It's been eight months now since I has GRS and everything is going well. Tristan and I are having intercourse now and it's been good. I've been dilating faithfully. I still can't take all of Tristan, he's a big boy, but I can take enough that he's able to enjoy it and climax. Tristan has always been very gentle so I've never had any pain with sex like I was expecting I would. The first time we had sex it didn't go very well which was my fault. I started crying actually. I hadn't expected that I would get so emotional at all. But it was actually overwhelming for me, but not in a bad way. I had just wanted to have sex with him as a normal girl for so long but couldn't that when we finally did I got very emotional and started crying and just couldn't stop which is not a normal thing with me at all . I'm not the type who cries easily or often. I just don't normally get extremely emotional unless it involves a hurt or sick animal, so my reaction  scared Tristan because he thought he had hurt me or done something wrong. I calmed down and explained exactly why I had started crying. He completely understood and was very comforting  but the mood for sex was pretty much killed for the night.

One thing I'm not happy with is the fact I have yet to have an orgasm just from intercourse. I started to get worried about it actually. I ended up talking to Tyler about it and he said it's not unusual for a woman not to have an orgasm with just intercourse and that's why some women fake it.  So that made me feel better. Some of you might find it weird I discussed something like that with my brother but actually I'm comfortable talking to him about that kind of stuff. He and I have always been close enough that we can talk about intimate stuff if needed.  Plus the fact I don't have any females to discuss it with. Well I have my grandma but I can't imagine talking about something sexual with her. Ewww!  Plus the fact Tyler would definitely know as he's had sex with a lot of girls.

Tristan always makes sure I have an orgasm, usually more than one, but I would just like to have one from intercourse with him and if we could have one at the same time together that would be awesome. Our sexlife in general has become way better. I was never able to fully enjoy sex or the S&M games we play because there was always the worry of my tuck coming undone in the back of my mind stressing me out. Tristan definitely picked up on it too. A few times he told me to just relax and stop being so tense. He said that if I ever did come untucked it wouldn't be the end of the world and that he knew it was there and that if he accidentally saw it he wouldn't stop loving me or anything. But it absolutely would have been the end of the world for me! If he had ever seen that awful thing I don't know if I could ever have recovered from it. Needless to say sex is much more enjoyable for us both now. And though I won't go into detail in the interest of T.M.I. there are a couple of S & M games directly involving the genitals which we can now do that are VERY enjoyable. And as far as sex in general Tristan very much enjoys giving a girl oral sex which he can finally do on me. 😋

So that's my update on my surgery. Sorry if it was too graphic or offensive for anyone.

Being a little over a month post op myself I was really interested to read how you are going. All I can say is congratulations...wow It was was so heartwarming to read how well things are going for you. I think just being orgasmic is a great outcome and to hear that you are having so much fun brings areal smile to my face

Thanks for the great update and no it wasn't TMI for this girl

Take care

Liz


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Hope you don't mind me asking and excuse my ignorance. What is the "tuck"?

Thank you so much for your update - I am very happy for you and your success.

My surgeon made an interesting comment in my consultation: she said, I might have to add a little testosterone post surgery to help with the ability to orgasm. I found this odd, but cis women also have a trace of testosterone in their blood.

I can also confirm Tristan's statement, not all women have orgasms during intercourse alone. Sometimes stimulation upfront helps, sometimes it does take a while to get to the point where it works.  Don't give up hope yet.

Hugs,

Sarah

Intimacy plays a big part in a loving relationship and it's wonderful that you and Tristan are able to enjoy each other as a couple.
Thank you for giving this update, it gives hope for many of us.

Quote from: JaslineUK on January 09, 2019, 09:00:04 AM
Hope you don't mind me asking and excuse my ignorance. What is the "tuck"?

Before surgery you "tuck" your boyparts so there is no trace of them showing. You tuck with either a Gaff or tape. A Gaff is similar to a jockstrap.

I am so happy that things are going so well for both you and Tristan.  Many of us, even older trans women, are still on a learning curve about what to expect and what could be achieved, so it would be difficult to give TMI.  Whatever YOU are comfortable with sharing is OK with me.

I might at first seem unqualified to give reassurance, as I was never able to successfully have sex and virtually all of my knowledge on the subject comes from Cosmopolitan and similar magazines and an unillustrated edition of Dr Robert Chartham's book Sex Manners For Men (which was the most explicit publication available where I was living at about age thirteen.)  When I was eight, my parents realised that I still thought that I was a girl because I thought that girls also had willies, so they corrected me on that point and chucked a copy of Playboy into the room where my toys were kept.  There were no full frontals in those days, so I learned little from that (I suppose I must have noticed the breasts but they have never interested me) but several years and thousands of miles later, Sex Manners For Men appeared in the study and I learned that women weren't just missing boy parts but had their own girl parts too, although I wasn't sure what they looked like.  In my first year of high school, a boy brought a b&w photo of his brother's girlfriend to school and I learned that girls also got pubic hair, which for some reason I had thought was a male thing and distressed me no end when I got it.  So, those are my credentials as a sex therapist.

Still, Cosmo and Dr Robert Chartham turned me into an expert on sex, so I can absolutely reassure you that what Tyler said is true and also that the simultaneous orgasm, although desirable, is rare.  While I am on a roll, I will mention that the longer the man lasts during vaginal sex, the greater the chance that the woman will orgasm during the same, and also the greater the chance of simultaneous orgasm.  I wouldn't suggest pressuring one's partner to do it, though, as nobody wants a frustrated lover but it might be nice to try now and again.

Again, I am so happy that things are going so well post GRS.

All the best from Dr RuthMary.

It's good to hear that things are going well for you. The physical memory of having parts other than the ones you have now will fade and it will be nearly impossible to ever imagine your body being any different than it is now. I can't at all but those "end of the world" worst fears and worries about situations from before like you mentioned, that I can totally relate to, occasionally may haunt your nightmares from time to time?

It's great that you're young too and can come up with a different way to re categorize your timeline so here's another way to think about that. It's easy to calculate because our histories are a fairly identical match. Yes of course we were always both girls before in our own way and began HRT sooner but if we start the clock at 18 after we got out of high school and officially finalized our "social transition", when I was 36 I have and you will have had lived half our lives exclusively as a girl or 50:50. When I was 54, I'd lived as a girl twice as long (2:1) as I ever did as what I was before and now that I'm 64, those years of my life where I was known as a strange hybrid he/she/it seem pretty brief and distant in comparison. Yes, I'm sure even being 36 seems like a long way off to you now but it's funny how life has a way of creeping up on you. Maybe funny isn't the right word?

In any case, most of the majority on this forum that don't transition until later in life and won't even see the half and half milestone shouldn't feel left out. The chronology of kids that are transitioning today at 7 and 8 or even younger are leaving folks like Julia and I in the dust. I think it's ironic that as far as trans kids go, those of us that don't transition until we're 18 are considered by them to be the late transitioners.

As far as not having orgasm from penetration alone, join the club of somewhere around 70% of natal females that share in that experience and I don't think it's happened to me more than a few times in my entire life so it's important that we take responsibility for our own sexual satisfaction. Use your fingers or show Tristan how to use his to make intercourse more satisfying for you or find what positions work best because sex is supposed to be fun for both of you not just the guy. I also think trying to have orgasm at the same time is something that gets planted in our heads from movies, TV and stories that somehow makes it seems like that's not how it is supposed to be when it doesn't happen that way. It's nice if it does happen and sometimes it will but I would say that's the exception rather than the rule and isn't something I'd use to benchmark the quality of your sex life by or set as a goal and be disappointed when it isn't met. Final thoughts on this... take time alone to learn your own body and response. The more you know and the more times you orgasm, the easier it gets and like they say, practice makes perfect!

Finally, I'll echo what others have said... it's nice to see you back and great to know you're doing well!

Julia, welcome back. I'm glad it's going so well for you, Tristan, and your family.

I second the responses about simultaneous orgasm and vaginal orgasm.  I think my cis wife only ever had it from penetration a couple of times.  We almost always focus on one of us first, and then the other.  Usually her first, because I lose focus and desire after I have my (male) orgasm.  Simultaneous is actually not all that great when it happens, because our respective rhythms and durations are different.  Better to fully enjoy your own (and fully enjoy doing it to your partner), and then switch, in our book.  Lol talk about TMI 

Quote from: MaryT on January 09, 2019, 03:23:17 PM
...  I will mention that the longer the man lasts during vaginal sex, the greater the chance that the woman will orgasm during the same, and also the greater the chance of simultaneous orgasm.  I wouldn't suggest pressuring one's partner to do it, though, as nobody wants a frustrated lover but it might be nice to try now and again.
...

