Nice to have company, Mickie. I prefer other women. Given the choice I would imagine preferring another trans woman to most men, although, as I have said before, I'm bisexual. Now for this.
Quote from: Kate on April 06, 2008, 02:19:27 PM
I don't know why, but words like "misogyny and sexual objectification" just don't stir my righteous indignation. I guess I'm not much of a feminist in that way. I wouldn't mind being desired as a "sex object," as I see that as a source of *power* rather than my persecution. Yea, I know, don't hate me, lol, but I just do. And I said "desired as," that being different than being raped, abused, etc. I don't think it's a requirement for being TS however.
Kate, I hardly hate you, or even see a reason that I might. But, I believe I see some reasons for discovering that sexual objectification is not the route to go as a goal. Maybe especially for a woman with a trans history. In point of fact, I think that misogyny and sexual objectification is the main reason that trans women, and to a degree trans men, especially Thomas Beatie, are killed, maimed, dismissed/descried and injured on such a frequent basis among a population where the condition is fairly rare.
Male libido and the sneaking suspicion that the male in question might well think himself 'less than' or 'gay' if he beds you, or even wants to.
I had a situation arise a while back that might give you some insight into the sexual objectification part.
Pre-SRS, as you know, you cannot get an "F" on your DL in PA regardless of how much sense it makes to have one given looks, and other "passing" qualities. But pic is my current one and all ID is in my name, not 'his.' I believe that that is one of the major reasons why women often have trouble finding work and in getting killed. "Passing" women, not the elusive 'men in drag.'
In that incident I was stopped in a NJ township because I had a burnt-out headlamp. It had apparently gone out while I was parked and when I started the car didn't come on again. I was driving through this town when I was pulled over by a cop. No big deal, I thought, I've been stopped by cops before. They have always gendered me female and 2 of the 3 who had done so had consistently referred to me as 'ma'am' and 'miss.' The one who didn't was fascinated by the DL info. He was, however, polite asked to call me by my first name. So far so good.
So, cop arrives at the window: "Hello, ma'am. Did you know you had a burnt-out headlamp?" "No, officer, it was fine this morning driving to work." "Well, it's out now, let me see your license, registration and insurance card, please, ma'am. I guess I'll write you a warning ticket this time." I do. He proceeds back to his car where he apparently noticed the "M" designator.
I sat for 15 minutes and another car shows up. Cop exits, talks to cop one and then approaches me. "Hello, ma'am. Could you explain something to me, please." "If I can, officer." "Why does your DL say "M?" "Ummmm (never had this happen before)." "Because I am a pre-operation transsexual, sir. Is that a problem?" "Yes, it is, we have to make sure you are real." (Yep, in "enlightened NJ" a township cop said that and plenty more. Accused me of being false and trying to trap men. Spit on me and yelled at me unmercifully for about five minutes and ended by throwing my school id and voter's registration card through my window. Also suggested I might be "a Mexican who drives with a fake license and no social security card. You know 'they can't get social security cards!")
Cop one came back to the car after that and holds out the DL showing me what is on it: "M" "That says male and you look like this?!!! What are you trying to do, fool men?" By then I was crying and they were fuming. A third cop showed up and cop one handed me a ticket for $54. They left. I sat and cried for about 5 minutes. Total time? 40 minutes on the side of a road while people slowed and stared.
Now, Kate. What do think the problem was? You know me, am I interested in attracting males?
So who was attracted to whom? And what was the result of that do you think? 45 minutes of abuse and grilling on a roadside. Why, because "something about Nichole" touched those yokels very deeply. Their own sense that if they found me an attractive woman then there must be something wrong with their 'pickers.' And that questioned their sexuality. And when they discovered that, then something HAD to be wrong with me.
I made a complaint with the township and the state Division on Civil Rights. The DCR process takes 6 months for them to investigate. The township asked if my headlamp had been out. When I said 'yes' they said well "pay the ticket." The woman on the line dripped with disgust.
Look-it, I understand that most MTFs have spent years being identified as our incorrect sex. I understand the reaffirmation and pleasure that comes in being ided as who we are rather than as something we are not. I also understand that many so-called GGs eat-up being sexually attractive.
But, to hold the sexuality and insecurity of a man in my hands, on my thighs, shoulders, calves, breasts and back is a burden not worth bearing. Yet, for thousands of years that is absolutely what women have done. We have built for men this edifice that they call an ego, a self-worth. "I am better than she is. I can f... her any time I want and she will love it."
That way leads to death, dearie. Not just for you and me, but for women everywhere. Goddess, in Bangladesh and Pakistan women are raped and then stoned to death for having been raped. You don't find that sexual objectification and a deep hatred of women as the objects of lust=misogyny?
Yes, it feels good to be admired. It even feels good to be lusted after. For so long we were not noticed at all and when we were noticed it was as someone we didn't feel we were/are. But, do we accept changing from males to objects as a step forward and upward?
I can not. Will not.
I hope nothing like that occurs with you during these next few months before your SRS. And I hope you find a handle on how you are going to live life as a woman. But, I suggest that when you go to bed with your first man that you be very very sure before you relate your past. And that you be very very sure every time after that that you can bear the weight of being someone else's source of self-esteem and efficacy. It's a heavy burden and has lead to the deaths of way more than Gwen Araujo -- who, if you recall, was deemed 'deceptive' and asking for it -- as much by trans women and women as by men.
The entire edifice of privilege and subordination, objectification and power makes me sick.
Nichole
BTW, am I a feminist? Hell, yes. And, imo, anyone who doesn't at least consider the implications of exactly the way life is in USA, UK, Canada and the EU, not just Pakistan, Iran, Afghanistan and Bangladesh, is asking for more pain than she probably really wants. All that 'chivalry' comes with a very high price-tag. How much money you got?
N~
Posted on: April 07, 2008, 05:21:57 PM
BTW 2, don't talk to me about "carry-letters" if they gender you female then whatever you give them isn't going to matter once they start to question themselves. You might try
THIS for some reasons why.
N~