I wrote the following in the midst of a dysphoria attack.
On the exterior, the outside, she is beautiful - some see her as perfect. But that is just what people see. People see happiness, sympathy, compassion, beauty shining from her soul. However, she is just covering up her pain. There is no room to show what is going on in the inside. Her heart has hardened and her intriguing blue eyes mask her pain (her excruciating pain that is all-consuming). She, every second of the day, makes sure the world sees her as a strong, dignified, and happy person because that is what they want to see. Who wants to see someone who is starving for affection, for love, for praise. One day what people see on the exterior will fade away and the pain will start to manifest in every part of her. Everyone, even those who love her and who have been there every step of the way, want perfection. They want to see her fall into a cookie cutter life. But is that what she wants? She's struggling with internal conflict on a daily basis to please those around her and to be herself. And that is very difficult considering she hates herself as it is. She hates every part of herself - body, mind and soul. There are so many internal and external scars that haunt her all the time and she has no idea how to fix them. One day it will be too much and she won't be able to fight. Every day is a fight and that is her reality. She tries so hard but there is only so much she can do. Some days she thinks it will be the last for her. But then she realizes she has a lot to live for even if she has to be reminded. Today is one of those days when she does not know how much longer she can hang on to the superficial exterior she's built to fool everyone. She's waiting to crumble under the pressure - the overwhelming pressure that weighs down on her daily. She screams for help but there is no one to hear her.