A caveat here:  even cis women may not be in the mood while their partner is demonstrating his capability of marathon vaginal sex, and may become bored or physically uncomfortable (hence the need for fake orgasms to encourage their partners to get it over with).  Trans women may have the additional disadvantage of not lubricating naturally, so may on occasion have even more need to gently encourage their partners to finish. 

I wrote this response before the site went down and see the post I was replying to is missing. I don't know if you deleted it or it was lost into the void but I'll go ahead and add what I had written anyway.

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 10, 2019, 01:17:30 AM
Oh wow, 70%! I didn't know it was common among that many women. That makes me feel much better. I always heard that a lot of women fake it but I never knew if it was actually true or not. . I don't think I could fake my reactions to orgasm very convincingly.  At least not yet.

Sex is more than just about orgasm or in other words, it need not be so goal oriented and things are different when you're in a loving and committed relationship and when you're getting to know someone new or just hooking up for sex. I know that when I have been in relationships, I've had plenty of sex where I didn't have the big O but of more of a series of excited peaks and only coming close but nevertheless coming away feeling satisfied and fulfilled from the experience and been able to communicate that to my partner without going through the histronics and drama of faking a performance. Let's face it, most women take longer to come than men and we do often put aside our own pleasure to seek the greater satisfaction in pleasing our partner and if them thinking they're getting you off gets them off, well sometimes we do give that impression if it helps gets the job done. Sometimes faking or exaggerating a little even leads to your own excitement. Sometimes your partner doesn't know what they're doing, you're not into it or just don't feel like sex and want it to be over and go through the motions so they'll hurry up and get the hell off of you. Real life sexual relationships aren't like porn.

I was critical of another post I read here about how to be a woman and thought some of the suggestions were subservient, submissive, archaic and blatantly sexist and misogynistic but not without a grain of truth because within many aspects of the male/female dynamic, even strong, enlightened, independent and headstrong women do defer our partners needs over our own sometimes because it's just in our nature especially for those us that are older and strongly influenced by tradition and the way our mothers were in their relationships. Not that we shouldn't expect and demand equality and equal standing but we know men are different creatures than we are and have egos that are wired differently with different needs and sensitivities than ours and without understanding that, their fragility and our place, that dynamic usually falters. Now I'm the one sounding like a manual from the 1950's and I'm not saying we just have to roll over and put ourselves second but I think a lot of us think keeping a man happy in the bedroom is one of the keys to domestic harmony even if we do have to put them first sometimes.

You probably should take my comments with a grain of salt as I'm probably close to your grandparent's age.

QuoteThey (orgasms) are still new to me and can still be very overwhelming. But overwhelming in a very good way.

Yes I'm old but I'm not dead. Sometimes I don't have orgasms at all and I have orgasms that are great and satisfying and those that are overwhelming, mind-blowing and other worldly that leave me feeling killed head to toe, incapacitated, shaking and so full of emotions they spill over and run down my cheeks. Great sex has made me cry sometimes as just a normal part of the total release. People that I've been with in relationships know the difference and that I value both and feel loved regardless. Good sex isn't always earth shattering. While maybe not preferred, sometimes not having an orgasm is okay and both of you need to understand that it might not always happen for you which shouldn't be taken as an inadequacy on either of your parts or taken as being something wrong. When that isn't understood and it threatens a man's ego or expectations he's god's gift to women, sometimes women do fake it but in a long term or serious relationship if this is all someone does all the time, then there's a problem that isn't being communicated.

QuoteI won't worry about not having an orgasm with intercourse any more. I was just worried that maybe the surgery wasn't fully effective or something.

