So after dealing with this all my life (now 35), and having the absolute one worst dysphoria episodes of my life, and actually the longest single, consume my every thought one I've ever had that started back in August. Normally things I enjoy will help "take my mind off it" for while, but not this time around, he'll even spending countless hours in the bush didn't do anything, just found my self googling, on here, YouTube, and day dreaming constantly. I've reached the point where I think it's "come out and do this" or fall into an even deeper depression, get even more angry about things I shouldn't even get mad about just because I'm so frustrated, resulting in loosing everything (wife and kids) because of it.

I'm seriously thinking tonight I'm going to come out to my wife.... scared as ->-bleeped-<-, but based her past I'm really hoping she is supportive. I'm at the point where I honestly feel if I don't, I'm just going to get more miserable and I'll loose her based on being viewed as a jerk and from being distant... If she doesn't take it well and I loose her, at least it will be because she knows the truth, and maybe she will understand that when there's a lul in intimacy it's because I can't stand my body and NOT because there's "something else going on" as she sometimes accuses (on no basis what so ever I'll add... never cheated in anyway and never would).
On the plus side, her longest realationship aside from with me was with a girl, so at least got that going for me In a way I guess.

Any advice on how to actually say it, outloud, would be awesome! Cause in my head it's easy, when I try to say it out loud.... it's all over the place.

Honestly, what worked for me best was just to say: "I have something to tell you. I'm transgender."

When you start with "I have something to tell you," it kinda plays a mental trick in forcing you to say the second part.

When I came out to my wife I knew I would not be able to get the words out, so I had a letter prepared. I told her that I had something I needed to tell her, then I gave her this letter:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2078576.html#msg2078576

Initially my wife was mad as hell. It took a lot of patience, but my wife finally accepted this change in my life. Over the last few months we have begun falling in love all over again. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

I suggest carefully looking at these two threads:


https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,220120.0.html

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,243674.0.html


Chrissy

I never managed to drop the bomb, had a half decent moment to when my wife, who as I've said befores second longest relationship was with a women, said while watching twilight breaking dawn, "Rosalie is really attractive in this one.". She makes comments here and there like that about actresses all the time, so I know she still does find women attractive, so I don't think she'd have a hard time being with another female in a realationship, just don't know how she would take me being female.... she's knows all the crazy stupid guy stuff I've done over the years, like almost getting blown up disarming UXO's on military ranges, to almost being paralyzed multiple time for being a little to crazy on snowmobiles, etc. She always calls me a mountain man, so the bombshell will come as a shock..... although I did tell her me and my sister use to play dress up as kids all the time and my parents would give me supreme ->-bleeped-<- for it... so maybe it won't.

She's always on my phone, so I'm writing a note on note pad for her... maybe she'll find it, maybe she won't, but this way when I get a burst of courage I don't need to come up with the words, I'll just hand her the phone.....

Quote from: Feeltrapped on January 02, 2019, 03:08:03 PM
I never managed to drop the bomb, had a half decent moment to when my wife, who as I've said befores second longest relationship was with a women, said while watching twilight breaking dawn, "Rosalie is really attractive in this one.". She makes comments here and there like that about actresses all the time, so I know she still does find women attractive, so I don't think she'd have a hard time being with another female in a realationship, just don't know how she would take me being female.... she's knows all the crazy stupid guy stuff I've done over the years, like almost getting blown up disarming UXO's on military ranges, to almost being paralyzed multiple time for being a little to crazy on snowmobiles, etc. She always calls me a mountain man, so the bombshell will come as a shock..... although I did tell her me and my sister use to play dress up as kids all the time and my parents would give me supreme ->-bleeped-<- for it... so maybe it won't.

She's always on my phone, so I'm writing a note on note pad for her... maybe she'll find it, maybe she won't, but this way when I get a burst of courage I don't need to come up with the words, I'll just hand her the phone.....

Wishing you the strength to start the ball rolling!

The written note approach worked for me way better than starting a conversation about the subject. I tried to tell my mother countless times what's wrong but I just couldn't, so I left a note on my desk and called her from work and told her to read the note. That way she could start the conversation when I got home.

I'm planning something similar to come out to my boss because I just cannot find the strength to start talking about this, but this time I'm approaching this from "A picture is worth a thousand words" angle.

I'm not a psychiatrist, and I don't play one on TV, but for some of us taking chances with our lives was actually a symptom. We didn't care enough about our own life to be careful, maybe subconsciously we hoped to end our struggle 'accidentally' without anyone knowing our secret.

Leaving a note where she may find it could work out, but I would want her to find it while I was at home. It is difficult to say what thoughts may come to her mind, and being nearby so she could talk to you about it would probably be a good idea. There is never a good time for this, but try to avoid birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentines Day!