So this would be my first post about the truth about what is happening. I've been crossdressing in secret since my teens. I'm almost 30, divorced,  2 kids, and I can't seem to keep a girlfriend.  I've only told one person that has been a friend since I was 20 but noone else knows. I'm seriously considering mtf transition but I know there's no support if I do. I've been toying around with the idea of an orchiectomy as well.  I'm comfortable with being a male but I want to be feminized and accepted as such.  I really enjoy crossdressing and being feminine but I don't feel that I will be accepted by anyone who knows me except one person and I am afraid of what would happen.  I'm in need of some serious advice experiences of similar minds but I can't find anyone who can help so I finally am throwing the truth out in the world. Ive been seriously depressed lately because this is finally a reality of transition through the veterans affairs healthcare but I'm confused and frustrated. 

Yes, this is confusing for just about everyone.  In your case you have a mixture of crossdressing, social anxiety, and depression.  Very hard to sort that all by yourself.  I was lucky enough to have a long time partner to discuss these issues.  I'd suggest finding a therapist who makes you comfortable enough to be honest about discussing these difficult issues. 

Welcome to Susan's Place. There are plenty of people willing to provide any information you might require so you only need to ask. Possibly therapy might be a good place to start as that will help you explore your feelings and set your goals. The transition will require that you accomplish multiple goals however but breaking things up, you will be able to accomplish your goal. Let us know what your questions are and we can get started.

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It is wise to face this and not run from it. Because of the upset to your life, the fear, the lack of support, you might be tempted to stuff this away and hope it goes away. I don't believe your feelings will ever go away. Many times the feelings get stronger as you get older. It is possible that you may not need full transition. It is possible you may. It sounds like you don't have all the information you need. It would be unusual if you did have all the information at this point. You reaching out here is a wonderful step. If I could offer any advice it would be to try to keep a positive attitude about yourself. Seek help to get your answers. A therapist can help. Talking and listening to others who understand can help. Perhaps find a way to present female (out of town if necessary) and see how it makes you feel. If being perceived as female by others makes you feel good, that is powerful information. Working to figure yourself out will make you feel better about yourself. You don't have to decide your future tomorrow. All of this happens in steps. Allow yourself time to educate yourself. Above all, don't get down on yourself for having these feelings. It is how we are made. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Ive been talking about this in chat and I feel really accepted here. I  just don't know what would happen after hrt in my personal or professional life.  I want to find a therapist but it's more about advice from real people who went through something similar.

If you are trans and you need to transition, motivation to do many things that you now see as impossible will be there. Step by step, you will be amazed at what you are capable of.

Quote from: Malleableman on December 22, 2018, 07:34:07 PM
So this would be my first post about the truth about what is happening. I've been crossdressing in secret since my teens. I'm almost 30, divorced,  2 kids, and I can't seem to keep a girlfriend.  I've only told one person that has been a friend since I was 20 but noone else knows. I'm seriously considering mtf transition but I know there's no support if I do. I've been toying around with the idea of an orchiectomy as well.  I'm comfortable with being a male but I want to be feminized and accepted as such.  I really enjoy crossdressing and being feminine but I don't feel that I will be accepted by anyone who knows me except one person and I am afraid of what would happen.  I'm in need of some serious advice experiences of similar minds but I can't find anyone who can help so I finally am throwing the truth out in the world. Ive been seriously depressed lately because this is finally a reality of transition through the veterans affairs healthcare but I'm confused and frustrated.

@Malleableman
Dear Malleableman: 
     I see that you have joined Susan's Place and this is your very first posting here on the Forums.
I am most pleased that you had decided to come to the Susan's Place site and the Forums.  As you post here on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things.

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation as you continue to feel free to share it.

    I see that our lovely member @Dena has already welcomed you but I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    There is information and important LINKS that  Dena  included below her welcome message to you.   You will find information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.   
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

@Malleableman   
Oh, and another thing, Malleableman,
Please make a point to stop by the Introductions Forum to tell more members about yourself.

Your introduction there will permit other members here to know of your arrival... and you can expect more sharing of thoughts with other members... an as you get more involved in exchanging comments on various posts other members will be along to offer their thoughts and comments in response to any of your specific questions and concerns..

NOTENow, after all of this Official Greeting stuff we will let you have your thread back !!!! .

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle