Hi Jessi, I am glad to hear that her mom accepts you at least that is putting the foot in the door so to speak, and now the ghost of transsexuality has entered, I much prefer using the word trans. I believe there will be some discussions about the  both of you after the front door was closed behind you again. It might turn out ok but it is usually the male that will lag and after a lot of feet shuffling before he even considers it. The biggest problem is the difficulty and possibly the inability to wrap his mind around the idea or concept of transsexuality. The idea of absorbing all of this new concept that goes against the grain of his old conditioning's he was familiar with, these were all the beliefs and traditions that he grew up with. Well that is only one possibility, at any rate I will send prayers for all to go well. It may take a bit of time.

For you two right now I believe is what is most important, your happiness and learning how to live in the newly adopted gender you have both chosen to live as your new lives. At first, at times, as much as I hated to, I had to be somewhat selfish and look after myself if I wanted to survive. You may have to do similarly for the both of you in order to survive and thrive in your new lives together but I believe that both of your love, devotion and caring for each other will carry you through quite fine. I have always thought that meeting Wing Walker was a blessing and a life saver. Not to many people out there are willing to talk shop with us. Having a partner makes it so much easier and pleasant as well being supportive of one another.

Yes my goodness the cuddling is good. Sometimes I get spooked during the night, and I just cuddle up to Wing Walker and she puts her arm around me and I feel secure, cared for and protected. Those kind of feelings are all news to me. I mean I knew what they were but they were tucked inside out of reach where I had stuffed them. Wing Walker helped find the right closet and I released all that poison from the past. I love dancing and that tight I danced like an idiot in the middle of the living room floor, doing the hair flip and the whole bit. I guess Wing Walker hadn't seen the likes of that kind of performance since she was a kid. Well I guess she fell in love with that part of me.  Whether she likes it or not she is married to a big kid, and I refuse to grow up. "Hee, hee, hee." 

Cindy
 

Thanks for your kind words toward Jessi and I Cindy. Jessi told me most of what had transpired due to her calling my mom and my mom filled me in on some things. But as said I was surprised that my dad took it as hard as he did. We were attending our first Saturday night Church service and my mom told me that my dad was too upset too come. But you are right that at least Jessi was able to get her foot in the door, becasue my mom still likes her as a person, and we will be together one way or another. It was a very hard thing for Jessi to do, and that is why I'm so proud of her for doing it, and it was handled in a very diplomatic fashion as well, but now we'll just have to wait until tnight to see what my mom will have to say about things and to see what direction things are going in. With me being a part of the transgender communiytu for such a long time, both my parents have had more than enough education on the subject that ignorance shouldn't be there.

Oh Jessi, I agree with you 100% that nobody can knock us off of our clouds. We enjoy cuddling and listening to our heartbeats, and I couldn't agree more with you that we have developed a very strong bond between us in such a short time, and that we've almost developed a mental telepathy between us both in communication and feeling. And I agree with you that Cindy and Wing Walker's relationship has been a prime example of a relationship that has been working out very well.

Gina 

Hi Gina hon I thank all the saints in all 10 dimensions that all continues to be well with you and
Jessi. I was so worried that I may have said something wrong about the relatives situation. It was only an attempt at sharing with you what I have experienced myself as well as observations I have made from the experience of some of our sisters and brothers on this board.

Anyway I know you mentioned it in a couple of emails ago about your being involved with the transgender community but I guess I had kind of stored it away for a bit. Well I have been, up til two years ago, worked as a social worker for 20 years, I worked on alcohol and drug abuse recovery program, street people and finally the last ten years for mental health consumers. I was retired to years ago and the idle time nearly killed me. I got involved with different groups on the web, it helped but it didn't feel complete. after Wing Walker and I moved here to Vancouver from Ontario time I decided why not look into doing something in support of my own TS brothers and sisters?

Wing Walker and I have opened the doors for a drop in and support group for trans folks and we are also looking to join another program that deals with sex workers. I have been given a gift for working with folks and I be damned if I am going to just quit. 

