Quote from: Dietlind on February 02, 2019, 06:46:40 PM
I will see my urologist on Monday, and when my blood work shows the expected low or non existing testosteron he feels it should,  the little guys come off, and health insurance will pay for itI  My testes are extremely atrophied, and hurt for almost a year to touch.  He thinks I have a chronic inflammation in there, and if they don't do any testosterone anyway, they might just go to avoid more future complication with the testicles.

Monday is the day!
And once they are gone, I will start with name and gender change!

If you want GRS possibly later. May want to consult with who you plan to use. It's my understanding standard Orchi could interfere with a future GRS. A slight shift makes for a better outcome later.

Quote from: Jaime320 on February 03, 2019, 05:53:47 PM
If you want GRS possibly later. May want to consult with who you plan to use. It's my understanding standard Orchi could interfere with a future GRS. A slight shift makes for a better outcome later.

I want a vulva with limited depth only.  But if the surgeon puts the incision properly, there will no tissue problems for future use as labia minor.  Problems could be with extreme penile atrophy, for the case the penis skin is to be used with the penile inversion technique to form the vagina.  But I don't want one of those because I do not think that my sexual orientation, or activity will change much, and I do not want the hustle of needing life long dilation!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 03, 2019, 07:41:21 PM
I want a vulva with limited depth only.  But if the surgeon puts the incision properly, there will no tissue problems for future use as labia minor.  Problems could be with extreme penile atrophy, for the case the penis skin is to be used with the penile inversion technique to form the vagina.  But I don't want one of those because I do not think that my sexual orientation, or activity will change much, and I do not want the hustle of needing life long dilation!

Once you have dilated for a while it's more like masturbation for maintenance.

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 03, 2019, 07:57:12 PM
Once you have dilated for a while it's more like masturbation for maintenance.

But if you are asexual and don't have any libido, mastrubation is no funn  at all.  It just calls for a tired arm and a cramped up hand!  I'd rather use that time to read a book!

I think I would be doing pretty fine with a nice looking vulva, and a 1 or 2 inch deep vagina, just for the looks to make the optical impression right!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 03, 2019, 08:34:24 PM
But if you are asexual and don't have any libido, mastrubation is no funn  at all.  It just calls for a tired arm and a cramped up hand!  I'd rather use that time to read a book!

I think I would be doing pretty fine with a nice looking vulva, and a 1 or 2 inch deep vagina, just for the looks to make the optical impression right!

I'm sorry. I guess I don't understand because the concept of not being able to get off sounds so alien to me. For me a penis is quite the joystick and I am convinced the cliterus is to make it as pleasurable as possible to keep him all the way in for cis woman for the survival of the species. 

Reading can be nice too. A good technical manual for work will put me right to sleep.

If you don't mind me asking who are you going to show it to that isn't going to want to play a little? Is it something just to keep the worry of if the penis is showing away?

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 03, 2019, 08:50:24 PM
I'm sorry. I guess I don't understand because the concept of not being able to get off sounds so alien to me. For me a penis is quite the joystick and I am convinced the cliterus is to make it as pleasurable as possible to keep him all the way in for cis woman for the survival of the species. 

Reading can be nice too. A good technical manual for work will put me right to sleep.

If you don't mind me asking who are you going to show it to that isn't going to want to play a little? Is it something just to keep the worry of if the penis is showing away?

I don't necessarily want to show it to anybody, it is just for me.  If I look into the mirror and see that I have no traces of masculinity anymore, i will be happy.  If it happens that I might find a person, who I would like to share the view with, it is fine with me, because I do not want a mal penis come near to my body.  I think, I am as lesbian as they come, and have no desire to change this.  I'd rather have no sex at all, than having it with a man.
I never was bi, never was interested in men, except of their brains, and ability to communicate with me, their physical appearance is of no interest to me!

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 03, 2019, 08:50:24 PM
I'm sorry. I guess I don't understand because the concept of not being able to get off sounds so alien to me. For me a penis is quite the joystick and I am convinced the cliterus is to make it as pleasurable as possible to keep him all the way in for cis woman for the survival of the species. 

