Hi ,

My name is lee aka Leah,  I am a 32 year old married male with 3 wonderful children with one child has learning difficulties...

My wife has known in the past that I have owned womens clothes and worn them before we got together 12 years ago . My biggest concern is that if I tell her that I want to be a woman , I would lose everything as in the family home and be homeless and losin gv my children and also nowhere to live as my in laws would cast me out and I have cut ties with my own parents due to family arguments.... I keep find myself looking at the opposite genders clothing and the thinking how I would look as that gender and I feel happy when I am thinking about it .

I have kept the male persona for far too long and I feel depressed everyday and angry all the time as I should have came out years ago but instead I have hidden it away and I have never been confident in myself for a long time and sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just gone through and just came out and stated I wanted to be a WOMAN and not a MAN ...

If anyone can help or has ideas to help me ...

Many thanks

Leah x

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Quote from: leah abigale on December 29, 2018, 06:46:16 PM
Hi ,

My name is lee aka Leah,  I am a 32 year old married male with 3 wonderful children with one child has learning difficulties...

My wife has known in the past that I have owned womens clothes and worn them before we got together 12 years ago . My biggest concern is that if I tell her that I want to be a woman , I would lose everything as in the family home and be homeless and losin gv my children and also nowhere to live as my in laws would cast me out and I have cut ties with my own parents due to family arguments.... I keep find myself looking at the opposite genders clothing and the thinking how I would look as that gender and I feel happy when I am thinking about it .

I have kept the male persona for far too long and I feel depressed everyday and angry all the time as I should have came out years ago but instead I have hidden it away and I have never been confident in myself for a long time and sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just gone through and just came out and stated I wanted to be a WOMAN and not a MAN ...

If anyone can help or has ideas to help me ...

Many thanks

Leah x

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It is difficult Leah. I went through much the same thing. I couldnt hold it all in forever. I saw  psychiatrist & psychologist to try and cure myself & let my wife know I was seeking proffessional help for issues I was having.

This let the genie out of the bottle slowly and we kept talking step by step. There was no cure -Estrogen therapy (HRT) and cross dressing in front of the family was gradually introduced- this kept me functioning.

My wife was not impressed but knows I love her & dont want to lose her. These days she understands as best she can & allows HRT and some feminine presentation.

I still have her, 2 young sons and our houses together as a family.

"Steady as she goes" is  the secret I think.

Kind regards, Kirsten



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Quote from: leah abigale on December 29, 2018, 06:46:16 PM
Hi ,

My name is lee aka Leah,  I am a 32 year old married male with 3 wonderful children with one child has learning difficulties...

My wife has known in the past that I have owned womens clothes and worn them before we got together 12 years ago . My biggest concern is that if I tell her that I want to be a woman , I would lose everything as in the family home and be homeless and losin gv my children and also nowhere to live as my in laws would cast me out and I have cut ties with my own parents due to family arguments.... I keep find myself looking at the opposite genders clothing and the thinking how I would look as that gender and I feel happy when I am thinking about it .

I have kept the male persona for far too long and I feel depressed everyday and angry all the time as I should have came out years ago but instead I have hidden it away and I have never been confident in myself for a long time and sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just gone through and just came out and stated I wanted to be a WOMAN and not a MAN ...

If anyone can help or has ideas to help me ...

Many thanks

Leah x

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Leah,

I suggest going to this thread and reading, as it may help you: 

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243619.0.html

There are other threads here that are related, this one first came to mind though.
Also, a good gender therapist may help you think things through. 

I wish that you have the best results.  This is a tough situation to deal with.
Maybe others here can be of more help to you also.

Chrissy

Hi Leah,

The fear of losing everything is legitimate because the risk is real. But at the same time you cannot know the future. Your worst case scenario may never eventuate.

If you do not pursue this, there will be different risks. Your mental well being is important too.

All I can say is take everything slow. Give your spouse plenty of time to process and understand what you are going through.

Have you been able to see a gender therapist yet? Doing that may help with the decisions you need to make.

Wishing you all the best.

~Dee.

There is another thread you also might want to look over. It's How not to blow up your marriage. It was started by a member who experienced it first hand and only after that discovered that there was more than one transgender member of the family.

