Hello loves, this old bitch is figuring out her self after yrs of social compliance and attempted cis-normal life. At sixty and with a thirty year marriage to a person I love more than myself i am trying to negotiate a realistic outcome for the dysphoria which hounded me my WHOLE life but became morbid after the kids were grown and the responsibilities i took on as male were discharged. Now I look out at life and am deciding how much change is enough? How much am I willing to spend in what seems to be a growth industry profiting from dysphoria? With careful make-up and outfit choices I am a passable semi-attractive femme. Do I need or want surgeries? Hormones are a given at this point to prevent the osteoporosis from yrs of T suppressing Spiro for a heart issue. I will begin estrogen for this this year largely under informed consent.
Which brings me to the other industry we are propping up. Therapy. God at one time it would have been great but that time is past and I have NO desire to unpack all the things inmy childhood which have led to ME. I have no desire to discuss a thing long ago resolved. and I have no money to give for the approval needed to get HRT this way.
So here I am my loves, an older trans woman with limited resource and a jaundiced eye toward a growing industry based on our pain and suffering.
Just some foodfor a thought. I would truly love some fed back as I make no claim to being knowlegeable or any thing but wary of a for profit medical system that would bleed me dry medically addressing my gender issues.
Not the first post I had imagined I wuld write but it is on my mind as I make changes in my life
Besos my loves
Mariabella

Quote from: Mariabella on February 20, 2019, 01:23:29 PM
Hello loves, this old bitch is figuring out her self after yrs of social compliance and attempted cis-normal life. At sixty and with a thirty year marriage to a person I love more than myself i am trying to negotiate a realistic outcome for the dysphoria which hounded me my WHOLE life but became morbid after the kids were grown and the responsibilities i took on as male were discharged. Now I look out at life and am deciding how much change is enough? How much am I willing to spend in what seems to be a growth industry profiting from dysphoria? With careful make-up and outfit choices I am a passable semi-attractive femme. Do I need or want surgeries? Hormones are a given at this point to prevent the osteoporosis from yrs of T suppressing Spiro for a heart issue. I will begin estrogen for this this year largely under informed consent.
Which brings me to the other industry we are propping up. Therapy. God at one time it would have been great but that time is past and I have NO desire to unpack all the things inmy childhood which have led to ME. I have no desire to discuss a thing long ago resolved. and I have no money to give for the approval needed to get HRT this way.
So here I am my loves, an older trans woman with limited resource and a jaundiced eye toward a growing industry based on our pain and suffering.
Just some foodfor a thought. I would truly love some fed back as I make no claim to being knowlegeable or any thing but wary of a for profit medical system that would bleed me dry medically addressing my gender issues.
Not the first post I had imagined I wuld write but it is on my mind as I make changes in my life
Besos my loves
Mariabella

@Mariabella
Dear Mariabella:
     I am so very glad that you have become a member here and this is your very first posting.   I am happy to see that you found the Susan's Place Forums.

    As you post on the forums you will be able to exchange thoughts and comments with others that are experiencing many of the same things that you are.   I expect that you will be getting many members offering their thoughts and suggestions as you continue to post here. 

    This is the right place for you to be to find out what others may have to say that may have been in your circumstances and with your questions and concerns.
    There are a lot of members here that will be able to identify with your situation and as you continue to feel free to share with all of us.

    I also want to warmly WELCOME you to Susan's Place. 
You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.

    As you are certainly aware you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other like-minded members.  When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....
     ***There is a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new like-minded friends here. 

    Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace.
   
    I have attached important and informative LINKS that will help you to navigate around the Forums and will allow you to enjoy the features here.     
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED, answers are there to many questions that new members ask.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:
 

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

@Mariabella   
Oh, and another thing Mariabella...
Please plan to write a post and tell us more about yourself in the Introductions Forum so that other members will be aware of your arrival... therefore you will be able to share your thoughts with more members here.
     
Thank you again for joining Susan's Place and being involved in the Forums here.
Best wishes to you,
Danielle
NOTE: Now after all of this Greeting Stuff I will let you have your thread back so you can pursue answers to your questions.
Other members here will certainly be along to give you their comments and suggestions that you may be seeking

Thank you hon, I will come up with an intro soon. My history of being trans gender reaches back to my earliest memories so the tale is long and in some places very disturbing to most folks ( I worry about those who are not disturbed by it) and some of it may well not be appropriate for the forums despite the scenes being very relevant to my present state of affairs. Thank you so much for the warm greeting and I look forward to sharing love and support to those in need as well as getting answers to some of my questions and maybe some advice on negotiating my relationship with the woman I love with all my heart.who knows I am somewhat fluid but is not fully aware of the depth of the resurging dysphoria now that I have discharged my commitment as cis-male father.
Oh dear! save it for your intro!
Besos
Mariabella

What do you really want?  Do you need to pass?

