Quick summary so far;

- Been on HRT max dose for 1 year 1 month
- SRS done 07/2018
- 41 year old

Future plan:

- BA summer of 2019
- Or....FFS summer of 2020?
- Or wait for more effects from HRT, before going to FFS? Do surgeons even do FFS, with so relatively little time on HRT?

Which one would help me to pass more realiable and be cost effective doing that? That´s what Im trying to figure out. And it aint easy. I just wish now and then that I would get hit by a car and die and be done with this. There´s nothing fun of being trans, or at least I haven´t found it, but that´s another story.

Anyways, all of friends, the few relatives that I have left and some people whom I´ve met only few times, all say the same thing: Don´t go and do a FFS! You don´t need one!

The thing is, that now and then someone genders me as a male. Like today at work. And it hurts, so so badly and makes me question actually the sanity of this whole transitioning. I mean getting misgendered I start to assume, that 99% of people around me are just being nice and treating me like a female, even when I clearly look like a male.

I would rather just represent a third gender so I wouldn´t need to worry all these surgeries and collecting money for them. Just hate this. But unfortunately being a third gender is even more impossible than passing.

So, if I get a BA and get big enough breasts which clearly show, would it help to eliminate even those few random encounters where person thinks me as a male?

Or do I need to have full FFS even when that means, that I probably need to wait few years, before I can afford one.

Probably should have waited with SRS and get FFS first....

But then again, SRS was something for myself, something that I needed, but FFS I guess is for everyone else....

FFS is for you too. It gives you confidence and peace of mind. BA's are nice but tons of girly girls are boobless. If you have a large chest ( width) a BA will barely show and people still focus first on your face. If I was trying to pass and had masculine features, the face would be first. In fact, I did and it was. These decisions can all be so frustrating and exhausting.

I wouldn't regret doing SRS first...it's totally the most important surgery for me as well (although it will come after FFS for my transition).

As for BA vs. FFS, I think it really depends on the situation. Sounds like you're thinking about it the right way.  I guess one question is: are you definitely going to get BA in any case? If so, doing it now seems like the right approach. But if you would be comfortable going without BA, I might do the saving up for FFS.

The other thing is that I don't think FFS is completely sure thing in reliably allowing trans women to pass 100% of the time following surgery. With BA, you have a pretty good idea what the result is going to be.

Did coworkers that misgender you know you before you went fulltime as a woman? If you notice it's only a select few coworkers that knew you before and not happening outside of work, then maybe you're passing more than you think? It could just be they're too used to your pronouns before...

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Sorry, but I doubt that BA would achieve the results you want.
For one, boobs are a very poor indicator of gender.  About 1/3 of the guys over 50 have man boobs.
Young men get boobs from prescribed behavioral drugs.

Voice is one of the biggest factors in passing.

Perhaps the "easiest" is to  get rid of any beer belly.  Even if you  don't pass, a toned body and a flat belly commands respect, and maybe even envy from GGs.

Visit any plastic surgeon's website and look at their before-and-after breast augmentation photos.  You will see sooo many pictures of cis women with little or even zero breast volume.  But I bet those flat-chested women still got gendered as female all the time.  Breast size is a relatively poor indicator of gender.  Much more important is the face, voice, and waist-hip ratio.

You can still get a BA if you want.  I did, and I feel it was worth it.  But it didn't help me pass.  I passed just fine with push-up bras, just like most cis women with small breasts wear.  If you want help with passing, FFS is the most important surgery by a huge margin.  FFS was the first surgery I did, and it changed my life more than any of my other surgeries.

FFS first.  That's where people look first for the most part to determine gender. 

Height too.

And yes let HRT do it's magic for another year or two.  One year is not a long time for muscle loss in the face or fat redistribution.  Your boobs may grow a lot also.  Only time will tell.

The face is probably the biggest visual cue for gender perception and passing. If that's your primary goal, I'd invest there first.

A feminine face is my choice, after a feminine voice.


Chrissy

Voice > Face > figure  (within reason of course)

If you're looking to test this you could always try out some breast forms to see how people react to you having bigger boobs.

I have had all three surgeries. I did face first and don't regret it other than my choice of surgeon. GCS was next for my sanity, followed by BA. The BA was like a nice icing after the main meal. It was tasty, fun, but not integral to presentation improvement. If I did it over, I would repeat order with a better FFS surgeon.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 04, 2019, 06:33:47 PM
Voice > Face > figure  (within reason of course)

If you're looking to test this you could always try out some breast forms to see how people react to you having bigger boobs.

This reminds me of what some people look at first, and the pink t-shirts with the big upward pointing arrow on the chest that reads, "My face is up there."

But I think that the face is more important, after voice.

Chrissy

I certainly agree.  It's just a lot harder to fake FFS than it is to fake bigger boobs.

Thank you for the answers. It´s just that the FFS will be a lot more expensive and I need to wait few years. Will I remain sane that long. Time will tell I guess

It´s just that everyone around me are telling, that you don´t need FFS. I just don´t know anymore what I´m looking from the mirror.