Speaking of syncronisities huh. I bet, heck I know there are others like us out there, they probably are just not as open about it as we are. Well not everything is negative thank God, negatives can be transmuted into positives if we desire it to be so. Such is what one calls truly ***believing*** that they can materialise good in their lives, so it shall be.  I really do enjoy speaking with both of you and Jessi, and I do hope that our crossing paths will continue for a wee time longer.

Cindy 

Hi ya Cindy,
    Don't worry, you didn't say anything wrong.  I will just say that I have been in transition for over two years and I have lived full time as a woman for a year and a half.  I had not experienced any real negative actions.  My family has accepted me for who I am and are glad that I am happier this way.  I will have SRS when money allows it.  This was maybe the second time out of my two years that anything didn't go the way I had envisioned.  They (her family) had spent quite a bit of time with me while I was down there in Fla. and they were very nice and considerate when I was with them.  I think that is why this came as such a big blow.  They all liked me when they didn't know and now that they do, I am just so wrong for their son.  Her mom says that she will talk to me if I call and want to talk to her, but I don't think that will happen.  They have closed their minds to any possible relationship with me as soon as they found out.  I hope that one day they will see how happy we are and let us live the way that we see fit.  I have had one of the smoothest transitions that I have heard of and without any major delimas, when thay do arise I don't know how to handle them.   I have pretty much shut down.   Why did they change their mind so fast?  Why did I  have to go and blow the good thing that we had going?(that is in reference to her family not her)   Why did I think that they could handle the truth when they kept pressuring us into telling them?  Because I honestly thought they were good people.  Guess I'm not that good of a judge of character.  I tend to trust everyone till they give me a reason to change my opinion about them.  That didn't get me very far here.  It makes me feel like a fool.  I don't really enjoy being a fool.  It's not my cup of tea.  This is totally sucky,  I need to try and look on the positive side, I wish I could see it though.  I  stll have Gina, which is a very big positive, but then now she  is alienated from her family, so how much of a positive is that.  Gina still loves me, that's a positive, I still and always will love her, so I guess things will be alright in the long run.  Well, I think I have vented enough for now.  I am just taking this a lot harder than I should be, hormones, I guess. hehehe.  They are my medicine and yet they are my poison, who would have thunk it.  I enjoy reading your post Cindy, please keep in touch.
                      JESSI

Hi Jessi, I do so shed tears for you. I have gone through the same predicament with my sister. She is the last living as far as sibling goes. We use to be so close to one another then transsexuality showed up and ***pop goes the weasel***, splitsville.

Both my mom and my dad were deceased 25 years ago. Yes, I can identify quite well with much.  My transitioning went so smoothly. Once I was on HRT I felt like I had come home. 8 years full time in one town and I am now again starting a new life for myself here in Vancouver. No one knows anything about my background here and I plan on keeping it so.

Well, hon, I will sincerely pray for you and Gina to continue with your plans. I know how I would feel if Wing Walker were to leave, I probably would be too devastated to...... I will not write the rest. You both have each and you both love each other and wish to commit to one another.   I pray that the both of you will hang-in there.

You didn't do anything wrong to Gina's parents.  Someone changed their minds shortly after learning about Gina and you committing to one another. I will not say anything defamatory about her parents since I do not know them enough to make any judgments. I will make assessments about a person, but never shall I make judgments on another. Again I will say,  please do not be so hard on yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. You just made a valiant effort to bring all said family together. The odds of that working out is on a batting average of somewhere between 10 to zero.

I will tell you though what does work quite well and that is for people like us, we get lonely and we do need some type of companionship and some of us will not necessarily go for either of the other sex. We chose another trans person of the same gender to commit to, then we discover that we had never experienced anything in any other relationships we had in the past. This love is soul deep, hon to the point we do read each others minds. I do pray that you and Gina never let this special union just fly away, to sublimate into nothingness in the air.