You are still very new and probably within another year or so when you've really healed up and come to understand your body through experience and really learn how to use that thang, I'd like to say you ain't seen nothing yet and will look back at where you are now being like riding your first bike with training wheels and it will make you smile. At least you've got a loving and steady partner that sounds like a great teacher. Unlike you, I had to sleep around to figure things out and I didn't even know the first guy I had intercourse with in an alcohol and drug induced haze at a party (it was the 70's, I was young, cute, stupid and fearless... sex, drugs and rock and roll happened). Also unlike you, there have been times in my life when I've been very lonely and starved for the affection and touch from anyone and it didn't really matter to me what they were. If another woman was interested and pursued me, they were part of me figuring things out too. I've had some really incredible and unexpected experiences with other women that have totally added richness, color and depth to my life and helped me know and understand myself better even if not really my thing. I've never even tried to think about trying to put a label on this.

I like men and their bodies and seek romantic sexual relationships with them and have all my life. I've had a crush for over a year and a half on a beautiful, charming and traditionally tall, dark and handsome hunk of a guy that absolutely adores me I would be banging in a heartbeat if I wasn't 20 some years older than him and I was married to one of the idiots for 12 years and have kind of fallen in love with another screwed up guy with commitment issues that's not quite gone the way I've wanted it to that causes me nothing but grief so in spite of a few experiences, I've never thought of myself as gay, but somewhat more of a hedonistic adventurer unbound by convention that's wanted to experience everything in life in spite of the whole attraction thing. I feel like a fairly well rounded person because of some of the things I've done.

QuoteMary said the longer a man performs the better the chance of having an orgasm with intercourse.

Maybe? Or maybe you'll just get bored or sore enough to listen to your clitoris screaming for some action and take matters in your own hand? I know I'll personally never get there otherwise. There's nothing wrong with me and this is not a surgical deficiency, it's just the way things work for most of us with female genitalia.

QuoteBeing trans sucks in any circumstances but my experience was easier than those of a lot of people.  I'm very lucky my dad and brother are so accepting and loving. My experience could have been very different and would certainly have been much harder without them. I just hope people will become more accepting of trans people. Especially parents of trans kids, Allowing them to transition in childhood will save so much emotional damage.

One of the things we have in common is the support and understanding of our family and for loving us just as we are/were. I may have had even more of this than you except for my dad that wasn't in the picture for very long as I had zero resistance from anyone else in my immediate or extended family and even my grandparents that were born in the late 1800's and very simple people accepted that I was a girl in heart and soul from the time I was a very small child. They never even used my birth name but instead called me Jenny, which was their nickname for my mother (Janet) when she was growing up. More remarkably, no one had ever heard of trans and had no idea what to do with me but they somehow followed their heart and their gut and intuitively did the right thing without screwing me up more than having to be known as a boy in school did. Yeah, transitioning 7, 8 or 9 would have been nice and could have spared me a lot of emotional and physical scars but I don't dwell on it either. Having my mom and step-dad thinking I was just gay prior but fully understanding at 15 where I needed to go and helping to get me started on hormones at 17 is remarkable enough considering I was 15 in 1970. Why today there are still parents with trans children that don't get it boggles my mind.

Quote from: Lisa_K on January 16, 2019, 12:52:56 AM
I wrote this response before the site went down and see the post I was replying to is missing. I don't know if you deleted it or it was lost into the void but I'll go ahead and add what I had written anyway.

Sex is more than just about orgasm or in other words, it need not be so goal oriented and things are different when you're in a loving and committed relationship and when you're getting to know someone new or just hooking up for sex. I know that when I have been in relationships, I've had plenty of sex where I didn't have the big O but of more of a series of excited peaks and only coming close but nevertheless coming away feeling satisfied and fulfilled from the experience and been able to communicate that to my partner without going through the histronics and drama of faking a performance. Let's face it, most women take longer to come than men and we do often put aside our own pleasure to seek the greater satisfaction in pleasing our partner and if them thinking they're getting you off gets them off, well sometimes we do give that impression if it helps gets the job done. Sometimes faking or exaggerating a little even leads to your own excitement. Sometimes your partner doesn't know what they're doing, you're not into it or just don't feel like sex and want it to be over and go through the motions so they'll hurry up and get the hell off of you. Real life sexual relationships aren't like porn.

