I Dont Know What To Tell Her.

My life started so....late.
And there's a young girl inside who never got to be a young girl.
and I don't know what to tell her .
She never got to go to prom and feel beautiful.
Or even alive.
They never got to see her.
They never knew her name.
They never even knew she existed.
BUT SHE DID EXIST. AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And they buried her. Hid her. Covered her up. Let her sink away.
They buried her under a false manhood that was crushing her. She couldn't breathe.
Buried her under expectations of toxicity and violence.
Buried her under the rules of parents
Buried her under the rules of teachers
Buried her under the rules of friends
Buried her under the rules of society
She was buried and wiped away by everyone who claimed they SAW her and LOVED her and UNDERSTOOD her.t
AND THEY WERE ALL LYING
cause they never even knew her....... And after all these years spent on my hands and knees,  covered in blood and filth, frantically trying to dig Her out of the mud and abuse and dirt and trauma they covered her with, trying to save her........ She's still breathing...... years later.
Still, a young child wanting to be a child..... And no childhood left to have.
......And I don't know what to tell her.

[emoji22] I'm sorry... And that was beautifully expressed! Wow

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Read your beautiful text at job and it takes me everything to not crying... You are beautiful MelissaAnn. Keep it up. [emoji3590]

Sabrina

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That was touching and sad.  I feel the same.  Here's the thing though - there is no magic that will fix this.  We have to fix ourselves and focus on the silver lining that at least we are living our authentic lives now.  So many never do and that is the saddest choice of all.  This life often leaves me sad but I try to focus on the positive - not always successfully.

In order to heal we must first acknowledge the pain and you did so beautifully.  Thank you.

@MelissaAnn
Dear MelissaAnn:
Wow, what a wonderfully written and certainly heartfelt expression of your feelings and experiences.
Thank you so very much for sharing and posting.

I've read it 3 times now, and will be reading it again in the future.

Many hugs and well wishes to you from me.
Danielle

Hi MelissaAnn, this is a beautiful poem and strongly reflects your struggles. Thank you foe sharing.  Zoey

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I didn't know what to tell her either.  The day I came out I went home that night and cried bitter tears.  I mean I was physically racked with sobs over the long years that I had suppressed her.  In the end, through a veil of tears, all I could say to her was, "I'm sorry.  Oh my God.  I'm so sorry."

@MelissaAnn
Dear Melissa:
I keep coming back to your thread here and re-reading what you wrote... it is a wonderfully written piece and if you are so inclined and have other writings and written compositions that you wish to share with all of us on the Forums please consider posting your work on one of the following threads that I started early last year.

       "Susans Writers and Book Readers"

                  "Positive Mindset... put away negativity"

Of course you can ALWAYS post your comments and compositions anywhere you like....

Thanks again for treating us to your so nicely written and composed "I Don't Know What To Tell Her"

Hugs and continued well wishes,
Danielle

Quote from: MelissaAnn on February 06, 2019, 01:31:38 PM
I Dont Know What To Tell Her.

My life started so....late.
And there's a young girl inside who never got to be a young girl.
and I don't know what to tell her .
She never got to go to prom and feel beautiful.
Or even alive.
They never got to see her.
They never knew her name.
They never even knew she existed.
BUT SHE DID EXIST. AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And they buried her. Hid her. Covered her up. Let her sink away.
They buried her under a false manhood that was crushing her. She couldn't breathe.
Buried her under expectations of toxicity and violence.
Buried her under the rules of parents
Buried her under the rules of teachers
Buried her under the rules of friends
Buried her under the rules of society
She was buried and wiped away by everyone who claimed they SAW her and LOVED her and UNDERSTOOD her.t
AND THEY WERE ALL LYING
cause they never even knew her....... And after all these years spent on my hands and knees,  covered in blood and filth, frantically trying to dig Her out of the mud and abuse and dirt and trauma they covered her with, trying to save her........ She's still breathing...... years later.
Still, a young child wanting to be a child..... And no childhood left to have.
......And I don't know what to tell her.

Dear MelissaAnn

I saw this shared by Faith on my Facebook feed and wanted to thank you for this....I also have shared it with my facebook friends and it has received quite the reaction. For me personally it was particularly moving and said things thatnI have ever been able too.

Thankyou for sharing this with us

Take care

Liz

So beautifully written, and so resonant.

Just the other night while meditating I had this vision of myself as a six year old, opening up to my parents, telling them how I felt.  I saw what I might have been.  The thing is, they weren't equipped to help me.  It was a nice fantasy, but, I am here now because I am finally ready.  Still.  Regret.  It is quite a monster to wrestle with. It needs to have its voice heard. Art and tears are my answer. 

A furry loving friend here at Susan's, from years ago, talked about her plush stuffed animals and introduced me to the idea of "reclaiming my girlhood".  I promptly mounted a plastic doll to my bicycle... like I so wish I had done as a 10 yo.

We can tell ourselves that tho she was denied she rose up again and again until the light shone from her truth.

Yes, thank you for sharing the verse.

Thank you, @MelissaAnn

"I Don't Know What To Tell Her" hits the horrifically right notes for all of us who were forced into hiding in childhood and who were too terrified to come out for decades afterward.

That was starkly beautiful @MelissaAnn .

We will never have the childhood we should have had. Maybe a few of us will find friends who are still young at heart who will throw pajama parties and offer sleepovers, but for the majority of us those days are long past. However, we did have experiences that most women will never have. All we can do is live the rest of our lives according to our own rules, and try to have as much fun as we can, while we can. I have told a few of my friends that I am the world's oldest teenage girl! Don't lament about what could have been, rejoice in what will be.

@MelissaAnn

Wow. 

My guess is everyone of us later in life transitioners can relate to at least part of your poem.

Awesome

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I had missed this until Michelle shared it at lunch yesterday.
Wonderfully written and powerful.
It's clear many here relate to it.
It was quite emotional for me to read it too.
Thank you for sharing!

Quote from: MelissaAnn on February 06, 2019, 01:31:38 PM
I Dont Know What To Tell Her.

My life started so....late.
And there's a young girl inside who never got to be a young girl.
and I don't know what to tell her .
She never got to go to prom and feel beautiful.
Or even alive.
They never got to see her.
They never knew her name.
They never even knew she existed.
BUT SHE DID EXIST. AND SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And they buried her. Hid her. Covered her up. Let her sink away.
They buried her under a false manhood that was crushing her. She couldn't breathe.
Buried her under expectations of toxicity and violence.
Buried her under the rules of parents
Buried her under the rules of teachers
Buried her under the rules of friends
Buried her under the rules of society
She was buried and wiped away by everyone who claimed they SAW her and LOVED her and UNDERSTOOD her.t
AND THEY WERE ALL LYING
cause they never even knew her....... And after all these years spent on my hands and knees,  covered in blood and filth, frantically trying to dig Her out of the mud and abuse and dirt and trauma they covered her with, trying to save her........ She's still breathing...... years later.
Still, a young child wanting to be a child..... And no childhood left to have.
......And I don't know what to tell her.

MelissaAnn, thank you for posting your heart and soul in stunning verse for us all to share. You brought out the feelings and thoughts that so many of us have lived every day. My tears are tears of relating to and so totally identifying with you. If I could hug you and cry with you in person, I would.


Hugs x 2,
Sarah From Chitown
[emoji257]

Melissa Ann:

I have read your poem five times.  It echoes all of our pain, suffering and loss.  The world sadly has no idea. 

Thank you for writing it.  It touches my heart.

Warm hugs,

Emma