Forgot to answer this part.
I have not have had any kind of sex for more than 17 years now.  I am a very monogamous person, and in the beginning, I would have felt like cheating on my ex, who I still love very much.  But one has to know, that part of my problems was that I could not function as a male anymore for a while at that time, which means, I could have had oral sex only.  Because of no interest in men, they were out of question as a partner, and I had no idea how I could have a cis woman as a sexual partner, if I could not penetrate her.  I was not at that point yet, at which i knew that I was o be a female, my body was there all the time, but my mind was still in the male world.  I slowly stated with my transition, not on purpose, just driftet into it, and became more an more a female.  But I had absolutely no dating skills for any lesbian relationship, in fact, i did not (and still do not) know how to identify leasbians and where to find them.

My testosterone went into the basement, and I did not get any additional estrogen (I am not sure where the estrogen came from that made my boobs grow, my urologist feels that I might have a very cripplet, minimally functioning ovary that does that bit of estrogen), and away went the libido.  I am now so used to not have any sex  that I don't miss it anymore.  Yes, I still have memories that orgasms were a pleasurable thing (but I liked the foreplay always way better than the act itself), and I would not mind to have them again, but not with a male partner.  If I can't find a female partner, I just continue to live without them!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 03, 2019, 07:41:21 PM
I want a vulva with limited depth only.  But if the surgeon puts the incision properly, there will no tissue problems for future use as labia minor.  Problems could be with extreme penile atrophy, for the case the penis skin is to be used with the penile inversion technique to form the vagina.  But I don't want one of those because I do not think that my sexual orientation, or activity will change much, and I do not want the hustle of needing life long dilation!

I'm in the same boat as you. I did experiment with men, but only to reinforce my feelings of feminity. Never felt an attraction. As for the surgery, I'm not interested in the high maintenance of needing to dilate, for something I'll likely never use or need.

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Quote from: StacyRenee on February 04, 2019, 09:42:18 AM
I'm in the same boat as you. I did experiment with men, but only to reinforce my feelings of feminity. Never felt an attraction. As for the surgery, I'm not interested in the high maintenance of needing to dilate, for something I'll likely never use or need.

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Wow, you did experiment with guys!  I could no do this, I just can't!  I analyzed myself as deeply as I could, to try to find a hidden corner in my feelings that might show some interest into guys, but there is nothing in my sexuality or emotions that would want to do this.

I have to be careful how I word my dislike, because I do not want to be the reason of dysphoria for those members here, who like guys.  but I dislike them a lot.  However, I like the mental ability of many guys I know, specifically when we can talk about technical things, or politics, etc.
I just don't want them to share my pretty private emotions!

I would just add something to the discussion as I am six weeks post op after a minimal depth vaginoplasty.   Vaginal penetration is not the only or even the prefered way for a woman to have an orgasm.   Clitoral orgasms are awesome, just ask my SO of 49 years!  My GRS surgeon pre op asked if I wanted a clitoris, I said definitely yes!  I am still way too sore and swollen, but when things finally settle down I will try.  

Quote from: Dietlind on February 04, 2019, 10:13:14 AM

I have to be careful how I word my dislike, because I do not want to be the reason of dysphoria for those members here, who like guys.  but I dislike them a lot.  However, I like the mental ability of many guys I know, specifically when we can talk about technical things, or politics, etc.
I just don't want them to share my pretty private emotions!

So l am probably waaa-away off base here, but since the conversation has seemingly strayed on to one I my favorite subjects, (men),  l will just add that as a woman who thoroughly enjoys almost every aspect about men, that perhaps your disdain for them comes from never having gotten to know them as a woman. And...it seems that all your sexual experience has been with women,  (as men).

Quote from: Complete on February 04, 2019, 07:44:41 PM
So l am probably waaa-away off base here, but since the conversation has seemingly strayed on to one I my favorite subjects, (men),  l will just add that as a woman who thoroughly enjoys almost every aspect about men, that perhaps your disdain for them comes from never having gotten to know them as a woman. And...it seems that all your sexual experience has been with women,  (as men).

