So something weird has happened even mkre recently then at any point in my transition. I don't think I feel much dysphoira. That or when I see/feel/think something that could provoke dysphoira nothing happens. While I still have a penis (surgery in spring it looks like) I just see it more of an annoying birth defect as opposed to a consonant reminder of past "manhood". Even when I shave I don't obsess so much over my face looking for any amount of "manhood" to get ride of but as soon as I fee the smoothness I feel calmer and feel fine right after. Put my make up on and go out the door. My insomnia which was real bad and one occasional nights that happened recent due to dysphoira have been eliminated. I can now sleep rather soon after I put head on the pillow.

Even a few times that things, big things that would set me off in a dysphoira down  spiral for days are just not taking off anymore. Sometime ago I felt something that drew me to old times and I did have the initial fightir flight reaction, more of a freeze. But as opposed to having it then having odd feelings oneewaybir the other I just kinda snapped out of it and came back to life.

Legit, it's almost as if I got my wish and all of "him" aswell as dysphoira and obsessive fears and stuff have just melted away. Y'all experience this too?

Yep. I put it down to the HRT for the most part, before getting any surgery. Took away the constant background noise.

Hey there SailorMars1994,

I'm about 3 1/2 months into Estradiol Valerate and while I do feel the dysphoria becoming less annoying, it is definitely still there just not as strong as it was before starting.

Before it would definitely result in depression and anxiety, I am definitely not comfortable being a guy and I never felt like I belonged with the guys.

Now I'm in a middle ground, I don't belong with the guys or girls. It's sad, but it makes me happy that I'm finally doing something about my dysphoria.

I notice guys staring at me less like another guy, in a different way, I'll admit it's very creepy, but I guess from a distance I'm starting to look like a girl. Also because, my dad told me that from a distance I kinda look like a girl, although I think he was just telling me that to try and convince me to get a haircut haha!

I personally don't feel or see any difference, in my eyes I still look and am 100% guy and it's very unsettling whenever the truth slaps me across the face. I really hope I only feel that way because I see myself in the mirror daily, but whatever, doing the HRT makes me happy so I'll keep at it until I no longer need it.

Anyways, to directly answer your post, yes I do still have dysphoria as I am transitioning, but it is becoming less of an issue as I move on. I am confident and hopeful that in a few years the dysphoria will be completely eradicated.

Take care SailorMars1994, I wish you the best in your own transition. It's so awesome that you're getting srs soon congratulations!


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Thanks for replys!!

That's really great to hear Sailor Mars. I'm very excited for you! I still have days that I see male and will stand in front of the mirror feeling like I look like a creep... even with eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick on.  I'm not sure if I need more makeup.

Quote from: CuriousCat94x on December 24, 2018, 03:17:16 PM
Hey there SailorMars1994,

I personally don't feel or see any difference, in my eyes I still look and am 100% guy and it's very unsettling whenever the truth slaps me across the face. I really hope I only feel that way because I see myself in the mirror daily, but whatever, doing the HRT makes me happy so I'll keep at it until I no longer need it.

Wow, you sound just like me... I did get a miss today from a random guy asking me for a dollar... but I remember just a few months ago how upset I would get that things weren't happening yet. Then I male failed one day when I least expected it... Now I'm at the stage where I want normalcy in my life, or at least to feel like things are steady. It just takes time and even though I've been waiting and anticipating to be seem as a woman, living it is so different. I think I'm in the stage before Sailor Mars since she's ahead of me with her transition.

Youngirls will get to more peace soon!! As you deserve it!!

For me it is anheadscratcher. I came out in May 2014 and only around summer got to having days or feeling female without a daily reminder of"him" and even more recently I don't really feel him at all (surgery will likely eliminate all the unsatisfactory parts of life tho, no pun intended) so nearly 5 years and I am just getting to this point, ok 4 years if you take me April 2016- spring 2017 identify meltdown into it. It seems like I waited a long time while others feel this content was way before.

I have full faith u girls will get there so much sooner. Love ya

Quote from: Kylo on December 24, 2018, 03:10:18 PM
Yep. I put it down to the HRT for the most part, before getting any surgery. Took away the constant background noise.

Thanks man! I agree her is a a dream!

For me tho it was also an unreasonable fear that my womanhood would be taken away from me one day. The more I realized it wouldn't and I just need to live for the now all those fears went away and so did him

That is great to hear, Ashley!  For some it takes longer, for others shorter time, but this is what we do it all for: to make the dysphoria go away.  I am glad you are there, because the surgery will make you complete.

I am pretty much in the same place.  I like how my life is now, and I like who I see in the mirror.  I don't see him there at all any more.  They only time is when I step out of the shower, and hopefully that will be taken care of soon enough.

See Ashley, I am amazed at my genius, I told you you were gonna be great! Hahaha! And you were worried! But seriously, this is great to hear. It is gonna get better and better and you are gonna rock it.
Your old friend,
Moni
(That's old as in long time, not old as in old. Just because a girl dyes her hair, doesn't mean they are old, right? Oh gosh I have age dysphoria, help me Ashley! Sorry silly this morning. Hugs, Girl!)

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 25, 2018, 07:40:24 AM
See Ashley, I am amazed at my genius, I told you you were gonna be great! Hahaha! And you were worried! But seriously, this is great to hear. It is gonna get better and better and you are gonna rock it.
Your old friend,
Moni
(That's old as in long time, not old as in old. Just because a girl dyes her hair, doesn't mean they are old, right? Oh gosh I have age dysphoria, help me Ashley! Sorry silly this morning. Hugs, Girl!)

Aw that's sweet you're a great friend!

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I know my dysphoria became alleviated when I had top surgery, but wasn't fully gone. It came back several years later when I realized the two years I was on T, I didn't masculinize like I would have hoped. I had to go off for medical reasons for a bit. I recently started again to help my resurfacing dysphoria. It seems sometimes it can go away forever, and for some folks like myself, it can come back depending on what people see as the predominant gender marker for you when you go out (my breasts and now my feminine face as an example). I hope yours can be fully gone and never resurface like mine did.