The stupidest thing is, and now you all are going to think, that I´m absolutely crazy 

That the person who misgendered me, was a mentally retarded person. I really have been misgendered so so few times, that I question the sanity of FFS and the risks involved, because I don´t get often misgendered.

2 times a year ago I was asked, if I´m male or female.
In Bangkok called once a Khatoye and once in airport as transsexual behind my back and one lady coming to ask me if I´m ladyboy (And in Thailand I didn´t take those as offence, didn´t bother me a bit)
Last June litte girl, mentally retarded too, thinking I´m male (more below).
And now a mentally retarded person thinking I´m male.

That´s it. I just take it so heavily of getting misgendered even when it does happen to cis females too.

Then again, I have "proof" that some change has happened. In last June I was taking care of little girl, who is also mentally retarded and she kept on calling me as man, everytime she needed help. Now in October I was again there, and this time she called me girl, everytime she needed help. So, something has changed in her eyes.

I´m just not sure, if everyone else around me are very polite and keep on treating me as female, even when they see male. I don´t know and that creates a huge insecurity inside

Then again I have so many other occasions, where I definitely was thought as female. Like the little girl above, but in December I was doing job interview via Skype and the lady asked from me, if I´m thinking of still getting pregnant...

I add a picture here, so we know what we are talking about

This is me, in work mode as a nurse I remind you. I need to keep my hair tied together. In civil life, I have shoulder length hair.

And I know, pictures are difficult. So many different things affecting it. This was taken 2 days ago, 1 year and 1 month of HRT.

Don´t quote the picture, I will remove it later.

But what would you do with FFS for my face? I honestly don´t know, what I would change? Bigger lips perhaps...?

More hair to forehead, yes that I know is a problem, but that comes from genes. My mother had a similar hairline already at age of 19. I have her wedding picture on my bookshelf

And then again...I´m 41.

depends on what you want. forehead advance, orbital rim bossing and rhinoplasty would certainly make you "prettier". You do look female tending towards andro but you seem to be wearing no makeup and that can make a world of difference. Your call. If you had vfs and sounded very female I probably wouldn't bat an eyelash. You appear to have no beard growth?

Quote from: luckygirl on January 05, 2019, 01:22:22 AM
depends on what you want. forehead advance, orbital rim bossing and rhinoplasty would certainly make you "prettier". You do look female tending towards andro but you seem to be wearing no makeup and that can make a world of difference. Your call. If you had vfs and sounded very female I probably wouldn't bat an eyelash. You appear to have no beard growth?

No make-up at work. It´s just not feasible. Perhaps eyebrows, mascara and light lipstick would be good option. Those would stay on, when things get sweaty at work

Otherwise I do use make-up very often, almost always, but not going to grocery store etc.

Beard is gone, mostly. I still have 3 appointments to laser and that will be it. In total I took 12 times laser within a year and half. And 3 times I think some 4 years ago. It´s gone

Perhaps I still need to wait one more year on HRT. 2 years and the changes, most dramatic ones are done.

Voice is mostly ok. It´s just that the intubation tube did hurt something from my throat and I´m just now six months after SSR returning to my female voice. I don´t sound like Marilyn Monroe, but then again, nobody gives a strange face, when I talk.

I don´t really mind looking andro without makep-up. I mean, I´m 41. Would I like to look like young girls. Hell yes! Is it possible. In my day dreams yes, but otherwise, not in this life anymore...unfortunately...

Quote from: Mendi on January 05, 2019, 01:14:20 AM
I add a picture here, so we know what we are talking about

This is me, in work mode as a nurse I remind you. I need to keep my hair tied together. In civil life, I have shoulder length hair.

And I know, pictures are difficult. So many different things affecting it. This was taken 2 days ago, 1 year and 1 month of HRT.

Don´t quote the picture, I will remove it later.

But what would you do with FFS for my face? I honestly don´t know, what I would change? Bigger lips perhaps...?

More hair to forehead, yes that I know is a problem, but that comes from genes. My mother had a similar hairline already at age of 19. I have her wedding picture on my bookshelf

And then again...I´m 41.

I wouldn't do anything, but it is, of course, your choice. 

Quote from: Devlyn on January 05, 2019, 03:47:56 AM
I wouldn't do anything, but it is, of course, your choice. 

Thansk Devlyn. You are like my friends. Don´t do it!

But, I think I´ll wait a bit still.

I just take these misgendering way way too serious or they affect me too much.

Btw, if you are still online. Would you mind editing the picture away from the quote?

The fashion trend these days is to wear T shirt bras that don't show straps.  You may want consider going the other way, as visible straps are an indicator of gender.

It may help to wear a tighter shirt.  Women's shirts often have stretch fabrics.  This will make the bra straps more visible.

If you watch people's eyes that may provide clues into how people are gendering you.  A cashier may gender you off your hands if you are paying cash.  Nail polish is a strong gender marker if you don't have small hands.

I wouldn't expect someone with mental impairments to come up with the same conclusions to anything as "normal"
people.