Cindy   

Thanks Cindy.  Your comments are very well recieved on this end.  I'm not worried about her leaving, just like I am not worried about me leaving her.  We have commited to each other and that is what shall keep us together.  I was hoping for a good relationship with her family though.  They were all so nice to me.  I know that the odds are very slim that they were to be OK with what they had found out.  I guess I' m a dreamer and wanted to live in this perfect world were everyone got along, no matter what race, gender, or religous and sexual preference.  I should have known better than that, after all that's all that is on the news.  We tried to keep it from them, there were just things about me that gave me away, my large hands(which I could very easily play the piano with), my jawline (which I can't do anything about without winning the lottery or something), my not so girlish waist(which I can do something about), and my voice that is lower than most womens ( which I am still constantly working on).  The funny thing was, is that it wasn't my mannerisms, or choice of clothes, or the way that I put on make up, or my very contagious smile that gave me away.  So I guess I go on with this untill  all is said and done and still hope that they may come to grips with it soon so we can have two families instead of just one.  We arn't giving up.  We are still going ahead with everything that we have planned and that makes me very happy.  I am so glad that you are here to talk to.  Thanks for everything and I will talk with you later. Unfortunatly I still have to go to work, so I guess I need to get ready.  Ta ta for now.
       JESSI

Thanks Cindy for being our light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Your kind heartfelt words are really giving us a lot of hope to a desperate situation. My mom has just given me the week off from work to look for another job and to decide waht is best for me. She's given me a week, and if I decide to go with Jessi  then I will get my sepeartion papers and will either be moving to St. Louis, MO to be with Jessi or working to save enugh money before I go. I guess that's what it's come down to.

It is a real shame that my family had a change of heart towards Jessi after learning the truth about her, and that does hurt. Had a very serious talk with my mom about accepting me now as I am due to teh chanegs that have happened to me due to my accident. My psychiatrist told me that I have damage to the frontal lobe of my brain which controls my social behavior, so I told her that that is why I am gay and transgendered and that I can't be the same 'normal' boy that she had before my accident.

Now I am just really so happy for Jessi that her transition is going so smoothly without too many bumps in the road, and she knows that I'll always be there with her to ge through those bumps. I'm gald to hear that your transition wnet well too Cindy. It really makes life so much easier when the people closest around understand and are very supportive towards you, like her family has been. I am very committed to our relationship, and I won't leave you Jessi, until death do us part. Now in closing my mom tried so much to use her religous beliefs against what I'm doing, but this is what I am and this is who I am and this is the way that God made me. As soon as we emerge out of our mother's womb we enter into a world of sin, and there is no way around it.

Gina 

Well, let's fill you in on what has transpired since this morning.  I had  a very wordy discussion with her mother.  She proceeded to tell me everything that was wrong with her and that the only reason she is in love with me is because of her accident when she was little.  What a crock of dodo.  You don't just wake up and go, "hmmm, I want to be a trans, that sounds like fun."  I'm not saying that it's not possible, but very unlikely.  Needless to say, she told me how much I was ruining their family and destroying everything that they have achieved.  I am solely responsible for there marital problems now.  Some of her other relatives said that I was using her as a social experiment.  Do you know how much that hurts a woman?  I am supposilbly not able to keep a marriage together with women, so now I am trying it with their son.  So then she tells me that she has given her a week to choose between me or them.  What a good mom.  Always trying to make her son happy.  Yes, I'm a little ticked off right now.  She has offended me and all that are like me.  WOW, to have such a severe change of heart about someone, I never would have thought that it would happen so severely.  Dislike, yes, hate, maybe, but to make them choose between family or love, how cruel can you get.  I'm not sure if I should let her make that choice.  I know that she will choose me, but is that really best?  Should I let her give up her family for me, who she has only known for almost three months?  I want this to work and I still would love to spend the rest of my life with her, but is it right?  That is the question that I need to figure out.  Oh, by the way, her mom told me, fine you can go ahead and steal my son from me.   What?! I wasn't stealing anybody, I was spending time with the one that I love.  How is that stealing?  Well, I appreciate you all letting me vent here.  This is one experience that I wish I could forget ( not her, just her family stuff).  Well, I guess I should give you all a break and I will talk at you all later.
                  JESSI, the confused and ticked off and madly in love jessi.

