Hi Everyone,
I signed up for this forum because I've dealt with sex/gender issues for as long as I can remember, but I don't know what I am.  I have a male body, but since I was little I've wanted a female body.  I used to ask my mother questions about her body and how it as different than mine.  Stupid little me once asked her why her sister's breasts were so much bigger than hers   One day I got the idea to try on her underwear.  I loved the feeling of her bras, panties, and stockings.  I kept getting more bold until I was putting on whole outfits of hers and wandering outside at night when no one could see me.  She knew that someone was going through her underwear, but I don't think she ever figured out what I was doing.  As a teen, I would babysit for a neighbor's family and I would try on her clothing as well.  As I got older, I started to buy my own clothing that fit me better.  I've purged it all several times, but I always end up buying more. 

I don't really know what I want out of this.  Sometimes I'm fine as myself, but a lot of the time I just look at my body and think it is shaped wrong.  Sometimes I picture myself as a woman, sometimes I picture myself as a woman with a penis.  Isn't that strange?  I just don't get what I am.
Nice to meet you all,
Michelle   

I also hope I don't offend anyone.  I don't really feel like I have a language to talk about something that has always been internal for me.

Hi, Michelle!

Welcome to Susan's Place.

What you describe is pretty typical.  Certainly it is enough to justify further exploration as to whether you are transgender.

That is something that only you can determine.  However, rather than trying to figure it all out on your own, I would recommend seeing a gender therapist.  Having the help of a good therapist will help you to understand who you are.

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Quote from: mismith415 on December 14, 2018, 01:07:09 PM
I also hope I don't offend anyone.  I don't really feel like I have a language to talk about something that has always been internal for me.

If they get offended then maybe the problem is theirs....Welcome to Susans mismith...When I first landed here I had no experience at all within the LGBTQI+ community at all and have no doubt I made "mistakes" in the terminology I used when I described what was happening with me....you don't know what you don't know....hope we can help you

Take care

Liz

Hi Michelle 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Welcome to Susan's Place. I don't have an answer for you as you will need to explore much more with a therapist. I can help you by providing two links. The first is our WIKI where you can learn about the various terms that might describe what you feel. The second link is "the transition channel" where a therapist will walk you through some of the feeling you might have. Continue to ask the questions you might have and we will do our best to answer them.

Hi Michelle!

Welcome!


Chrissy

Hi Michelle - Glad you are here.  As Kathy said your story sounds pretty typical.  It certainly is very similar to mine.

As was suggested but I want to repeat - you should find a therapist that works with transgender people.  The purpose of a gender therapist is not to 'fix' you.  Rather just the opposite - to help you to help yourself to find the answers to the questions you have about yourself.

From reading your introduction it certainly sounds to me that you are somewhere on the gender spectrum that sounds like transgender.  But there are many different shades to that spectrum - Transsexual / Fully transgender - or Non Binary(some identification with both genders) cross dresser that has no desire to change their gender.  And lots of places in between.

I identify as a transgender woman and have transitioned both legally and medically and live as a woman.  Maybe that is your path and maybe not.  Time will tell.

The important thing is to learn who the real you is and then find the courage to live as such.

Welcome to that journey.