This is a long post and I hope you can give me some good advice.

This summer I started to come out to others about transitioning. I'm very masculine and have been all my life so I didn't need to come out as as being male.
I wasn't into LGBTQ+ despite supporting it multiple times in the past. So I wanted to start to find some groups or something in my area where I could meet like-minded people.
I had an acquaintance a bisexual woman who I had met for coffee a few times because I was helping her with some emotional issues she was dealing with. I run a support group that is unrelated to LGBTQ+ and I was providing her support through that group.
I myself am not attracted to women and I made that clear. She had relationship issues which she often discussed.

I thought from these discussions and the way she spoke that she knew a lot about this and that she knew a lot of people within LGBTQ+ and so I asked if she could let me know some contacts or groups etc. because I was transitioning. It turns out she didn't know many at all and that she had mostly been shooting her mouth and pretending. She did find a group though and contacted the organiser and introduced us. I quickly found out though that I had been introduced as a drag king rather than trans-male.
That wasn't much of an issue since I could quickly correct that.

This is when she starts to tell me that she is not just bisexual but also non-binary. I wasn't surprised, she has some masculine qualities. She then also tells me that she finds me sexually attractive.
I was rather flattered 
I did though iterate that i was not attracted to women and that I was not attracted to her at all and that I'm binary.

What follows become increasingly more difficult drama that I am still trying to close off but she just does not accept it.

She starts to give me relationship and parenting advice, for my 25 years of steady and stable relationship with my partner and two teenage children. She has never had a stable relationship and has no children.
I told her that she was not allowed to discuss my family or personal relationship with me again, that it was off limits.
She hasn't raised it again.

She keeps referring to me as non-binary, like herself, even though I have made it very clear that I'm not. She started to give me a lot of misinformation about transitioning, such as; your voice won't change on T because the larynx is fully grown, Your body shape won't change you should spend lots of money on tailors instead. She even started arguing with me on how I should dress for work in the finance sector as a developer. She has never worked as either a developer or in the finance sector. Her suggestions would have had me dress as someone outranking my manager. This is because she still thought I was a drag-king etc.

There are many other such things that always was misinformation or something negative or some drama. I'm not one for drama, I'm very pragmatic, I go for official information where I can find it.
Every time that I wouldn't accept her misinformation she said she always wanted to do as much research as possible into such things; opposed to me who knew nothing and didn't try to research it etc.
Which was the other way around but hey ho 

Anyway, things are escalating, I still run the support group and have done for over three years and she comes to every evening that I organise and crowds me and outs me. She arrives late and grabs a free chair and pushes it in between me and whoever is sitting next to me even if we are in conversation and have not invited her in.
Now many know who I am in the group, obviously, but there is always about half of every meeting that are new, and the group is about them and not about me. 
She tries to get some personal talk with me and start some drama.

It is not that she has evil intent, she is just emotionally unstable and clueless.
I have given her additional instructions on what she cannot do but she just finds some way of continuing around those instructions and I worry that I will hurt her. I'm often told I'm abrasive and harsh etc. and she is very unstable.

I need this to stop because it is interrupting my work as the organiser, and interrupting the group, and affecting others that have no clue what is going on.

She also always hugs me and such and talks about how well I'm doing and that sort of thing which I don't know where is coming from. People get very confused since I have no outward appearance of struggling in any manner. 

Las time a couple of guys, (very handsome gay couple ), blocked her when I was leaving because she kept trying to hug me and run after me, after I had hugged her twice, and said goodbye, and was walking away.

I accept that I must have inadvertently led her on somehow!

How do I handle this so that I don't hurt her too much but make her stop this and preferably not come to the evenings that I organise? There are other organisers that she could go to instead.
I don't care if she talks about me behind my back, I see that as an inevitable side-affect from organising the group anyway.

Feel free to assume that I am emotionally clueless

I would start with a one-on-one conversation about boundaries and the need to respect yours. If they still persist, have a second person join you in a private confrontation about respecting boundaries. If that still doesn't discourage the behavior, it's time to ask them to leave the group and not return.

It is not just your boundaries that need to be respected, but the group's.  If she is detracting from the effectiveness of the group, or your effectiveness as a leader, she needs to be stopped, even if that makes her feel bad.

Some people need to be told to back off for the well-being of the group.  Often, it is those who are psychologically or emotionally fragile who are the problem.  If group leaders are reluctant to manage them because of their fragility, the group suffers.  It is ugly and nasty, but it sometimes has to be done.

I do not have the emotional strength to do it, but when a psychologically fragile person was disrupting the effectiveness of the group I am in, I was glad when the coordinator put her foot down and told the person not to come back, ever. 

The breach of boundaries in that case was extreme, and the solution was definitely the right one for the group.  Still, I would have had a hard time doing it.  I try too hard to be "nice", and that can be a problem in a leadership situation.

Quote from: BlueJaye on January 03, 2019, 01:09:09 PM
I would start with a one-on-one conversation about boundaries and the need to respect yours. If they still persist, have a second person join you in a private confrontation about respecting boundaries. If that still doesn't discourage the behavior, it's time to ask them to leave the group and not return.

Sounds like a good plan, thanks!

Quote from: KathyLauren on January 03, 2019, 01:17:29 PM
It is not just your boundaries that need to be respected, but the group's.  If she is detracting from the effectiveness of the group, or your effectiveness as a leader, she needs to be stopped, even if that makes her feel bad.

Some people need to be told to back off for the well-being of the group.  Often, it is those who are psychologically or emotionally fragile who are the problem.  If group leaders are reluctant to manage them because of their fragility, the group suffers.  It is ugly and nasty, but it sometimes has to be done.

I do not have the emotional strength to do it, but when a psychologically fragile person was disrupting the effectiveness of the group I am in, I was glad when the coordinator put her foot down and told the person not to come back, ever. 

The breach of boundaries in that case was extreme, and the solution was definitely the right one for the group.  Still, I would have had a hard time doing it.  I try too hard to be "nice", and that can be a problem in a leadership situation.

Yes, I have had others tell me similar, thanks. I can confront people like that it doesn't bother me that much, that may sound callous, but it's not that I don't care about others feelings, more that I don't necessarily realise them. This is why I'm not confident in when people prefer I put my foot down.