I wish that more people in society would respect transsexual people for who they are instead of disrespecting many of them solely because they are transgender or transsexual.  I find it hard to understand why yesterday someone respects a person then today, after finding out that person is a transsexual, that this person is often disrespected, shutout, avoided, put down, and even despised.

That is just wrong.  We are just ourselves. 

Many of us are very kind and decent people, likely mirroring society in terms of percentage of good and bad folks.  We are not bad because we are transsexuals. 

Always be kind and loving.  We should show respect ourselves.     

Chrissy

Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 08, 2019, 06:13:58 PM
I wish that more people in society would respect transsexual people for who they are instead of disrespecting many of them solely because they are transgender or transsexual.  I find it hard to understand why yesterday someone respects a person then today, after finding out that person is a transsexual, that this person is often disrespected, shutout, avoided, put down, and even despised.

That is just wrong.  We are just ourselves. 

Many of us are very kind and decent people, likely mirroring society in terms of percentage of good and bad folks.  We are not bad because we are transsexuals. 

Always be kind and loving.  We should show respect ourselves.     

Chrissy

@ChrissyRyan
People are people, there are those that don't respect many others whether they are straight or gay or transsexual, etc....  there are just some folks that do not show respect.

As Transsexual or Transgender people we need to act and dress respectfully and responsibly if we expect to be treated with respect.   When I relocated to my small conservative town as a full-time woman, I worked hard to earn respect and trust.  I did not shove my transgender status in anyone's face and tried to fit into the community as a contributing member and developed friendships and even a few suitors.  Flying under the radar seemed to be the correct approach for my situation. 

I built my small business by being helpful to my clients and making certain that they knew that they were dealing with someone that took serious responsibility for my decisions and suggestions that could affect them financially.

After living here as a woman for 1½ years I was unexpectedly outed by a friend and I happily found overwhelming acceptance and respect mainly because I first developed positive community, business and personal relationships.
Now after more than 2 years I am well entrenched in my town....  when I hear the stories of others issues and problems I consider myself very fortunate.

Like you stated, Chrissy, "We should show respect ourselves."  .... in other words if we want respect we need to respect others.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle

A couple of years ago I was traveling for IBM through Dallas.  It was right after the Ferguson MO shooting and the start of the Black Lives Matter movement.

The bartender and I started talking.  He shared he feared for his teen son.  He's black.

I'm white, but could easily empathize with him, and commented 'Black lives matter, White lives matter, Blue lives matter, Red lives, Yellow lives, Green lives (including aliens from Mars), all lives matter!  That's what we have to get to!'

Today, if presented with the same conversation, I would add to my statement 'LGBQT lives matter' before the 'ALL LIVES MATTER.'



Today, I was thinking about the abuse I took in high school because 'I'm different!'  I never fit the stereotypes of being a male Roman Catholic.  I still feel pain in those memories.  YET...  I'm optimistic.



I think of the people in my Catholic church community today.  Most couldn't care less that I present more and more as gender neutral / female.  The longer hair, pierced ears, and some jewelry don't change what I've contributed, and contribute, to the community.  A few know I'm trans. The other handful that do seem to have an issue with me, had an issue with me before I started my transition.  I ignore, and don't engage with, them.


WE SCARE PEOPLE!  We scare them because we force them to confront their Judeo / Christian upbringing of the world being 'Black & White' or 'Male & Female.'  We painfully know it's NOT Black & White or Male & Female.  By being who we are we force them to question what they were taught by parents who were taught by their parents, etc. Additionally, people like Black & White, or Male & Female because 'Two (2) Categories Simplify Things!'  A lot of people can't cope with more than an either / or situation.  Their brains are medically too small.  (Yeah that's a dig.)


I served this country as a male.  I have an much older friend who also served.  He's observing me change.  He truly fears for my soul because, in his world, there is only Male & Female.  He truly believes God & Jesus are not going to be happy with me.

I gently try to explain that gender presentation is a human social construct.  My belief is that God is neither Male nor Female.  I remember scripture where Jesus says (paraphrasing) that 'man & woman don't marry in heaven as they do on earth.'  Whether I present as Male or Female doesn't change the contribution I try to make to the greater human good.  I believe I'll be judged on my contributions and not the fact that I had (will have) my penis inverted into a vagina.


I think we're in the world Jackie Robinson was in when he played Major League Baseball.  He was abused, belittled, and ridiculed.  Yet he could understand people were responding out of ignorance.  They were responding based on what they were taught.  It was terribly hard, but he persevered and didn't let it get to him.  And now on a late spring day, all baseball honors him.


Final comment:  When your in doubt, feeling beat down, not understanding; take a couple of minutes to listen to this song from the show 'South Pacific' titled 'You've Got to be Carefully Taught'



This is what we're working through.


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I understand that many or most transpeople prefer to live as stealth if they have the ability to do so.  Of course everyone has the right to make their personal choice.  In full disclosure that was certainly my plan prior to transition.  I met with a surgeon to discuss a full FFS surgery.

To keep this brief it didn't work out that way - so I decided to transition anyway.  What was the point of taking my secret to the grave and not living as the real me.