I was critical of another post I read here about how to be a woman and thought some of the suggestions were subservient, submissive, archaic and blatantly sexist and misogynistic but not without a grain of truth because within many aspects of the male/female dynamic, even strong, enlightened, independent and headstrong women do defer our partners needs over our own sometimes because it's just in our nature especially for those us that are older and strongly influenced by tradition and the way our mothers were in their relationships. Not that we shouldn't expect and demand equality and equal standing but we know men are different creatures than we are and have egos that are wired differently with different needs and sensitivities than ours and without understanding that, their fragility and our place, that dynamic usually falters. Now I'm the one sounding like a manual from the 1950's and I'm not saying we just have to roll over and put ourselves second but I think a lot of us think keeping a man happy in the bedroom is one of the keys to domestic harmony even if we do have to put them first sometimes.

You probably should take my comments with a grain of salt as I'm probably close to your grandparent's age.

Yes I'm old but I'm not dead. Sometimes I don't have orgasms at all and I have orgasms that are great and satisfying and those that are overwhelming, mind-blowing and other worldly that leave me feeling killed head to toe, incapacitated, shaking and so full of emotions they spill over and run down my cheeks. Great sex has made me cry sometimes as just a normal part of the total release. People that I've been with in relationships know the difference and that I value both and feel loved regardless. Good sex isn't always earth shattering. While maybe not preferred, sometimes not having an orgasm is okay and both of you need to understand that it might not always happen for you which shouldn't be taken as an inadequacy on either of your parts or taken as being something wrong. When that isn't understood and it threatens a man's ego or expectations he's god's gift to women, sometimes women do fake it but in a long term or serious relationship if this is all someone does all the time, then there's a problem that isn't being communicated.

You are still very new and probably within another year or so when you've really healed up and come to understand your body through experience and really learn how to use that thang, I'd like to say you ain't seen nothing yet and will look back at where you are now being like riding your first bike with training wheels and it will make you smile. At least you've got a loving and steady partner that sounds like a great teacher. Unlike you, I had to sleep around to figure things out and I didn't even know the first guy I had intercourse with in an alcohol and drug induced haze at a party (it was the 70's, I was young, cute, stupid and fearless... sex, drugs and rock and roll happened). Also unlike you, there have been times in my life when I've been very lonely and starved for the affection and touch from anyone and it didn't really matter to me what they were. If another woman was interested and pursued me, they were part of me figuring things out too. I've had some really incredible and unexpected experiences with other women that have totally added richness, color and depth to my life and helped me know and understand myself better even if not really my thing. I've never even tried to think about trying to put a label on this.

I like men and their bodies and seek romantic sexual relationships with them and have all my life. I've had a crush for over a year and a half on a beautiful, charming and traditionally tall, dark and handsome hunk of a guy that absolutely adores me I would be banging in a heartbeat if I wasn't 20 some years older than him and I was married to one of the idiots for 12 years and have kind of fallen in love with another screwed up guy with commitment issues that's not quite gone the way I've wanted it to that causes me nothing but grief so in spite of a few experiences, I've never thought of myself as gay, but somewhat more of a hedonistic adventurer unbound by convention that's wanted to experience everything in life in spite of the whole attraction thing. I feel like a fairly well rounded person because of some of the things I've done.

Maybe? Or maybe you'll just get bored or sore enough to listen to your clitoris screaming for some action and take matters in your own hand? I know I'll personally never get there otherwise. There's nothing wrong with me and this is not a surgical deficiency, it's just the way things work for most of us with female genitalia.

One of the things we have in common is the support and understanding of our family and for loving us just as we are/were. I may have had even more of this than you except for my dad that wasn't in the picture for very long as I had zero resistance from anyone else in my immediate or extended family and even my grandparents that were born in the late 1800's and very simple people accepted that I was a girl in heart and soul from the time I was a very small child. They never even used my birth name but instead called me Jenny, which was their nickname for my mother (Janet) when she was growing up. More remarkably, no one had ever heard of trans and had no idea what to do with me but they somehow followed their heart and their gut and intuitively did the right thing without screwing me up more than having to be known as a boy in school did. Yeah, transitioning 7, 8 or 9 would have been nice and could have spared me a lot of emotional and physical scars but I don't dwell on it either. Having my mom and step-dad thinking I was just gay prior but fully understanding at 15 where I needed to go and helping to get me started on hormones at 17 is remarkable enough considering I was 15 in 1970. Why today there are still parents with trans children that don't get it boggles my mind.