You are correct in your assumptions.  I never ever had the desire to be with a man. Because of my screwed up biology, I should have always be interested in men, too, because I always lived with female emotions, inside a mostly female body.

But this did not cut it either.  I rather lived alone for more than 16 years than trying to get into a romantic relationship with a man.  You can believe me, I did lots of soul searching because being Bi would have doubled the possible numbers of partners, but I just can't get the men part to click.  I seem to be a lesbian through and through, I don't know why, but who knows anyway, why one has a certain sexual orientation.  I just don't know, it might change, once I would have had SRS?  But for now, the only sexual interaction I could have with  man would be anal, and I have a deep sitting horror about this (both my wife and I never liked this kind of sex).  This might be one of the reasons that i don't want o even start with guys?

I might be screwed up m ore than I ever thought I was?

I don't think you are screwed up at all, Dietland. I think you simply have a sexual orientation towards women, whictos perfectly fine. lncidently, I never had an attraction to men until after my recovery from srs.

Quote from: Dietlind on February 04, 2019, 08:45:08 PM
You are correct in your assumptions.  I never ever had the desire to be with a man. Because of my screwed up biology, I should have always be interested in men, too, because I always lived with female emotions, inside a mostly female body.

Hardly.  If this were true, there would be no such thing as lesbians.

Gender orientation is a different thing than gender identity.  The correlations found in the brain that have been identified in the tiny amount of research done so far point to activity in different areas of the brain involved in gender orientation than in identity.

Quote from: Dietlind on February 04, 2019, 08:45:08 PM
But this did not cut it either.  I rather lived alone for more than 16 years than trying to get into a romantic relationship with a man.  You can believe me, I did lots of soul searching because being Bi would have doubled the possible numbers of partners, but I just can't get the men part to click.  I seem to be a lesbian through and through, I don't know why, but who knows anyway, why one has a certain sexual orientation.  I just don't know, it might change, once I would have had SRS?  But for now, the only sexual interaction I could have with  man would be anal, and I have a deep sitting horror about this (both my wife and I never liked this kind of sex).  This might be one of the reasons that i don't want o even start with guys?

I might be screwed up m ore than I ever thought I was?

So, you have a strongly feminine gender identity, and are attracted to women.  That describes very roughly a third of the community of transgender women.  Broadly, very roughly a third of trans folks are oriented toward their identified gender, a third towards the other side of the gender spectrum, and a third are asexual.  (There are also biisexual, pansexual, aromantic, and hundreds of other labels in here somewhere.  This is just a very broad and vey rough description, so please don't be upset with me.)

You are hardly screwed up.  You have a pretty common identity and orientation for the trand community.  You have some sexual acts, positions, or roles that you don't like.

Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) will change what's between your legs, not what's between your ears.  Your actual orientation won't likely change, although you may find that you are open to considering some things that you might not have before, due to internalized social gender roles and taboos.

Dietlind, you just do you.  Don't worry about not being what someone else says you should be.  Don't fret about the 'proper' social roles.  Just be open to unexpected thoughts and emotions, even if they make you slightly uncomfortable, and consider what these might be telling you.  If you have a gender therapist, be open to mentioning and discussing these matters.

Quote from: Complete on February 04, 2019, 07:44:41 PM
So l am probably waaa-away off base here, but since the conversation has seemingly strayed on to one I my favorite subjects, (men),  l will just add that as a woman who thoroughly enjoys almost every aspect about men, that perhaps your disdain for them comes from never having gotten to know them as a woman. And...it seems that all your sexual experience has been with women,  (as men).

Oh yeah and lets not forget men talk differently to woman than they do among themselves. I vaguely remember what it was like but I catch glimpses reading guy friends (people I know or family) posts to other men and oh man. You have to piece the words together to figure out what they are saying and it can be very aggressive at times. But when they are talking with you and want to get to know (code for sex) they get all sweet and fluffy for a lack of a better way to describe it.

