It's funny how much one can be both successful and a complete disaster in transitioning at the same time. One looks at me, sees a rather enchantingly pretty girl and upon learning of my curse would say "aw she's an extremely successful case". But I can't see it that way. I'm not saying I'm never gonna be successful, someday it's got to happen, it's just that right now I'm not, despite being perfectly passable.
I'm such a disaster at socializing that I ended up being completely alone, without a single friend. I guess I'm just too reclusive and depressed for anyone to even be remotely interested in being my friend. So, I've just lost the last couple of friends I had...they just kept judging me in every way they could and in the first chance they got, they simply dumped me in the worse possible way, making me feel like I'm a useless piece of junk.
And where does that all the depression come from, one might ask, after all, I have become the beautiful woman I've always wanted to be. Well, the fact that I don't have a vag yet makes it impossible for me to be sexually active, which in its turn makes me a very skin hungry person. We all need love, affection, physical touch, intimacy, sex...all that sort of thing to be happy and functional in society. And not having that is making things rather hard, I just desperately crave a hug without ever getting one. All this, of course, the inevitable failure to get a single guy to even so much as kiss me has made me stop believing in love, It's not that I don't like men anymore, no, but I lost all motivation to try to be with one. But that "skin hunger" keeps barking away making even the warmest summer nights as cold as Antarctica.
Hopefully I shall find a reason to live, which in this very moment I'm lacking. Thanks again for reading my rant.