My reply was lost when the site crashed. I wouldn't have to have an orgasm every time Tristan and I have sex to be happy. I can actually be happy with just the intimacy of the act itself. But Tristan always wants me to have orgasms. I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with the fact he's never been able to do that for me up to this point in our relationship. And he is also having fun "exploring"  my new equipment, which is fun for me too. Tristan is very good at using his fingers and mouth and he enjoys giving oral sex so that's a big plus. Though we have been sexually active from the beginning of our relationship it's still like we are just discovering each other sexually because it's only now that I can have a complete sexual relationship with him as a female. And also I discovered that he feels some pressure to make sure I enjoy sex.

I was very surprised to find out about that. It was actually Tyler who told me about it. Right after Tristan and I first started having sex after my surgery, Tyler told me that Tristan was actually nervous about making sex very enjoyable for me. He considered it a big deal that he was the first guy I had ever had actual intercourse with and really wanted it to be enjoyable for me. It surprised me because Tristan is always so confident with everything he does in general as well as sexually. That's just really sweet. I'm glad Tyler told me because Tristan wouldn't have. He's also active in participating with my dilation which helps it not seem like a boring chore.

I'm not going to say Tristan doesn't have a male ego because he certainly does but it doesn't carry over into his sexual performance to the point it's annoying . He always asks if I like what he's doing and tells me to tell him if I want him to do something specific. I know some guys do what they want to do and just assume their partner likes it because they are so good how could they not. Ugh, I can't stand guys like that! As for the whole, women are supposed to be submissive and all that matters is keeping the guy happy, I don't subscribe to that at all. Since a lot of our sex involves S&M play, he is very dominant and I am submissive with him but that ends in the bedroom. As for the idea that it's more important to satisfy your man than to be satisfied yourself,  yeah, NO. I've been lucky in many ways and having a loving and sweet boyfriend is definitely one of them.

As for doing stuff with a woman, if you enjoyed it then that's cool. Personally I never could. I just wouldn't enjoy it at all. The only intimate act I've ever had with another girl was kissing, which I totally did not enjoy!  For reasons I will never fathom, there was this girl in high school that liked me. How any girl would ever be attracted to a very small, thin, androgynous, very feminine  paper white boy I will never know, but it happened. This girl kept wanting to hook up with me and she made it quite obvious. And she wasn't like an outcast or "freak". She was actually very pretty. She would call me a lot and even showed up at my house a couple of times. Tyler found it weird as well. He said he couldn't see how any girl would be attracted to me. He said he could understand how guys might be attracted to me but not a girl. He thought she was maybe a lesbian or maybe questioning her sexuality. But anyway, she talked me into trying just kissing with her. I did not like it in the slightest.

It's funny that though our stories are similar it was my father who was supportive and accepting and my mom who was not. My grandpa and uncle were also very unaccepting. But you just never know with people. My dad's friend Josh is a former Marine, is now a cop, is the extremely masculine stereotypical guys guy and he has always been extremely sweet and kind to me. You just never know how someone will react.

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 16, 2019, 09:53:36 AM
As for the whole, women are supposed to be submissive and all that matters is keeping the guy happy, I don't subscribe to that at all.

Don't get the wrong impression, neither do I and that isn't exactly what I meant. Relationships are a balance or they should be anyway that both people have to put work into. Being a partner in a relationship isn't always about you and what you want and that applies to both parties. Everyone has to bend, give in a little and put the other person first from time to time or you've got some weird or unhealthy thing going on. For example, sometimes you'll go see a movie you aren't really interested in or go to a restaurant when you'd prefer to go somewhere else because your other half wants to but is this being submissive or just the normal give and take and compromise that's part of being a successful couple? You do things to make the other person happy and that needs to go both ways. In my experience anyway, sometimes you aren't really in the mood but end up having sex anyway because you know it makes the other person happy and making them happy makes you happy. This isn't being submissive per se, it's being cooperative and part of things not being about you all the time which isn't saying things shouldn't be about you equally at times or balanced out in other ways. This is what I was talking about, not that you have to bow down or belittle yourself all the time just to keep a guy happy. I think both of us have stronger personalities and think more of ourselves than to let that happen.

QuoteSince a lot of our sex involves S&M play, he is very dominant and I am submissive with him but that ends in the bedroom.

Just different perspectives and kinks, I guess? S&M play interests me about as much as kissing girls does for you and not my cup of tea. Being submissive in context of the whole dom/sub thing wasn't really what I was talking about.

