Im struggling as of late.10 years stealth, 2 years hrt legally
my voice sucks I cant afford gcs or ffs or breast augmentation I Love being a woman.

But as of late I feel like im dying inside I almost want to detransition or just quit having any aspirations at all my spouce and kids need me to work I just turned 33 and feel lost.  I also stopped seeing my shrink.  Im just venting im crying and I feel like ill never be pretty or good enough not like miss spain.  sorry for the pity party

always
hopeless in chicago

I'm sorry that things are rough for you.

One thing that I can offer is we're going to be having a official unofficial voice training set of sessions very soon. Maybe you could join and we can help in trying to improve your voice.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238078.msg2207161.html#msg2207161 And look for post 55.

Quote from: noitsbecky on December 21, 2018, 08:47:34 PM
Im struggling as of late.10 years stealth, 2 years hrt legally
my voice sucks I cant afford gcs or ffs or breast augmentation I Love being a woman.

But as of late I feel like im dying inside I almost want to detransition or just quit having any aspirations at all my spouce and kids need me to work I just turned 33 and feel lost.  I also stopped seeing my shrink.  Im just venting im crying and I feel like ill never be pretty or good enough not like miss spain.  sorry for the pity party

always
hopeless in chicago

@noitsbecky
Dear Becky:
My heart goes out to you but do know that you are not alone with your feelings and experiences...  you are doing the right thing by venting here on your thread and showing writing about your emotional stress.
Many times by just writing about your frustrations and disappointments that you can find ways to overcome difficulties and failures.  I find that writing about my life events is good personal therapy.   I trust that you also will find your writings to be good personal therapy for yourself.

We are your friends here on the forums, we will always have and ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.   
We are you biggest fans and will always be rooting for you.

I might suggest that you go to the following thread and take some time to read through the many postings, hopefully you can glean some solace there with some of the comments....
     "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"

I am wishing you well and trusting that you can soon get back to a happy place in your life.
Thank you for sharing from your heart.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Sorry to here that.  Hope you feel better soon.

Becky - I understand what you are saying.  My disappointment regarding not becoming what I had hoped for at the start of my transition is very difficult.  I am also facing some major life struggles in addition to physical gender dysphoria.

I transitioned 2 years ago and that has brought me some degree of peace but it does not cure all of life's issues - including being transgender.

The real work needs to happen in our minds - accepting that no amount of surgery or lack of surgery changes who we are.  It's tough stuff.  That's why we can't do it alone.

Go back to your therapist ( not your shrink ) a good therapist can be very helpful in helping find our answers for ourselves.  Continue to post here - ask for help.  People care - we have been there.  I am right now.

I reached out to a small group of FB transwomen friends the other night.  About 10 of us formed a group a few years ago.  I was very hesitant to post all of my problems to them but a few of them really helped me.  I was crying before I posted.  Sometimes it helps to know someone cares.

One Chicago born and raised girl to another .... we got your back. 

By the way - forget about Miss Spain - that is an unobtainable goal for all of us.  Looking like that is as likely as going to outer space - it happens to a handful of people and so does winning the powerball.  Don't measure yourself that way.

There is a saying - Comparison is the thief of joy - it's true.

Hi Becky!!

I'm so sorry the challenges of life have been especially heavy of late... There is so much to process and make sense of along this complicated journey... I can't tell you what the right direction for you is but, I can tell you that we hear you... and are here for you...  I would hope you don't let feelings of despair call the shots or make any important decisions for you... Make decisions that will serve you best.. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you move forward dear sister and please don't hesitate to let us know if we can help... even if just providing you a sounding board!

Hugs and Lotsa Love Brave Sister

Ashley 💕🙋‍♀️🙏🌻
,

Quote from: NatalieRene on December 21, 2018, 08:59:42 PM
I'm sorry that things are rough for you.

One thing that I can offer is we're going to be having a official unofficial voice training set of sessions very soon. Maybe you could join and we can help in trying to improve your voice.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,238078.msg2207161.html#msg2207161 And look for post 55.

Thank you i looked at the post i just may do that

Quote from: Alaskan Danielle on December 21, 2018, 09:02:36 PM
@noitsbecky
Dear Becky:
My heart goes out to you but do know that you are not alone with your feelings and experiences...  you are doing the right thing by venting here on your thread and showing writing about your emotional stress.
Many times by just writing about your frustrations and disappointments that you can find ways to overcome difficulties and failures.  I find that writing about my life events is good personal therapy.   I trust that you also will find your writings to be good personal therapy for yourself.

We are your friends here on the forums, we will always have and ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.   
We are you biggest fans and will always be rooting for you.

