I'm 22 years old, and I think I'm a trans man but my parents are skeptical.

My mom says I am too feminine to be a trans man. My dad said that if I was a trans man, it would be an all-consuming desire to be a man, but that I don't have that. They also said that I wasn't showing signs as a kid of being trans.

I have had a desire to be a trans man since high school, but I didn't really think about it a lot in high school because I had very serious health issues that took up a lot of my energy. My sophomore year of college I tried presenting as male, but for various reasons, I decided to give up. Recently, I feel that I should pursue being a trans man again.

If I, hypothetically, could take a potion and become a man forever, or stay a woman, I would chose to be a guy, without hesitating. Ive felt that way for a long time.

I have wished I was a gay man for quite some time. All of my role models are gay men and I feel that, in an ideal world, I would be a gay man too.

Also, i am an actor and prefer exclusively male roles.

Because my transgender feelings re-emerged, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. We had been dating 1.5 years. She said she would feel okay dating me if i was a man, but I told her that would make me uncomfortable. To explain that, I prefer to be the more feminine partner and being a man with a woman would make me feel too dominant/butch.

I like to wear clothing of both genders, skirts are cool but so are mens shirts and ties.

I guess my main worries are that it was wrong with me to break up with my ex-girlfriend and that my parents are right that I'm not actually a trans man. Also, does my desire to be a gay trans man (and a gay one specifically) mean I am fetishizing gay masculinity and am actually not a trans man? If someone has some insight into this it would be greatly appreciated.

Quote from: Pheena23 on February 02, 2019, 07:57:28 PM
I'm 22 years old, and I think I'm a trans man but my parents are skeptical.

My mom says I am too feminine to be a trans man. My dad said that if I was a trans man, it would be an all-consuming desire to be a man, but that I don't have that. They also said that I wasn't showing signs as a kid of being trans.

I have had a desire to be a trans man since high school, but I didn't really think about it a lot in high school because I had very serious health issues that took up a lot of my energy. My sophomore year of college I tried presenting as male, but for various reasons, I decided to give up. Recently, I feel that I should pursue being a trans man again.

If I, hypothetically, could take a potion and become a man forever, or stay a woman, I would chose to be a guy, without hesitating. Ive felt that way for a long time.

I have wished I was a gay man for quite some time. All of my role models are gay men and I feel that, in an ideal world, I would be a gay man too.

Also, i am an actor and prefer exclusively male roles.

Because my transgender feelings re-emerged, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. We had been dating 1.5 years. She said she would feel okay dating me if i was a man, but I told her that would make me uncomfortable. To explain that, I prefer to be the more feminine partner and being a man with a woman would make me feel too dominant/butch.

I like to wear clothing of both genders, skirts are cool but so are mens shirts and ties.

I guess my main worries are that it was wrong with me to break up with my ex-girlfriend and that my parents are right that I'm not actually a trans man. Also, does my desire to be a gay trans man (and a gay one specifically) mean I am fetishizing gay masculinity and am actually not a trans man? If someone has some insight into this it would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Pheena,                                02 February 2019

Welcome to Susan's Place; I'm not the "Welcome Wagon Lady," I'm just the "Good Humor Lady." You've come to the right place. There are many very experienced folks here that can help you. Stick around and enjoy this site, it's here for YOU.

I don't dispense advice, just opinion. I'll refrain from doing either until after the official Welcoming Committee  arrives.

Look around and enjoy being here and being a member.

Best Always, Love
Christine

@Pheena23
Dear Pheena:
     I see that you have just become a member here and this is your very first posting.   I am glad to see that you finally are taking the plunge and sharing your thoughts here on this thread.  I see that our lovely member @christinej78  was on the ball and was the first to offer you a warm Welcome to Susan's Place.

    As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    I have attached important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

@Pheena
Oh, and another thing Pheena...
Please plan to find your way to the Introductions Forum so that more members will be aware of your arrival.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle     

NOTE:  Now that all of this greeting stuff is done with, I gladly will let everyone have their thread back so that all can continue to pursue the answers and conversations that are being sought.

Welcome to Susan's Place. You really need to talk to a gender therapist to sort this all out however I have another suggestion for you to consider. What I get from reading your introduction suggest the non binary. Non binary is a mix of male and female instead of all one or the other. This doesn't mean you can't transition as you may favor one gender more than another. We have many non binary members and even have an area of the site you might find useful. You might also want to look at our WIKI and see if it's what you're feeling.

Welcome to Susan's Place!

When I came out at sixteen, my parents said the same things to me, and they were wrong. I wasn't "too feminine" (what does that even mean? Are flamboyant, gay men too feminine to be men?), my desires were "all-consuming," and I did "show signs" as a kid. I just showed signs of being a flamboyant, nonbinary boy instead of a stereotypically masculine boy; I just didn't have the words or personal freedom to explore it.

Cisgender people can feel this weird, questioning back and forth too, but it's a lot less common. You could be a transgender man, you could be nonbinary, or you could be cisgender; what matters right now is what you want, and it sounds like you want to be a man. Which, for the average transgender person, is a sign that you're neurologically incongruent with your physical body, established identity, and/or outward presentation. It's not an all or nothing thing, though that's a common misunderstanding.

One of my earliest, clearest memories of wondering if I was transgender (though again, I didn't have the words) was stumbling upon a forum post about a "straight woman" who "wanted" to be a gay man. They wanted to transition, but they didn't know how, or if transitioning was even an option for them. It felt like a match had been lit in my brain, and I struggled to extinguish it. I was only twelve, and I still wonder what my life would have been like if I'd come out right then and there.

I don't know if breaking up with your ex-girlfriend was the right idea, but I also don't think your parents are right. Wanting to be a gay man, if you are a gay man (nonbinary or otherwise), isn't fetishizing gay masculinity. It's just. What gay men want. Just like straight men generally want to be straight, when questioned about it.

Regardless, I think talking to a gender therapist is your best, next step. Are there any LGBT organizations in your area? I met my first gender therapist, and first therapist in general, through an LGBT organization's counseling program. With any luck, they can help you sort out how you're feeling and how to proceed from there.

Quote from: Pheena23 on February 02, 2019, 07:57:28 PM
I guess my main worries are that it was wrong with me to break up with my ex-girlfriend and that my parents are right that I'm not actually a trans man. Also, does my desire to be a gay trans man (and a gay one specifically) mean I am fetishizing gay masculinity and am actually not a trans man? If someone has some insight into this it would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, Pheena, and welcome.

Relationships are so personal that I don't think anyone can advise you on whether it was right or wrong to break up with your girlfriend.  If the relationship felt wrong to you, then it was wrong.  Certainly, breaking up is understandable in the light of what you have told us.

It gets confusing when sexual orientation gets mixed up with gender.  I was in the opposite situation: I am a trans woman and I wanted to be in a lesbian relationship.  It made me look nice and conventional as a straight man, when I was playing that role, but that role wasn't the real me.  Gender is what it is, and sexual orientation is what it is.  Both are things we are born with and can't change.  They don't really affect each other, but it does get confusing when trying to figure them both out at the same time.  Go with what will make you the happiest.