by my sudden shift in hormones.

In one month my total testosterone dropped from 368 to 36 and my estradiol is at 65.

Thanks for answering.

Hi Emma,

To address your first question; has anyone ever... I am sure they have, I personally have questions, usually revolving around future fears but remain unambiguous about my journey.

It is tougher than I imagined in many ways, yet incredibly joyful in others.

Because everyone's experience of life and their imagined image for the future is different, there can be no definitive answer to your second question.

Be true to who you are, live your life in the light and find the courage to face your fears; the answers will emerge.

Take care and remember we are here to support.

Xx
Sienna

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 07, 2018, 04:43:32 PM
I asked this on another thread but I wanted to get see if I could more answers.

I'm curious if anyone who has started HRT ever discover that HRT was not the solution for them and their dysphoria.

I love the sense of happiness that I now feel but I want to know that I am on the right path and not just being seduced by my sudden shift in hormones.

In one month my total testosterone dropped from 368 to 36 and my estradiol is at 65.

Thanks for answering.

Hi Emma!!!

Congrats on a courageous step forward towards finding what you want in your life and towards building a life that is a reflection of your inner truths... hidden for a very long time... In the end... the answer to your question will be unique to you... For me it was the answer to a question I had held inside for a lifetime but, my truths are not your truths... If things are feeling right to you... I would suspect you can draw some conclusions from that... Always being honest with yourself at every turn will serve you well as you continue to move forward!!!

All good things to you little sister!!!

Onward we go...

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕🌻

Emma,

I think you are asking if anyone who was relying on mtf HRT to eliminate her gender dysphoria (GD) found that HRT did not eliminate her GD.   Probably.

But there are more factors to consider.

There is likely many cases where mtf HRT alone likely would not eliminate GD, though even starting HRT in itself is highly gender affirming.  What if there was a lack of ability for her to express her gender to the extent desired?   Perhaps mtf HRT would help but not eliminate GD in this situation.

Or if she would receive repeated ridicule, not be passing, have her friends and family rejecting her, she has a lack of support, and so on -  all of that is not gender affirming and any of that may cause grief and possibly GD.

So is HRT the "magic pill?"  Is it the panecia?   HRT may enable her to be gendered correctly more often, and that is great and gender affirming.

What if HRT showed little of the desired results in whatever time period she is focusing on?

I hope you get lots of replies to help you out.


Chrissy

HRT is necessary unless you want to look and feel like a man for the rest of your life. Dysphoria is caused by your body not matching your gender identity. HRT is the most effective way to look, smell, feel and act as your true identity. It changes literally everything about you. Even the way you think. It may also change or shift your interests and sexual orientation. I found myself liking new things and not liking things I used to like. I found myself attracted to men for the first time in my life. I started noticing male body odor more. My scent changed from obvious male to a sweet feminine scent. My skin and hair changes and became softer. My body fat is redistributing which is making my hips and butt more prominent. I think you'll find these changes to be incredibly affirming and validating. If you're having doubts that's natural they fade over time. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I'd rather take a shot at becoming my true self than live the rest of my life stuck in the wrong body.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I knew HRT was for me the day I started.

However, about three months in, I had to come off it for a month because [my life is a dumpster fire].

During that month, I felt worse than I did pre-T, because not only did I lose the chemistry that made my brain function optimally; I tasted what feeling normal and happy and at home in my body had felt like, and then had to endure it physically disappearing from within me. My guy smell disappeared (oddly, my AFAB smell has been a huge source of dysphoria my entire life), my voice cracked and went up, a ton of other changes I had - many of which I expected to feel neutral about - reversed quickly, and I was devastated. I never once thought about dying since I started T, and once it was out of me, I felt like I was being mentally strangled by a black tentacle monster made of smoke that told me to kill myself for no reason. That was my old norm on estrogen, I just didn't realize how abnormal and horrible I felt until that awful noise went out of my head with the right hormones.

Stopping made me completely. Devastated.

I told myself the silver lining in that episode was now that (not that I had any doubts, but) if I were to enter a doubting spell, I know absolutely, unequivocally, one million percent that HRT is for me.

I also realized how imperative a hysterectomy is because any organs that make me feel that way do not belong inside my body, full stop. What a nightmare.