I'll never forget the first time my boyfriend started playing with my ear lobe ....  ok I'll be back in a bit.

If a person doesn't like men or vice-versa that isn't a fault it is just a preference but I think of men like big fluffy teddy bears that occasionally maul someones face off on command. 

Quote from: Michelle_P on February 04, 2019, 09:45:49 PM
Hardly.  If this were true, there would be no such thing as lesbians.

Gender orientation is a different thing than gender identity.  The correlations found in the brain that have been identified in the tiny amount of research done so far point to activity in different areas of the brain involved in gender orientation than in identity.

So, you have a strongly feminine gender identity, and are attracted to women.  That describes very roughly a third of the community of transgender women.  Broadly, very roughly a third of trans folks are oriented toward their identified gender, a third towards the other side of the gender spectrum, and a third are asexual.  (There are also biisexual, pansexual, aromantic, and hundreds of other labels in here somewhere.  This is just a very broad and vey rough description, so please don't be upset with me.)

You are hardly screwed up.  You have a pretty common identity and orientation for the trand community.  You have some sexual acts, positions, or roles that you don't like.

Gender Confirmation Surgery (GCS) will change what's between your legs, not what's between your ears.  Your actual orientation won't likely change, although you may find that you are open to considering some things that you might not have before, due to internalized social gender roles and taboos.

Dietlind, you just do you.  Don't worry about not being what someone else says you should be.  Don't fret about the 'proper' social roles.  Just be open to unexpected thoughts and emotions, even if they make you slightly uncomfortable, and consider what these might be telling you.  If you have a gender therapist, be open to mentioning and discussing these matters.

This is very true. Have you ever just got lost in someones voice before. I have always loved Bob Ross's voice on his painting show.

Quote from: Michelle_P on February 04, 2019, 09:45:49 PM
If you have a gender therapist, be open to mentioning and discussing these matters.

We are doing this almost every other session!  I actually would like to be bi or something like this, because of the way more possibilities to find a partner, but it does not work that way, I just can't do men!

Quote from: Dietlind on February 04, 2019, 10:53:53 PM
We are doing this almost every other session!  I actually would like to be bi or something like this, because of the way more possibilities to find a partner, but it does not work that way, I just can't do men!

Well part of the problem is usually the guy is in charge when it comes to doing. I kid. You can't force attraction and love. To your own heart be true.

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 04, 2019, 10:57:50 PM
Well part of the problem is usually the guy is in charge when it comes to doing. I kid. You can't force attraction and love. To your own heart be true.

That's what it is all about, an old lady has to do what an old lady has to do!  I m just glad that I have a libido down in the 3rd basement level. 
But cuddling would be nice, I really miss skin contact a lot!

Quote from: NatalieRene on February 04, 2019, 09:54:27 PM
This is very true. Have you ever just got lost in someones voice before. I have always loved Bob Ross's voice on his painting show.

I am so grateful that I am not the only one! I love everything about men and I confess that I have a weakness for uber masculine men, not muscle or size but attitude. Not that I ever date those men, well, yeah I did once, cop, and... seriously Michelle let it go! It is always my senses that betray me though. Their firmness against my softness, and for the love of god why do they have to smell sooooo good!?!? I have had a guy deliver a package to my office once that even made my brain forget how to work. Is that even a thing, because it happened. To this day the most impressive thing about that encounter is that I was able to speak and direct him to where he needed to go. There are men with a voice that makes me forget how to breath though. Looooong ago I competed against a guy on a regular basis that had a voice like that, it was almost torture. He was such an ass, seriously he was terrible, but his voice was like, I need cpr incredible. The most amazing torture I have experienced in my life was probably him with his head over my shoulder, mouth right next to my ear telling me what I should do right after I had just beaten him. I drug that match out as long as I could even though I had beaten my opponent within the first few moments of both games.  This may sound so sleazy and horrible but I have friends that say that their nipples are a direct connection to their hoo haa, and yeah I admit that if a guy digs in hard enough I can get there too, a sexy voice overrides everything though.