Hi Dee,  I have not looked in to a gender therapist yet but I will do   and thank you

Reguards
Leah

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Quote from: Dena on December 29, 2018, 07:48:58 PM
There is another thread you also might want to look over. It's How not to blow up your marriage. It was started by a member who experienced it first hand and only after that discovered that there was more than one transgender member of the family.

Hi Dena,  I will look in to that post and see what people have gone through,  sometimes I wish I was single as it would have been much easier lol and thank you for getting back to me

Reguards
Leah

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I've been transitioning for almost three years, and I am still happily married.  It can be done.  And if y've been dealing with this long term, it is far better to face it when you are 32 than when you are 52, like I did.

Hugs, Carly

Quote from: CarlyMcx on December 29, 2018, 11:48:11 PM
I've been transitioning for almost three years, and I am still happily married.  It can be done.  And if y've been dealing with this long term, it is far better to face it when you are 32 than when you are 52, like I did.

Hugs, Carly

I totally agree with you on that , I just need the confidence to come out with what I want to say and how to say it

Hugs leah

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I would lose my Partner, friends and her family, maybe mine, but not my home. So I have decided for now not to progress any further... at the moment. I have been accepted as a woman by my partner and friends but cannot dress anyway but male (not out to the family) so got some concessions, nails, female underwear, removed body hair and body care. These help me to cope and I am hoping over time to introduce more feminine features. Many girls here advised me to take it slow and that is what I am doing and advise this for you too. It is hard I know but in the end you may get it all

Lots of love and hugs

Jessica

Quote from: Jessica_K on December 30, 2018, 04:20:51 AM
I would lose my Partner, friends and her family, maybe mine, but not my home. So I have decided for now not to progress any further... at the moment. I have been accepted as a woman by my partner and friends but cannot dress anyway but male (not out to the family) so got some concessions, nails, female underwear, removed body hair and body care. These help me to cope and I am hoping over time to introduce more feminine features. Many girls here advised me to take it slow and that is what I am doing and advise this for you too. It is hard I know but in the end you may get it all

Lots of love and hugs

Jessica

Hi Jessica, 

I never knew that there is a few people that are going through a similar situation as me and I am greatful that every one is helping me out

Lots of love and hugs

Leah

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Quote from: leah abigale on December 29, 2018, 11:17:03 PM
I have not looked in to a gender therapist yet but I will do

I found starting the steps to seeing a Gender Therapist, really helped my wife take me seriously. For her, it was important that I see a professional for a "second opinion".

It made it easier for her to come on board. I have been been very lucky, after coming out my wife revealed she is bisexual.

I couldn't believe my good fortune as it meant that she is okay being in a relationship with a woman.

That sequence of events may be rare, but my point is, I would never have known or guessed that she felt that way, and so it is tricky presuming to know another's future reaction.

Sure a relationship can end badly, but it may not.

~Dee.

Hello Leah. My wife and I have been married 34 years. Two years ago I finally discovered the source of my anger and rage, and I realized the only way I would survive was to transition. My wife was mad as hell for a long time, but eventually she realized that it was the best path forward for us. She does not miss the angry person I used to be, and we are slowly falling in love again. Our two daughters also supported my decision, and they are glad to see us happy. Even my parents, who are in their mid-80's, have accepted this change in my life.

It will be tough in the beginning, and it may come at a high price, but it may well be the only way to find joy again. Follow the link in my signature to read my journal. You may find something useful.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

Hi Leah - Many of has been where you are - in my case I transitioned post divorce - my divorce was not due to gender issues.  I know some transwomen that have kept their marriages intact - and sadly many don't.

The suggestions you have received to see a therapist are great - I see one and recommend it for most trans people.

Regarding  your wife and kids it is tough.  I have 3 kids two are non verbal autistic ages 23 and 24.  I get it. I stayed married for 18 years for that reason.

My opinion is you have to be 100% honest with your wife and communicate - compromise.  Maybe find a middle ground.  Putting off transition until your kids are older IDK.  Tough choices but you owe it to her and yourself to be honest.  Anything else will only breed contempt.

My very best wishes for you and your journey ahead.

The fear...is real. And understandable.
I rolled the dice and lost family, quit a six-figure job, and had to start from scratch.
10 years later, happiest I've ever been. Would not change a thing.