Anyway, I'm back on T and finally catching up to some of the progress I lost.

You could *theoretically* stop to do some soul searching, but if you felt worse pre-HRT, don't expect stopping to make you feel better. And I would never in a million years suggest that experiment unless you have a massive support network.

I understand now, from this experience, how people who take antidepressants feel great, decide they feel so great that they don't need meds anymore, and then... 

It's not like the hormones are creating some kind of false high, it's more like congratulations, you are finally high on life. It's the difference between filling your car's gas tank with grape soda, and actual proper gasoline. It feels amazing if you have been driving on grape soda your entire life.

I don't know, if HRT is doing anything for me or not.  But I have hardly any dysphoria at all, my voice is probably my biggest source of it.  I know that HRT will no do anything for this.
I think I could stop HRT today, and would not feel any different, and my body would continue to slowly feminize itself.
I take HRT because I want to speed the feminizing process up a little, and i hope that I will see some results of it in the not so distant future.

Thank you all for your responses so far. 

This path is so filled with landmines.  I feel like at each step I am about to step on one.

I feel so many fears that are new since I started this journey 10 months ago.  At times that I am afraid to be happy because in may just be temporary.  Sometimes I want the HRT to hurry up and sometimes I am just want to stop.

My gender life so far has been totally predictable.  This change is so profound, so life changing and affects so many others than just me that I have never been this afraid. 

You all are the best,

Emma

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 08, 2018, 08:53:35 AM
Thank you all for your responses so far. 

This path is so filled with landmines.  I feel like at each step I am about to step on one.

I feel so many fears that are new since I started this journey 10 months ago.  At times that I am afraid to be happy because in may just be temporary.  Sometimes I want the HRT to hurry up and sometimes I am just want to stop.

My gender life so far has been totally predictable.  This change is so profound, so life changing and affects so many others than just me that I have never been this afraid. 

You all are the best,

Emma

Hi Again Emma!🙋‍♀️

Fear is a part of this process and will always be one of the voices in your head... I think the trick is to not let it consistently be the loudest voice in the mix.... the other voices want to talk about hope and possibilities and they need to be heard from as well... Sometimes you need to tell fear to sit in the backseat and be quiet for a while because you are the one driving the car!

Here is an old thread of mine on the subject t of fear... You may find something of use in the posts there! 🙏🌺

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230730.0.html

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley 😀💕🌻

Short answer, no. It can be part of "the answer" though. I mean, hrt isn't over night and no change or even changes at all are gauranteed. But it can be worth a try

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Seems most people see a psychological benefit from HRT, but not everyone.

It's been good for me. I have heard stories of it making people feel worse mentally, but that seems rare. At the least it shouldn't be directly causing more problems than you had before. 

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 08, 2018, 08:53:35 AM
Thank you all for your responses so far. 

This path is so filled with landmines.  I feel like at each step I am about to step on one.

I feel so many fears that are new since I started this journey 10 months ago.  At times that I am afraid to be happy because in may just be temporary.  Sometimes I want the HRT to hurry up and sometimes I am just want to stop.

My gender life so far has been totally predictable.  This change is so profound, so life changing and affects so many others than just me that I have never been this afraid. 

You all are the best,

Emma

In my first year of HRT some physical changes kicked off. I also allowed the feminine side of my personality to show. This caused domestic upheaval that made me doubt the value of HRT.

Some stopping and starting of hormones went on while I tried to address the marriage issues.

I must say stopping and starting is a BAD idea once you are established on hormones. If a decision is made to stop HRT then a wind down over a few weeks is recommended - then stay off them for at least 6 months. Stopping and starting causes a destabilizing effect mentally & physically.

Giving HRT the initial solid 3 month test returns some answers. Also a full year really tells you if it is good or not.

I felt the same as you do in my first year- I was experiencing light euphoria & I thought it must be too good to last. The real proof was total abstinence from E for 12 months in 2017. Inner conflict, distraction, angst, unease, dissatisfaction returned. I concluded life is much better on E. 2018 on E has been very good.

Kind regards, Kirsten.

Thanks Kirsten.  I will give HRT more time.