QuoteAs for the idea that it's more important to satisfy your man than to be satisfied yourself, yeah, NO.

I was referring to sometimes, occasionally and once and a while especially within the confines of a long term relationship. See above. Why would I even want to be in a relationship where my needs weren't met or ignored?

QuoteI've been lucky in many ways and having a loving and sweet boyfriend is definitely one of them.

Yes, that is wonderful and I'm genuinely happy for you. In a way though, I'm glad I wasn't in that situation after I had surgery and became sexually active because I had a lot of making up for lost time to do and too many things to experience and discover that I never would have if tied to one person. By the time I met my future husband when I was 29, I has sown my wild oats as it were with both men and women, knew myself well and knew what I wanted emotionally and sexually from a partner. Had I been involved with him earlier in life and inexperienced in the ways of the world, curiosity would have killed the cat, so to speak.

QuoteAs for doing stuff with a woman, if you enjoyed it then that's cool. Personally I never could. I just wouldn't enjoy it at all. The only intimate act I've ever had with another girl was kissing, which I totally did not enjoy!

I think at least half of the women I know in my social circle at the neighborhood bar where we hang out, all of whom are young and straight, talk about and have or are open to making out with other girls. I've been quite surprised by this and find it pretty amusing they're even low key proud of it. It's even teased and joked about and somewhat of a bonding thing among them and this isn't about putting a show on for some guy. I understand why... girls know how to kiss better than most guys! I know it's not your thing but I hate to see someone as young as you ever say never about anything but I completely understand where you're coming from with this and not at all suggesting it would ever be anything but icky for you. At 64, I've done a million things I swore I'd never do at 20 which is the only point I'm trying to make.

QuoteIt's funny that though our stories are similar it was my father who was supportive and accepting and my mom who was not. My grandpa and uncle were also very unaccepting. But you just never know with people. My dad's friend Josh is a former Marine, is now a cop, is the extremely masculine stereotypical guys guy and he has always been extremely sweet and kind to me. You just never know how someone will react.

That's so true. My dad, a former Marine and Korean War vet himself was all that but never kind to me in the least when I was a kid. My parents divorced before I started 1st grade as a direct result of his problems with me. The last time I, a small, thin, androgynous long-haired feminine boy presumed to be gay in my own right, saw him was when I was 14 and let's just say he was less than understanding or civil. I had no contact with him at all after that for ten years. The next time I saw him was when I was 24, had been on HRT for 7 years, lived as a girl full time for six and it had been two years since I'd had SRS and he was completely different towards me, accepting, kind and even nice and we maintained a pleasant relationship for many years and he even met my husband a couple times and they totally hit it off. You do never know?

To say again, I'm glad at 8 months that you're happy and things are going well and I wish you nothing but the best!

Hi Julia,

I am very happy things are progressing very well for you. I am glad you and your boyfriend are able to have relations and that it is going well for the both of you.

From your avatar you look very pretty and from reading your posts you seam very sweet. When I read how you sometimes see yourself in the present and past I feel sad. I know being trans is not a box of chocolate's but I hope you can let go of the past imagery you hold onto and see yourself for who you are and that is a beautiful caring woman.   

Julia, That's why I love your posts so much. You aren't afraid to express your feelings. Yes, sometimes you are a little naive but for the most part you are wise beyond your years. The fact you can talk to your brother is a great stabilizer.  I hope everything works out the way you want. I am so glad you returned. I'm old but I am still capable of learning from people of any age. Hugs sweetie.

You deserve a treasure of a man, Julia, and I must say that Tristan seems to be one.  He absolutely disproves what pommies used to say, that in a certain country/island/continent (that I won't name because I don't want to be accused of perpetuating stereotypes), a gentleman is someone who removes it from his partner before having a pee.

OMG Julia!

Eight months already! So happy for you, and how all of this has worked out

(Hugs)

Rowan

Julia!!!

So glad to hear from you I have always thought that if anyone was going to do great coming out of this it was going to be you❤️❤️❤️ .. not that I'm unhappy with my own life I would love to have some of those orgasms but other than that things are pretty good with me.

What you write is so poignant about your first time and I can only imagine I've had similar emotional experiences and really appreciate that one in your description