How about acceptance?  Would you be happy if you were accepted as a woman, even though you don't pass?

What about your community?  Do they accept trans people?  Would you consider moving to someplace that does?

Hi Mariabella,

I'm 66 and been married for 36 years. I started transitioned about 10 years ago and yes I had therapy. It was very easy and very useful and no I didn't need to unpack all the horrors of my life, just enough so that I am a happy woman. Many places now do informed consent models for HRT and there is no need for any therapy.

Things you can do on a budget.

Voice training
Dieting and exercise for a thin waistline
Learning female mannerisms
Studying how women that appear your age dress

Learning how to smile

Hi, welcome to Susan's.

I have had a lot of therapy. It has help me to understand myself and navigate the way through transition. I have had a lot of procedures and hair removal. All of which insurance covered with the exception to FFS.

Looking back, the things that helped me the most was GCS and divorce. GCS for dysphoria and divorce as we both deserve what we needed and it was very different for each of us. We still see each other and I still love her as much as the first time I saw her.

Socially the procedures have helped me a great deal to feel better about myself. I go to spin class in a few minutes and I will be in tights and a tank top both items fitted.

So, to what extend do you want to socially transition and how you feel about yourself will determine what you must do verses what you want to do.

I agree there are some that are after transition money. I have been fortunate in my transition to chose wisely who I trust. The doctor that did my GCS (Dr. McGinn) has done GCS and a BA and her clinic does electrolysis on me. I had GCS, 2 in office procedures a revision and a revision planned on my vagina. There was one charge for the GCS operation and the other work is at no charge. She is compassionate and understands the needs and balances the finances. There are some GEMS helping us.

You didn't say where you live. But if you're in the US look up your local Planned Parenthood.  I was able to get started on hormones without a therapist visit.

Quote from: Maid Marion on February 20, 2019, 03:10:26 PM
What do you really want?  Do you need to pass?

How about acceptance?  Would you be happy if you were accepted as a woman, even though you don't pass?

What about your community?  Do they accept trans people?  Would you consider moving to someplace that does?

What I want is my life to match my fluid gender.
I can pass with the right makeup and outfit now.Even my voice though not perfect is acceptable for as an older woman
Acceptance? I am not tied to societal expectation any longer so it is really only needed from my loved ones and is a political issue beyond that for me.
When I am presenting as a woman, yes i would like to be accepted as such.However as I said i view it as political-social beyond my intimate group of friends and family.
My community.....transphobic MAGA country with pockets of absolutely lovely humans I will change perceptions before locale
community acceptance of trans folk? another political-social issue but most local bars would be a bad idea while others would welcome me with open arms Again the pockets of lovely humans is growing.
So you see I love my area and immediate community of lovely humans but recognize the hate and even danger some others represent. No I would not move for acceptance. I have never had the kind of acceptance of who I am and have no longer much need of being part of a larger community beyond  organic and natural friendships and acquaintances and my own activism needs.

Now as for my wish list?
I would like my breasts to become more round and full
I would like my hips and buttocks to retain some fat
I would love some hair removal but I am not very hairy so it would be minimal
I would like for my relationship to flourish in new ways, for my wife is  as much a part of this as any other area of our lives
I would like for these things to occur without denial of having made the best of living a cis-normal life without regret.
I would like to fully engage the deep rooted feminine soul within me
I would like to continue to grow in spirit and fully own the duality of my being
I would like to leave behind the male persona which was such a burden it was ready to kill me outright two yrs ago
I would love to finish this life as Mariabella ( a family name) and be remebered as having lived boldly no matter the gender mask i wore

Thank you for your query as it made me really asses this. If I seem rather chill about this it is only because I am older and have fought many demons to be here now bigger demons than societal acceptance or getting rough-clocked could ever be.
Besos mucho,
Mariabella

Quote from: GordonG on February 20, 2019, 04:45:40 PM
You didn't say where you live. But if you're in the US look up your local Planned Parenthood.  I was able to get started on hormones without a therapist visit.

Thank you love. That is who will be doing the informed consent for me. I have been on Spiro for almost twenty yrs for another issue and have not had fully functional testes for almost five yrs due to injury. HRT is not only a means to alay dysphoria but I have significant osteoporosis due to lack of hormones in general. So it was not a big issue for them.
Also I should say this injury has caused me to bring up an orchiectomy with my urologist and he is tentatively on board pending more endocrine testing and imaging of the injured parties, Given the need to supress the T medicinally it is not a big stretch there. My dysphoria is largely focused on persona and the dangle boys. The persona my wife and I work on the dangle boys gotta go
Besos
Mariabella

Hello Mariabella,

Congratulations on your choice of wanting to live life as you. I took that stance four years ago next Sunday and it has been quite the ride.