Kylo I agree.  I have noticed an internal peace since I started HRT.

I couldn't agree more Allison, the alternative, doing nothing clearly wasn't working.

You're right tgirlamg the fear of making a mistake is choking sometimes.  Two steps forward!

Blackcat I love your analogy: "It's not like the hormones are creating some kind of false high, it's more like congratulations, you are finally high on life. It's the difference between filling your car's gas tank with grape soda, and actual proper gasoline. It feels amazing if you have been driving on grape soda your entire life."

Nikkimn I am really want the emotional peace that HRT is giving me mentally.  I am restraining my desire for the physical change because of the deep love I have for my wife.  I need her to come with me.

Chrissy I totally agreed with : "HRT may enable her to be gendered correctly more often, and that is great and gender affirming."

Sienna Grace I can't tell you how much :  "Take care and remember we are here to support." means to me.

HUG,

Emma

@ Emma1017
I wish I could say that HRT is doing all those wonderful things for me.  I am now one month on it, and even my hunger for salty and sour food has stopped, and my swelling of he feet is not happening any more either.
I might as well spend the money at the ice cream parlor!

I wonder, how other intersex persons here react on HRT, is it our syndrome, or is it just me?

Wow the blues really hit me hard in a big way today. 

I feel like, not matter what I do, I am failing everyone, including myself....

I know, just another "pity me moment" but it really hit me hard.  I just needed a place to vent.

Sorry none of this is easy for any of us. 

Maybe I should just go and buy a stuffed teddy bear....

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 11, 2018, 03:36:18 PM
Wow the blues really hit me hard in a big way today. 

I feel like, not matter what I do, I am failing everyone, including myself....

I know, just another "pity me moment" but it really hit me hard.  I just needed a place to vent.

Sorry none of this is easy for any of us. 

Maybe I should just go and buy a stuffed teddy bear....

I lend you my shoulder to cry a little on!  I am still frustrated that I do not have any signs of HRT doing anything (not even mood changes).  I was at my psychologist today, and complained and wined about it to her.
She had a simple question: did you feel better when  you were just a man?
And my answer was, no, I did not!  And it is way easier for me to become a woman than it is for you girls, but it was also way easier for me, to be a male.   I did never have this live long urge to become a female, I am still pretty much gender fluid!

I have to ask you the question, can you still be a male without going bunkers?  Did you feel better before your started your path to become a woman?  You may answer this for yourself!

In the meantime, just cry a little on my shoulder!

Many hugs for you!
Linde

HRT for me help in many ways. However, it was not a cure for my dysphoria. Rather it was (is) one component of the cure. I had FFS and that too helped in many ways but it was not a cure. Expressing helped but no cure. Hair transplants helped but it was not a cure. The thing the helped the most was GCS. Later when I had a BA it helped my image but my GD was gone when I had GCS.

It would have been so much easier not being trans. However, I am trans and transitioning fully was the only way to get rid of my GD. I never think about how bad my GD was now. I just never have any desire to look back at how things were. I am use to my new normal and it feels right.

I somehow knew that once I started HRT I had to keep transitioning because at each milestone I felt better about myself.

Thanks Rachel for the continued support and information.  Its tough driving without a map!

Linde thank you for the shoulder and the hug.  Some days are just so brutal, particularly when no one around you can possibly understand what everyone on this site does.  Comfort and support is hard to find.  Thanks again.

Quote from: Emma1017 on December 13, 2018, 07:57:14 AM
Thanks Rachel for the continued support and information.  Its tough driving without a map!

Linde thank you for the shoulder and the hug.  Some days are just so brutal, particularly when no one around you can possibly understand what everyone on this site does.  Comfort and support is hard to find.  Thanks again.

Emma, use my shoulder whenever you need it.  I seem to be lucky, I have 4 cis women in my friendship circle, who fight for me like lionesses if somebody misgenders me!  They try to read everything on transgender people, watch every possible youtube clip to understand me and my transition.
I don't know why I am that lucky, to have found this strong support?  They were already good friends prior to me coming out to them.  After that our friendship became even closer!
I hope you sooner or later will find similar support, it makes life as a trans woman way easier!

Here are more hugs for you!
Linde