Why does crossdressing and wearing a wig, breastforms and heels make me feel so peaceful? My life is a hot mess right now but isolating and transforming into my beautiful female alter ego is like this blissful escape, and I've been doing it every day now. I want to go all out and discover some euphoric new way of living that gives me this ultimate relief but the thought of coming out or being a female socially is unspeakable. How do I overcome this hurdle? Is this what I have to do to find peace, or am I simply a delusional, twisted pervert

Quote from: Swanson777 on February 04, 2019, 09:17:55 PM
Why does crossdressing and wearing a wig, breastforms and heels make me feel so peaceful? My life is a hot mess right now but isolating and transforming into my beautiful female alter ego is like this blissful escape, and I've been doing it every day now. I want to go all out and discover some euphoric new way of living that gives me this ultimate relief but the thought of coming out or being a female socially is unspeakable. How do I overcome this hurdle? Is this what I have to do to find peace, or am I simply a delusional, twisted pervert

@Swanson777
Transitioning is full of difficulties for many, but can have it's rewards that can compensate for the difficult issues.
Please take some time to read the various threads around the Forums.  You will find members here that have similar thoughts and feelings.  Carefully read the treads and posts to see what others ideas and solutions are working for them.
Feel free to post more of your thoughts as you ponder any solutions that you find for yourself.

Wishing you well,
Danielle

You are none of those mean things. I feel absolutely euphoric right how in my long blonde wig, smoky eyes, and LBD, and I'm going through some stuff now, too. I don't know what my truth is yet, but I know I like this, and life is too short to not grab on to something that brings you joy.

Keep doing you, babe. Don't deny yourself joy. You. Deserve. It!

XOXO
Maddy

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One of the most difficult things to do when transitioning is to walk out that door for the first time. The good news is after you do and nothing happens, it gets easer each time you do it. One option to some is to have somebody else provide company when you do it. That's an advantage of a support group as a more senior member may be willing to walk you out the door for the first time. Others use CIS female friends for the same function. Just decide what's best in your case.

Quote from: Swanson777 on February 04, 2019, 09:17:55 PM
Why does crossdressing and wearing a wig, breastforms and heels make me feel so peaceful? My life is a hot mess right now but isolating and transforming into my beautiful female alter ego is like this blissful escape, and I've been doing it every day now. I want to go all out and discover some euphoric new way of living that gives me this ultimate relief but the thought of coming out or being a female socially is unspeakable. How do I overcome this hurdle? Is this what I have to do to find peace, or am I simply a delusional, twisted pervert

I feel what you are saying.  "Freak" is a word that often comes to mind when I am feeling really awful about my future.   I know it is not my truth, but my fear speaking because it only comes when I am extremely dysphoric.  When I am happy and light I know exactly who I am.  Trust your joy and keep envisioning how you can manifest more of it in your life!  You are definitely not alone.

Love,

Jael

Why hide that beautiful girl away from the rest of the world?
Let your light shine.

Quote from: Swanson777 on February 04, 2019, 09:17:55 PM
Why does crossdressing and wearing a wig, breastforms and heels make me feel so peaceful? My life is a hot mess right now but isolating and transforming into my beautiful female alter ego is like this blissful escape, and I've been doing it every day now. I want to go all out and discover some euphoric new way of living that gives me this ultimate relief but the thought of coming out or being a female socially is unspeakable. How do I overcome this hurdle? Is this what I have to do to find peace, or am I simply a delusional, twisted pervert

Hello again Swanson777

You are most certainly neither delusional nor twisted nor a pervert.

Going out of the house and starting parttime public transition is major hurdle and we all need to remove albeit gradually this source of embarrassment.

If you have noone to accompany you, I suggest going for a walk in the park or driving to a nearby place where you will not be recognized and take a walk in the mall and perhaps have a coffee and see how it goes. I have got this far on several occasions and although, I have had "the long stare", only once have I been mildly insulted.

I suggest you try it but only when you are ready of course. Afterwards your confidence should in small steps improve.

I wish you the best of luck for "embarrassment removal".

Hugs

Pamela

The feeling you are experiencing is called relief. What you are experiencing relief from is called gender dysphoria. I was in denial for decades, not wanting to believe it was real. I, too, found it terrifying to admit to myself or anyone else that deep down what I really needed was to live as the woman I truly am.

When our outward appearance is at odds with who we are, it creates tension, depression, anger, anxiety, all kinds of stuff. Just dressing like who we actually are gives relief from the side effects of our false life that we have presented to everyone our whole life. Letting go of all of that, even temporarily, feels great and liberating. Because it is.

I would recommend finding a therapist who specializes in gender dysphoria and trans issues. Get to know yourself. Have a safe environment to verbalize all of the stuff you've been hiding. And most of all, accept that gender dysphoria is very real and you're not crazy, or a pervert, or anything else. Once I got to the point where gender dysphoria was life threatening and I knew I had to do something about it or die, I began earnestly researching it and reading other people's accounts of their experiences. I found out I wasn't unique. Many of their stories were strikingly similar to my own. How can that be? Well, it's because we're all experiencing a very real condition with common symptoms and common treatments.

I went through exactly the same thing and the peace is really a great feeling. Keep going it only gets better!


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Because you are dropping your shields and embracing your true self.
Enjoy!

You're not a pervert. That's a natural reaction when you have high amounts of testosterone in your body. I masturbated a lot early in my transition. When my testosterone was adequately suppressed, 1-2 sessions a day became 1 session every 1-2 weeks. Your brain starts focusing on other things when you don't have so much hunger for sexual release. You become more social, possibly making more friends. You crave things you didn't crave before, or craved at a smaller degree. Romance, intimacy, companionship etc...

If you're attracted to females, and increase your feminine appeal, it's only natural that you get a little horny from that while your testosterone is still high. Just remember to not make anyone else feel uncomfortable, and keep things in a private setting. Unless you have an intimate partner of course.

It's interesting how the MTF response to female hormones mirrors the FTM one in many cases.

I was horribly restless before. I couldn't sleep, was always nervous outdoors and around other people. Now I would say I finally get some decent sleep and can finally think without the white noise. The libido has become more integrated into who I am and doesn't make itself a pain, and most of all doesn't feel shameful. It feels natural, just like I do in general now instead of everything feeling forced.

The peaceful feeling comes because it's obviously what mode you're made to be in. The restlessness is the struggle of a mind being wrongly stimulated by the wrong chemicals or expected to behave in the wrong way.