Unfortunately my mom is grasping at straws again. I had a talk with her and I told her that she's going to have to accept me for who I am and not what I was before my accident. I have acepted the changes in my life and I am comfortable with them. She is not. So she'll always use my accident as an excuse for what I do, and grant it there is probably a small precentage that has to do with it. I can attest to the fact that I've had sever brain damage, and that the left side of my brain is void. Jessi has seen my entire report on my accident so she knows what is going on. My dad is having a hard time accepting all of this so I've hardly seen or spoken to him in the last few days. Becasue he hasn't conversed much with my mom, she thinks that it's ruining their marriage.Hopefully he'll come to understand it's my life and it's what I choose. Now I couldn't believe that accusation that Jessi is using me like a guenia pig to see how things would be from a woman's perspective. Totally ludicrous.I could go on, but I'm really starting to be spitefull towards my mom because of these insane choices that she's giving me. She's only pushing me further away now.

Gina 

I do pray that you two are not planing on splitting up. It seems I have  two mature individuals that should be able to make their own decisions. Darn it I been up all night trying to sort something out that could be workable for the both of you. As I see it taking your job away from you Gina is nothing short of F'n cruel. Gees where the heck does Jessi live, and how long does it take to drive there or take a bus whichever. If you love each other then that might be the only way for the both of you to be together.

Why waste another moment having cruel people controlling your life? Gina do you remember what I told you about the Bitch from Hell? my ex.  Well even a mouse has to have a back bone and take it's chances and leave the mouse hole and hope they can get out that open window before big foot swats it with that news paper. That's exactly what I did. For me it was not just peace at any price I was escaping possibly getting killed from the beatings and abuse.  My Wing Walker is an angel in comparison to the bitch from hell. Well I think I am going to take a break and at least have a nap. See you two later. Vancouver is still an option.

Cindy   

No. Splitting us up would be the last thing that we would be thinking of doing. We've got to much super glue between us that you'd have to pry us apart with a crow bar. Jessi lives in St. Louis, Mo, which is about a twenty hour drive from where I live, or a two hour flight. Just a little short of funds right now, and I'm going to have to save before going anywhere, but thanks for the great advice Cindy.

Gina 

Hi Gina hon can Jessi assist you with some funds to facilitate your moving? My feelings are that you need to get out of there as soon as you can. That is my intuition speaking or what I have come to call my little voice. I don't like the feel of this or what they are capable of doing.

I will send prayers for healing and protective energy

Cindy

Hi ya Cindy,  I really do appreciate all your words of wisdom.  I to agree that the way she is going about her disaproval is cruel.  I would even go as far as saying cruel and unusual punishment.  To take away her livly hood because she doesn't agree with what I am doing, Thats just insane.   I would love for her tp move here.  Small prob though.  Is I am currently living with my parents.  I had to sell my house because the job that I have now doesn't pay that much.  I couldn't keep up with the mortage so I had to move back in with them till I can get enough saved up to be back out on my own.  I don't make that much as is and with the child support taking half of my paycheck imediatly, it is hard to get ahead in this day and age.  I would be more than willing to help out to get her here with what I can.  But when she gets here we will have to figure out where to live and what kind of job we can get her and quick.  I do so much agreee that she needs to get out of there but she needs to have a place to live set up before making that move.  I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound weird.  I do love her and I will help out with it as much as possible, I just don't think that it will be very much, at least moneterily anyway.  My parents house is not that big and I don't think that they would call this a very good idea.  I think that it may be a little to strange for them, but I will ask and talk to them about it.  They have supported me thruout my transition, so if it is possible they would tell me.  I'll keep you informed Cindy.  Thanks for your kind words.  I wouldn't stay up to late trying to fix our problem.  Hell, I don't even know what to do.  But it really shows us both that you do care full heartedly about us.  Thanks for your continuing support and I will talk with you later.  You can also PM me if you want to talk without airing all this out.
                          JESSI

I'm sorry to hear that Jessi. I really got to love you two but there appears that there is nothing else I can suggest to to assist you both. I will continue sending prayers but, well I am only human and I am stumped. Seems that every rout to try to get you two together have been barricaded. I'll just go sit in the corner and cry at least I still know how to do that.

Love

Cindy   

Hey Jessi, that's so cool that you'd put yourself out like that for me, but I don't want to impose. We'll find some way soon of getting together and making things right and soon we'll be able to put this whole mess behind us and forget about it.