The reason I bring this up in relation to Chrissy's topic is that I think many people are scared, or bigoted against what they do not know.  That is the silver lining to me regarding living as openly transgender.  I am in a very public facing job and interact with hundreds of people up close and personal.  Many are long time acquaintances - almost all had never met a transwoman.  90% are men.  I would say 98% of them are approving.  It took a little adjustment for them and I was the source of a lot of "did you hear about Mike"  my former name ( not embarrassed by that - I am trans ) but now for almost all it is no big deal.

Was it hard? Damn right it was.  But that's the point if we stay in the shadows the world does not get to know us and does not find out that we are not that much different.  People quickly realize that I am a relatively intelligent - social-able person just like I was before - Just now I am more honest about who I really am.

I think as more and more people are openly trans either by choice or necessity then society will continue to evolve.

We live in a culture built on old ideas based in misogyny. For us MTF we mostly all experienced the fear of showing our true selves since a young age. That is because in this culture, being feminine / female is seen as less than male / masculine. Guys grow into their sexual age with the concepts of girls as things that their instincts make them want to do thing to, not that girls are people to live life with. Some grow up and out of this stage but the majority do not. They do not because culture has not forced them to grow out of that stage of thinking. The stereotypical idea of a bunch of guys sitting around and their entire conversation revolving about a competition of imaginary sexual encounters is very real in our culture still.
We fear coming out because we are looked down upon by males. We become something to be scorned for "choosing" to not be male even though we never were.

My experience is most men are made somewhat uncomfortable by me once they figure out I'm a transsexual. Most women are pretty open and accepting however. Sometimes women are unsure what to think as I may be the first MTF they knowingly met in person. People tend to expect the flamboyant behavior they see on drag show TV. These ideas of RP Drag Show are what society thinks we all are. After interacting with me they seem to become a lot more open and relaxed and even strike up conversation. We have to act in a manner representing all of us so older society sees we are just people. Most younger people like my step son's age seem like they could care less. In my small hometown, my step-son (now 24) went to high school with 2 trans kids. One MTF and one FTM. Its great for them that they could be totally open about it.

Mainstream is overrated and the way many places function are very inorganic.  That's why more and more cis hetero couples or singles seek out trans parties and even porn... I don't know how I feel about that myself, but at least I know it helps me to feel like there's no shame in my identity (in a weird way...) Maybe that's what you mean by respect? Because you can expect respect, but not always get it from people sadly... And potentially, some people still view trans people as mentally ill...

Just as a general rule I'm much more careful with strangers that are men than women in my day to day because some of their egos are very fragile... Even grown men! I probably function on the side of being overly cautious and may miss out on meeting new people daily... I don't think I'm passable so it helps to just live my life normally and learn to accept it. I think we all want to be respected so it's a very important topic.

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All I can add at this time is some people at first glance do not seem to deserve respect, and some people are not respectful.  However, some clarification is in order.

You should treat people fairly.  Respect is something that can be earned, or it may come with a position or title.

Yes, you want people to be respectful and people to be respectful of you.

I think that if a good person is respectable that that person is no less respectable as a trans person.

But a specific trans person, or a someone who is not transgender, may not be a good person and those bad behaviors do not need to be respected, hence it is easy to say you do not respect that person. 

So maybe there are better words to use than respect but if you want respect, be respectful, and be a good person.  Then if the other person does not show respect to you simply because you are transgender, at least you know that is that person's limitation.  You did not give that person another reason to not respect you.


Chrissy


 

We should respect everyone until they give us reason not to. It's that simple.

Makes sense!

My good friends and family are respectful to me including treating me fairly. My husband and his family are the same way to me. Saw I had a tough life and struggled before I came out and transitioned.

My experience exactly, excepting I haven't a step sone, but do have four children all out of HS now.  I really like this!


Quote: "My experience is most men are made somewhat uncomfortable by me once they figure out I'm a transsexual. Most women are pretty open and accepting however. Sometimes women are unsure what to think as I may be the first MTF they knowingly met in person. People tend to expect the flamboyant behavior they see on drag show TV. These ideas of RP Drag Show are what society thinks we all are. After interacting with me they seem to become a lot more open and relaxed and even strike up conversation. We have to act in a manner representing all of us so older society sees we are just people. Most younger people like my step son's age seem like they could care less."

Quote from: D'Amalie on August 14, 2024, 03:19:27 PMAfter interacting with me they seem to become a lot more open and relaxed and even strike up conversation. We have to act in a manner representing all of us so older society sees we are just people. Most younger people like my step son's age seem like they could care less."

Exactly this. I try to interact with my neighbors in our apartment complex. I have lived here longer than anyone (1 year today!), so they have all seen me around. Many know that I am on the Resident Council and frequently interact with management. They know I am someone they can come to if they have a problem, and that I will not judge but help them find a solution. Some keep their distance without comment or dirty looks. Others have become friends and we frequently chat about everything. To them, I am just one of the girls. I still get misgendered by some, but my allies are quick to correct them.

Hi Everyone

I cannot stress enough what Sephirah said:

Quote from: Sephirah on August 13, 2024, 02:55:22 PMWe should respect everyone until they give us reason not to. It's that simple.

You cannot demand respect, you earn respect.

Love and Hugs
Sarah B
Official Greeter
@Sephirah

We should always behave in ways that are with tact, grace, humility, kind, and appropriate.

Admittedly this is hard for me when someone might sneer, giggle, or call me an unkind label.
But this inferior treatment is happening less often.  I usually simply ignore such unkind situations.

You have a wonderful day ahead!


Chrissy