I might suggest that you go to the following thread and take some time to read through the many postings, hopefully you can glean some solace there with some of the comments....
     "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"

I am wishing you well and trusting that you can soon get back to a happy place in your life.
Thank you for sharing from your heart.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you for your well wishes i am trying to get myself out of this funk

Quote from: Maid Marion on December 21, 2018, 09:48:39 PM
Sorry to here that.  Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you i appreciate this

Quote from: KimOct on December 21, 2018, 11:46:21 PM
Becky - I understand what you are saying.  My disappointment regarding not becoming what I had hoped for at the start of my transition is very difficult.  I am also facing some major life struggles in addition to physical gender dysphoria.

I transitioned 2 years ago and that has brought me some degree of peace but it does not cure all of life's issues - including being transgender.

The real work needs to happen in our minds - accepting that no amount of surgery or lack of surgery changes who we are.  It's tough stuff.  That's why we can't do it alone.

Go back to your therapist ( not your shrink ) a good therapist can be very helpful in helping find our answers for ourselves.  Continue to post here - ask for help.  People care - we have been there.  I am right now.

I reached out to a small group of FB transwomen friends the other night.  About 10 of us formed a group a few years ago.  I was very hesitant to post all of my problems to them but a few of them really helped me.  I was crying before I posted.  Sometimes it helps to know someone cares.

One Chicago born and raised girl to another .... we got your back. 

By the way - forget about Miss Spain - that is an unobtainable goal for all of us.  Looking like that is as likely as going to outer space - it happens to a handful of people and so does winning the powerball.  Don't measure yourself that way.

There is a saying - Comparison is the thief of joy - it's true.

Kim- Thank you for your reply from one chicago girl to another i appreciate your words.  i know miss Spain is unattainable, i just see someone so pretty and i feel ripped off i am going to try to go back to therapy but at this point i just feel so unmotivated.  Surgery is so big in my head that i am missing living.  i just get so scared of showing my true femininity i feel like i have to retain part of my angry self for preservation i guess i never completly let go.  There are a few support groups i can go to in the northwest suburbs.  i just feel when i do that everyone is better than me.  maybe im just crazy lol

Becky 

Quote from: tgirlamg on December 22, 2018, 12:35:46 AM
Hi Becky!!

I'm so sorry the challenges of life have been especially heavy of late... There is so much to process and make sense of along this complicated journey... I can't tell you what the right direction for you is but, I can tell you that we hear you... and are here for you...  I would hope you don't let feelings of despair call the shots or make any important decisions for you... Make decisions that will serve you best.. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you move forward dear sister and please don't hesitate to let us know if we can help... even if just providing you a sounding board!

Hugs and Lotsa Love Brave Sister

Ashley 💕🙋‍♀️🙏🌻
,

Hey their Ashley thank you for the sound advise i just guess i am afraid of failure i feel if i dont try to cant get hurt but it leaves me living in pain.  i need sounding boards my spouse helps but isnt trans and doesnt always know the best moves.  Thank you

hugs and love all
becky

Quote from: noitsbecky on December 27, 2018, 01:55:31 PM
Hey their Ashley thank you for the sound advise i just guess i am afraid of failure i feel if i dont try to cant get hurt but it leaves me living in pain.  i need sounding boards my spouse helps but isnt trans and doesnt always know the best moves.  Thank you

hugs and love all
becky

Hey Becky!!!

Fear is always part of the equation of life... I think the trick is learning to manage it and keep it in perspective... when you let fear take the steering wheel of your life from your hands... it never wants to drive the car anywhere exciting!!!

All good things to you sister!!!

Ashley 🙋‍♀️💕😀

Quote from: noitsbecky on December 27, 2018, 01:51:43 PM
Kim- Thank you for your reply from one chicago girl to another i appreciate your words.  i know miss Spain is unattainable, i just see someone so pretty and i feel ripped off i am going to try to go back to therapy but at this point i just feel so unmotivated.  Surgery is so big in my head that i am missing living.  i just get so scared of showing my true femininity i feel like i have to retain part of my angry self for preservation i guess i never completly let go.  There are a few support groups i can go to in the northwest suburbs.  i just feel when i do that everyone is better than me.  maybe im just crazy lol

Becky

UGH - Just the phrase ' Northwest suburbs' is making me homesick.  I live in Mpls now.  Grew up in Park Ridge - lived in Palatine / Lincoln Park / Arl Hts.  Can I come live with you ? LOL

Anyway- NOBODY is better than you !!!  Some may be prettier / more passable etc and I GUARANTEE you look better than others.  I am positive. I have seen some extremely masculine appearing transwomen.  But here's the thing.....

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I struggle with this too but I always try to work on it.  Be who you are.  Try your best not to worry about what others think.  Don't compare yourself.  I do not pass all the time.  Maybe less than half.  But you know what - some people are very cool.  Some go out of their way with smiles and are extremely friendly.  They want to show that they support me.  Sometimes being out in the world is hard - and sometimes it is very fun.

Go get some Lou Malanati's and send me a slice. LOL