Cindy, you've done more than you can think for Jessi and I. You've given us a lot of hope and kept everything in a good perspective. Dry up your tears and put a smile on your face for us

Gina 

Hi Jessi and Gina.
Jessi you are quite correct about not airing out our panties on this board at this time, or maybe any time. A lot of people here wouldn't know much more as to what to do here, except to be more of a distraction then asset. Many have yet to figure just who and what they are themselves yet and truly need to keep moving forward on their transitional journey, because this trip is not that easy to acomplish.

And I do respect both of your privacy. Well I will still be around somewhere one the board. You may send a PM or leave a post on this thread, either way your messages pop up here and on PM. I really wish there was more I could do for you two, I truly do. But I'm still restricted with these handcuffs that are restricting me from doing anything in the physicality part of this situation

Hi Jessi and Gina I thought maybe that this thread should be for the discussion to the topic we have stared. I deleted all the other topic that wasn't really pertaining to this topic

Let me know how you both are doing. 

Cindy

Due to some unexpected circumstances, Jessi and I are now just good friends, but on a good side, right after we broke up, I met this really nice woman (in truth I've known her for eight months) and we're getting married on May 16, 2008.

Gina 

Hi Gina, Jessi,

Congrats, Gina, on finding a partner.  I do pray you have yourself a wonderful life.

Starting a new relationship is always an adventure into the known and the unknown, too.  There is fun and excitement to be had but there is always an element of danger in getting to know one another.  Please do be careful as you enter a new time of wonderment.

I do not know you well enough to make any comment of any depth of acuracy about who Gina and Jessie trully are. I can olny share some that I experienced like pain, physical, mental, and/or spiritually from all those years of pain I have experienced. It can take a very long time before one is able to feel this pain drained away. There are unseen and unknown scars also to work through.  I had to heal as well as I could before I was ready for the joy and risks of a new relationship *before* I would even contemplate  having any kind of relationship again. I would get frightened to, where I needed to pull back for a time,  to allow myself some time to reflect on the impact of what this relationship would entail.  I would need time to build enough trust in this individual before I could accept another to share my life with. The going was very tentative at first, sometimes at the sign of danger I would crawl under my rock where I felt safest in this troubled world.

But eventually I learned to accept and trust Wing Walker into my life. After four years living together our love and caring for one another has grown strong and unshakable.

Cindy   

Hey ya Cindy,
   I agree with you totally.  I am going to have to have some time alone before I engage in any type of relationship again.  I have taken the breakup harder than expected and don't feel that I can jump in with anyone else right now.  We both agreed that it wasn't going to work.  The marriage thing was to much for us to overcome.  The fact that it wouldn't be legal anywhere but where it were to be performed was, in my opinion, the straw that broke the camels back.  The problems that her family made for us was not that easy on us either.  For me, it wouldn't have mattered much if or if not we got married.  I know that in the long run we would have been happy, but, for her, she wanted that paper that said we were and that it was legal.  I do wish the best for her and I hope she has truly found the one that she wants.  I know from past experiences that divorce is a B__ch!
     We still talk to each other, but it is definitely different than when we were together.  I hope that I can stay in contact with her, but my gut is telling me to let the whole thing go.  That is one of the things that I need to figure out.  Should I stay in touch because we both kinda want to, or just fade away and let us both get on our marry way.  Decisions, I hate them!  Why do they have to be so hard to make!  I do wish them both happiness and a long life together.  It does hurt a little to know that she can move on that quick after the things that we went thru, and get married in less than a month.  It makes me wonder if she ever felt the way that she told me she did at all.  Yes, I am a little upset, but, her life is her life and it is not my life or decision to make.  Thanks for all your kind thoughts and sorry if we ended up wasting your time.  I hope that we can still keep in touch here at the site, Cindy.  Your wisdom and input on things are invaluable.
    Jessi

Hi Jessie, After Susan's went down last night I see some posts are missing. I know I posted to you later then the last post here shows.  Well since Susan's went (((Pooooof!!))) last night it's been kind of boring just sitting around doin nothin and not much going on on other groups. Paula and I went to get our nails done and had fun telling jokes then we left the salon and went to the A&W to have a whistle dog and pouting then went driving around. "Hee, hee, hee." Sometimes it pays to pretend to be a little girl again. "OK mommy, stop the car, I wanna got pick flowers."

Cindy