Well yesterday was my therapist visit and the day we set me app with the endo , well I freaked out on the way so I cancelled the thoughts of me losing so much for what I want seams selfish to me ?!! It's one of me an I have 2 boys in their 20s an a 18 month old little girl an 3 step daughters , wife brothers friends not to mention my dad OMG he will freak but I called an reschedule for this afternoon in hopes I can make the right decision . I don't really know if there is a right choice !!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Chris, deciding to transition is a selfish act. But the way I see it, you have been selfless for so many years and in fact you have been sacrificing yourself for others by hiding your true self.

How will you feel/cope if you do not pursue this journey? There is no easy answer, but with your therapisrt I hope you will find what is best for you. The cost may be high, but so are the rewards.

Good luck!

~Dee.

Aproach it from the point of view of what would you like to achieve. This could mean see your therapist but only to uncover the drivers of your existential angst- nothing more.

You dont have to transition at all. Dig deep and find out why you feel the way you do.
HRT could be benificial - stop it if it doesn't suit. Seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist can help provide the best informed decision.

I personally benefitted from HRT. I still have my loved ones. Transition is within reach if I need too.

Kindest regards , Kirsten



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Hi, Chris. I am in a similar situation. I have a wife, six kids, an excellent career, an extended family that thinks very highly of me, church friends that would be horrified to learn that I am trans.

I was on HRT for a few months earlier this year. It was AMAZING! I felt human for the first time in my life. I stopped because of the same kind of fears you have. I was starting to develop breasts, and I got totally freaked out by the thought of nearly everyone I know rejecting me, damaging my kids' view of me, etc. Whether or not my concerns were truly valid, it scared me enough to stop.

For around 6 months I stopped HRT and tried to completely suppress and ignore any thoughts about being transgender or gender dysphoria. It was horrible, especially because I knew what I was missing on HRT.

Just last night my wife and I had a lengthy discussion about how I feel and we both agree that some form of HRT is needed. I will be contacting my endo about restarting HRT. However, I am still uncertain of the long term plan. In a perfect world, I would aggressively pursue full transition. However, with all of the complexity of my current life, I am afraid of the massive turmoil that it would bring.

It is scary. Not just from a physical standpoint, but the social aspect can seem insurmountable. Once I realized my anger and rage were caused by decades of suppressing who I was, I knew I didn't really have a choice. Staying as I was would have led to increasing levels of anger and I would have become more and more miserable every year. Eventually I was going to take my own life, and maybe a few others with me. In a way 'he' did take his own life, and his final act of compassion was what allowed me to live. Only a handful of people knew about my plans before I went full-time, I didn't tell my parents until six weeks later. I have not lost any true friends, and every member of my family accepts me.

I have posted this on other threads, but consider this lyric from 'King of Anything' by Sara Bareillis:

"All my life I've tried to make everyone happy, while I just hurt and hide waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide."

Staying on my old path was hurting the ones I love. My wife and daughters were actually scared of me. Although they are still adjusting, they are much happier now than they were before I started my journey, and they are no longer scared.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
I rolled the dice, lost family and friends but gained my new life. Was, or is it worth it? 10 years later, yes! Time has a way of putting regrets behind you.

Hi Chris,

In a very similar situation.  My therapist has been telling me transitioning is the only way out of my rut but I'm scared like you.  I've come to realize that this is slowly taking away my life.  I'm sabotaging so much because I'm constantly thinking about this and can't get things done.  It's a big step but I think I'm going to have to take it.

Hope you find your way.
Take care,
Paige

Quote from: BlueJaye on December 16, 2018, 07:57:21 AM
Hi, Chris. I am in a similar situation. I have a wife, six kids, an excellent career, an extended family that thinks very highly of me, church friends that would be horrified to learn that I am trans.

Hello again BlueJaye and Chris

I am retired and living alone and therefore the only two obstacles I have are family (cousins) and Church. I am 10 months HRT and will definitely be transitioning publicly in 2019. Sadly I have decided to resign from my Church just before fulltime as I know both priest and parishioners would greatly disapprove. I intend to join another parish after I am accustomed to living fulltime. I expect to lose just one cousin.

I truly hope you both are able to start/restart HRT as it certainly is a confirmation factor; it is the right fuel for me. If we are selfish, so be it! I have been living for the sake of others for too long. Now it is my turn to be happy and your turn also!

Hugs

Pamela

Quote from: BlueJaye on December 16, 2018, 07:57:21 AM
Hi, Chris. I am in a similar situation. I have a wife, six kids, an excellent career, an extended family that thinks very highly of me, church friends that would be horrified to learn that I am trans.

I was on HRT for a few months earlier this year. It was AMAZING! I felt human for the first time in my life. I stopped because of the same kind of fears you have. I was starting to develop breasts, and I got totally freaked out by the thought of nearly everyone I know rejecting me, damaging my kids' view of me, etc. Whether or not my concerns were truly valid, it scared me enough to stop.

For around 6 months I stopped HRT and tried to completely suppress and ignore any thoughts about being transgender or gender dysphoria. It was horrible, especially because I knew what I was missing on HRT.

Just last night my wife and I had a lengthy discussion about how I feel and we both agree that some form of HRT is needed. I will be contacting my endo about restarting HRT. However, I am still uncertain of the long term plan. In a perfect world, I would aggressively pursue full transition. However, with all of the complexity of my current life, I am afraid of the massive turmoil that it would bring.

Hi BlueJaye,

                      I was on HRT late 2015 thru 2016. As I became more feminine I had some family crises. 2017 saw no HRT & family consolation.  2018 saw HRT again + no family issues with the HRT.

Feminine expresion has agreed limits with my wife & I.Would like to push the female envelope more but family life brings satisfaction. I like where I am right now and HRT reassures me Im not missing the boat.

Do you think you could do HRT & hold things steady as she goes?

Kindest regards, Kirsten.


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Paige I'm saying screw it im doing I've spent my  life taking care of my country 3 tours in afganastan and a raising kids 7 years on my beloved late wife 😭😢 so you know it's my turn I have a appointment on Jan 4 I will start estrogen that day an I will be own my way to my true self!!!!!!!!! Thanks to everyone for your replies I love reading something things that includ me makes you feel apart of something.

Quote from: Chris39 on December 20, 2018, 01:01:47 PM
Paige I'm saying screw it im doing I've spent my  life taking care of my country 3 tours in afganastan and a raising kids 7 years on my beloved late wife 😭😢 so you know it's my turn I have a appointment on Jan 4 I will start estrogen that day an I will be own my way to my true self!!!!!!!!! Thanks to everyone for your replies I love reading something things that includ me makes you feel apart of something.

Hey Chris,

Congratulation on your decision.  Hoping it all goes well for you and your family.

Paige