You made mention of the benefits of a therapist. I can see four. First off, they have watched many folks go down this path and may be of help keeping you from making mistakes that may not be visible to you. Second, while informed consent works in many places, it is not universally available everywhere and systems may change. A therapist's letter is universal. Third, if you ever do desire to have surgeries, at least one and in most cases two letters will be required from therapists. Having a working relationship with one shortens the process. Forth, they are often a good source for trans friendly resources in the community. FYI, my therapist never took me back to the old boogey men in my childhood closets. She just looked and saw that I am a woman and then made sure that I was aware of the benefits and trials in my journey ahead. She also met with my partner of then 32 years to make sure that she was aware of the paths ahead.

Best of luck on your journey.

Tia Anne

I am writing this before reading everyone else's answers so that I can give you what I honestly think about your post.

I really don't feel that the "transitioning industry," (for lack of a better term) is only "out for profit."  Sure they need to charge us for what services they provide, after all, people have to eat and pay their bills.  However, I have encountered too many people during my transition that truly want me to be happy with myself.  There are actually many people that care about the well-being of the trans community, and honestly want to see us happy and living and enjoying Life as ourselves. 

As with any major change, such as marriage or having children, there are hurdles to overcome, papers to sign, people to talk to and doctors to help.  Those that are involved that have to charge you for their services.  That is a given.  However, not too many medical personnel that I've encountered in my 20+ years as  Paramedic do it for very long "simply for the money."   Many of them are simply in it to help others, otherwise they tend to burn out pretty quickly.

So sure, I'm pretty positive that there are those that are "in the medical industry for the money," but I can only hope that you don't come across very many of them.

And congrats on starting your journey, on whatever road you decide to take!

Ryuichi

Therapists come and go. Many are reluctant to provide papers if it means you won't give them more money. I haven't had any luck with them, as they tried to tell me how to live my life, such as demanding I spend much of my time volunteering instead of taking care of stuff I need to do.

Informed consent is great! It's  a shame it ain't good enough for vaginoplasty,  which i cant afford anyways. You can only do so much when you aint wealthy, but that certainly wont stop you from having a fulfilling life.

Well those therapists and surgeons and specialists have to be paid somehow. Even in my country where the care is considered "free", it is not - it comes out of everyone's taxes and our national insurance.

I get your point about there being a "business" side to it but I don't begrudge the surgeons and other specialists their due. Without them I'd be nowhere.

Maria,

Therapy is a mixed bag.
My first therapist didn't like me.  It's really hurtful not even being able to share my concerns with someone paid to listen and help.  One concern I had was that she would put a medical report into the system on my gender issues.  That system is shared with insurance companies (they have a financial interest if you become insured, so "must " know" all your health info.).  I guess all my mental health discussions must be reported upon, and shared with insurance companies that (per reports) secretly disapprove of some new job applicants (the trick "not to discriminate upon private medical information" is for the employers personnel manager to ask their insurance company which of the candidates for the new position "they preferred".  Well I feel so much better knowing they are so careful when "not" using the contents of such a private "protected" discussion, to discriminate potentially against me.
My second therapist didn't bother to scan her notes before repeat appointments. We started from scratch over and over.  I asked to be called Lauren, but she never did.  Again I felt hurt, though she did offer me an HRT referral letter.  I got the feeling she might have secretly preferred to have confused men transitioned, so that women might not have to deal with the potential surprise.  Maybe that is just my paranoia, but she seemed so eger to get me feminized (as I wish, but not to get myself out of a dating pool someone wishes to ... well dam, you know she didn't seem to care either).
You might go broke before you find a good therapist.  This forum has the potential to be much truer and more supportive.


Complex Lauren

Therapy... first time. 14yrs old.1972. Caught dressed by mother and put into therapy for my " deviant behaviors " and threatened with electroshock by the deviant SOB calling himself a therapist. I manned up quick.
So yeah I got issues with trust there. I also have issues of having suffering commodified. As I have had most of my income slowly diminished by the increasing cost of medication especially insulin.
But mostly I see an industry cropping up around gender dysphoria. Honestly? That an industry is growing based on the pain folk like me have suffered feels kind of like the bones are being picked.
But then the issue is our healthcare system which commodified illness. And sets a price on quality of life. I admit  I am a jaded and cynical old broad when it comes to our society. Seeing some of you girls have thousands of dollars in surgeries has drove home how deep the pain can be and how far a person will go to escape it. Oh well it was a thought I had as I look to my own future. Everyone's different and it is not my place to judge anyone.  So these thoughts are my own about me and how I feel. I truly appreciate those who shared their thoughts on this as more info leads to better thinking and decisions.
Besos